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“He’s here again.”
“Are you sure? Wasn’t he here yesterday?”
“I’m telling you, he’s here!”
“They’re awfully close, those two.”
“I know. But, we’re just concerned. It’s our Song Lan, after all.”
“What a sweet, darling boy. He should be careful who he’s inviting into his home.”
“That boy is lucky to have us looking out for him.”
For a group seemingly trying to keep their chatter discreet and out of earshot, the neighbourhood aunties sure did not care one bit whether Xue Yang can actually hear them or not. In fact, it almost seemed as if they wanted him to hear. This was some sort of a shovel talk, and, after a month of dating Song Lan, one would think he would get used to not-so-hushed voices talking about him and keeping track of his every move.
Xue Yang is pretty certain Xingchen does not get nearly the same treatment. Oh no, surely not the wonderful, perfect, polite Xingchen. A part of him dreads the day he officially moves in and they gather in groups around the moving truck as the three of them desperately try to figure out where to put all the stuff. Xue Yang himself doesn’t have that many things, but Xingchen… he might be the love of his life, but the man seems to be a hamster. Though Xingchen would prefer to be called a collector. Figures, the man collected two whole boyfriends. And then left them for weeks to fend for themselves.
He scowls and shuffles through Song Lan’s door, leaving the aunties and the neighbours to talk amongst themselves.
He walks in and expects to be greeted by a familiar pitter-patter of paws on the floor. It doesn’t happen, which is strange. Song Lan should be back from the walk already.
“Babe? We’re in the bathroom, Goose found a relaxing mud bath on the way, could you grab me one of her towels from the dryer downstairs?” He hears Song Lan shout from the bathroom upstairs.
Babe? Does he think Xingchen’s here? Why would he call Xue Yang babe ?
“It’s me!” Xue Yang calls back.
“Yeah, I know.”
Still carrying the same scowl first caused by the group of aunties, Xue Yang makes his way to the laundry room and grabs the towel for the dog. Song Lan likes to warm up Big Head’s towels for some reason, claiming it’s how she likes it, and Xue Yang never had a dog before, so he wouldn’t know much about stafford preferences. All he knows is that Goose is spoiled rotten and he himself is partially to blame.
He makes his way to the bathroom, skipping two steps at the time. No, it is not because he’s looking forward to seeing Song Lan. Absolutely not.
Song Lan looks up at him from the bathroom floor and the way he does it makes Xue Yang want to scream. There’s something soft in Song Lan’s face, something expectant in the way he lifts his chin up. As if expecting…
No, absolutely not. Xue Yang will not kiss him. He can be Xingchen’s other boyfriend all he wants, and they can be moving in together, and Xue Yang, even in Xingchen’s absence can be spending most of his time at Song Lan’s place -- his future home, but Song Lan and Xue Yang do not have the kind of relationship where they’d kiss each other hello. Or call each other babe, for that matter.
He ducks down and presses his lips against Song Lan’s. His ears feel hot and he no longer feels the need to wear the scowl on his face. In fact, if it weren’t so embarrassing, he’d start smiling immediately.
“The towel,” he says, “for Big Head.”
Goose is patiently standing in the bathtub, tail wagging, looking up at him with her big eyes, and her smiling face. Once again, Xue Yang things how amazing the patience of this dog is; she looks like she wants to jump at him more than anything in the world, but she won’t do so unless Song Lan allows it.
“Thank you,” Song Lan says, but doesn’t take the towel away from Xue Yang. Instead, he scoots over, making room for him. Xue Yang sighs and gets down before drying Goose himself.
“You had fun today, huh Big Head?” His own voice sounds too soft to him. He’s sitting on his boyfriend’s boyfriend’s bathroom floor and cooing at the man’s dog. Ridiculous.
Before Xue Yang even knew what’s been happening, he was already set in a steady routine. Comfortable. Distressingly so. He’s been so comfortable for so long, he forgot how he felt when Xingchen introduced him to Song Lan. How they’d fought. How distressing it was to admit he might like the guy. How difficult it was to talk to Xingchen, the light of his life, about opening up to another person. Xingchen’s ex, at that.
He’s been so comfortable for so long he’d forgotten how hard they all worked to get here. Sleepless nights and long talks and setting boundaries. Accidentally crossing them. Breaking them on purpose. Just to get here, just to be this comfortable.
It’s been difficult to admit that he wants this. Even with just Xingchen in his life. Being allowed in Song Lan’s space has been… a journey. And yet, as they’re quietly eating dinner in front of the TV, as Goose sleeps next to him, Xue Yang feels like he’d never, ever let his go.
“Xingchen’s coming back tomorrow. Did you plan on meeting him at the airport?” Xue Yang starts. His… their boyfriend’s been gone for two weeks. Xue Yang could use some help with moving their entire life here. That’s why he’s asking. Not because he’s been missing him or anything.
“Yeah,” Song Lan makes a pause, and Xue Yang knows he needs to form and carefully mould the words before trying to push them out, “Are… are you coming with me?”
“It’ll be early, I’d have to take the cab.” Xue Yang murmurs, deliberately not looking at Song Lan. He feels Song Lan’s gaze drill into the side of his head.
“I said,” Song Lan starts again, slowly. How many times did it piss Xue Yang off, how many times did he think Song Lan was being condescending and cold to him before Xingchen told him Song Lan’s deliberate and slow speech was due to a stutter? Now all he feels is warmth when Song Lan speaks to him and it’s terrifying. “Are you coming with me?”
Xue Yang looks at him. Song Lan’s concentrated gaze feels as if it’s pinning him down-- as if there’s something he’s been missing, something he’s failing to understand and Song Lan is just waiting for him.
“You mean stay the night?”
“Yes.”
“You’re okay with that?”
Song Lan sighs in response and takes Xue Yang’s empty plate away from him, leaving him alone with Goose in soon-to-be their living room. She sighs in her sleep, and Xue Yang scratches her behind the ear.
When Song Lan comes back, he’s holding a cup of hot cocoa for him.
“Your clothes are on the left side of the closet.”
“A moving truck?”
“Look it’s the guy! And the other one, the shorter one!”
“Are they moving in? But no one from the street moved out..”
“It’s in front of Song Lan’s house.”
“It can’t be… it is!”
“They all seem to be moving in together. Must be that Song Lan is helping his friends.”
“But his place only has one bedroom.”
“How would you know that?!”
Xue Yang shuts the door behind him, effectively shutting off the chatter outside. He sighs before setting down the final box. Great, now all they need to do is unpack. Xingchen immerges from the kitchen, smiling. Xue Yang's heart skips a beat.
"Welcome home, A-Yang!"
"Welcome home, Xingchen," Xue Yang says, unable to mirror Xingchen's grin. They've said these words to each other every time they moved into a new place. It didn't change. He could sing at this moment. So many things have been changing, but this... the two of them didn't.
"Welcome home," Song Lan's voice comes from the kitchen and Xue Yang does not feel tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.
"Your turn to say it, Big Head," he turns to Goose instead. "Speak!"
Goose listens and lets out a bark before wagging her tail so hard her entire behind wiggles with it. She's cute. She slobbers all over his face as soon as he squats down to say hello.
It feels like home.
He wakes in the middle of the night, warm. He hears Goose snoring from somewhere at the foot of the bed before becoming aware there are two bodies pressed against him, one at each side. There's a hand in his hair and Xue Yang keeps perfectly still. Fingers run through his hair, smoothing it away from his face. Song Lan.
"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry," Song Lan whispers, stopping.
"No. Don't stop that."
Even in the darkness, he feels like he knows this guy is smiling. It makes Xue Yang want to both pull closer and hide his face in Song Lan's neck and punch Song Lan in the gut. He doesn't do either of those. He feels warm. He feels safe. He feels Song Lan's hand in his hair and Xingchen's hand on his stomach. He feels the words he'd never said to Song Lan before bubble in his throat.
He doesn't say them.
He promises that, soon, he will.
He's home.
He feels like he's finally home.