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“Inuman na, mga baklang burat!” Matsukawa yelled enthusiastically, lifting up the two bottles of emperador in his hands.
It was the day after the UAAP Volleyball Tournament, UP winning against all odds, especially now that the freshmen, Hinata and Kageyama, were a part of the team. The volleyball team has never won UAAP, their last championship was back in 1981. While Adamson finished in second as usual— but this time Oikawa finally beat Ushijima’s team, La Salle.
“Tangina mo boses mo babaan mo,” Akaashi, starting setter for the UST team, took the bottles in Mattsun’s hands, sighing. It was way too early to either get drunk or cause too much chaos. But then again, it’s the UAAP teams we’re talking about here, they’re always causing too much chaos, always giving their coaches high blood and headaches.
“Hinata! Congratulations!” Bokuto yelled from inside Ushijima’s mansion, the orange haired middle blocker yelling back his own greeting as he rushed inside with arms wide for a hug.
“You look like gusto mo nang umuwi, bro,” Iwaizumi appeared right beside his cousin, a teasing smirk on his face. “Kung puwede lang, pero sino naman maghahatid sa inyo pauwi?” Keiji groaned, gesturing for Hajime to open the ice box he was carrying, placing the two emperadors inside.
“Dito naman ata tayo lahat matutulog,” Hajime shrugged, following his cousin through the doors and towards the living room where all of their friends were already setting up the large tv screen and Semi’s karaoke machine. “Pakshet wala akong dalang damit,” Akaashi mumbled, he really thought it was another one of their usual inuman sessions.
I should’ve known, he thought, it is after the championships, panigurado magpapakalasing nanaman lahat ‘yan. Keiji decided though, that he still wouldn’t be getting drunk—sino naman kasi maglilinis ng mga suka at kalat nila?
“Manghiram ka na lang sakin, may mga extra akong dala,” Iwaizumi set down the ice box by the glass coffee table, opening his backpack to throw a few clothes over to Keiji who mumbled a quiet thanks. “Balik mo na lang sakin bukas or something, magkalapit lang naman bahay natin,”
“Tangina, ‘di talaga ako sanay sa mga ganitong mansion,” Daichi, the UP captain, walked up next to them, analyzing the large mansion with amazed eyes. “Okay lang yan, isko, kami rin ‘di sanay, sadyang anak lang ng politiko talaga si boss Ushi,” Kuroo, the UE captain chuckled, patting him on the back.
A loud crashing sound from the kitchen caught the men’s attention, gazing over at the doorway right as Atsumu ran out, a mischievous grin on his face followed by an angry looking Oikawa.
“You’re such a fucking tarantado, Miya Atsumu!” the Adamson setter yelled, a fruit peeler in hand. Atsumu stuck his tongue out, ducking down and into the arms of Sakusa Kiyoomi. The FEU student had a conflicted look on his face, hands itching to push his boyfriend away but at the same time wrap his arms around him.
“Omi help,” Atsumu feigned a frightened look but failed as he broke into a fit of giggles. “Omi pahiram ng jowa mo saglit, pasapak lang ng very light,” Oikawa stomped over to where they both stood, just in front of the glass doors that led to Ushijima’s backyard.
Kiyoomi opened his mouth to say something but he wasn’t able to verbalize his thoughts when the owner of the house picked Oikawa up by his waist, taking away the sharp ““weapon”” in his hands. “Tooru, no murder in my house, I don’t want to clean up blood stains off the couch,” Oikawa could feel Wakatoshi’s chest rumble against his back as he spoke, flustering him ever so slightly.
“Ano ba ginawa mo, tanga?” Sakusa unwrapped one arm from Atsumu, taking that free hand to grab him by the chin. Atsumu stuttered, face flushing at the small action.
Tuning them out, Iwaizumi tore his attention away only to be surprised when he noticed his friends giving him a look.
“Ano nanaman ba?”
“Musta kayo ng best friend mo?” Keiji couldn’t hide his teasing tone.
“Okay lang naman,” Hajime’s voice wavered ever so slightly, heart almost dropping out his chest when he heard Tooru call out for Ushijima.
“Break na kayo?” Daichi raised an eyebrow.
Their relationship was, well, quite infamous around the university teams, especially their whole best friends to lovers agenda but a few weeks ago, they went radio silent on everyone, even to their friends. Rumors started to grow, rumors speaking of their break up, rumors of their true relationship.
“Never naman naging kami,” it was hard admitting out loud, it was hard remembering that he had absolutely no rights to get jealous over Oikawa’s ex, Ushijima. Iwaizumi knew it was hard remembering that there was never a them, that they will probably always just be Oikawa and Iwaizumi, but never Tooru and Hajime.
“So totoo nga yung sinasabi nila Tobio? Parang M.U lang kayo, ganon? Akala ko mag jowa na talaga kayo,” Daichi frowned, Hajime shaking his head at his questions.
“Ay oo nga pala ‘no, rebound ka lang pala,” Kuroo cackled like a mad man.
Daichi rolled his eyes at that.
“As if hindi mo ginawang rebound si Kei,” the UP captain glared just a little bit at his friend, remembering how much their “break up” affected the middle blocker’s game. Kuroo only rubbed the nape of his neck, cheeks going red at his own hypocrisy.
“Pero hindi mo alam, Jimboy, baka magaya kayo kay Kuroo at Kenma,” Keiji ignored Sawamura and Tetsurou’s arguing. “Yung mag best friends sila tapos sila rin sa huli, kahit nagmahal ng iba si Kuroo,” Iwaizumi scoffed at that.
He wasn’t the Kenma in this situation.
“Tagal kitang sinumpa nun, boss,” Daichi whacked Kuroo over the head. “Minahal ka talaga ‘nun, kahit pinaasa mo yan, kahit sinaktan mo yan, di niya kayang magalit sayo,” there was a far off look on Sawamura’s expression, remembering the days when Kei would attend practice with his eyes red and lips chapped.
He was the Tsukishima.
“Alam ko naman na mali yung ginawa ko, bro,” Kuroo sighed, leaning against a wall, looking over at Kenma playing quietly while Shoyo excitedly talked by his side. “I was just in a really bad place that time, I was still conflicted over my own feelings with Kenma and parang—parang nabulag ako, y’know? I thought, I really thought I had feelings for Kei kasi nandyan siya, siya yung taong nag-comfort sakin nung akala ko I lost Kenma forever,”
“Ayan yung point, Techong, minahal mo ba siya dahil mahal mo siya o minahal mo si Kei dahil kinailangan mo siya?” Kuroo’s silence was the answer.
Keiji shook his head with a sigh.
“At least nagkaroon kayo ng label noon kahit saglet lang—eh sila Jimboy?”
“Alam mo ikaw—” Hajime grabbed the back of his cousin’s neck, raising his fist as a threat, not really meaning to actually punch him.
“Tama na yan ‘oy,” Tendou cheered, walking out the kitchen, holding two large mountains of crispy patas and lechon kawalis, expertly balancing the two plates as if it was nothing in his large hands. He was followed by Goshiki holding two plates of isaw, betamax, adidas, and hotdogs, profusely sweating as he tried to be as careful as possible, trying not to drop their pulutans. Reon chuckling under his breath, a large bowl of chicharon in one hand and a stack of barbecues in the other.
“Yun oh!” Tanaka and Nishinoya called out excitedly, mouth watering at the sight of all the various foods Satori, Asahi, and Aran had prepared for them. “Teka lang mga boss, inuman ho ito, hindi mukbang,” the red haired middle blocker raised the plates up above his head, out of the two boys’ reach.
“Tara na, uhaw na uhaw na ko,” Kuroo pushed himself off the wall, uncrossing his arms. The conflicted look on his face dissipated when his eyes met Kenma’s, smiling ever so slightly at the way the gamer’s nose scrunched up when Osamu opened a bottle of gin, watching the twin drinking it straight up.
No doubt, he knew, he was sure—he’d always come home to Kenma Kozume.
Sinalo siya ni Tsukishima Kei at hinilom ang mga sugat but he’s just a stop, he wasn’t home—Tsukishima Kei was just the pahinga before Kuroo finally found his way back home to Kenma Kozume.
“Tarantado wag mong ubusin yan, maghahalo pa ‘ko,” Hajime ran over to snatch the bottle of gin from Osamu’s hands.
“Kating kating kati na ba lalamunan mo, ha utol?”
“Sobra po, papa Jimboy,”
“Sobra mo mukha mo, gago, wag kang iinom ng mga hahaluin ko mamaya ha, tarantado,”
“Ay joke lang naman, papa Jimboy, joke lang, ito naman,”
“Anong oras pa lang, mga chong,” Koushi sighed, opening his phone to check what time it was.
3 PM
“Suga, I think you mean, anong orang na, mga chong,” Yamamoto draped an arm over the silver haired setter’s shoulders.
“Mga lasinggero!”
“Gago lasinggero ka rin, Sugawara Koushi!”
The seconds ticked by, the minutes passed by, and hours rolled on. More than a handful of spilled beer, gin, and other alcohols named after saints later, the sun was finally setting but they’ve been all but sober.
Hajime leaned back on the white couch, both arms on the backrest while a cup of gin was held in one hand, the black muscle tee clung to his body. Conversing lightly with his cousin, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander off towards the opposite side of the room where his best friend was, where Oikawa was.
He looked so pretty.
He looked so ethereal, the way the orange hues from the sunset filtered through the glass doors and windows fell onto his smooth skin and perfectly styled hair.
Oikawa Tooru was a spunky, loud person in general but when he was tipsy or drunk, he was calm, he was always so deep in thought most times, mindlessly downing his bottle of san mig.
And one moment, their eyes met, for the first time since yesterday’s game.
Shooting him a hesitant smile, Hajime pulled his attention back onto Keiji’s ramblings about Hajime’s sister. “Sa susunod na makikita ko yang si ate Ani mo baka masabunutan ko yan,” he huffed, snatching a stick of barbecue from the coffee table.
“Susmaryosep, pinipigilan mo pa sarili mo, hulog mo pa sa bangin kung gusto mo, para mawalan na ng sakit sa ulo sila mama,” Iwaizumi chuckled at the irritated expression of Akaashi’s face. “Try niya lang lumapit pa ulit kay Koutarou, baka maka-tikim yan sakin,” the sharp haired boy smirked as he brought the bottle up to his lips.
“Jimboy! Kanta ka naman!” speaking of Koutarou, he threw the microphone over to the outside hitter. “Baka masira ko mga tenga niyo,” his friends booed him.
“Asus, pa humble ka pa, papa Haj,” Kuroo teased, an arm around Kenma who sipped on his san mig light quietly, a small smile on his face. Though this wasn’t his usual scene, the blond had to admit it was comforting being around his closest friends, even if they liked to get drunk far too often.
Hajime threw the rooster head the middle finger before the familiar sound of guitars filled the room. Everyone started cheering, they loved this song and they loved Hajime’s voice even more.
“Nais kong magpakalasing dahil wala ka na,” Iwaizumi’s voice was smooth but husky—the same voice that Oikawa used to call at 2 in the morning, pleading for him to sing any song, to sing him a lullaby, to talk to him until sleep finally came to him.
“Sino ba yung wala na, Jimboy?”
“Giliw, huwag mo sanang limutin,” Kuroo, Bokuto, Mattsun, and a few others started to sing along, acting as his backup singers.
“Ang mga araw na hindi sana naglaho, mga anak at bahay nating pinaplano lahat ng ito'y nawala no'ng iniwan mo 'ko, kaya ngayon...” for a moment, Hajime tore his eyes from the tv screen to glance over at Oikawa, who was intently watching him, bottom lip between his teeth.
He was still so pretty in his eyes, even if he broke Iwaizumi Hajime’s heart, even if he did leave him dazed, broken hearted, and in a the middle of a crossroads, no single clue as to where to go from there.
In Hajime’s eyes, he was still that little demon that could break his heart over and over again until he was nothing but a broken mess and he’d still let him do it all over again.
“Ibuhos na ang beer sa aking lalamunan upang malunod na ang puso kong nahihirapan bawat patak, anong sarap, ano ba talaga'ng mas gusto ko?”
“Cheers!” As Hajime sang, everyone clinked their glasses together, swaying to the beat of the song, Semi and Kageyama head banging.
Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe nadala lang siya ng kanta pero whatever it was, it caused him to look straight into Tooru’s eyes as he sang the next line.
“Ang beer na 'to o ang pag-ibig mo?”
“Putangina ako na lang papa Haj!”
“Pa-kiss, papa Haj!”
“Pa-chupa please!”
The chaos and comments made by their friends drowned out his little action but a few caught it—Kenma exchanged looks with Keiji, Sakusa raised an eyebrow, Osamu made an expression as his eyes darted from Hajime, Oikawa, and then to Ushijima, and lastly, Tooru, who felt his heart almost jump out his throat.
“Nais kong magpakasabog dahil olats ako,”
Hajime watched Ushijima, who had one arm draped on the back of Oikawa’s char, he watched the dark green haired guy looking at his best friend intently, as if he was searching for any sign, any reaction towards Hajime’s singing.
He internally scoffed, syempre talo nanaman ako, he thought, sino ba naman ako kumpara kay Ushijima fucking Wakatoshi?
“Kahit ano hihithitin, kahit tambutso,” at those lyrics, Tanaka exhaled the smoke from his vape, Iwaizumi taking a quick hit of the cigarette between his fingers before exhaling it too, bringing the mic up back to his lips.
“Didn’t I tell you guys about smoking inside the house?” Wakatoshi groaned when he saw even Tendou taking a smoke from his yosi, Suna beside him reaching over to borrow Tanaka’s vape mod. “Yes and we don’t really care, boss, may ventilation naman kayo,” Mattsun blew the cheesecake scented smoke of his vape, Sakusa making a face at the amount of smokers in the room.
“Kukuha 'ko ng beer at ipapakulo sa kaldero't lalanghapin ang usok nito,”
“Wow, try ko nga ‘yan,” Atsumu chuckled at the lyrics.
“Arat, try na natin dalawa ngayon, now na,” Osamu got up from where he sat but was quickly pulled down by Suna. “Babe, pag uwi niyo na lang sa condo, mahiya naman kayo, baka masunog niyo yung kusina sa kaka-singhot niyo,” Suna sighed.
“Iiwan talaga kita, Miya,” Atsumu closed his mouth at the sound of Sakusa’s voice, immediately turning around to cuddle up to his grumpy boyfriend.
“Joke lang naman, bebe ko,” the older twin shot him a faux of an innocent smile, enjoying the sight of his boyfriend leaning back on the couch with a bottle being held by ring covered fingers.
“Lahat ay aking gagawin upang hindi ko na isiping nag-iisa na ako,” Hajime closed his eyes for a moment, lyrics soothing the ache in his heart at the moment. The overwhelming smell of alcohol around them could almost get him drunk—it could almost make him forget about the sweet, addicting smell of Tooru’s perfume.
The song continued on, Bokuto and Kuroo cheering him on. Bokuto’s voice was louder than Hajime’s at that point—this was his favorite, maybe kasi sobrang gago ng mga lyrics.
It was a song that hit home to Iwaizumi and to many of the people in the room at that moment.
“Ikaw naman, master Tsumu, baka mapatay ka na ng baby boy mo diyan,” Hajime threw the mic effortlessly over to Atsumu, who caught it perfectly and as if it was nothing—Semi however, almost had a heart attack at the sight.
“Kanina pa kitang pinag mamasdan mukha mo'y di maipinta, malungkot ka nanaman,”
“Feel na feel natin yung kanta, boss?” Keiji playfully punched Hajime’s biceps. “Sarap naman ng muscles mo, papa Jimboy, pa-kagat naman,” Bokuto slurred, leaning over Akaashi to pinch Hajime’s arms. “Ang sarap ng pinsan mo, babe,” the bicolored haired boy pouted.
“Sandali nga teka lang may nakalimutan ka diba't pwede mo kong iyakan,”
“Bugok, mas masarap kaya muscles mo, daddy Koko,” Hajime winked over at him, laughing when the drunk UST student started to blush at his words. “Talaga, papa?” Bokuto leaned even closer, basically sprawled across Akaashi’s lap.
“Talaga, daddy,”
“Manang mana ka sa ate Ani mo, deputa ka Jimboy,” Keiji rolled his eyes, watching his cousin and boyfriend flirt with each other. “Wag mo nga landiin jowa ko,” Hajime laughed at Keiji’s jealous expression.
“Sige lang, sandal ka na at wag mong pipigilan iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit iiyak mo na ang lahat sa akin,”
Sakusa felt a smile creep up his face, hearing his Atsumu sing in such a serious way, in a way without funny faces and weird accents, it was calming, it was beautiful. Atsumu was beautiful.
Though their relationship has experienced a plethora of ups and downs, still they survived all that without a single scratch—it was the magic of communication and understanding, Atsumu would boast.
“Nandito lang ako maghihintay lagi mong tatandaan di ka naman nag iisa, nandito lang ako makikinig sayo, sa buong magdamag sa kin di ka balewala,”
Atsumu turned around and grabbed one of Sakusa’s hands in his, his thumbs rubbing soft circles. His eyes held nothing but pure love and adoration for the germaphobe.
“Sana all!” Shouyou hollered, hugging the red cup he was holding close to his chest as he swayed along to the beat.
“Hala, Tobio sana all daw oh,” Nishinoya and Sugawara teased their dark haired setter.
“Sige lang, sandal ka na at wag mong pipigilan , iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit, iiyak mo na ang lahat sa akin, sige lang,”
Tobio only sipped bitter alcohol quietly, acting as if he didn’t hear his team mates’ words but the blush on his cheeks and the way he almost choked on his drink was all too obvious.
“Ba’t ayaw mo kasi ligawan ‘tong kiat kiat natin?” Koushi elbowed Tobio when he refused to respond.
“Kuya Suga naman,” Tobio sighed. It’s not that he didn’t have any reasons or excuses, it’s just that he didn’t know how to say it.
“Sige lang, sandal ka na at wag mong pipigilan, iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit, iiyak mo na ang lahat sa akin, sige lang sige lang,”
“Alam mo, Totoy,” Tanaka took a hit from his cigarette for a moment before he opened his mouth to talk again. “Hindi na uso yung torpe torpe ngayon, kasi pag nagpaligoy-ligoy ka pa, baka may mang-agaw pa diyang iba,”
“Oo nga,” Nishinoya agreed.
“Rinig ko, gusto daw ni Hoshiumi si Hinata natin,” the libero gave the orange haired player a suggestive look, chuckling at the way Hinata started stuttering. “We—who? I’m—wait! Last week ko pa lang siya nakilala!” Hinata reasoned, he could barely even remember who this Hoshiumi guy was.
“Sino ba si Hoshiumi?” Asahi joined in on their conversation.
“Yung spiker nung Ateneo,” Koushi said, “Yung mukhang kwago,”
“Ah! Oo siya! Napansin ko nga kakaiba tingin niya kay Hinata,” Asahi smiled, feeling a bit kilig.
“Semi, rockstar ng bayan, ikaw naman kumanta!” Atsumu passed on the microphone while Osamu entered the next song.
“The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful stop me and steal my breath,”
Everyone hollered the moment Semi started singing, his rough voice was most definitely swoon worthy. He sounded exactly like an 80s rocker and every time he sang something, anything, it felt like you were dancing with your loved one in the middle of a music festival, the stars watching you fall in love even deeper.
“So ano na po Tobio? Hahayaan mo bang may umagaw kay Sho?” Yuu raised an eyebrow.
“Ano kasi—”
“Ano, Totoy?”
“I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above,”
“Natatakot akong ma-reject, kuya,” Tobio finally admitted.
The UP students stared at each other for a second, exchanging unreadable expressions.
“Tobio, alam kong puro volleyball lang laman ng utak mo pero pakiusap naman, wag mo namang araw arawin katangahan mo,” Sugawara groaned, stopping himself from face palming.
He was not only stupid, but he was such an oblivious idiot.
“I'll be your cryin' shoulder, I'll be love suicide, I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life,”
“Ako na-ooffend para kay Hinata,” Tanaka rolled his eyes, “Need mo ba ng salamin, Totoy?”
“Halata naman na ikaw lang gusto ko eh,” Hinata finally spoke up, though his voice was quiet, his team mates were still able to hear his words. A bright red flush settled itself onto his soft cheeks, nervously playing with the cup in hand.
“Hala, nagka-aminan na!” Yuu exclaimed.
“Star city first date niyo ah!”
“Mas maganda Enchanted Kingdom, tanga!
“Tell me that we belong together, dress it up with the trappings of love,”
Hajime leaned back, watching Semi sing with hooded eyes. This week, this month, this entire year had been so exhausting—he just doesn’t know how to process everything and at that point, he didn’t even want to bother.
He just wished, at some point, that he’d wake up from this nightmare and find that everything was back to how it was. Before Ushijima came into their lives, before Iwaizumi agreed to no labels, before Oikawa admitted that he still had feelings for his ex, before everything came crashing down on him.
Hajime wished everything was back to normal, back when everything was just the two of them against the world, back when he still had Oikawa Tooru to himself, back when Iwaizumi was the only person he’d look at. Back when Iwaizumi Hajime still didn’t know he loved his best friend.
“I'll be your cryin' shoulder, I'll be love suicide, I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life,”
Oikawa stared at him across the room, staring at how tense his shoulders were.
Oikawa stared at him across the room, staring at how stiff his jaws were.
Oikawa stared at the boy who’s always been there for him since they were children, staring at the boy who was almost an ocean away from him instead of beside him, holding him and cracking jokes with him.
Oikawa Tooru missed his best friend.
“Duet naman yung dalawang singer natin diyan,” Tendou threw another microphone over at Iwaizumi, slightly startling him.
“Sige na, papa Haj!” Atsumu cheered, mouth full of food.
“Take me as you are, push me off the road, The sadness, I need this time to be with you,” Iwaizumi started off the song, feeling a slight pang in his chest when he realized what song he was singing.
“I'm freezing in the sun, I'm burning in the rain, the silence, I'm screaming, calling out your name,” Semi’s voice followed Hajime’s perfectly, it was so smooth.
“Hoy putangina kinikilig ako!” Hanamaki called out, clutching a throw pillow tightly.
“Putangina pa-mine po si Papa Haj!” Bokuto swooned.
“Pa-mine po si Semi!” Goshiki followed up.
“Gago ka ba kay Kenji na ‘yan!” Shirabu quickly scrambled up to slap a hand over Tendou’s loudmouth.
“And I do reside in your light, put out the fire with me and find, yeah you'll lose the side of your circles, that's what I'll do if we say goodbye,”
Semi turned around, flashing a quick wink over at Kenji as he sang, using his free hand to push his hair back.
“To be is all I gotta be and all that I see and all that I need this time, to me the life you gave me, the day you said goodnight,”
Hajime’s singing was still loud through the cheering and hollering of his friends, whistles and side comments too.
“Papa Haj ba’t ba ang talented mo putangina!”
“Wala na bang jojowa kay Papa Jimboy? Final na?”
That last comment made a certain setter almost nauseous, though he was far from drunk.
Iwaizumi Hajime was the full package deal, he was jowa material. Husband material even but through the numerous people who had shown even slight interest in him, he only ever saw Oikawa Tooru.
“The calmness in your face that I see through the night, the warm though your light is pressing unto us, you didn't ask me why, I never would have known, oblivion is falling down,”
“Mga putanginang sulutera huminahon kayo! Stop making landi with my boyfriend!” he desperately wanted to say out loud, he desperately wanted to mark his territory, make everyone know when to back off but he couldn’t—he couldn’t when Ushijima was right there beside him, he couldn’t when he didn’t even know his own feelings.
It was confusing, it was torture, it was headache inducing. Trying to understand why he still longed for Wakatoshi’s attention but he also yearned for Hajime’s arms around him at the end of the day.
It was tearing him apart with every second passing by.
“To be is all I gotta be and all that I see and all that I need this time, to me the life you gave me, the day you said goodnight,”
As Eita sang the chorus, Hajime took a few steps towards Tooru, grabbing the san mig in his hands, taking a quick swig of the alcohol, the bitter liquid smoothly going down his throat was a new sensation after hours of drinking rough, dry drinks.
“You know, uso naman po to get your own drink, Jimboy,” Tooru rolled his eyes, snatching back the bottle. Just when the mouth of the bottle met his lips did Tooru realize he was indirectly kissing his best friend. Thank God Oikawa had a drunk flush or else everyone would’ve seen his blush.
“Damot mo, bhie,” Hajime laughed.
Though they were joking, finally talking after hours of borderline ignoring each other, there was still a sense of awkwardness, a thick air of unrest between them and everyone could see it, they could feel it, they could almost cut it with a knife.
“She's already taken she's already taken she's already taken me she's already taken she's already taken me,”
Hajime sang those lyrics as he looked straight at Oikawa.
“Sana naman po wag masyadong pahalata yung isa diyan,” parinig ni Koushi.
Everyone found it amusing, they found it almost comedic but Ushijima Wakatoshi was not in any way, shape, or form enjoying it.
“Hoy ako naman kakanta, kating kati na ang aking mga vocal chords,” Kuroo quickly stood up, taking Hajime’s microphone. “May dala ba kayong earplugs, mga chong?” Daichi looked over at his friends, his comment earning him a bottle cap to the face.
“Labis na naiinip, nayayamot sa bawat saglit, kapag naaalala ka, wala naman akong magawa,”
Even through their previous teasing of Kuroo’s singing just seconds earlier, they all whistled and cheered when he sang the first three words.
“Umuwi ka na baby, hindi na ako sanay ng wala ka, mahirap ang mag-isa at sa gabi'y hinahanap-hanap kita,”
Kuroo turned around gesturing to everyone to stand up and dance with him—like the group of drunk bastards they were.
“Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay na makasama kang muli sa buhay kong puno ng paghihirap at tanging ikaw lang ang pumapawi sa mga luha at naglalagay ng ngiti sa mga labi,”
They all sang in a chorus, their voices mixing beautifully.
“Yie! Umuwi ka na daw Tooru! Miss ka na ni Jimboy!” Kuroo spoke into the mic, earning a few laughs from the Adamson students.
“Sana pumiyak kang hayop ka!” Hajime flipped him off.
“Umuwi ka na baby umuwi ka na baby umuwi ka na baby umuwi ka na baby umuwi ka na baby umuwi ka na baby,”
Tetsurou dramatically waved his hands up in the air, Bokuto, Tanaka, Nishinoya, and a few others had brought out their phones, flashlights on as they waved along with him.
“Call on your classmates, Kuroo Tetsurou,” The UE captain spoke into the microphone, acting like a teacher. “I nominate Tanaka Ryuunosuke,” the bald spiker stood up, bowing to his “audience”.
“Thank you, thank you,” he fake sniffed. “I would like to dedicate this next song sa lahat ng mga kinailangan pero hindi minahal, katulad nila retsam Tsukishima at Boss Jimboy,” the towheaded middle blocker glared at his upperclassman, only reason why Tanaka wasn’t obliterated into pieces right then and there was because of Yamaguchi pulling his best friend back.
“Kotang kota na kayo ngayong araw ah,” Hajime took a hold of a fork from one of the plates, pointing it towards each one of the idiots in the room. If he had to be honest, there was a little sting every time his friends mentioned his current disposition, reminding him that his relationship and friendship with Oikawa could possibly be strained forever.
“Pare ko,” though Tanaka had only sang two words, everyone was already cheering and laughing—it was an iconic song, after all. “meron akong problema, 'wag mong sabihing na naman, in-lab ako sa isang kolehiyala, hindi ko maintindihan,” first line and they were all already singing along.
“Retsam Tanaka parang kinakantahan mo lang sarili mo ah,” Yamamoto teased, “Musta na ba si miss Shimizu? Diba sila na ni kuya Sugawara?”
“Wag na nating idaan sa maboteng usapan, lalo lang madaragdagan ang sakit ng ulo at bilbil sa tiyan,”
As Tanaka sang, he took off one of his shoes, throwing it directly at Yamamoto.
“Head shot!” Nishinoya and Inuoka yelled when the air Jordans hit Yamamoto square in the face.
“Masakit mang isipin, kailangang tanggapin, kung kelan ka naging seryoso saka ka niya gagaguhin,”
Kuroo straightened his posture, looking over at the silver haired setter.
“Teka lang—kayo na ni Kiyoko?” Sugawara only nodded, an eyebrow raised at their reactions.
“Huli na ba kayo sa balita?”
“Aba tangina di ba halata?
“Kelan pa? Tangina, sana all sinagot ni Kiyoko,”
Koushi smiled over at them, taking a sip of his drink to stop the laugh bubbling up in his throat.
“Kelan ka pa nagka-gusto kay Kiyoko ang dapat tanungin,” Asahi pointed out, even if he was one of Sugawara’s closest friends, even he was surprised when he found the two out on a date one day.
“O, Diyos ko, ano ba naman ito, 'di ba,”
Everyone took a deep breath, breaking away from each of their conversations for a moment.
“TANGINA!”
They all sang-yelled in unison.
“Nagmukha akong tanga, pinaasa niya lang ako, letcheng pag-ibig ‘to, o, Diyos ko, ano ba naman ito,”
Tanaka squatted, being extra as he sang the long notes, holding the microphone with both hands, a cigarette between his fingers.
“Pokpokawa, baka naman gusto mong i-bless kami with your voice,” Hanamaki nudged his captain, wiggling his eyebrows. “Dali na, bhie, miss ko na yung boses mong kiki,” Oikawa looked over at his friend and team mate, a hand dramatically on top of his heart.
“Sinong boses kiki? Wow, baka ikaw,” he glared, standing up to take the mic and start singing. He sucked in a quick breath when he finally noticed what song Mattsun had picked for him.
“Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay na para bang wala nang papalit sa'yo? Nasa'n ka man, sigaw ng puso ko'y ikaw hanggang ngayon,”
“Para kanino ba yan, Pokpokawa?” Mattsun asked, snickering a bit.
“Para kay boss Ushi o kay Papa Haj?” both boys mentioned didn’t react. Dedma sila parehas.
“Kung sana lamang ay nakita mo ang lungkot sa'yong ngiti, isang umagang 'di ka nagbalik, gumising ka at nang makita mo ang tamis ng sandali ng kahapong di magbabalik,”
Hajime stared off to the distance, soaking in the lyrics, and the story the band originally wrote for the song.
Iwaizumi Hajime was not the type of person to get hung up on someone. He wasn’t the type to depend his entire happiness on someone else. He has been heartbroken a healthy amount of times, he has experienced a handful of breakup, and he has come out all of them unscathed and unaffected.
So it was entirely out of character for him, to be staring into space, trying his best to ignore the way his hands yearned to hold Oikawa—even if it had been weeks since that encounter.
“Hanggang sa dulo ng ating walang hanggan, hanggang ang puso'y wala nang nararamdaman, kahit matapos ang magpakailan pa man, ako'y maghihintay sa ngalan ng pag-ibig,”
He remembered that morning a little too well. It was weeks ago from now, maybe two or three. He had just woken up, the sun was shining just a little brighter, and the sky was a little bit bluer than usual. He felt calm, unusual from his grumpy mood.
Everything came crashing down when he opened his phone and saw Tooru sent him a message at 3:35 AM from that morning.
‘I’m sorry, Iwa, I’m so sorry but I can’t do this anymore and I can’t do this to you, I can’t do this to you when I know my heart still misses Wakatoshi so fucking much. I shouldn’t have kissed you that day, I shouldn’t have let myself indulge in you because now our friendship is ruined but please, please, tell me it isn’t, please tell me we’ll go back to normal after this. You’re still my best friend.’
Suddenly everything felt like a nightmare.
“Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay na para bang walang iba sa piling mo, nasan ka man sigaw ng puso ko ay ang pangalan mo,”
Hindi naman tanga si Iwaizumi Hajime, alam na alam niya na hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan, may naka-reserbang lugar si Ushijima Wakatoshi sa puso ni Oikawa Toruu at kahit kailan hinding hindi niya kayang palitan si Wakatoshi. Pero he swore, he wished, he said it to his face instead of a fucking text messgae.
“Kei, kanta mo ata yung next,” Tooru immediately said right after his song finished, trying to move as quickly as possible as to tear the attention away from him and how almost lackluster his singing was—unusual from his crazy dramatic karaoke singing.
“Ha?” Tsukishima stood up hesitantly, hands shaking as he was passed the cold microphone. “Hindi ako nag-input ng kanta, Kuya pokpok,” he raised a brow, reading the song title. Whoever picked that song for him, would suffer the consequences later.
“Ako yung nag-input,” Bokuto grinned mischievously.
“You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen, you took me back in time to when I was unbroken,”
Tsukishima’s voice started out shaky, the lyrics were far too revealing of his current disposition. The closed off, aloof boy stood stiff as a board but his singing was telling the story in itself.
“Minahal ka talaga ‘nun, kahit pinaasa mo yan, kahit sinaktan mo yan, di niya kayang magalit sayo,” Daichi’s words from earlier echoed in each team captains’ heads—no matter how hurt, no matter how absolutely crushed Kei was, just the sight of Kuroo smiling acted as a temporary painkiller, as if he was constantly being blind sighted by the way the corner of Kuroo’s lips turned up, the right side always higher than the other, like some sort of smirk-smile hybrid.
“Now you're all I want and I knew it from the very first moment, 'cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again,”
Many have called Tsukishima Kei and Iwaizumi Hajime masochists, how they all stayed in their respective relationships even through the pain and the inevitability of the end. But wouldn’t you let the storm suffocate you when the calm before it was far too beautiful? When the calm was filled with a garden of roses and a sea of promises?
Many have called Kei and Hajime masochists but they’d do it all over again—they’d let themselves drown in that song all over again, with no hesitation.
“I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me, like it was a private show,”
There will always be a Kenma Kozume. There will always be an Ushijima Wakatoshi. There will always be a special spot in their hearts for the one person that taught them how to love.
But God, the way Kuroo looked at Kei, it was almost painful with how much care his eyes held. The way Oikawa held Iwaizumi in his arms made him feel like no one else can feel like home ever again, just temporary hotels.
Every “I’ll see you tomorrow,” and every “I love you,” was always meant for another person and they’ve half accepted it but God, it felt and sounded so genuine, as if it was really for them.
“I know you never saw me, when the lights come on and I’m on my own, will you be there to sing it again? Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories? Can I be him?”
Hajime felt an arm lay itself across his shoulders, looking over at the owner he saw Akaashi’s sympathetic smile, knowing well the feeling of falling for your own best friend but that’s where the similarities end, doesn’t it? Bokuto fell for him too but Tooru? Never.
He woke up one day and he was alone, the dream like state of finally having Oikawa Tooru disappeared as fast as it came.
“Can I be him?”
Hajime quietly sang along, knowing full well how many times he listened to it the first week Tooru left him. It was always the best and the worst when a song tells your story exactly, word for word, lyric by lyric.
“Can I be him?”
Maybe he needed to hook up with someone else too. Take Oikawa’s advice and get himself his very own rebound but he knew he could never put someone through what he went through.
“Can I be him?”
At the end of the day, his heart, his every being would always keep coming back to Tooru.
“Suga dedicate ka naman ng song kay ate Shimizu, bidyohan namin dali!”
And the night went on, the night was young, and the night was filled with too many drinks to spare, too many songs to sing, and too many stories to tell.
3:01 AM
Hajime looked up from his phone, groaning as he leaned his head back. Lowbat.
Untangling himself from underneath the blankets Ushijima had lent them, he rummaged through his cousin’s bag, looking for a charger. The room was dark and it was cold, it smelled of alcohol and it smelled of happiness.
Comforting. It was comforting.
Pushing the adapter into the plug on the wall, a blinking red battery symbol appeared on the screen of his phone, signaling him that it was charging. Sighing, he stayed crouched down on the floor for a moment, watching the screen slowly fade back to black—watching the full moon reflect itself on the phone, pale yellow light wrapping the dark room through the glass doors and windows of the house.
The living room was quiet, a different ambiance from the deafening chaos earlier, the boys who were so full of energy earlier were now passed out on the ground, head buried deep in soft pillows.
A pale blue vintage radio sat on a windowsill, quietly playing late night radio, providing even the slightest of sound for the sleeping boys, accompanying them in their dreams.
With the slightest sigh, Hajime pushed himself off the ground, shivering ever so slightly when the cold of the night finally settled itself into his bones. Early morning temperatures were never his favorite, even when he often woke up at 5 am for his morning runs.
With a few strides, he reached over and took his hoodie, pulling it over his thin muscle tee to provide just a little bit more warmth, walking up to the sliding glass doors leading out towards the backyard, he stopped for a moment, patting the pouch of his hoodie for his pack of Marlboro.
Kicking old habits was something Iwaizumi was never good at; drinking, smoking, and even Oikawa. His vices had a vice grip on him.
Stepping outside, Hajime cursed under his breath, fighting the urge to slam the door open once again and slip back under the warmth of his comforters.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
Hajime whipped his head back, seeing Oikawa sitting on a poolside lounger, phone in his hands, some random spotify playlist playing quietly.
The sight before him almost took his breathe away—Oikawa’s usually perfectly styled hair was just a little bit messy from laying on his pillow, cheeks and the tips of his nose were bright red from the extreme temperatures nipping on his skin, lips parted ever so slightly, exhaling puffs of air. Not to mention the ethereal way the moonlight shone onto him, lights reflecting off the pool’s water and caustic ripples projecting onto his pale skin.
“No, you?”
Hajime gave him the faintest of smiles, reaching deep into his pockets to grab his last stick of cigar, placing it between his lips as he covered the tip with the palm of his hands, igniting his lighter.
Tooru opened his mouth, trying to look for the right words to say, trying to find the right sentence to explain what was going on with him, why sleep just couldn’t visit him, but even as he tried, even as he racked through all the vocabulary he knew—he just couldn’t vocalize whatever what he felt and whatever was bothering him.
It was so uncharacteristic of him, the captain who always knew what to say.
He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, and closed it again, like some fish out of water.
“I get it,” Hajime inhaled his favorite death stick, holding it in his lungs for a moment as he continued to talk. “Were your thoughts bothering you?” exhaling, the familiar note of roasted coffee and smoke was left on his tongue.
Tooru hummed, still deep in thought trying to figure out his feelings.
“Kilala kita, Toto,” Hajime sat down on the lounger next to Oikawa, “Sobrang dalas mo mag over think and alam kong ang tagal na nating di nagkaka-usap ng maayos pero best friend mo parin ako, To,”
Oikawa didn’t answer verbally, only waving his hands in front of his face to dissipate the almost suffocating smoke that Hajime had light heartedly puffed onto his direction.
“That’s the problem, Haj, best friend mo lang ako,”
Silence fell upon them.
Oikawa leaned back, a hand slowly coming up to cover his mouth, the realization of what he just said was gradually catching up to him.
But Iwaizumi was faster to realize.
“Pinaglalaruan mo ba ‘ko, Oikawa? Hindi ba ikaw yung nagsabi na gusto mo best friends parin tayo?” Hajime asked, a bitter smile on his lips, the cigarette between his fingers suddenly begged to be smoked in under a second, it begged to be finished.
“No—God no, it’s not like that,” Tooru quickly said.
“It’s just,” Tooru hesitated to voice out what he finally settled on, what he finally decided his feelings really were. “It’s just that I guess the only reason I keep coming back to Ushijima is because it’s—familiarity,”
Oikawa fiddled with the phone in his hand.
“He was all of my firsts and alam mo yan,” Hajime scoffed, of course hew knew. He watched the only guy he ever loved fall for another person right in front of his eyes.
“He was all of my first pero siguro…siguro nasanay lang talaga ako na siya yung kapiling ko kahit hindi ko naman talaga siya mahal,”
“Pero Haj, hindi ko na talaga alam kasi hinahanap ko yung bati mo tuwing umaga, hinihintay ko yung tawag mo sa gabi, namimiss ko yung uuwi tayo nang sabay tapos magkatabi pa sa jeep,” The look in Tooru’s eyes softened as he remembered all those times, memories he’s been holding so close to his chest.
“Hindi ko na talaga alam sa sarili ko pero hinahanap hanap kita kahit kasama ko si Ushi, it’s your hands that my own want to hold,” Tooru shook at his own confession, “And that scares me slightly kasi I already broke your heart, right? So sino ba ako para humingi pa ng isa pang chance? Natatakot ako kasi ayaw kong mawala ka sa buhay ko,”
Another silence once again wrapped around them, the spotify app in Oikawa’s phone had long been closed.
For a moment, Iwaizumi stood still, silent, unresponsive as he took another inhale of his cigarette.
“Kahit gustuhin ko man, hinding hindi kita kayang iwanan, Toto,” as he exhaled the smoke, Hajime finally looked over at Oikawa, taking in his nervous, almost anxious figure fidgeting beside him.
“Kahit gustuhin ko man, hindi ko kayang hindi ka mahalin,”
At those words, Tooru tore his gaze away from the mesmerizing pool of water and up towards Hajime’s intense irises.
“Matapang kang tao, Tooru, alam ko yan, pero pag dating sa pag-ibig, ang duwag duwag mo,”
“Oo na, I get it, I’m a coward pero when it’s our friendship and entire relationship at risk? Hindi ako pwedeng hindi mag ingat,”
Hajime analyzed the way Tooru’s usually brown eyes dart up towards the moon, to the ground, to the plants behind him, and finally back up to Hajime, bottom lip caught between his teeth, knuckles almost going white from how tight he was holding his phone.
“Malakas ka sakin, To,” Hajime smiled, “Malakas ka sakin kasi mahal kita,”
Those two dreaded words broke him down, it broke Oikawa and his walls down and he didn’t care, he could be as vulnerable as he wanted to be in front of Iwaizumi Hajime and he knew the ace wouldn’t care, he could be as vulnerable as possible and he knew Hajime would never hurt him.
“Bakit ba ang hirap hirap aminin na mahal din kita? Haj, bakit? Sobrang takot ako magmahal ulit pero alam ko ikaw yung gusto ko,” Oikawa tried to laugh through his tears but it only made him sob harder, covering his face with both his hands. He felt Hajime sit down beside him, the familiar musky, boyish scent mixed with that smell of smoke and alcohol invaded his senses.
“Ang rupok ko pag ikaw yung usapan pero natotorpe ako bigla bigla,” He leaned closer to Iwaizumi, feeling the man’s strong arms wrap themselves around him, protecting him against his warm chest.
“Hindi ko na talaga alam, Haj, pagod na pagod na kong isipin, nakaka-asar kasi di ko talaga maintindihan sarili ko,” his words were barely audible, his throat choked up but Hajime still understood every word.
“Pwede naman nating dahan dahanin,” Hajime brought one hand up to smooth down Tooru’s hair. “Kahit gaano katagal, handa akong maghintay para sayo, handa akong masaktan nang paulit-ulit basta alam kong saakin ka rin mapupunta,” placing a kiss on the top of Tooru’s head, Hajime pulled him impossibly closer.
“Pwede mo ba akong samahan?” his request was quiet but his grip on Hajime’s arms were loud and clear.
“Kahit saan, sasamahan kita, basta ikaw,”
“Wag mo ‘kong iiwan, Haj ha?”
“Basta wag mo na rin ako iiwanan ulit, pangga,”
“I’m sorry talaga, Haj, pero promise talaga, hindi na mauulit,” Oikawa whimpered
This time, the silence was comforting, it was re-assuring, it was serendipitous.
“Nilalamig ka ba, pangga? Naka t-shirt ka lang tsaka pajamas, baka magkasakit ka niyan,” Iwaizumi tilted his head back slightly, a motion that told Oikawa that this boy was going to get up and get him a jacket if he wanted to but Oikawa only shook his head, melting back into his arms.
It was no longer cold. It was, in fact, warm—Hajime’s arms were warm, his kisses were warm, his presence was warm.
“Let’s just stay like this, I missed you so fucking much,” Oikawa inhaled his scent, “And stop smoking, I already told you I hate the smell,” he pouted, looking up at Hajime with his puppy eyes.
“Titigil na po, kaya nga lang po ako nag-yoyosi ulit kasi nga wala na akong goodmorning kiss,” Hajime rolled his eyes with a smile.
Oikawa, with no hesitation and without any second thought, stretched up to press his lips against Iwaizumi’s. It felt like home. It felt like the sun peaking over the horizons, it felt like the first drop of water after a long long week in the desert, It felt like heaven.
Hajime’s hands shot up to hold the back of Tooru’s neck, pulling him in deeper into the kiss, savoring the taste of his lips, as if he was scared the moment it ended, he’d forget the taste of bubblegum and the hint of beer on his lips.
Parting a bit, Oikawa closed his eyes and savored the feeling of having Hajime so near.
“Good morning,” Tooru whispered against Hajime’s lips.
“Nagkabalikan na ba kayo?” their moment was ruined by Sugawara’s groggy voice, turning both their heads back to the house, they saw a few of their friends standing there, obviously they had just woken up, most of the first years were still asleep, save for Yamaguchi and Shirabu.
“Exclusive,” Hajime answered.
“Pero walang label?”
“Wala pa nga, liligawan ko pa ‘to ulit,”
Mattsun made a sound, “Ulul tapos next week may label na sila,”
“’Nu kaya yon, exclusive pero walang label?” Hanamaki made a face at the two.
“Hoy, walang ebas mga na fall sa fuck buddy nila,” Oikawa loudly retaliated, causing Makki to almost run up to where they both sat, only being held back by Keiji.
“Ba’t ba gising kayo?” Hajime asked, pulling Oikawa’s head to his chest when he noticed the look Ushijima was giving them; it was bittersweet, almost as if he already knew this was going to happen.
“Nagutom si ‘Tarou kaya pupunta kami McDo, may papabili ba kayo?” Keiji gave his cousin an amused look, a smirk barely playing on his lips.
“The usual lang po, ‘Kashi,” Tooru mumbled, “Same lang kami ni Tooru ng order and coffee na rin,” Hajime added, Keiji only nodded for confirmation but the teasing smirk on his face still didn’t dissipate.
“Sige, papa Jimboy,” Akaashi dragged Bokuto and Makki back inside the house and probably straight to where Kuroo’s car was parked. “Lalasunin ko talaga pagkain mo, Oikawa Tooru, bwiset ka!” Makki yelled, only for his mouth to be stuffed with Mattsun’s face towel.
“Ingay mo, Makmak, pag tayo nireklamo ng kapitbahay ni Papa Ushi, ewan ko na lang,”
Ushijima stayed behind though, staring at the two’s hugging figures. Sa pamamahay pa niya talaga.
“I’m happy for you,” Wakatoshi shot the both of them a forced smile, turning around to follow the other’s to Kuroo’s car. There was a numbing pain in his chest that he couldn’t describe, it was foreign and it was weird, but it wasn’t new, per se. He had already felt this type of numbing pain back when Oikawa left him, he had already felt it when he and Iwaizumi got together, and he already felt it earlier when he saw the absolute longing and yearning behind Tooru’s eyes.
Ushijima left as fast as he appeared.
Oikawa smiled slightly. They haven’t healed yet, not fully, but this was the start of that process.
Turning on his phone, Tooru took a photo of the upper half of his face showing Iwaizumi pressing another kiss against his temple, and the stars shining brightly above them.
This one’s mine. He captioned it, posting the obviously cuddly selfie onto his instagram story.
Tooru knew it probably already had a hundred or more views, multiple people might have even screenshotted it and spread it around twitter, and that was what Oikawa exactly wanted. Hajime was his best friend. Hajime was his.
“I’m happy because of you,” Oikawa confessed, locking eyes with Hajime once again.
This was home.