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longing stained xiao’s heart as brightness tainted the sky. he knew it was never a good idea to meet the sun from behind. darker thoughts were meant for darker hours, and the light of the world reminded him of the light of his life, so warm and so so unattainable.
it was painful, loving someone you could never have. the stars rolling down his cheeks and shining so bright before disappearing made it hard to ignore, too.
it was the worst possible curse. a lifetime of keeping everything in made it hard for tears to spill when they threatened to, causing so many your eyes shine so bright, it's like they're filled with stars. the stars only escaped on these nights (or mornings) when he couldn't sleep, heart and thoughts too heavy to be put to rest, even for a minute. it's why he tried to avoid them. the twinkles of stars were just too painful a reminder of something so beautiful yet so unwanted.
still, some days it was inevitable. no matter how hard he tried to relax, to rest for a bit, sleep was impossible without crying those beautiful fleeting lights.
and there were many stories of people falling helplessly in love with someone they could never have. and they’d cry those cursed stars which made their world lose colour. but that didn't matter to xiao. he couldn’t remember his world ever being colourful anyway. even in the time after zhongli saved him from that accursed god it was dull. a life so tainted could only ever see the world in grayscale. love could not make it colourful either. especially not love for his saviour, love that would never be returned.
he wasn't worried for the day he’d lose his eyesight completely either. that day could even never come. he did not cry often after all, only every few hundred years.
it only happened every few hundred years and yet he’d cried those stars more than once.
it only happened every few hundred years and his love had lasted two thousand years.
and he wanted to let go of it, like the people of liyue let go of their lanterns every year.
but he couldn’t.
it was the only thing he remembered how to feel after all, other than rage. and he did not want to feel rage. but he didn’t want to feel nothing either.
both reminded him too much of the worst times of his long, long life.
and so he desperately held onto that love that hurt him so much.
and he let the sea of stars in his eyes join the much more ancient sea of stars above.
and life went on.
it always did.
and his love went on.
it always did.