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Blade! Tell me a story!
A story?
Yeah!
Hmm. Well, how about the greek myths? The ancient legends?
Aww, but those are sad!
They really are… but I suppose they’re good stories. Right, Toms?
...I guess.
~
The tale of a hero always ends in tragedies for a reason. Technoblade knows this, and yet he can’t help himself from saving those in need. It starts off small- children on the streets, reminding him too much of himself when he was younger and looked for Phil, escalating into helping kids win a fight because there were bullies that took their stuff, until it became Techno pulling out a sword and going out of his way to help villages and stop raids.
He makes a name for himself. They whisper of him, describe his crown as a beacon of light, sing praises of his bravery and valiance.
However, Technoblade is not most heroes. He does not have the same fatal flaw that many of the others- many of the great legends fell to. He is confident that he will not fall like so many others before him did.
In a way, he was right.
~
Alright. Well, there’s this one kid, right? His name is Bellerophon. Actually, his real name is Hipponous- he was named to be Bellerophon the Blameless later.
Why?
Well, the kid seemed to be terribly accident-prone. Caused a stampede through the temple, let a ship sail with no crew, burned down the dining hall a couple of times-
Techno, what?
Shush, Wil. I’m telling a story.
You got me hooked.
… well, there’s no chasing you out of the room now.
Oh, and Tubbo’s coming soon.
...Fine. At any rate, he gets the name Bellerophon when he accidentally- yes, accidentally- kills a kid with a dagger- the kid’s name was Belleros. Thus, Bellerophon- killer of Belleros. But he finally got sent away when he killed his little brother, Deliades, by accident. His parents sent him to King Proitos, where he was to undergo rituals of purifications to atone for… you know. Killing his brother.
Techno, why are you telling stories of fratricide to twelve-year old children?
They’ll be fine, I told them stories of Otrera once.
You WHAT?!
Anyway. The poor kid manages to piss off Proitos' wife, Anteia, who demands to have him killed. But killing your guests in ancient greece was like, bad karma. So Proitos decides to send him to Anteia’s father, Iobates, essentially asking for Iobates to kill Bellerophon. Now, obviously, Iobates isn’t stupid, and he knows that his daughter is just being terrible, so instead, he decides to leave Bellerophon’s life in the hands of the fates, sending him on a bunch of seemingly impossible quests. If he lives, Iobates will spare him, if not- well, he’s dead anyway.
Let me guess, he survives?
Smart, Tubbs. Yes. I might’ve forgotten to mention that Bellerophon tamed Pegasus along the way-
THE Pegasus? Techno, I’d say that’s pretty important.
Just a winged horse. Nothing much-
Winged horse?! Blade, that’s so cool!
Off topic. Anyway, Bellerophon manages to slay the uh, Chimera, which is this lion-dragon-snake hybrid weirdo kinda thing. He also defeats the Solymoi, saving Iobates’ kingdom from a bunch of hassles, and even truces with the Amazons- remember them?
Yeah! The cool women that slaughtered men!
...I was not expecting such enthusiasm from mass genocide, but alright. So finally, Iobates confesses the whole death warrant thing, and Bellerophon is forgiving and all- he ends up marrying Iobates’ daughter, Philonoe, and gets named heir to Lycia. Things are just fine, but as heroes do, their stories fade.
Why, Blade? He did lots of cool stuff.
Well, that’s the thing, Tommy. New heroes come along. Bellerophon slowly gets forgotten, and then he suddenly decides he must accomplish something that no mortal has ever done- fly straight up to olympus.
Woah.
And obviously, it doesn’t work well. That’s hubris, Tommy. It gets heroes killed. When they become too confident, when they fly too close to the sun, they die.
Techno is not a victim of hubris. For all the arrogance he puts on display, he is well aware of his own limits, and he picks his battles. It’s why he is confident when he ventures to the south to stake out territory for his own empire- the Antarctic Empire.
SMP Earth is but a new server, with many, many people having decided to make a life for themselves on their own little pieces of land. Part of why Techno chooses the extreme cold to be his base is because he wants a change from his past.
For years, all Techno knew was red. Red was the colour of netherrack. Red was what the lava looked when it was at its brightest. Red was the colour of his blood and his enemies’ blood alike- often his own kind, for he was too much of a hybrid to be accepted in any of their groups. For years, all Techno had seen was red.
It’s nice to have a change.
It’s nice to look around and notice that the only red you can see is the fire of the fireplace. It’s nice to look around and only see expansive blankets of white snow and ice. There is a kind of peacefulness to the Antarctic Empire, and Phil approves of it too.
As far as he knows, none of his brothers are on the SMP Earth land- rather, they venture off to another place- the Dream SMP. Phil is on his side, too, and he is confident that there is no one that could stop them. It’s why he takes over the world for a good few days, before the rest of the world is made aware that their chunks have been claimed by Technoblade.
But in the end, it’s all in good fun. Techno agrees mildly easily to give the land back to the rest of the inhabitants of SMP Earth.
Technoblade knows that he does not have the capacity to rule the world- at least, not now. Perhaps, sometime in the near future. But for now, he sits in his icy palace at the south, with no one but his father at his side, and he’s content with what he has.
Techno is not a victim of hubris.
This would prove to save him several times later. Like the battle of the lake, when Techno is clearly outnumbered- even with Dream on his side, he will not be stupid enough to believe that it will be an easy win. He will learn to choose his tactics carefully, to use his potions wisely, to time his strikes perfectly.
Tell me another one!
Techno, how about that one with the musician?
Orpheus? Well, that story’s a sad one, but alright. This kid was a talented musician from birth- however, he was raised in the town of Thrace, where music isn’t exactly looked well upon. Orpheus was raised in a place where you would choose a bow over a lyre.
What’s a lyre?
I’m getting there. Remember the story of Apollo, that I told you? How he fashioned a turtle shell and tendons into an instrument? That’s the lyre. Anyway, Orpheus’ mother is Calliope, one of the muses, and if you recall, the muses meet up with Apollo every so often to discuss… music things.
Calliope’s the muse of epic poetry, by the way.
Oh, very helpful, Wilbur. At any rate, Orpheus sits in on one of their sessions one day, and he sees the lyre. I’m not a musician, but I’m guessing it’s like a warrior’s attraction to his sword, or Wilbur’s obsession over his guitar, or your obsession with your discs.
Hey!
Moving on. Orpheus becomes entranced by this new instrument, and, well, he grabs it- like a moron. Obviously, Apollo isn’t happy about that- no one touches a god’s toys, least of all mortals. So he’s prepared to smite him to the ground and all, and all of a sudden, he stops, because Orpheus begins playing. And it’s the best playing he has ever heard, which is saying a lot.
He really was that good?
Don’t doubt him. The kid was a literal genius, which would be proven later. Apollo appreciates talent, obviously. He lets him keep the lyre.
Wow.
Yeah, “wow.” So anyway, Orpheus keeps the lyre, and he goes around, bringing incredible music to the world. They say that they can make people freeze, animals stop, clouds move, trees cry, and boulders roll just so that they can hear him singing. Whenever he plays anything, everyone stops. No exceptions.
I bet I would’ve been that one person who didn’t.
Sure, Tommy.
Shush. So eventually, Orpheus finds himself a wife, right? Her name’s Eurydice. Anyway, as soon as they’re introduced to each other they immediately fall in love. Makes sense- Eurydice’s a demigod child of Apollo, so they eventually get married. But of course, things go wrong.
Hey, Techno.
Hi, Phil. I’m telling that story again.
You’re really fond of Orpheus’ legend, aren’t you, mate?
Hmm. Not really. It’s up there, but definitely not first. So Eurydice and Orphes get married, though there’s a tiny detail: Hymenaios, the god of marriage ceremonies, cries as he escorts Eurydice down the aisle.
That can’t be good.
No, it can’t, and it shows, because not long later, one of Eurydice’s stalker simps yells “Marry me!” out of nowhere, and makes Eurydice run into a pit of poisonous snakes, and she dies.
Ouch.
Yep. Orpheus finds her body, and obviously he’s very upset about it, so he asks for the world to kill him, except it just refuses. No snakes would bite him, wind would cushion his fall, lightning would refuse to strike him. So he played. He played the saddest solo ever, driving the world as a whole to tears. Eventually, he decides to venture into the underworld to bring Eurydice back, and Hades, moved by his playing, agrees: on two conditions. He cannot play music on his way back to the living world, and he cannot turn around.
That’s not hard.
For you, perhaps not. But Orpheus’ fatal flaw was insecurity. He was never confident in his own strengths, and he turned around. Eurydice remained dead, and he was unable to get back down into the underworld to save her a second time. Eventually, he gets killed by some crazed maenads, and reunites with Eurydice in death.
...would that be considered a happy ending?
In a way? I suppose. At least he died a hero.
~
Technoblade is not insecure. Actually, he is- but social skills don’t count, alright?
It’s why he has Phil, though. Phil has always been the person to actually run the Antarctic Empire. Whenever the citizens needed help, they went to Phil, unless it was a problem that even Phil couldn’t handle- then they went to Techno, and even then, they only relayed their messages through the second-in-command.
Even though Phil is technically the second-in-command, Techno treats his father with nothing but respect. He respects him for being able to communicate properly with people, without scaring them away in one way or another.
However, when it comes to fighting, Techno is as decisive as the blade he swings.
There are few opponents that can make Techno lose confidence while fighting them one-on-one. But just like Techno isn’t overconfident, he doesn’t have too little confidence, either. He knows his strengths and plans his steps out carefully, but he also knows what he can do, and he makes full use of what he can.
It’s why Techno is confident that they can take Manburg back when Techno receives a desperate call from his brothers. Phil offers to go with them, but Techno is confident. He is confident that Manburg will fall, and that an anarchy will rise again.
(Even though the Antarctic Empire is technically a monarchy, Technoblade trusts Phil to never have his power corrupt. Phil has a heart of pure gold, and Techno knows that he can put the power in Phil’s hands until he returns home.)
Techno is not a victim of insecurity.
This would save him several times later. Like when he is called to attend the festival- despite the twinge of fear that settles in his gut from not knowing how skilled the enemy is, or how equipped they are- Technoblade is confident, and he strides into the land no longer surrounded by the tall blackstone walls.
~
Bladeeeeeeeee, come on! One more!
Alright, one more. Well, this one’s with a happy ending, to close off the night on a good note, alright? This is your favourite, Phil.
Ooh, Perseus.
Mhm. So, at any rate, Perseus had a pretty rough start. His grandfather, Acrisius, didn’t have any sons to carry on his bloodline, and obviously, sons were a big thing back then. If you didn’t have a son, your legacy couldn’t be continued. No daughters were allowed to hold any positions of power. So as soon as his wife dies, he goes to the Oracle of Delphi to have his fortune read.
Bad idea.
Yep. Even Toms knows at this point, but he was desperate. So he travels there, and he returns home with the information that his daughter will have a son, who will kill him and become king. And like any greedy king, the nerd goes and tries to avoid it. Which, as we all know, never ends well. He locks his daughter, Danae, into a cell, where she prays to the gods.
Is she pretty?
Of course, Wilbur. Or else she would’ve rotted in there. She catches the attention of Zeus himself, who has a kid with her- Perseus, the hero of this story. So obviously, Acrisius is angry, and he tries to indirectly murder Danae and her son- because direct murder is terrible- by throwing them in a box, nailing it shut, and throwing it into the ocean.
Isn’t Zeus a god, though?
Correct. Zeus manages to get Poseidon, the god of the sea, to spare them, and they wash ashore on the shores of Seriphos, where Dictys saves them. He turns out to be the king’s brother, though he stays away as a fisherman because… family issues.
Pfft.
So Dictys takes them to his brother, Polydectes, who immediately takes a liking to Danae, granting her asylum immediately without knowing she already has a child. In the years that follow, Polydectes tries to approach her, but she manages to evade him at every turn- and when Perseus grows up to become a talented warrior, things only get harder for Polydectes. He wants to marry Danae to become king of both Argos and Seriphos, but Perseus stands in his way, so he devises a plan.
How good is the plan?
Pretty good, actually. He holds a contest for who can get the best gifts, and this is where we see Perseus’ fatal flaw- he can never back down from a challenge. In the heat of the moment, Perseus ends up swearing on the river Styx to bring whatever Polydectes asks for, and he asks for the head of Medusa.
Medusa?
The snake-haired woman that can turn people into stone because of how ugly she is, Tubbo.
Oh.
Yes, “oh.” But Perseus has the gods on his side- he gets gifts from Hermes and Athena, and manages to slay Medusa, bringing her head back to Polydectes. On the way back, he rescues his future wife, Andromeda. So he ends up having a bunch of children with Andromeda, returns to Argos, and becomes king. The end.
That was… less anticlimactic than I thought it would be, Techno.
Phil, give me a break. It’s late.
Yes, I suppose it is. Time for bed.
~
Technoblade is not impulsive.
Perhaps this has been established earlier on, already, but Technoblade is the farthest thing from impulsive one can possibly be. He plans out every single move, maps out every single possibility, and he never rises to the bait.
Even when all the taunts come, he never loses his temper. No, he lets it simmer, and waits until the right moment to have it explode.
His anger is cold, and people learn to fear it. Perhaps that’s what makes him a good ruler- the ability to temper his own emotions and hide them behind a mask of coolness, shelving the insults for another day.
It’s shown well, that day in the hall, when the Antarctic Empire has a meeting with some of the neighbouring nations in Africa. Technoblade shrugs aside every single insult and threat thrown his way, coolly asking for details about the trade they wish to establish. He still does not prefer to be the social one, but on days like these, when Phil is not well enough to control his chaos well enough, Techno is sufficient.
He sits silently, hands folded tightly in his lap, eye only barely twitching behind his mask as he listens to the other leader’s nonsense for hours on end, eventually managing to somewhat peacefully negotiate a treaty.
(Contrary to popular belief, Technoblade loses control of himself very rarely. Despite the regular shouts of “Blood for the Blood God” that come out of his mouth, Techno’s piglin side almost never shows.)
Techno is a special person. He is not victim to neither hubris, insecurity, nor impulsiveness.
Then what caused the fall of Technoblade?
~
It’s a wonder that no one has found out, Techno muses as he walks up quietly to the stage. He has two fatal flaws.
The first one is peer pressure. Technoblade curses this profusely when he is asked to kill his brother, when he is asked to blow him to bits with the firework launcher Techno half wishes he never crafted in the first place.
The second one is his family. This is more well known.
When anyone in his family is threatened, Techno loses his cool.
He remembers the day when Phil was shot by an assassin unsatisfied with the ruling of the Antarctic Empire, but barely remembers the rampage he went on until a weak hand had grasped his shoulder, belonging to a man with feathered wings and a faint smile on his face.
He remembers the day when Wilbur was shot in the forest just like the first time when Techno had seen him. There was a blood-curdling scream that only Techno had heard, and he had sprinted into the dark woods, uncaring of the creepers that exploded behind him or the whizz of arrows so close to his face.
He remembers the day when Tommy slipped hard on the ice of one of the Antarctic Empire’s many frozen lakes, and the sheer terror when the ice cracked and the boy went under, but barely remembers diving into the freezing water without a second thought, only one repeated through his mind.
And he remembers the day- he will forever remember the day when he was forced to point his crossbow at Tubbo.
Tubbo and Techno both come to the conclusion- Tubbo will not walk away alive, today. Techno mutters apologies, but he raises the launcher nonetheless.
Seeing Tubbo’s death message sparks the same spark that had been there the other three times, and he laughs maniacally when he sees two other messages behind Tubbo’s, signifying the death of both Schlatt and Quackity.
Technoblade loses his cool. He fires fireworks upon fireworks to the mass of the crowd, his piglin side revelling in the blood and chaos and death that echoes down the streets. So many death messages- so many, and Techno flies through the air with his enchanted trident once he deems the bloodshed satisfactory.
Later, in Pogtopia, he tries to explain himself, but Tommy doesn’t want to hear it.
So he doesn’t waste his breath.
~
“Let me tell you a story, Tommy. A story of a man called Theseus.”
Techno stares into Tommy’s shocked sky-blue ones, eyes that clearly widen at the familiarity of this story in particular. It has always been Techno’s favourite.
“His country- well, his city-state, technically, was in danger. And he sent himself forward into enemy lines. He slayed the minotaur.”
His family was in danger. He protected them, every time. And though he was a piglin hybrid, they had accepted them, at first. He’d fought literal wars to establish his own empire, where his family could live in peace.
“Do you know what they did to him, Tommy?”
Do you know what you did to me?
“They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That’s what happens to heroes, Tommy.”
You pushed me away. You could never understand what was going on in my head, never bothered to listen to my explanations. You were never satisfied with the Antarctic Empire, were you? No. You just had to go and make your own, and you sacrificed your sanity while you were at it! Is that what happens to family?
“But he saved everyone-”
“The Greeks knew the score.” Techno said forcefully.
“But if you want to be a hero, Tommy, then that’s fine. That’s fine.”
That’s fine.
“Technoblade, don’t do this-”
“Don’t do this, Techno-”
Even Phil. Techno laughs bitterly at himself as he turns around and stares at the soul sand, already in position.
“Do you want to be a hero, Tommy?”
Do you want to be the protagonist?
“Do you want to be a hero, Tommy?”
Do you want to suffer?
“THEN DIE LIKE ONE!”
Technoblade does not hesitate in putting down the six wither skulls. Two withers are spawned immediately, and he laughs. He laughs.
There are tears streaming down his face too, because he’s so alone.
Good things don’t happen to heroes, Tommy. They don’t.
I am no Perseus. I am no Psyche, no Cyrene, no Heracles.
And you won’t be, either.