Chapter Text
ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt
: the fates lead the willing and drag the unwilling
Surprisingly, Jude didn’t hate college. Far from it. While most students would hate waking up early or rushing to a class that was halfway across campus or staying up late to study, Jude never did. She never shook when she was forced to present in front of her classes, her hands on her paper as still as a frozen lake, and she was never anxious before an exam like all her peers seemed to be.
Jude was perfectly fine with her new life at college.
Her peers, however, made Jude want to tear her hair out. They were too loud, too brash, too fake for her liking. She had only been at Elfhame University for three weeks and she already knew she was not going to make many, if any, friends. And why would she need to? Her twin sister, Tayrn, was in the same year as her, and her other sister, Vivi, was a fourth year. Why would she need anyone else when she had them?
She’d told them more times than she could count that she didn’t plan on making nice with anyone. Yet they still hounded her on befriending someone, anyone , even being on speaking terms with one of the janitors, Vivi had said, would make them happy.
Jude wasn’t sure how to explain it to her sisters. She wasn’t opposed to making friends, but everyone she’d met at Elfhame had annoyed her. Taryn would call her picky, but Jude thought it was reasonable to be wary of new people. No one at her college seemed to stand out to her.
At that thought, Jude’s eyes dropped from the blank whiteboard at the front of the class to the head of messy, black hair that was seated one seat in front her, a little lower down due to the lecture hall seating.
That wasn’t the truth. There was one person that stood out to Jude. But she would never, ever become friends with him.
The boy in question sat one row in front of Jude in their shared english class, a GE class she hadn’t expected to like. There was no arranged seating in the class, like most of Jude’s college classes, but she was always able to get the same seat every time. As did the boy. Something about habit or comfort or something, she assumed. The boy sat slightly to Jude’s left, meaning she could watch his side profile whenever her eyes wandered in boredom when the professor didn’t seem to realize he’d been speaking nonstop for the past thirty minutes. It was hard not to be drawn to her classmate, with his black hair and sharp jawline. She’d heard some of her classmates claim that because he was a student from out of the country it made him more interesting. Jude knew the other girls and guys in the class felt the same way, but that was where the similarities stopped.
While the other people in the class batted their eyelashes at him, trying to get his attention, Jude wanted nothing more than for him to drop out. She wanted to beat him because, for a reason Jude could only chalk up to luck, the boy always seemed to be one point above her, stealing the best grade in their class right from under her nose.
Vivi would’ve scoffed at her and said it was just a petty rivalry. Jude still had the second highest grade in the class. Why worry that only one person was doing better than her in a class of about one hundred students? It did seem foolish, but it was the principle of the thing.Her classmate didn’t deserve the best grade in the class. He was rude. He barely spoke to anyone besides the professor, as if he believed he was better than everyone else, and when he answered a question in his British accent, his rough voice was dripping with a condescending tone. When he spoke, it took everything in Jude not to leap over her row and smack him in the back of the head with her seven hundred-page textbook.
Jude well and truly hated Cardan Greenbriar.
She leaned back in her chair and waited for class to start, watching Cardan tap his pen against his opened notebook, his chin resting in his hand. Every so often, he glanced at the clock. The action pissed her off for some reason. Why was he so worried about class starting on time? They all had to start at the same time, it wasn’t like he was the only one being affected. Jude almost rolled her eyes. Every little thing Cardan did irked her.
The door to the classroom opened and Jude looked up to see Cardan’s friend, Nicasia, walk in and sit down beside him. She whispered something into his ear and laughed. Cardan frowned and leaned away from her.
Jude glared at him. She didn’t like Nicasia. She was always too loud and disruptive, but she was Cardan’s friend. So why wasn’t he laughing? Did he not have a sense of humor either? Jude almost scoffed. That wouldn’t be surprising.
Cardan opened his mouth to say something to Nicasia when the professor walked in, apologizing for being late. With that, Cardan closed his mouth and turned away from Nicasia, focusing on the front of the classroom. The lecture started and Jude dragged her eyes away from Cardan, willing herself to pay attention.
The class went on like any other. The professor lectured about a short story they’d been assigned to read the night before and asked questions while Jude rushed to write down everything in her notebook.
When there were five minutes left of class, the professor announced there was going to be a project due at the end of the semester. As he spoke, he passed out a sheet of paper to each row.
“I want you to find a main theme in any story that’s on this list and explain how it relates to the human condition.”
The boy next to Jude handed her a few sheets of paper and she thanked him quietly. She took one and handed the rest off to the girl on her left.
“This will certainly be a big part of your grade,” the professor continued, now back at the front of the classroom.
Jude’s gaze snagged on Cardan’s head as she turned back to the front of the room. As if sensing her eyes on him, Cardan turned his head ever so slightly and looked at Jude, blinking at her. She snapped her eyes up, ignoring the heat rushing to her cheeks. From the corner of her eye, she saw Cardan frown and turn away.
“And remember,” the professor said, “Whoever has the highest grade at the end of the semester will be chosen to moderate a panel and speak with a group of famous authors, a few of whom we will talk about this year.”
That perked Jude up. That was the main reason she couldn’t stand the sight of Cardan. Every time they turned in an assignment, the professor would say the name of whoever was now at the top of the class. It was a silly thing, a way to make the class fun, but so far it had only been switching between Jude and Cardan, with Cardan taking up the number one spot a few more times than her.
Jude wanted nothing more than to secure the number one spot. With this project, she could beat him, and it would look good on her resume.
It was a win-win situation.
“I’ll give you until next week to pick your partner!” the professor called out over the sounds of backpacks being zipped up.
Wait, what?
Jude snapped her head up, missing the last few instructions the professor had mentioned. As the rest of the class picked up their things and filed out, Jude stayed behind. She caught sight of Cardan glancing at her before the lecture hall door closed behind him. She felt her face burn in embarrassment. He probably assumed she was staying after class for extra help. She didn’t need extra help and Cardan should be well aware of that.
The professor looked up from his laptop and smiled at Jude. “Something you need? Sorry, I’m still getting used to new faces. Jude, right?”
Jude nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, at the end. We have to work in pairs?”
The professor nodded and straightened up from where he’d been leaning over his desk. “It’s a big project and I think it’s important to be able to collaborate with people. It’s an important skill in the workplace.”
Jude nodded. She’d heard that spiel before. This meant she’d have to rely on someone else to get a grade that she knew she could easily get if she worked by herself. She wanted to win more than anything and she didn’t want anyone dragging her down. Cardan would likely partner with Nicasia, and Jude knew Nicasia wasn’t that far behind her when it came to grades.
At her silence, the professor added, “I can help you find a partner, if that’s what’s worrying you.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll find someone,” she replied, wondering who the hell she would ask. “Thank you, professor,” she added, before moving away from his desk. Jude walked out of the room but not before noticing the TA’s eyes on her as she left.
_______
Jude set her food down hard on the table, causing Taryn to jump.
“Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” she snapped, moving over to give Jude room.
Jude and Taryn, and sometimes Vivi, usually ate lunch together whenever their schedules aligned. They ate in Hollow Hall, the dining hall, a room with an arched ceiling, wooden chairs and tables, and chandeliers that gave the room a haunting feel at night. In the day, the big glass windows brought in the light from outside.
Like the rest of the school, it reminded Jude of a church. It felt sacrilegious to eat her sandwich and drink her coffee under the large stained glass window that marked the back of the hall.
Today, Taryn was sitting with her other friends, a Sophomore and a Junior Jude could never remember the names of. She’d tried to befriend them at the start of the year, but they’d always been more drawn to Taryn than to her.
Jude and Taryn shared the same face, but that didn’t matter. Jude was like a piece of rock that had been broken off from a hillside while Taryn was a shiny crystal that had been dug out from deep within the ground. They were both earth, but it was obvious who was more likeable.
As if to prove this, Jude asked through a mouthful of food, “Have you seen Vivi?” which earned her an annoyed look from one of Taryn’s friends.
Taryn took a bite of her own sandwich, swallowing before she spoke. “Not recently. I think she went to visit Heather at work.”
One of Taryn’s friends made a cooing sound, her fork stuck in her salad. “Your sister and her girlfriend are so cute.”
Taryn’s other friend, the one who’d glared at Jude’s awful manners, nodded in agreement. “And their marks are adorable. I’d kill to have one as unique as theirs.”
So would I, Jude thought.
Her words, etched into her skin just above her heart, were written in a neat scrawl that simply read, Hello. They were the first words her soulmate would say to her. To say the least, she’d never been excited to meet her soulmate since she’d learned to read. Unlike Vivi, who had the words, The scene with the dinosaurs was my favorite, on her wrist, Jude had been cursed with a word so common she’d lost track of how many people had said it.
Once, long ago, in a house Jude hadn’t lived in for years, her mother had told her that having a soulmark close to your heart meant your love was going to be stronger than most. That their love would be beautiful. Jude had been young and begging for a sign that she’d find her soulmate one day, so she’d believed her mother at the time. Her parents’ words were on their biceps, closer to their hearts than Taryn’s or Vivi’s words.
It’s a beautiful thing, her mother had whispered, her voice quiet because Taryn and Vivi were asleep on the couch.
And yet her parents had died young and left their three daughters alone. That didn’t seem beautiful to Jude.
Then Jude, Taryn, and Vivi had been adopted by Madoc and his wife and she’d gained a brother. Oak had been a light in the dark for her during that time. When Vivi and Madoc were fighting or Madoc’s wife, Oriana, was making snarky comments at Jude’s expense, she’d go play with Oak. She loved Oak with all her heart and had cried the day she’d left for college, knowing he’d be without her for months.
After her parents had died, Jude had forgotten about her soulmark for a few years until Vivi had met her soulmate, Heather, at their local comic book store. Jude had decided then that she would greet everyone she met with a ‘Hi, I’m Jude Duarte’ so whoever had that etched above their heart would know she was their soulmate even if she couldn’t be sure they were hers.
As the topic switched from soulmarks to annoying professors, Jude dropped her hand that had been absently rubbing the mark above her heart.
Taryn caught her eye and gave her a kind smile. Only Jude’s family knew how much she hated talking about soulmarks and soulmates. Out of everyone in her family, her words were the worst. Even Taryn’s were better. Stretched across her left hip bone were the words, Care to dance? It wasn’t an uncommon phrase like Vivi’s, but Jude would have done anything to trade with Taryn.
Jude finished her sandwich, her mood somehow worse now than it had been when she’d learned she’d have to do a partner project. She nudged Taryn’s shoulder and stood up.
“Come on, practice starts in thirty minutes and I need to drop off my backpack and get changed,” she said.
Taryn nodded and stood up, too. She collected her trash and waved goodbye to her friends. Jude didn’t bother saying bye. She took off and waited for Taryn to catch up.
“You could try being nicer,” Taryn muttered as they walked out of the dining hall and out into the courtyard. “It wouldn’t hurt to make friends.”
“Why do I need to?” Jude asked. “I have you and Vivi.”
“You might not always have us.”
“What?” Jude said, rolling her eyes. “Planning on dying any time soon?”
Taryn stuck out her chin. “Maybe.”
They crossed the main courtyard and headed toward the dorms. At first, Jude had thought she would hate living in the dorms. They were tall buildings, with grey stone and vines that curled up the left side. The right side of their dorm building had a turret, though she assumed it was more for show than function. Every part of the campus seemed like it had been pulled from a fairytale about princesses and princes. Except the insides. Inside the dorms, it looked like any ordinary dorm housing young adults. There was a communal kitchen on each floor, communal showers, and a lounge that had enough outlets to keep everyone happy.
Taryn had found the castle style charming. Jude had found it pretentious.
They made their way up to their shared dorm room, Taryn waving to people she knew every so often. When they finally reached the room, Jude tossed her backpack on the ground and grabbed her soccer uniform.
Taryn wrinkled her nose. “Have you washed those yet?”
“I’ll wash them when we get back,” she said. When Taryn’s scowl didn’t leave her face, Jude added, “It’s fine! I’m going to sweat in them anyway.”
She took her clothes into the bathroom and changed out of her sweater and jeans and into the dark green jersey she’d been given by the university.
The only way she’d been able to afford attending Elfhame was by getting a scholarship. Her high school counselor had told her straight A’s weren’t enough and had advised Jude to join a sports team. Vivi had done track and Taryn had been talking about joining the soccer team. Since Vivi was due to graduate that year, Jude had decided to join the soccer team with Taryn.
Jude had ended up becoming captain the next school year.
She left the bathroom and put her hair up into a ponytail as Taryn took her place and changed into her own uniform.
A knock sounded at the door and Jude opened it to find a short girl standing before her. She had dark skin and white curly hair, and she was wearing the Elfhame soccer uniform.
“Hello,” the girl grinned, showing off a row of white teeth.
Hello.
That was the first word her soulmate would say to her. Jude’s heart leapt with hope. Could this girl be her soulmate?
“I’m Jude Duarte,” she said, her body tense, waiting for the girl’s response.
“I know,” the girl said, still smiling.
I know? Did she mean- Was this- Could she really be-
“Your sister told me.”
Everything in Jude’s body felt like it had fallen to her feet. This girl wasn’t her soulmate. Of course she wasn’t. Jude wanted to smack her head against the door.
Taryn came out of the bathroom and smiled when she saw the girl outside.
“Liliver!” she called, running out to hug her.
It clicked then that Jude had seen this girl before. She was on their soccer team. Number 12, Jude recalled. It seemed like Taryn already knew everyone’s name and family and star sign. Probably.
It was only the third week of the semester. Jude would learn her teammates’ names eventually. Hopefully.
The girl pulled away and pouted at Taryn.
“I told you to call me The Bomb.”
Taryn smiled warmly. “You also told me to call your boyfriend The Roach, which he didn’t want.” She laughed at the girl’s expression and said, “I think I’ll just stick with Lili.”
Lili sighed. “Fine.”
Taryn moved away and gestured to Jude. “This is Jude, my sister,” she said. “Jude this is Lili. She’s on our team and also in my anthropology class.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Lili said, nodding at Jude.
“Likewise,” Jude replied.
Lili looked Taryn up and down and then did the same to Jude. “So, are you guys ready to go?”
“Yup!” Taryn said, clapping her hands together.
Jude grabbed her bag with her cleats and water bottle and followed Taryn out of their room.
Taryn and Lili talked as they made their way to the soccer field. Jude spoke every now and then but mostly left them to talk amongst themselves.
When they arrived, the rest of the team was already on the field. Jude sported Nicasia at the other end of the field, talking to another girl. Jude turned her gaze away from her and waved to a few of her teammates as she sat down on the grass and put on her cleats. Lili sat down next to her and did the same.
She nudged Jude’s shoulder and asked, “Will you call me The Bomb?”
Jude snorted out a laugh and shook her head. “No,” she said honestly.
Lili shrugged and pulled off her shoe. “Worth a shot.”
Jude finished lacing her cleats and stood up, offering a hand to Lili.
Lili smiled and took it.
Their practice went on as it normally did. They warmed up, ran a few drills, talked about strategy, and then cooled down by jogging lightly around the track.
Their coach called out to tell them practice was over and everyone went their separate ways. Jude went over to her bag and changed back into her regular shoes. Taryn walked over to her and nudged her knee with her foot.
“What?” Jude asked.
“Look behind you,” Taryn said quietly.
Jude turned around and saw what Taryn was talking about. She felt anger blossom inside of her.
On one of the bleaches sat Cardan, his head dipped over a book, his dark hair windswept. He was wearing a dark blue coat and black jeans with black pointed boots.
Asshole, Jude thought.
“Why is he here?”
Jude’s eyes were glued to Cardan as Taryn said, “Maybe for Nicasia. I mean, they are friends.”
Jude turned and looked up at her sister, frowning. “How do you know that?”
Now it was Taryn’s turn to look confused. “You told me.” She tilted her head. “You talk about Cardan a lot.”
Jude looked back at him, her eyebrows furrowing deeper. “I do not.”
Taryn snorted. “Sure you don’t.” She nudged Jude’s knee again. “Come on, I have an essay to write.”
Jude stood up and shouldered her bag. They walked past the bleachers and she felt Cardan’s eyes on her as she passed.
She didn’t look his way.
_______
Two days later, Jude lay on her stomach on her bed, her vision swimming as she stared at her laptop screen. She had to read a thirty page article for her history class, but her eyes wouldn’t focus. Practice had run late and she’d needed to print something out in the library before heading back to her dorm room to start her homework. She just wanted to be done with her homework for the night.
“Take a break already,” Vivi said, tossing Taryn’s pillow at Jude’s head.
Jude caught it before it hit her. She threw it back at Vivi, almost knocking her off Taryn’s bed.
“This is due tomorrow,” Jude snapped, turning back to her laptop.
Taryn emerged from the bathroom and pointed at Vivi. “She’s right, you should take a break.” When Jude threw her a dark look, she raised her hands. “I’m just saying, a five minute break might help.”
Jude rolled over onto her back and rubbed her eyes with her palms. “I guess I could take a break.”
“Did Jude just admit she’s wrong?” Heather asked from Taryn’s bed, looking up from her phone. “Tell me someone got that on video.”
Vivi laid her head down on Heather’s lap and played with the hem of her shirt.
“Unfortunately, no,” Vivi replied, sighing dramatically. “And she may never say it again.”
Heather laughed as Vivi pretended to faint, making her body go limp on top of Heather.
“You can come with me to the library if you want,” Taryn said over the sound of giggling. “I have to print something.”
Jude frowned. “I told you I had to print something after practice, why didn’t you come with me then?”
“Oh,” Taryn said, not meeting Jude’s eyes. “Well, I didn’t remember about it until now.”
Jude’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, that was such a lie. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Taryn’s crush is usually studying in the library right about now,” Vivi said casually, now sitting up and leaning against Heather’s shoulder.
“Taryn’s what?” Jude gaped. She sat up and looked at Taryn. “Your what?”
“It’s nothing,” she said, glaring at Vivi. She sighed and added, “There’s just a guy in my econ class that I think is cute, okay? And I noticed he’s normally in the library at this time.”
“Well, that’s not creepy at all,” Jude said. “How do you know that?”
Taryn sat down on her own bed, across from Jude, and leaned back on her hands. “I went in once to talk to a tutor and noticed him sitting at one of the tables. Then the next day I went in to meet up with a friend to study and he was there again.”
“Have you spoken to him yet?” Jude asked, already knowing the answer.
If Taryn had spoken to him and he had said the words that were written across her hip, Jude would’ve already known five seconds after it had happened. But if they had already talked and he hadn’t said her words, then it was pointless to keep crushing on him. He wasn’t her soulmate and, although Jude knew of people who dated even though they had different soulmarks, it was very rare and typically never lasted long.
Taryn shook her head. “No, not yet.”
Vivi leaned forward, suddenly interested. “Oh! What are you going to say to him? It better be something memorable.”
Taryn shrugged, her smile drooping. “My mark says ‘Care to dance,’” she reminded Vivi. “If I talk to him in the library, it’s unlikely he’s going to be my soulmate.”
“Maybe he just wants you to have a cool soulmark,” Vivi replied. “A romantic one! Like mine.”
“Come on,” Taryn said, her smile returning. “Like ‘That’s a really good comic’ are such romantic first words.”
“Hey!” Vivi argued. “How was I supposed to know the cute girl at the comic store was my soulmate?”
“It’s not like Heather’s words were any better,” Jude cut in.
She watched as Vivi flipped her wrist over to show the writing against her pulse. Heather took Vivi’s wrist in her hand and kissed the mark gently. Vivi flushed and Jude looked away, not wanting to intrude on an intimate moment.
She stared down at her bedsheet, running her eyes over the dark blue pattern. At least her sisters’ words would be easy to identify. Jude had been cursed with a common phrase, something that had often led her to believe that almost every person she met could potentially be her soulmate.
She didn’t even have a hint, like Taryn. Taryn at least knew she’d probably meet her soulmate at a dance or at a party, but Jude had nothing. It was like the universe had been laughing at her when she’d been born and had said, Let’s see how this one turns out.
Taryn stood up from her bed and grabbed her phone off the little side table that was situated between their beds.
“I actually do have to print something,” she said. “Anyone want to come with me?”
Vivi stood up and Heather followed suit.
“Sure,” Vivi said, stretching her back and groaning when something popped. Heather made a face. “I want to see your boy.”
“He’s not my boy!” Taryn squeaked and stomped out of the room.
Heather laughed and followed her out. Vivi waited at the door and looked back at Jude where she sat on her bed, laptop still open at her side. She glanced at the laptop.
“Want to come?” Vivi asked. “It really might help to take a break.”
Jude shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m almost done anyway,” she lied.
“Alright, fine,” Vivi said. She closed the door behind her and then opened it a second later. “I’ll text you if Taryn talks to him.”
Jude laughed. “Okay. Keep me updated. Take a video if they dance in the library!” she added before Vivi shut the door.
Jude was left alone in the quiet of the room. She picked up her laptop and propped up her pillows. She leaned back on them and placed her laptop on her lap, attempting to finish her reading. She was able to focus for about five minutes before she felt her eyes start to droop. She threw her head back and groaned. Maybe her sisters were right. Maybe she did need to take a break to clear her head.
Shutting off her laptop and changing into a warmer sweater, Jude left her room. She walked through the hallways and down the stairs. When she stepped out of the building, she shivered. The sky had darkened significantly from the last time she’d been outside, and there was a slight chill in the air, carried by a small breeze.
Jude breathed deeply. The cold was helping to wake her up.
She turned right and started walking toward a park she’d found on her first day at Elfhame.
She’d been forced to make nice with the people in her classes and then the people on who shared the same dorm floor as her. By the time the sun was sinking below the horizon, she’d just wanted a minute to herself. While Taryn had been talking to the people across from their room, Jude had slipped out the door. She’d taken her time, strolling through the campus, seeking out places where she could go to be alone. That was when she’d found the little park, if it could be called that. It was more like a small grass area that just happened to have an old swing set in the middle of it. The park was across the street from the university, not near any buildings or houses. Just tucked away between some trees.
She wouldn’t have spotted the swing set if she hadn’t been looking for a spot exactly like it. That night, she’d stayed there long after the sun had set. When she’d arrived back at her room, guided by her phone flashlight, Taryn and Vivi had been there, waiting for her, yelling about how they had almost contacted the campus police about their missing sister.
Jude headed to the park now, cutting across the grass. There was a lone streetlight near the park, and it faintly glinted against the metal of the swing set. She smiled to herself at the sight. Then her face immediately fell when she saw there was someone sitting on one of the two swings.
It was a boy, in a dark coat and dark jeans, sitting by himself, swinging slightly, looking like he was lost in thought.
Jude crept closer. She tried to catch a glimpse of him, wondering who else knew about her hiding spot. She stepped on a twig, and the boy snapped his head up at the sound. His dark eyes met hers, his body slightly fuzzy as the light in the sky faded.
Oh. It was Cardan.
Jude felt her annoyance flare. Why did Cardan always seem to ruin everything?
Well, she was already there. She wasn’t just going to turn around and leave, and her sisters did say she should try making friends. Maybe she could be friends with Cardan. He was one of the smartest people in her class, surely they could find something in common.
Deciding to make her sisters happy, Jude walked over to the swing set and sat on the only other swing, right beside Cardan. She noticed he was tense and staring at the ground.
“Hi, my name’s Jude Duarte,” she said, waiting for him to recognize her.
He dragged his eyes up and met hers, his ink eyes reflecting the street lamp as if it were the sun. Did he not know who she was? How could he not know? When there was time, their professor would call out grades at the end of almost every class period. Her name had been said almost as many times as Cardan’s had been.
She felt suddenly foolish. Just because she knew who he was, didn’t mean he knew her. He’d been at the top of the class more times than her. Maybe he didn’t see her as a competitor, not like how Jude saw him.
Finally, quelling her thoughts, Cardan said, “Hello.”
He said it quietly, as if he was expecting someone to be listening in on them, like he only wanted Jude to hear his words.
Jude waited for him to say something else. When he didn’t, she slowly said, “I’m in your english class,” and waited for it to click.
He nodded. “I recognize your name.”
She crossed her arms and smirked. “Because I’m up against you for the best grade in the class?”
Jude watched as Cardan’s face turned confused and then carefully blank.
“Yes,” he said and cleared his throat, looking back down at the ground. “That’s how I know you.”
There was an awkward lull in the conversation. What was she supposed to say now? What would Taryn do? Making friends was a lot harder than Jude had previously thought. Maybe she should wait for Cardan to speak first.
When Cardan didn’t say anything else, Jude faltered. What could she say? What was there to say? How did she ever think they had something in common? He was some posh boy from England and she was just a girl who’d fought tooth and nail to get into this university. And now she was what? Making nice with the person who was hindering her chance at an amazing opportunity?
“I should go,” Cardan said into the silence, standing up so quickly that the swing’s chains rattled.
Jude didn’t have time to respond, and she watched as he walked away, his figure fading the farther away he got. She thought he glanced back at her, but it was too dark to see.
Great. She’d driven him away.
So much for trying to make friends, Jude thought. At least if Taryn asked she could say she’d tried.
But it was probably for the best, she convinced herself. Cardan seemed like a dick and she shouldn’t be making friends with someone who was getting in her way.
It was only when she was walking back to her dorm room did she realize Cardan had said the word that was written above her heart.
She thought, wildly, that perhaps she’d said his words, too, but then she banished that idea from her mind. He’d known who she was since the first day of class. If her name was tattooed on his chest, he would have spoken to her sooner.
She wondered how much longer she would have to wait until she found the person who had cursed her with their first words.
First word, she reminded herself.
She finished her history assignment and went to bed late, dreaming of ink black eyes that she forgot about in the morning.
_______
Jude looked up at the frat house, her arms crossed. All the lights were on inside and music was blasting through the open windows. There were a few people on the porch, Heather included, red solo cups in their hands. She spotted a couple making out against the house, looking like they were about to fall into the bushes.
Taryn saddled up beside her and smiled. She was wearing a short, light blue dress with a gold necklace and earrings. Unlike her, Jude wore a white crop top with black jeans and black boots. She’d topped it off with her favorite black leather jacket.
Back at their dorm, Taryn had frowned at her outfit and told her she didn’t look very inviting.
“That’s the point,” Jude had replied.
Now, Jude looked sideways at her twin. “Why did I let you drag me here?” she asked.
“Because,” Taryn said, gesturing to the house, “You knew it would be more fun than watching Netflix alone in our room.”
“I don’t know,” Jude said. “That sounds a lot better right now.”
Vivi ran past Jude and Taryn while calling out Heather’s name. She ran up the porch steps and swooped her up into a kiss, Heather giggling in her hold. Jude faked throwing up and Taryn laughed, knocking her shoulder with her own.
They walked up the porch steps, greeting Heather and her friends. Jude followed the others into the house, squeezing through sweaty bodies as they made their way deeper into the building until they reached the kitchen.
Heather handed Vivi a drink, and Jude went up next to her and grabbed her own. Taryn did the same.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Vivi sang, wagging her finger at Jude and Taryn. “You two are underage, don’t think I forgot.”
“You did the same thing when you were our age!” Taryn yelled over the music.
Vivi took a sip of her drink and then said, “Well, do as I say not as I do.”
“Uh huh, I’ll definitely do that,” Taryn lied.
Heather tugged on Vivi’s arm and she shot them another look. “Be careful!” Vivi called as she was dragged away by her girlfriend.
“Will do,” Jude called back, but knew her sister couldn’t hear her. She turned to Taryn and found her watching the room over the rim of her cup. “Looking for your man?” Jude joked and took a sip of her drink. It tasted like bile slipping down her throat, but it would help her get through the night.
Taryn glanced at her. “Maybe,” she drawled. “Oh!” she exclaimed, her eyes brightening as she spotted someone in the crowd. “That’s the girl I’m friends with in my film class. I’m going to go talk to her-” Taryn turned around, suddenly remembering Jude existed. “I-If that’s okay? I don’t want to leave you alone.”
Jude shrugged. “It’s fine. I can handle myself.”
Taryn laughed, knowing full well she could. “Okay. Just text me if you need anything. I have it on vibrate so I’ll feel it.”
Jude nodded and Taryn wiggled her fingers in a small wave and darted into the crowd.
Almost instantly, someone else approached Jude.
“Hi!” Lili yelled over the music. “What brings you to this fine establishment?”
Jude laughed. “My stupid sisters.”
Lili nodded sagely. “Stupid people tend to like frat parties,” she said.
“Is that why you’re here, too?” Jude asked, and then wondered if that was rude to say to someone you weren’t close with.
But Lili cackled at that, and Jude smiled a genuine smile and wondered if they were friends. Should she ask? Did you ask someone if you were friends or was there some unspoken agreement she didn’t know about? The last time she’d made friends was freshman year of high school and those friendships hadn’t lasted very long.
Before she could make a fool of herself, there was a commotion in the living room and Jude and Lili turned to see what was happening. There, in the middle of the room, was a boy, grinning from ear to ear, with his arms wrapped around another boy. The people around them were clapping and cheering.
“Aw,” Lili cooed, cocking her head. “They must be soulmates. Seems like they said each other’s words.”
“Huh, I’ve never seen that happen before.” Jude turned to Lili. “How did it happen with you and your boyfriend?”
“Oh, I don’t have a soulmark,” Lili said, still watching the new couple across the room.
Jude almost spat out her drink. Not having a soulmark was incredibly rare. Even those who felt no romantic attraction often had soulmarks for platonic soulmates. Having none at all was- It was shocking. Lili was the first person Jude had ever known not to have a mark.
“But you have a boyfriend,” Jude replied dumbly.
Lili, not offended in the least, laughed. “He doesn’t have one either. I like to think we’re soulmates without the soulmarks.”
Jude thought that over. “Is it… nice?”
Lili frowned. “Nice?”
“I mean, like, is it nice to not be worried about waiting for the day you meet your soulmate? Is it nice to choose who you fall for?”
“It’s not a choice.” Lili smiled, almost sadly. “I think soulmarks just make it easier to not mess up.” She shrugged. “And yet, somehow, people still do.” Lili’s eyes caught on something in the room and she grinned. She looked back at Jude. “Hey, I just saw my friend, mind if I go see him?”
Jude waved her away. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later.”
Lili winked and slipped into the crowd.
Jude sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter, people watching as she slowly drank her beer.
What would that be like? To not have a soulmark? Jude’s soulmark didn’t even seem useful. Almost everyone she’d met in her life had greeted her with a ‘hello.’ It made her hopeful at every new conversation, and every time she was let down. Maybe she’d be happier if she’d been born without a mark. Lili seemed perfectly fine without one.
She was debating just going back to her and Taryn’s dorm and watching a movie when someone with dark hair slipped past her and went out into the backyard. She went over to the sink and peered through the window that overlooked the yard. There, leaning against the deck and standing with a small group of people, was Cardan. A guy Jude didn’t recognize had everyone’s attention. He was moving his arms wildly as he told a story. Nicasia stood beside the other boy, laughing at his theatrics. There was a girl Jude didn’t know standing next to Cardan. As she laughed at the boy’s story, she moved closer to Cardan, leaning her shoulder against his own, and Jude felt her glare harden at the sight.
“You must be Jude,” a voice said close to her ear, causing Jude to jump back.
She turned to find a guy smiling at her. A guy she recognized.
“Oh,” she said, the tension in her body loosening slightly. “You’re the TA in my english class, um-”
“Dain.”
“Right. Yeah.”
“Sorry if I frightened you,” he said.
Jude watched him warily as he took a sip of his drink. He had an accent, almost exactly like Cardan’s, and his hair was blonde in the dim light of the house. She thought it would be golden out under the sun. He was handsome, but Jude wouldn’t trust someone that easily - handsome or not.
“I wasn’t sure if you would hear me over the music,” Dain continued. “Or over your very intense glare,” he noted, using the solo cup in his hand to gesture at Cardan through the window.
Jude felt herself flush, praying the dim lighting wouldn’t give her away. “It’s not like that. He’s just…”
“You don’t like him,” Dain said. It wasn’t a question.
Jude wasn’t sure how to respond. How do you tell your TA that you hate one of your classmates? A classmate from a class he was the TA for?
He gave her a smile, like this was all very amusing, and pulled away from the counter. “Come on. I’d like to talk to you about something,” he said and left the kitchen.
Jude took that as her cue to follow, abandoning her cup on the edge of the sink. She followed Dain through the big house and up a flight of stairs. He led her down a hallway, and Jude ignored the sounds coming from one of the bedrooms. At least the music drowned the noises out the farther down the hall they went.
When they reached the end of the hallway, Dain took out a key and unlocked a door, holding it open for Jude.
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “I’m not following a man I barely know into a room with a lock in an unfamiliar house.”
Dain nodded. “That’s understandable. We can talk out in the hall if you’d prefer.” He closed the door and locked it, slipping the lock into his pocket. “I wanted some privacy to talk about this, but I doubt anyone will be able to hear us over the music.”
Jude leaned against the wall and frowned. “What’s so important we need a whole room to ourselves?”
“My brother,” Dain said, leaning against the opposite wall. “Cardan Greenbriar.”
Jude’s eyes almost popped out of her skull. “You’re Cardan’s brother?”
Dain gave her an amused smile and nodded. “We keep our distance in class. I don’t want to be accused of nepotism.”
“Huh,” Jude said, looking him up and down. He was a bit taller than Cardan was and his hair was a completely different color. The only noticeable similarity was his nose, the same slope as Cardan’s. And his accent, of course.
Dain noticed her confusion and said, “I know we don’t look alike. I have five other siblings, including Cardan. Suppose the genes needed to be split up somehow.” He shrugged and took another sip of his drink. “But that’s not important. I have something to ask of you.”
“And it has to do with Cardan?” Jude asked, not bothering to hide her suspicion. Whatever Dain wanted couldn’t be good, and yet she couldn’t help but be intrigued.
If there was something up with Cardan, Jude wanted to know. She wanted to know if he wasn’t so perfect after all.
“I know you don’t like him. And I don’t blame you,” Dain added when Jude opened her mouth. “I know you two are tied for the highest grade in the class. So I have a proposition that might interest you.”
“Spit it out already,” Jude snapped, tired of being toyed with.
“I’m worried about Cardan,” Dain explained, ignoring Jude’s order. “He keeps to himself, he only interacts with the few friends he has, and he prefers to stay holed up in his room than meet his peers. He only started acting like this recently, after our father passed away, and I have a feeling it’s because my father was the only one who knew about his secret.”
“Secret?” Jude asked, incredibly intrigued. “What secret?”
Dain sighed, like this pained him to admit. “I believe Cardan does not possess a soulmark.”
At his words, all Jude could do was blink at him. She knew not having a soulmark wasn’t impossible. Lili didn’t have one, as Jude had found out earlier, and neither did her boyfriend, and yet they were happy together. But Cardan, of all people, seemed like the type to have a soulmate. It was almost cruel to imagine Cardan with his sharp jawline and soft lips being born without one.
It seemed like a waste.
“However, if he does have one,” Dain continued, unaware of Jude’s thoughts racing around in her head. “I need you to find out why he’s so insistent on keeping it hidden.”
Jude finally found her voice. “Wait, why me? Doesn’t Cardan have friends you can ask or something?”
Dain shook his head. “Cardan’s trust is very hard to gain. The few friends he has are very loyal. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“You’re his brother,” she said. “How do you not know if your own brother has a soulmark or not?”
“My brother and I were never close growing up. Even my father rarely spent time with us.” Dain sighed. “There’s something you must understand about Greenbriars. We’re not a close family. I’m not sure we ever were. Cardan and I, as well as my other siblings, share the same father, but none of us share the same mother.”
Oh. That explained a lot.
“Maybe there was a time when we were children, where Cardan mentioned a soulmark or had even shown it to me, but we were so little that even if I had that memory, it’s long gone,” Dain continued. “I left by the time I was able to, as did my other siblings. All that was left was a house with my father and Cardan. That house was so big, and we all kept to ourselves. Looking back, I think I only ever spoke a handful of words to Cardan in the year that I left. I deeply regret that. I should’ve looked after my brother better.”
She couldn’t imagine what Cardan had felt like, watching his siblings move on without him. But then again, what did Jude know? Maybe Dain was lying to get sympathy points. Dain and Cardan and all of their siblings had still lived with more money than Jude would ever make.
At least you had a family that loved you, something in the back of her mind whispered.
Dain suddenly moved closer to Jude, but she shot out her arm, stopping him.
“Don’t try anything. I have a knife. And trust me,” she grinned. “I know how to use it.”
Dain put up his hands and leaned back against the wall. “I just want to be sure no one overhears this.” He lowered his voice, and Jude could just barely hear it over the music. “I need you to get close to Cardan, close enough to bring his walls down. And then I want you to figure out what his soulmark is. If there even is one to begin with. I’m just worried about my little brother, as you can understand. I don’t wish for him to bear this burden alone. No one in my family has ever been born without a mark so he must feel a bit like an outcast.”
“Why are you asking me?” Jude questioned. “You know I don’t like Cardan, so why are you trusting me?”
“I hate to say it, but I’m desperate. His friends are not willing to help me, and at least with you I have something to offer.”
Jude crossed her arms and quirked an eyebrow at Dain. “And what’s that exactly?”
“I’ll get you the highest grade in the class.”
Jude frowned. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
She thought it over. She wasn’t friends with Cardan. If anything, they were rivals, and he was in her way at an opportunity she might not get again. Cardan, from what she’d gathered, was a rich snob who didn’t need the same chances that Jude did. He could have them handed to him on a silver platter and he’d likely turn his nose up at them. She needed the grade. He didn’t. What did it matter if his brother found out if he had a soulmark or not? They were family. They wouldn’t disown him for something he couldn’t control, and it seemed like Dain was genuinely worried about his brother.
So, really, what did she have to lose?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“Alright,” she decided. “I’ll do it.”
Dain grinned. His smile was as sharp as her knife. “Good. I guess I’ll be hearing from you soon, then. You know where to find me.” He moved away from the wall. “Oh, and I recommend partnering with Cardan for the project. It’ll be an easy way to get close, don’t you think?” Dain supplied, and then left Jude alone in the hallway, wondering just what she’d gotten herself into.