Chapter Text
Rey is looking at the ring in her finger, she will be married in two weeks, for the second time, but that’s not something that she wants to remember now, not when her wedding is so close. She looks at the window thinking about how her fiancé Poe is a good man, she knew him two years ago, she likes him, he is so calm with her, things are so easy, there’s no hard feelings, no difficult times, he is a good friend, has always been, Rey feels comfortable around him and this is enough for her, she needed that calm, she needs things to be easy and simple, even when her heart doesn’t says the same.
She hears the door behind her, bringing her back to reality. Rey take a deep breath closing her eyes, why are things looking so wrong? When the door opens Rose and Kaydel are smiling at her, even her friends look happier than her now, but she can’t really find out why out of a sudden she feels so empty.
“Come on Rey, we need to go find you some flowers” Rose walks closer smiling “Why aren’t you looking excided, it’s your wedding, did something happened?”
“It’s not that, I’m just a little tired today”
“You’re sure that’s all Rey?” Kaydel asks, looking at Rey a little worried.
“Yeah, I’m tired, it has been a long month, I’ll be fine, we have to go find some flowers right?” Rey tries to smile, but it doesn’t get to her eyes.
Her friends knows that something is wrong, Rey hate to see her friends worried so she tries to look happy, it’s not that she doesn’t like her fiancé, she feels that she keeps reminding herself that every time, but something is missing, something that she can’t quite understand, maybe when she and Poe get settle she would feel better. Sure that’s all, she is just scared of living with someone new, but she knows that they will be alright, Poe hasn’t been anything but great to her in the last two years, they will be alright.
When the girls get to the flower shop they start to look around for something that could make Rey happy, Rey never knows what to choose, there are so many beautiful flowers and so many meanings, she can’t decide what the better option for the wedding is. Rey automatically walks to the blue and purple hydrangeas in a corner and puts her hands in the petals.
“I think I found the flowers for our wedding” Ben says smiling when he walks closer to her with the blue flowers on his hands “They reminded me of you”
“Are you saying that I’m blue?” she asks, trying to look angry.
“No, I’m saying that you’re the cutest and prettiest person that I ever knew” he gets closer “And also the love of my life”
Rey has the biggest smile on her face, she couldn’t be happier than now, on his arms, in her safe place.
“I love you so much Ben, you can’t even imagine” she says looking at his eyes, he staring at her face looking for something, for some part of her that would tell him otherwise, but he can’t find it, because he is the person that she loved the most in all her life and she would do everything to see him happy, even if it scares her more than anything she never was more complete than with him.
“Do you like those ones?” the florist asks beside Rey touching the flowers too.
“What?”
“The flowers you’re looking at, do you like these ones?”
Rey looks at the flower now with sadder eyes, she loves the flowers, but it has nothing to do with them, it’s all about him and now she is trying to start a new life and to do that she needs to let her past goes.
“No, hum, I should keep looking, I don’t think that these ones are the ones” she looks at Rose and Kaydel on the other side picking some flowers “I think my friends found something interesting”
“Ok ma’am, if you need anything I’m right there” the woman says and then walks away.
Rey keep looking at the flowers at the shop, nothing catching her eyes, Rose and Kaydel showed her so many options, but nothing looks good enough. If Poe was here maybe they could find it faster, but they decided to divide the tasks, so he is choosing the decoration now, while she is choosing the flowers, they wanted to do that themselves, Poe thought that this would be more personal for their big day. Their friends told them that this was a really strange behaviour to a new couple, but actually she is comfortable with that, she trusts his decision and they don’t need to spend every second together. Rey's phone starts ringing, she smiles seeing Poe’s name appear on the display.
“Hello honey” she says.
“So Ben and Finn won’t let this go, they want to know the colour of the flowers, so the decoration won’t look completely off”
“They’re really invested in this wedding” Rey says laughing.
“Ben said that he is my best man and he won’t let my wedding be a complete mess, blame him” Poe is laughing on the other end of the line.
“He sounds like a great guy”
“Oh he actually is, I can’t wait to both of you to meet, you will love him”
“I have no double, if you like him I know I will too”
“So tell me dear, what colours are the flowers?”
“That’s the thing, I can’t find the right flowers”
“Ben we have a problem” Rey hears Poe on the other end, she is smiling looking at the flowers in front of her “She couldn’t find the flowers”
Rey hears some muffled voices and she looks for Rose and Kaydel again, they’re in a corner of the shop smiling at each other, Rey wishes that she had this much love in her eyes too, but it is long gone for her.
“Rey are you listening to me?” Poe asks.
“What is it?”
“What do you want the ceremony to look like? Wait I’ll put you on speakerphone” she hears footsteps on the phone and, probably Ben getting closer to save the groom, she smiles at that, he is probably an amazing friend “Ok you can tell us now”
“Hum, I think maybe colourful and charming, something that looks radiant” there’s a silence on the other side of the line and Rey can only hear breathing “Hello?”
“One second Rey” Rey looks down at the tulips in front of her “Is everything alright man?” Rey can’t hear an answer and then a raspy makes her stop.
“Tell your bride that she would go with sweet peas”
Rey feels her body freezing was that… no it can’t be right? No it has to be someone else, it's just the phone that makes his voice sound exactly like her ex-husband Ben. The world isn’t that small there’s plenty of Bens in the world, right? It can’t be the same Ben, she shouldn’t be this worried, she is just overreacting, that’s all, it’s just because she is planning another wedding, she just remembered of him. Sure it’s just that, it has to be.
“So sweet peas it is?” Poe asks happily, unable to see the way Rey looks pale now, unable to see her hands trembling, unable to see how her smiles fall when she answers.
“Sweet peas it is” with tears in her eyes.
***
“What is it Ben?” Finn asks when they finally get to Ben’s hotel room.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Ben says walking to the bed.
“Right like I don’t know you, come on mate what’s wrong, you got all strange today”
“I’m fine Finn. Everything is fine”
“You know that you can tell me everything right? I’m your brother”
Ben is nodding at Finn because he doesn’t know what he should say, it looks like everything is just passing through his since he heard her voice, he lies on his bed looking at the ceiling, when Finn comes closer and lies down too. Ben knows that voice on Poe’s phone by heart and he wished it didn’t hurt that much, it’s been over four years since she got away, he still remember coming back home to find an empty house, he thought about so many things to explain why she wasn’t there before he could accept the true. Ben felt tears in his eyes, he should have known that this wasn’t going to last, but he loved her so much and when he proposed she looked so happy, but everything happened so fast in one moment he was dancing with his pretty girl, in the other he was alone again on his bed. Apparently she wasn’t his to begin with.
Ben feels his heart breaking one more time, like it did when didn’t brought her home for Christmas, how his heart broke again when Finn asked if he would ever introduce him to Ben’s wife, like his heart broke when he noticed that they never had that much time, because he loved her so much, but he never had her, he can see this now. Ben had the happiest year of his life with her, but he never thought that his heart would break every single day of every single year after that. When Poe asked him to be his best man he asked Finn to come with him, because he wouldn’t be able to handle another wedding alone, but now he doesn’t feel like he can do it at all.
Rey left him, because she wasn’t happy with him, for so many times he looked for an explanation, she always looked like she loved him like he loved her, she always looked happy, apparently he was only projecting his own feelings, wishing that she could love him back. Finn is still silent waiting for Ben to tell him something. Ben finally takes a deep breath.
“Remember the girl that I married in college?”
“The one I never knew?” Ben nods “What she has with that? You still think that you can’t do that because of what she did to you?”
“It’s not that” Ben voices break.
“What is it then?”
Ben tries to talk again, but is like every word is so heavy on his tongue, he tries again and hears the trembling on his words, he closes his eyes trying to make the pain go away.
“Remember when you met me Ben? When your family adopted me and you got back for boarding school?”
“Of course I do”
“I was so scared because I thought that you would hate me because I was at your house when you was away”
“I hated you, for some time” Ben says and Finn laughs at his side.
“Yes you did, but my point is, remember when you used to tell me what was upsetting you?” Ben nods, unable to talk “I’m still here to hear you, just pretend we’re back at home, lying in our tree house where our feelings were protected” Ben breathes deeply.
“You never knew her because she wasn’t with me when you got back from your student exchange” Ben doesn’t waits for Finn to say anything, because if he stops he won’t be able to talk anymore “She left me five months after our wedding and I couldn’t understand why” Ben sighs “Well she is getting married, with Poe”
“You’re kidding me right?” Finn asks sitting on Ben’s bed looking at his brother’s face for some trace of joke.
“I wish I was Finn” Ben's voice is so low, so broken, he wishes he could just lie down and stays like that forever.
“Damn man, this is so messed up, I’m sorry but this is really a mess. What do you want to do, go home?”
“I can’t do that, I didn’t see Poe for the last two years, I can’t come to him and tell him that I can’t be his best man because I love his bride, who is my ex-wife” Ben says.
“Of course you can” Ben looks at Finn with one raised brown “Well obviously not like that, but you can tell him that you can’t be his best man”
“He doesn’t deserve that and he won’t be able to find another person Finn” Ben says in a low voice, almost like the kid Finn met, he looks at Ben’s eyes.
“You know that you don’t have to make everybody happy right? People won’t send you away because you can’t do something Ben”
“It looks like that happened many times before” Ben says with a sad smile.
“But it’s not like that anymore, you have the right to feel and nobody should be upset with you because of that”
“Ok” Ben says in a small voice.
“You know that I’ll have your back, whatever you want to do I’m with you”
“Thank you Finn, you’re my favorite brother”
“I’m your only brother Ben Solo shut up” Finn smiles at him and Ben smiles back.
“We will do it and after the wedding we will head home” Ben says.
“Sounds like a plan, but now can we eat? I’m starving”
“You’re the best person in the world Finn” Ben says, shaking his head and getting up off the bed.
“Well, I try”