Chapter Text
Prologue
15th July 2019
“You will always be my best friend.” Lena whispered to Kara in a hushed tone and tear-filled eyes before embracing her in a tight hug, though the words rang hollow in Lena’s head forcing the anger and hurt right down into box that was fit to bursting with the amount forced into it. The remaining Pulitzer Award ceremony passed by in a blur of false smiles and honeyed words but all Lena wanted to do was to leave, leave and process everything that she has heard tonight.
Kara Danvers is Supergirl
Supergirl is Kara Danvers
She left without saying goodbye to anyone wanting to be alone with her thoughts for the time being. The drive back to Lena’s penthouse apartment was short and didn’t give her much time to mull over all the thoughts and emotions running through her head; thoughts about betrayal…deceit…trust. Emotions she had boxed away, categorized for each individual person who she was close to, which wasn’t a very big list now that she considered it; slowly coming undone and falling apart.
Lena slipped off her tall heels once she got into her penthouse, relishing in the relief of the movement. Making her way to the bar she poured herself a large scotch and downed it in one then poured herself another one before making herself comfortable on her empty couch in her empty apartment. Realising the silence in her apartment she instructed H.O.P.E to play some music to fill the empty rooms. Music had always helped her to hear the emotions she was afraid to express herself. Her boxes of emotions slowly becoming looser and looser falling apart as she listened to the music and sipped at her scotch.
The boxes finally broke.
For the first time since she was a little girl Lena Luthor embraced all the emotions she had bottled up over the years, after all if being emotionally centred was good to your mind then she might as well give it a go. After all it was all the strong emotions that Kara felt about her that made her keep her secret for 4 years in the first place. So, one by one each emotion and the thoughts that accompanied it reared its ugly head and Lena embraced it with open arms.
The first was anger and betrayal, she was fucking furious with Kara for hiding the secret for so long, realising the person she was closest to in her whole life was spouting false words and half-hearted excuses, that the people she thought of an almost found family in the group of friends that surrounded Kara had been letting her play the part of the fool for so long. She wanted to desperately to cut ties with them all now that she’s out of the darkness and into the light in the worst possible way imaginable.
The next lot of thoughts that arrived was the reasoning for them lying to her for so long; was it because she was a Luthor? Was it because they were afraid that she’d become just like Lex, a mad psychotic Villain hell bent on beating her Super counterpart like he was to his? She could never hurt Kara as much as she wanted to, she just couldn’t.
Hurt, despair and regret. Those were the next emotions that crashed over Lena like a tidal wave, she was so hurt; hurt that the woman she…. she…. she has strong feelings for lied to her for so long. She wasn’t ready to admit THOSE kinds of feelings herself just yet. After all who would want to be near someone who hurts everything she touches; she could not do that to Kara, not drag someone so happy and carefree, someone who sees the best in everyone she meets down to her level. She just wished that she could go back in time, to not be a Luthor and carry all that baggage with that name. to meet Kara a different way or find out sooner, sure she would be hurt a bit, but a few weeks would be better than not knowing for 4 years and losing her best friend.
There was one last box Lena needed to open and embrace with all her heart.
Once the tidal wave of emotions has subsided, Lena felt lighter than she had in years, ruined make-up be damned from the embarrassing amount of crying she a just done, Lillian would have been so disappointed for her embracing her feelings but in all honesty, fuck her. Finishing the remains of her scotch, Lena checked her phone for any last messages and email before turning in for the night, there was a few congratulatory emails and texts for her speech at the award ceremony and one message from Kara.
Kara (11:00pm):
Hi Lena! You left the awards ceremony early without saying goodbye and I didn’t get to say a true thank you for the speech you gave about me even though you were going through a lot with the whole Supergirl reveal, I’m reallly sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. If you have any questions please ask me.
Love U,
Kara Zor-El xxxx
Lena had to supress the small smile threatening to make its way to her lips seeing the text message on her phone. She quickly typed out a response to the text which would hopefully buy her some time to get what she needed done, see just because she’s embracing…most of her emotions does not mean that she is any good and voicing them. Since music helped her unlock her emotions again, maybe it can help voice them as well. She knows how to sing thanks to Lillian and learning a few instruments plus making music videos to accompany her covers of songs shouldn’t be too difficult right? She’s Lena Kieran Luthor, she can do anything she puts her mind to.
Lena (11:10pm):
Hi Kara, sorry for leaving early without saying goodbye, just needed some time to collect my thoughts and put everything into perspective. I welcome the offer for any questions that I may have regarding you. But this is something I need to sort out on my own, so all I ask is that you give me the time and space I need, I will message you when I am ready to talk.
Love U too
Lena XX
Lena sighed in contentment at the message she had sent. Now was not the time for not looking back, it was to get started on telling everyone who she holds close how she feels about them, herself and one beautiful blue-eyed reporter/superhero/best friend….?