Work Text:
Alex Mercer was always a talented young man. That was apparent from the time he was a toddler, when he was able to make coherent beats and rhythms on his xylophone. He would hear songs on the record player and do his best to match them on the toy, and it was not horribly far off. Eventually he was attempting to sing along with these songs, and from an early age he was able to carry a tune. Music was innate with him.
The bad part was that he was born into a family that was generally against the arts.
Okay, that wasn’t exactly true. His family enjoyed music, movies, tv, plays, all that jazz. They had nothing against them in their form. Their issue was with their son being a part of it. The Mercer family was the picture perfect nuclear family. Alex’s father, Charles, was a salesman and his mother, Jennifer, was a housewife. Women were rarely unemployed in the 1980s, but she never complained about her place in society. Charles and Jennifer had two children, five years apart. Alex was the oldest, a beautiful young boy with blond hair and green eyes. Kathryn was born when he was five, again, perfect blonde hair, but with brown eyes. Again, a picture perfect family. And they were going to stay that way to the outside world.
So you can guess that there was no way Alex was going to be allowed to pursue music.
One his earliest memories was being a part of little league baseball. He was a pitcher, which meant that the success of the team relied heavily on his success. It was an enjoyable experience, from what Alex could remember, but he was not at all good at baseball. His father paid for private training from a player that once played in the professional minor league under the Dodgers, but even that didn’t help. Alex didn’t have the aim or strength to be a pitcher, even for a team full of six year olds. Whenever his father would get angry about his failures to the team, Alex would suggest changing positions, such as the outfield, but Charles was adamant about him being a pitcher. Pitchers were seen as important, and Alex was going to be important.
The goal of a Mercer was to be important to society.
Alex knew from a young age that his dad was a bit of a narcissist. Yeah, Charles was a pretty successful salesman and was able to afford the big house that their small family lived in. Their neighbors were pretty wealthy too, and their status was very similar to their own. That being, important. All of the people in the families were seen as important. Because, in the end, that is all that mattered. Right?
Unlike most kids his age in his neighborhood, Alex went to public elementary school. His parents were very religious people, they as well as their children went to church every Sunday, but Charles insisted that it was a good idea to send his children to public school to heighten their status. Of course, in kindergarten, Alex didn’t see it as so. He was just happy that he could wear t-shirts and jeans to school and not a preppy uniform like his neighbors. He went to Jefferson Elementary in Los Feliz, and, when he was older, Alex felt blessed to have been put there instead of the catholic private school down the road.
He met first best friend in second grade. His name was Luke.
They were both in Mrs. Beverly’s class. Their names were next to each other on the roster, which meant that they stood next to each other in lines and sat next to each other at lunch. They didn’t talk to each other for the first few weeks of school, but it was clear their lives had changed from their first conversation.
Alex felt a tap on his arm at lunch one September day at lunch. He looked up from his tray and met eyes with ones that looked like his own. The boy who was behind him on the roster, Luke, had nearly the exact shade eyes of him. It was kind of cool.
“I like your shirt,” said Luke with a bright grin that showed his missing front teeth. Alex looked down at his shirt, which had the LA Dodgers logo on it. He smiled.
“Do you like baseball?”
Luke nodded giddily, “Yeah, my dad takes me to games sometimes. We sit up really high so we don’t ever catch any balls, but it is so much fun. My mom isn’t that big of a fan but she lets me and my dad talk about it at dinner. My mom likes to cook, she’s actually a chef at a restaurant in Burbank…”
Alex chuckled and let him continue his tangent. The first thing he learned about Luke Patterson was that he was an extremely energized person. It was a lot different from his own demeanor, which was generally quiet and held back. Luke wasn’t like that at all. A lot of their first conversation was just Luke talking, which made Alex a bit wary that he was selfish, but as they moved to line up to go back to class, Luke asked him if they could hang out at recess the next day.
They sat under the slide that next day and talked about their lives, their interests, and other things. And, unlike the day before, the conversation was pretty balanced. They became best friends that day, and little did they know that they would remain that way past their deaths.
When he was 10, Alex decided to quit baseball. He wasn’t getting any better and the team was suffering because of it. He decided what to do while at Luke’s house one Monday after school, a couple days after a horrible loss. Emily and Mitch said that he shouldn’t do something that he wasn’t good at, especially if he didn’t like it. He had the freedom, even as a child, to choose his non educational activities. The Pattersons were very sweet people and helped convince Charles to take Alex out of baseball, saying that it was doing nothing in Alex’s favor.
Charles took that as if baseball was doing nothing in the Mercer name’s favor, but in the end Alex got out of baseball.
“What do we do now, Alexander?” Charles asked, frustrated, “Sure, maybe baseball isn’t for you. What about soccer? Or basketball? You’re getting taller, you should do well.”
Alex sighed and shook his head, “I don’t like sports, dad. I’ve never liked it.”
“Of course you like sports. A good, strong boy like you is meant to do sports.”
“You let Katie do the youth choir at church, sir… I don’t understand why I can’t do it too.”
Charles looked appalled, “You want to sing? That’s not for boys like you, Alexander.”
“I’ve always been interested in music,” Alex admitted quietly, “Mom always has the record player on, it’s nice to listen to. I’ve wanted to try it for a bit.”
Jennifer had walked into the living room at that time, apron around her waist, “What are we talking about here?”
“Alexander wants to sing,” Charles said, stressed towards his wife, “This is apparently your doing.”
“I-”
“She didn’t suggest it, sir,” Alex said before his mom could get in trouble, “I just picked it up myself. All I ask is to try the church choir with Katie. Maybe I could join my school’s student council to balance it out?”
Charles eyed his son, “Don’t interrupt, Alexander,” but then he pondered on it. He scratched his head, then said, “It is good to get involved in school politics, even this young. Sure, you can join the youth choir if you join the council.”
Alex smiled and hugged his dad instinctually, “Thanks dad.”
His father pushed away quickly, “Of course. For the record, do not touch a man in anyways than a handshake. Even me. We’ve been over this.”
“Yes, sir.”
Alex would later think back on those words and laugh. If only his father knew what was coming for him.
So Alex joined the elementary student council, and thus joined the church choir. Katie loved having her older brother around. She was only 5, which meant she was very clingy. Those few years when they were both in the choir were some of Alex’s favorites. It was during the off minutes that he learned to braid her hair, the older girls helping him so he could do her hair for concerts and other formal events. At home, after homework hours, Alex and Katie would practice their songs, their voices, while at different maturities, harmonized well. Katie was also a very talented musician, but since she was a girl, his father was okay with that.
His two and a half years in church choir were the years he was closest to his little sister.
To say Alex’s seventh grade year was big for him is an understatement.
Within the first week of seventh grade, Alex and Luke had become friends with Reggie Peters, a goofy kid in their english class. He was loud, funny, a little disconnected from reality, but very academically gifted. Reggie was a year ahead in math, which meant that he was always helping the other two with their homework that he had done himself a year prior.
The biggest thing that connected him to the other two was his musical talent. There aren’t many faces that could match the happiness of Luke’s when Reggie told them that he played guitar. Luke had gotten a guitar for his twelfth birthday and was picking it up very quickly. Reggie admitted that preferred the bass over other guitars, but that just elicited an idea that would soon become a reality, who would have thunk.
“Then we could start a band!”
Conversations about starting a band weren't the reason why Alex picked up the drums. It was during seventh grade when his anxiety became such a major struggle. Classes were getting harder, his father was becoming stricter, and his life was getting more complicated. The first panic attack came in between classes one day. He went into a bathroom stall with thoughts that he was dying. When he didn’t show up to his next class on time, his teacher found him in the bathroom heaving with tears pouring down his face. He guided Alex to the counselor's office, and they explained what had happened to him.
That wasn’t the last panic attack he had in his life, and unfortunately, they followed him to his afterlife as well.
A couple weeks later, Alex had one in front of Luke and Reggie at lunch. He ran out, but they chased him. They calmed him down in the hallway, Alex told them what the counselors told him, and they understood.
"You know,” Luke said, “Music is a great way to loosen up and calm down. Maybe you could pick up an instrument, like us.”
Reggie nodded, “You know, the band teacher plays drums. I think hitting stuff could help, and why not hit stuff and make music? I could introduce you.”
Mr. Gardner was the nicest adult in Alex’s life. He understood his situation easily and taught him drums after school almost every day. From the first day behind a kit, Alex knew that was where he belonged. He picked it up really quickly, learning songs within a few days and having it almost perfect. By March of the second semester of seventh grade, he was confident enough to tell his two best friends that he was up for forming a band.
And that was the birth of Sunset Curve.
The boys wanted to take this project seriously, putting their time outside of academics into making themselves an actual band. Alex was very excited for this, but it meant he had to quit the church choir. That conversation did not go well with his father.
“A BAND?!”
Alex winced, “Y-yes, sir. I’ve been working hard for months learning the drums, and-”
“When the hell did you learn an instrument, Alexander?!”
“After school… I thought you knew that.”
Charles sighed sharply, “You said you were in tutoring after school.”
In technicality, Alex had told his father that he was meeting with a teacher, which didn’t necessarily mean tutoring, but Charles had taken it that way. Alex knew better than to talk back.
“Sir… I’m sorry that it wasn’t tutoring. But I care deeply about music. It’s not just singing anymore. I love playing the drums, and I’m really good at it. And my friend Luke plays guitar, and my friend Reggie plays bass. Their parents are supportive of the idea.”
“Where do they live?” Charles asked.
Alex furrowed his eyebrows, “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just answer the question, Alexander.”
He answered, “Luke lives close to the high school, and Reggie lives off the beach.”
Charles sneered, “You know where we live, don’t you? We live in one of the nicest neighborhoods on this side of LA. Do you know what it costs to live here? And I don’t mean just money. It takes status and importance to live in a house, in a neighborhood, like this. The neighborhoods by the high school are nasty, old, and filled with small houses. Poor families live there. And the beach? Those are where the fakers live. They pretend like they have money because they live in a beach house, when in fact those are rented at low prices and people move in and out in a constant cycle. It’s not good. Those are not the people who know what’s best for others, especially their children. I know what’s best for you, and it is not this band.”
Alex’s anxiety was increasing by the second. Why couldn’t his dad just let him do what he wants? Drumming wasn’t nearly as feminine as singing, which was what usually got his father upset. He didn’t want to fight, but he knew he belonged behind the drums, and he wasn’t going to let this go.
“I don’t care what kind of families or areas my friends come from. I’ve been to Luke’s house multiple times for years, and that area never seemed wrong to me. And his and Reggie’s parents letting them do something that they want to do isn’t bad parenting. All I want is to try this thing out with my friends, dad. It may or may not work, but it’s worth trying because all three of us care so much about music. And who knows? Maybe our band will become famous and I’ll earn a lot of money and live in a house even bigger than this one. Is that not a higher status? Is that not more importance?”
“It’s not what’s best for you, Alexander.”
“I feel like it is, dad. I’ve never felt more comfortable anywhere else than behind a drum kit. Please let me try this.”
The next day, after conversations with Alex’s mother, Charles agreed to let Alex try it, even though he admitted he thought it would be a waste of time. It turned out it wasn’t though, because Sunset Curve got gigs as a cover band in less than a month. By the end of middle school, they were writing their own music.
It already seemed like a lot, making a new best friend, getting an anxiety problem, and starting a band. And it was. But there was one other major event that happened when Alex was thirteen that was the scariest for him.
At the end of seventh grade, Alex realized that he was gay.
His parents always applauded him for not being girl crazy at a young age, unlike Katie, who had countless celebrity crushes by the age of 8. Alex never thought of it that much, since he never thought about girls romantically anyways. Luke and Reggie did a lot, and Alex found it very annoying. He didn’t understand their obsession with girls’ hair or eyes or bodies (that last part he found extremely rude). He would try to see what his friends were seeing, but he just couldn’t.
That is, until he saw all of those things in Luke.
Luke was beautiful, and puberty was doing him justice. He had really soft hair that Alex would sometimes mess with to annoy his friend, but he appreciated the moments his fingers were tangled in those brown locks. Luke had started growing bands to hide his acne, and Alex wished he could move them out of his eyes. That’s another thing. Luke’s eyes were stunning. They were deep even though they were nature green, and they had specks of brown and gold in them that Alex loved to analyze. And then Alex would look at his arms, which were toning, and his jawline that had always been pretty sharp, and his lips. Those thin, soft lips that he wished he could kiss.
The first time he realized he wanted to kiss Luke, it all came crashing down.
Alex’s biggest panic attack yet hit late one night in May, made worse by the fact that he had to stay quiet. He liked Luke. He liked Luke the way that he was supposed to like girls. He didn’t like girls, he liked Luke. He liked a boy. He liked boys, only boys.
This was not going to end well for him.
He was able to hide it for a while. He spent all of eighth grade keeping that information to himself. It was easier to deal with once he had come to terms with it all, but it made his anxiety worse. He would get attacks during practice sometimes, most of the time for no reason at all, but sometimes it was from his longing for Luke, who kept getting hotter as the months went by.
When high school came around, things with Sunset Curve started getting more serious. They couldn’t use the band room and school anymore to practice since they had since left middle school, and none of them could hold practice at their homes, so they decided to find a fourth member that had the room for it. That ended up being Bobby Wilkins, whose family garage became the band’s studio and, eventually, their safe haven. Bobby’s parents were very kind and loving to the boys, especially in future situations when their home lives got messy. Having a private studio also meant that there were a lot more private moments.
“What is up with you?” Luke asked one day after practice in November, when Reggie had gone home and Bobby had gone inside for dinner with his family.
“What do you mean?” Alex asked while tightening a place on his kit (a new one that Bobby’s parents had graciously bought him). He was a bit anxious that day, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. Luke knew this.
“What do I mean?” he replied, “For months you have gotten more panic attacks during practice than ever before, which used to be none. The band is supposed to be your escape. What’s been going on?”
Alex shook his head, “It’s nothing, Luke. Please drop it.”
“No,” he pulled Alex up to his feet to face him, “I’m not going to. I care about you, Alex, and I want you to be honest with me.”
Their faces were really close. Alex’s eyes flickered down to Luke’s lips, but he quickly moved them back to his eyes. Those shining eyes. His heart was pounding and his head was spinning. He wasn’t thinking clearly, and this was obvious since Alex leaned in and kissed Luke.
Surprisingly, Luke didn’t push him away.
Even more surprisingly, they ended up on the couch, Luke on top, making out for what felt like an eternity.
By God, was this what it was supposed to feel like?
Once they parted, Luke pressed his forehead against Alex’s and said, “So, you’re gay, huh?”
Alex nodded and swallowed, “Yeah… and you?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that I like this.”
So they began a relationship. Very secret. Not even Reggie or Bobby knew. To keep either of them from knowing, they would go back and forth between houses, which wasn’t that uncommon. Alex was always welcome at the Patterson household, but Emily and Mitch didn’t need to know what he was doing with their son in his bedroom. They would occasionally go to Alex’s, since his house was big and they could be a little less discreet, especially if no one was home. They would sometimes run into family, but his parents never asked since they didn’t like Luke all that much. Katie was a little more inquisitive, but everything she knew about Luke was a lie. She wasn’t allowed to know about the band for reasons Alex was unsure about, but he didn’t dare go against it. So he told her that Luke was a friend from school and they were going to study together. Of course, they didn’t study, unless you counted the study of the other’s bodies.
It was fun for a while, but as things got more serious with the band, they fell back into a pattern of brotherly partnership. It happened naturally, kind of sadly. When they realized that they didn’t like each other that way anymore, it broke both of their hearts, but they were okay with it. Their relationship lasted over a year, and it was nice for both of them.
They did try again during the fall of their junior year of high school, but that only lasted a few weeks. It was just to see if there were still feelings there, and there weren’t. But, again, both Alex and Luke were content with that.
But, while they were dating the first time, Alex finally got the confidence to come out to Reggie and Bobby.
“By the way,” he said in the middle of one practice the summer before sophomore year, “I’m gay.”
Reggie and Bobby accepted him with open arms and supportive words. Luke acted like he was hearing this for the first time, himself not comfortable with others knowing yet, and hugged Alex similarly to his friends.
Luke came out not long after his and Alex’s second break up, saying, “I’m not gay. I don’t know exactly what I am, but I do like guys.” Again, Reggie and Bobby were perfectly fine with it, and they eventually connected the dots and there wasn’t a secret anymore.
But let’s go back in time a little. In May of 1994, Alex had grown tired of the hiding and lying from his family. He was sick of hearing about what they would say about homosexuality and those who were at all different from them, including financial status and importance. So one night, while Katie was at choir practice, Alex did the unimaginable.
While his parents were going on about how everyone should live like them, Alex stood up and said, “I’m gay.”
Charles froze in his place. His face grew red with anger.
“What did you say?”
Alex repeated himself, with even more confidence, “I’m gay.”
His mother had almost immediately started crying. Under her breath, she said phrases like “it can’t be true” and “he isn’t.”
“No, no, no, Alexander,” Charles said sternly, “no son of mine is… is a homosexual. And you are my son!”
“I am your son, but I am gay.”
Charles shook his head, “If you are going to keep on with this funny business, then you aren’t my son. Not until you stop lying to us.”
“I’m not lying, dad!”
Jennifer then spoke up softly, “Last year… that boy you kept bringing over…” she then let out a gross sob and reached for the tissues, burying her face in them.
“Don’t bring Luke into this, please,” Alex begged.
“Why shouldn’t we?” His father asked sharply, “He’s the reason you turned out this way. He’s in that stupid band with you, right? I knew that band was a bad idea. It turned you into this… fairy, and I won’t allow for it any longer.”
Alex gasped as tears flowed down his face, “The band didn’t turn me gay! Luke didn’t turn me gay. I’ve always been like this. Why can’t you guys just accept it?”
“Because it’s unnatural, Alexander!” Charles boomed, “And no son of mine is a fairy, so until you decide that you aren’t one, then you aren’t my son.”
Alex was out the door before his parents could see him break down. He didn’t break down until he had biked all the way to Bobby’s house, falling into Mrs. Wilkin’s arms crying and eventually comforted by the rest of the band.
Somehow his parents didn’t kick him about, but they stopped caring about his existence. They would only acknowledge him if there were others around, such as the grandparents or church friends. He stopped going to church in the hopes not to be outed to all of them and humiliated by his family. But eventually he didn’t care about the humiliation. He didn’t care if people called him slurs or taunted him or even hurt him. He just wanted to be himself. So he came out at the beginning of his junior year, faced a school year of bullying, and dealt with it proudly.
The bullying was overshadowed by the fact that Sunset Curve was getting kind of popular. Before the summer started, the group had a small tour booked for the summer, including the famous Orpheum Theater, a place where lots of popular bands got their start. It was their biggest show to date. They recorded a demo with their small setlist (they had a photoshoot and everything) to sell and handout, as well as some t-shirts. It was going to be a summer to remember and a show that would change their lives.
Well, the show never went on, for Alex, Luke, and Reggie ended up getting poisoned by their dinner and they passed away hours before the concert.
The afterlife was confusing as all hell. Alex’s anxiety increased a bit, even though he was dead. They, as ghosts, could be seen by Julie Molina, an incredibly talented singer and songwriter who Luke was hopelessly falling for, even though she was alive and from a totally different decade. They could be seen when they played with Julie, which was so much fun, but still mind boggling. Then there was the whole Caleb situation, which still wasn’t totally over, but they got one round on him.
But the best part of it was Willie. He was a skater ghost who he had fallen for almost immediately upon meeting him. He was funny and laidback and he was open to answering Alex’s thousands of questions about ghosts. He had his own damage, but Alex was willing to help with it, just as Willie helped him with his anxiety by calming down his attacks and screaming in a museum with him. And, best of all, they were an actual couple. They went on dates, they held hands, they kissed, all the things normal couples did. They adored each other like no one else.
Alex Mercer might have died at the age of seventeen. He might have gone against everything that his father tried to build for him. But he did reach that goal that all Mercers had.
He was important, if not to others, then to himself.
