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Ricky shouldn’t be thinking about her - he knows this.
He told Nini he loved her, and that should be the end of it - shouldn’t it? Character arc completed, emotional baggage regarding the concept of love thrown away, relationship fully unbreakable. And yet, here he is - it’s 2am, and all he can think about is Gina, the curve of her cheek and the soft press of her lips against his skin and her curls gently brushing his shoulder as she leans in to whisper a joke to him. He was on a date with Nini barely four hours ago, he knows that he should be thinking about her - but he isn’t, he can’t, because Gina hasn’t spoken to him in weeks, and he doesn’t know what to do.
Well, technically she has spoken to him, but in the way you speak to your distant half-cousin twice-removed at the extended family gathering you don’t want to attend, and he has just realised how deeply disturbing it is that he implied his relationship with Gina was anything close to familial, which he blames on finding out two days ago that Kourt once joked that he and Nini looked more like siblings than boyfriend and girlfriend, and Jesus Christ has this gotten off topic, like most things do when they become a star player in the nightmare called Ricky’s brain. The point is, their relationship has gone from Sharing Things He Never Thought He Could Share With Another Human Being levels of close to like, barely-there smiles across the room at group events. Gina used to grin at him - big, cheesy smiles that’d light up her whole face and light up his whole body in turn, and now it seems like she can barely stand to look at him without throwing up.
She’s smiled at him like that the night at the cast party when she told him she was staying in Salt Lake - he’d picked her up and spun her around in his arms the same way he had at the end of the impromptu performance, except there was no-one around in Ash’s garden to pull her away from him. When he’d put her down, they’d stood with their arms around each other, and Ricky had never wanted to kiss someone so bad in his life. Looking back, that should have really been a warning, but at the time he’d simply blamed it on a combination of their closeness and the general happiness of the night. That smile had dropped off her face, however, when he’d stepped back suddenly, explained that he and Nini were back together. It had hurt, more than he was ever willing to admit. She didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night, barely looked at him as he left to drive Nini home.
Logically, he knows there’s an explanation for this - Gina was fine with him when he was single, but she is no longer fine with him now that he’s in a relationship with Nini. It doesn’t exactly take Sherlock Holmes to figure it out, or even that tiny mouse version of Sherlock Holmes that was always at the Scholastic sales at school which he could never buy because he had fuck-all money - the point is getting away from him again. But as logical as it may be, it also doesn’t make sense. Gina couldn’t have feelings for him - she’s too good to even be in his presence, let alone entertain romantic feelings for him. And yet - it really is the only explanation that makes sense, except the fact that she could in fact have her own issues in her life, and her lack of interaction with Ricky is actually nothing to do with him, and he is just a self-obsessed piece of shit. It is certainly not an unfamiliar line of thought.
Ricky resigns himself to the fact that it’s unlikely he’ll be sleeping for a while and picks up his phone, which might be the only good decision he’s ever made in his life. When he flicks open the Messenger app, ready to read through his and Gina’s month-old conversations like the absolutely deranged person he is, he sees three dots under her name - she’s sending him a message. He lies there staring at the dots moving up and down for God knows how long, and he knows it's cruel, but he’s never felt the anticipation for Nini to message him the way he’s feeling now. But then, the dots disappear. There’s still a little green one on Gina’s profile picture indicating she’s online, but otherwise there’s no indication she was ever planning to send anything to him.
Well.
Nobody’s ever tried to claim that Ricky is the master of well-thought out plans.
kenicki: were you about to say something to me
bobina: no
bobina: maybe
bobina: so what if i was
kenicki: you haven't said more than twenty words to me in a month
kenicki: i have literally been counting
bobina: that's very sad
kenicki: trust me i'm very aware
bobina: why do you care anyway
kenicki: what do you mean why do i care
bobina: u know
bobina: it's not like i'm exactly the most important thing in ur life
kenicki: well of course
kenicki: no person could ever replace my skateboard
bobina: you are possibly the stupidest person alive
kenicki: yes i am aware
kenicki: i know it's late but can i call u
kenicki: whatever i say will definitely not come out right through messages
kenicki: it will probably be even worse over the phone but live laugh love
bobina: sure if it's that important
kenicki: it is
“What’s up?” Gina asks, her voice so deliberately light Ricky can tell she’s faking it, even over the phone.
“I think I have to break up with Nini.” He replies, trying for casual but ending up more in the ballpark of sounding like he just hit a joint only to find out it was actually somehow crack, which isn’t something he can say he’s ever experienced but he imagines it would likely put the same fear of God that is currently in his heart right now.
He hears Gina inhale, the sound of it crackling over his phone speakers. “Oh? For any particular reason.”
“Um.” He pauses, unsure of exactly how much he should say. If he’s learned anything from the many romcoms he likes to act like he hasn’t seen, it’s that emotional cheating is far worse than physical - he may not like Nini in that way anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’d feel spectacular about openly discussing his feelings for another girl while they’re still technically in a relationship. “Well, you know. A lot of things. I think she’s going to YAC, but she won’t tell me. And also - I think. Well. I don’t wanna put all this shit on you, I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one who asked, Ricky.” Gina huffs, but he can hear her smile, can picture it clear as day. “I know I haven’t exactly been - but we’re still friends.”
Ricky smiles back, even though she can’t see him. He can’t help it - it’s the Gina Effect. “I guess I - I figured if I worked everything out with her, everything would be fine. Everything with - my mom, and everything else would be fine. But it’s not, and it was so - so stupid, and insane to think that getting back into a relationship with a girl who I don’t actually love would do anything to fix that, and it’s unfair to her, and it’s unfair to y- uh. To both of us. To act like this is working, when I think we both know it’s not.” He can’t tell if when he says we, he means himself and Nini or himself and Gina. Maybe both.
“Well.” Gina pauses. “I guess - I mean, I don’t want to tell you what to do with your relationship. But I know that if I were her, I would want to know that you - that whoever I was in a relationship with felt like that.”
He sighs. “See, when you put it like that, it makes sense.”
“That’s just my power.”
“I take it back, I don’t think you need more things to flex on us with.”
“Jealousy isn’t a good look, Richard.”
“You can’t even see me!” Ricky protests, and it’s barely a joke, and definitely not a good one, but they both end up losing it anyway. And this, this is what he missed more than anything. The ability to be an absolute moron, and not have to worry that Nini won’t find him funny, or find him stupid or immature or any of the other things that Ricky knows he is but Gina seems to resolutely believe he isn’t. It’s not that she thinks he’s flawless - he knows for a fact she doesn’t, and will willingly criticise him on anything and everything that she sees fit - but rather that his flaws don’t matter half as much when he’s around her. It’s cheesy, he’s perfectly aware, but it is also unfortunately true.
“So.” Gina says, interrupting the calm silence that had drifted over the both of them. “Are you gonna do it?”
Ricky nods, and then quickly realises that she can’t actually see him. “Yeah, I - yeah. I have to, I can’t keep doing this to her, to the both of us.”
“Okay.” She replies, casual as anything, like he’s just told her what he had for dinner the other night and not announced that he’s going to end a relationship which has seemed to singularly define the entirety of last year for him. “Well, let me know how it goes.”
Ricky laughs gently. “So we’re friends again?”
Though he can’t see her, he feels like he can picture the current expression on her face perfectly - the exasperated eye-roll, the slightly upturned corners of her mouth, a singular raised eyebrow. “We were never not friends, Ricky. I just - needed some space, that’s all. But I don’t anymore, I think.”
“Well that’s good.” Ricky knocks his head back against his pillow, gazing up at the ceiling. “I’m very clingy, if you hadn’t noticed. I’m allergic to space. You’re never getting rid of me now.”
“Oh no.” Gina replies, utterly deadpan. “Whatever will I do?”
They talk a little more, and then say their goodbyes, and he forgot how easy it is to just be around Gina. There’s no performance, no trying to hide any part of himself, it’s just the two of them, together. Easy.
Breaking up with Nini turns out to be pretty easy too, though he knows it shouldn’t be. It happens the very next day at her house, because once he’s got an idea in his head it’s pretty hard to shake out. There’s no tears, no yelling - she looked like she was expecting it, too. He also gets up the courage to ask her about YAC, finally, and she shocks him by telling him that though they extended an invitation, she turned it down.
“It’s not because I think I’m better than them, or something.” She says, plaiting and unplaiting a strand of hair at the front of her head. “I just - I don’t know. I know I said I want to go out and find myself, but I think I want to do that here, still. At least for another year. There’s a lot-” She takes a breath. “There’s a lot I have to make up for, to a lot of people. I’m not just going to leave them in the dirt so I can go shine on my own, or whatever. That isn’t the kind of person I want to be.”
Ricky hesitates before putting his arm around her shoulders, because - you know, they just broke up and everything. But they’re still friends - he wouldn’t think about it for a second before comforting anyone else like this, so why shouldn’t he extend that same comfort to Nini? “Well, I’m glad you’re sticking around.”
“You just broke up with me.” Nini replies, and he’s about to start furiously apologising when he looks to see her barely holding in a smile.
“You - you - I hate you! I can’t believe - this is why I broke up with you!”
She laughs. “It should be weird that we’re already so comfortable joking about that, right?”
“Probably.” Ricky sighs, removing his arm from around her so that he can stand up and flop across her bed. “But at this point, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’ve never exactly had a normal relationship.”
He feels the mattress dip beside him as she follows suit, and hears her huff into the duvet where she must be face down into it. “You can say that again.”
It’s at that point that there’s a knock on her door, and one of Nini’s moms walks in. “Oh, Ricky! Are you staying for dinner? I didn’t know you were here.”
“He’s not!” Nini says cheerily, and then continues on just as cheerily: “He just broke up with me, actually!”
Ricky doesn’t need to be looking in her direction to see the look of absolute confusion on Carol’s face. “Oh - okay? Is this - are you - um.”
“We’re fine!”
Ricky sits up and turns around to face her. “We really are.”
Carol still looks deeply alarmed, and is giving Nini the old parental classic We Are Talking About This Later facial expression, but other than that she leaves them to it again, seeming to understand that they should maybe be left on their own for a bit longer. They both start laughing after she closes the door, and he knows that this shouldn’t be a time for laughter and jokes, but maybe it’s good that it is.
“You should probably go.” Nini says, eventually. “Dana will be up here soon with a shotgun.”
“Dana doesn’t have a shotgun.”
“Dana is currently out buying a shotgun to bring upstairs. That’s why she’s taking so long.”
“Well, in that case.” Ricky sighs and jumps to his feet. Nini stands up too, and they look at each other for a moment, and it’s crazy - this relationship with her was supposedly all that he wanted for so long, and yet now that it’s ended, he feels only relief. “I do love you, you know. That’s not a question. It’s just - not like. Not like you meant it.”
Nini squeezes his hand gently. “It’s okay. I know. I shouldn’t have - I hope you find someone you can say it to and mean it.”
“I hope you can find someone who can actually say it back.” Ricky laughs softly, and she laughs in return. They hug, and - it’s a good ending for them, he thinks. By far the best-case scenario.
He calls Gina that night and they talk it through, but they also talk about every conversation topic they may have missed in the past month - what the new musical will be, and every new TV show they’re watching and what new music they’re listening to, and anything and everything in between. It’s probably not the best thing he’s ever done - having a four hour long phone conversation with the girl he broke up with his girlfriend for on the day they broke up. But it’s not like - they’re friends, now. They can talk as friends, right? That’s not a crime. No-one could begrudge them of that, least of all Nini, who found a new boyfriend in a matter of weeks after their initial breakup.
“I’ve missed you.” Ricky says, out of the blue, in the midst of a comfortable silence. “I’ve missed - this. My other friends are great, but they’re not - they’re not you. ”
“Well, I am the best.” She replies, with all of that classic Gina self-assuredness, but there’s a barely perceptible hint of nervousness behind it.
“You are.” Ricky says without thinking, and then instantly smacks himself in the face like something out of a cartoon. “I mean - I - I’m not trying to, you know. Or anything.”
Gina sighs. “That cleared that right up, thanks.” Before he can say anything else, however, she continues. “But I know - I know you weren’t - I wasn’t gonna read into it, or anything.”
“No!” His voice is slightly too loud for the late hour, but he doesn’t care. “That isn’t - read into it, fuckin’ - do an entire English essay-level analysis on it. I like you, Gina, and I know it’s definitely too soon to say that after I broke up with someone, and I’m not expecting anything out of it - I just need you to know that. I really, really need you to know that.”
“Okay.” Gina replies softly. “Well - what do we do now?”
“Uh.” Ricky really didn’t think this far ahead. To be fair, it’s not like he’s ever thought ahead about anything ever in his life, so this is really to be expected. “We - forget about it? Maybe. Or like - I don’t know. I think I have to figure out how to be like - a person right now. By myself.”
“Same.” Gina says absently. “I’ve spent what feels like my whole life thinking about what other people think of me. It’d be nice to - to be able to try looking beyond that for a change.”
“Okay.” Ricky breathes out a sigh of relief. “Well - we figure that out first, and then we can figure this out - someday.”
“Someday.” Gina confirms, and it should feel sad, but it’s really anything but - a promise for a beginning, rather than an ending.
(Given what happens next, both Ricky and Gina are convinced that the universe may be on their side or entirely against them. Ms Jenn has decided on Beauty and the Beast, and in an effort to maintain her streak of adding original twists to their productions, she has cast Gina and Ricky as Lumiere and Cogsworth respectively, as well as the Belle and Beast understudies, and Nini as Babette. The rest of the roles are relatively straightforward - Kourtney as Belle and EJ as the Beast, Seb as Gaston, Big Red as both Le Fou and Chip, and Ash as Miss Potts. Gina certainly isn’t mad at the casting - Lumiere is still one of the biggest roles, even if she isn’t the star of the show, and Kourt deserves that role regardless. The fact that she has to spend some of her scenes throwing herself at Ricky’s ex-girlfriend, however? Likely not going to be the most fun thing she’s ever done. Ricky’s thinking the exact same thing, not that she’s aware.
News spread of Ricky and Nini’s breakup pretty quickly around school, but no-one’s commented on it so far, at least not in front of her.
She knows that she shouldn’t just be thinking of Nini as Ricky’s Ex - despite their shaky start, they have developed a relatively close friendship. But as much as she doesn’t want to, she can’t not think about it - she can’t not think about how they’ve had an entire relationship, an entire life together that she could never hope to be a part of. If nothing else, she’s grateful that she was cast as Lumiere and Ricky as Cogsworth and not the other way around - as much as she doesn’t like to see herself as a jealous person, having to watch them flirt with each other, even in a fictional context, would probably drive her mad. Also, seeing Ricky attempt to play a crotchety old man is hilarious, even and especially when he is trying to be serious.)
“You two play off each other well!” Ms Jenn calls at the end of one of their scenes during the first read-through. “Maybe I made a mistake in not casting you as Belle and the Beast after all.”
“Ha!” Ricky says loudly, because he is the stupidest person possibly on the planet. “I don’t think - uh - nobody would be intimidated by me. Probably. Not like EJ with his - muscles, and his - uh - face.”
“What’s wrong with my face?”
“Nothing! It’s - it’s a great face. Good job on - having it.” Everyone is staring at him now, even the random freshmen who he doesn’t even know and were too nervous to make eye contact with him as they came into the room. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night, I might be a bit deprived.”
“You don’t say.” Red replies, and they all laugh and manage to move on easily enough. He would thank Red for it afterwards, but Red apparently decided to not let him off easily this time. He at least waits until they’re out of earshot of everyone else after the readthrough has ended before he says: “So you do like Gina.” He doesn’t even have the courtesy to make it a question.
“Whaaaaaaat.” Ricky says, putting the barest amount of effort into the ruse. “No. Why would you think that?”
Red just - looks at him. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”
“Well.” Ricky resolutely looks away. “I’m not going to dignify you with a response, either.”
“In this case, I feel like no response is kind of a response in and of itself, you know what I mean?”
“No.” Ricky replies, because he’s a child. “I actually haven’t understood a single word you’ve said during this conversation.”
“And yet you keep replying to me.”
There’s a beat. “Fine! I like her! Does that make me a bad person? Probably! Does the fact that I am a bad person for liking her stop me from liking her? Not in the fucking slightest! Does the fact that I will have to stand there and watch her fake-flirt with my ex-girlfriend for months make me feel like I am two seconds from losing my mind? It sure does! Can I do even one thing about any of this? No!”
Red exhales loudly. “You’ve really been keeping this one pent up, haven’t you?”
“I really have!” Ricky yells, and then takes a minute to close his eyes and compose himself so he’s slightly less deranged. Whether it works is another question, but at least he’s tried. “And you know what’s weird? She knows I like her! We’ve talked about it! I think she feels the same, and yet for some reason, I said no, let’s just try and be friends right now, because I’m the stupidest person alive!”
Red puts a hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t say that. Stupidest person in Salt Lake, maybe, but not alive.”
Ricky smiles at him, all of his tension draining out of him like the tide going back to sea. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.” Red smiles back, and then: “So you guys are just like, friends who are aware of your mutual feelings for each other? Isn’t that a bit, uh, weird?”
Ricky holds his thumb and index finger together. “Little bit, yeah. But I think - I know I was literally just yelling about it, but I really do think it’s the best thing. For now, at least.”
“Well, that’s good.” Red frowns. “Though, to be fair, one time you thought spraying your entire body with a cologne Nini said she liked once was the best thing to do, so I’m not entirely sure how good your judgement is.”
“You helped me with that plan!”
“You came up with it!”
They continue bickering like that all the way to the Jeep, but it does make Ricky feel better to know that he can talk about this with Red now. It does not make him feel better that his feelings for Gina are apparently obvious to everyone in a ten mile radius, but he’s trying to focus on the positives right now.
Or at least, he does, until EJ takes it upon himself to approach him the next day in the hallway while it’s empty and Ricky’s already late for class, and ask him: “What the fuck is going on with you dude, seriously? I mean, normally I wouldn’t even ask, but both you and Gina have been acting weird, and Gina’s - essentially my sister at this point. She won’t talk about it, and I’m not gonna bully an answer out of her, but I will bully one out of you if I have to.”
“Nothing’s going on! And definitely not with Gina and I.” Ricky insists, ready and willing to dart around EJ and sprint away from this conversation, but then EJ folds his arms and frowns at him and something about his Friendly Jock Older Brother Energy activates the emotionally open part of Ricky’s little lizard brain, because suddenly he’s blurting out: “Well, other than the fact I like Gina, but I don’t know if I have the physical and mental capacity to be in a relationship the way she deserves, and so we’re trying just being friends but also I’m pretty sure you saw me almost physically fall off my chair because I was trying to move away from her and make sure I didn’t accidentally try to hold her hand or something. But if we ignore that - I’m doing great!”
“I can see that.” EJ responds incredulously, staring at Ricky like he’s amazed that Ricky’s managed to survive all these years. It’s something that confuses everyone, including Ricky himself.
“Please don’t - tell anyone.”
“No, I was actually going to tell Gina right now.” EJ gestures down the hall sarcastically, before rolling his eyes at Ricky with a level of drama which he finds unnecessary, thank you very much. “Of course I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thanks.” Ricky nods jerkily, and then frowns. “So you’re not mad that - everything with Nini, all the drama - it ended up being for nothing?”
EJ shrugs. “No, it’s - uh. It’s really not that big of a deal. It actually made me, uh - realise some things.”
“Realise some things?”
EJ opens his mouth, closes it again. Ricky can almost see him deciding how to progress this conversation in his head, the different options he’s contemplating. It’s always slightly concerning to remember that most people actually think a little bit before they allow words to come out of their mouth.“Well, as much as I like Nini, I just didn’t like her, the way I thought I did.”
“Neither!” Ricky says, and then quickly realises how mean that sounds. “God, I hope she doesn’t develop a complex about it, or something.”
EJ closes his eyes for a second. “I mean, I think our reasons are slightly different. It’s nothing to do with, uh, Nini, it’s more to do with just - girls, in general. I don’t like them, in that way, I think.”
“Oh!” Ricky offers him a bright smile, because he’s not quite sure what he’s supposed to do now - hug him? Offer supportive words? Clap him on the back like an emotionally distant father? He’s not quite sure where the boundaries lie in his and EJ’s relationship. “Same! I mean, no - not the same. I like girls, but guys! Also great. I like them too!”
“Yes, Ricky, I think everyone is aware of that.” EJ says, and his tone may be snarky but there’s genuine gratitude in his eyes. “You’re probably the only person at our school to wear the SLC Pride shirt.”
“It’s a two-for-one deal!” Ricky insists. “I get to be proud of my school and my bisexuality? What’s wrong with that? Are you a homophobe, EJ? Do you not think I have something to be proud of? Do you think my sexuality’s shameful?” EJ stares at him some more, like he can’t quite believe Ricky’s a real person who says things out loud. It’s not an unfamiliar expression, to say the least. “Kidding, obviously. But - just in case you were wondering - there is a cute boy who’s started working at Red’s family’s pizza place. You could come down with us and gaze lovingly at him, if you want.”
“You would think you of all people would know that I’m not just going to automatically be interested in every cute boy I meet.”
“Of course!” Ricky wiggles his eyebrows. “Otherwise you totally would have already fallen for me, and that’d make things a little bit too messy for me to handle.”
“Jesus Christ.” EJ whispers under his breath, but he’s smiling, so Ricky counts it as a win. “You know what, I might head down there after all. I’ll bring Gina, we can make a whole evening of it!”
“That sounds - delightful! Just four friends, hanging out. No complicated feelings involved.”
“None at all.” EJ grins, and then he’s off the other way down the hall without a goodbye. At this point, there’s not really any point of going to Stats - not that there ever is in the first place - so Ricky heads out to the bleachers to listen to music and pray that Oren isn’t there, because he’s physically incapable of saying no when he offers him weed, and the last strain he had made Ricky think he had lost the ability to walk somehow.
EJ makes good on his promise to bring Gina along to the pizza place - how he knows Ricky was there on that night is a mystery, but not one that concerns Ricky right now, especially when Gina’s standing in front of him - if he ignores the boys beside him, she really does look like they could be about to go on a date. She is so, so beautiful. He thinks he should be used to it by now, but he never is.
Red and EJ seem to have decided that they’re now best friends, and shove their way onto one side of a booth, leaving Ricky and Gina the other side. Ricky gestures a hand for her to sit down, and Gina nods her head, and it becomes an awkward little tableau, uncomfortable in a way they’ve normally never been, even when they fought. Fortunately, the awkwardness seems to melt away soon enough - Gina bullies Ricky for liking pineapple on pizza, Ricky bullies her for preferring Pepsi to Coke, and though they started the night with a solid foot of distance between them on the bench, they end up close as physically possible without sitting on each other, pressed together from shoulder to ankle. Red has long since disappeared to go help clean up out back, even though he’s not technically on the clock, and EJ is currently sitting up at the counter talking to Howie, the cute new worker, because Ricky is a genius and his powers of matchmaking should never be doubted again. Which has left him and Gina alone. By themselves. Just the two of them. Just two friends, sitting very close in a restaurant booth. Nothing to see here, folks.
Clearly the stress of the situation is starting to exhaust him, because Ricky yawns in the middle of Gina’s sentence, causing her to mock-frown at him. “I’m sorry, am I boring you?”
“No.” Ricky replies, because he couldn’t say yes to that question, even as a joke. He slumps down in his seat so that he can rest his head on Gina’s shoulder, because he is very, very dumb, but he also likes her very, very much. “Sleepy.”
“You must be, if you can’t even speak in full sentences.” She retorts, but she rests her head on top of his, only for a moment - just long enough to make Ricky feel like his heart could beat out of his chest. It could be like this all the time, he realises - he could do things like this without thinking about it, without questioning it for a second. But the thought of that scares him more than these small actions do, though he doesn’t really know why at this point. He goes to move his head up again, but before he does he turns his head and kisses her shoulder, just briefly, and he hears her gasp at it. Of course, he can no longer move after that - can’t dare to look at her, so he rests his forehead where he just kissed her, praying to every higher power above that she isn’t about to dropkick him into the spirit realm.
She doesn’t. She does, however, reach for his hand under the table and interlock their fingers, as easy as anything, even as she says: “We probably shouldn’t do this kind of stuff if we’re just friends.”
“I kiss Red all the time.” Ricky says, making a joke as he pulls his face up and off her shoulder so the situation might be slightly less mortifying than it already is. Whether it works, he can’t say, and all she does is look at him with an eyebrow raised, clearly challenging him to be serious. He accepts. He’ll do it for her. “No, we shouldn’t. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologise.” She says softly, and her eyes flicker down to his mouth, for such a short moment Ricky would think he hallucinated if he wasn’t so focused on her face. “I just - it’s confusing, sometimes. What we can and can’t do. What we should and shouldn’t do.”
“Tell me about it.” Ricky sighs, dragging his thumb back and forward across the top of hers. He wants to pull her hand up to his mouth and kiss her knuckles, kiss her mouth, do everything he’s been dreaming of for months - but he doesn’t. “We should probably - do you need a ride home?”
She blinks and shakes her head slightly, as if she’s just come up from underwater. “No, I - EJ’ll take me. I should go - go get him now. Make sure he’s not embarrassing himself in front of Howie.”
“Yeah.” Ricky nods, a little too fast to be casual. “Yeah, you should - I’ll - uh - move.” He squeezes her hand once before letting go and moving aside so that she can stand up and walk over to the counter, poke EJ on the shoulder and tilt her head towards the door, a clear indication that she wants to leave. EJ, to his credit, stops his conversation with Howie immediately, and Ricky’s tempted to try and speed walk out the door now so they don’t have to walk together to their cars, and then quickly realises how stupid that plan is. He waits for them at the door, and they walk through the car park mostly in silence. EJ’s parked closer than he is, and when they’re saying their goodbyes Ricky goes in to hug Gina before he can really think about it. By the time he’s realised what he’s doing, it’s far too late to stop, so he hugs her, and she hugs him back, arms gentle around his neck, breath soft against his collarbone. It’s EJ’s presence and EJ’s presence alone that has him pulling away so fast, and he hugs him too for good measure, though it’s slightly less intimate. He walks away to his car, completely calm, and it’s only when he’s inside and out of sight does he allow himself to slam his hands down on the wheel, and chant “Fuck.” over and over again. He is so fucking screwed.
After that, fortunately, life manages to carry on in a relatively normal way. Rehearsals are still almost two seconds from falling to pieces, but through the strength of Carlos’ will alone they manage to hold it together. EJ has become a regular customer at Big Red’s family’s pizza place, because apparently “he’s always thought it was the best in the city.” Ash has started bailing on her and Ricky’s plans for unexplained “family things”, and it’s only when Gina complains to him about Kourtney abandoning her for another weekend do they put two and two together. Speaking of Gina, they’ve started watching The Mandalorian together weekly as the episodes come out, and they’ve been able to stop themselves from having a single tense vaguely romantic moment! Well, maybe one. Or two. Or every week, except for that one time when Gina had a cold and refused to let anyone near her, and they watched it together over rabb.it, and even then Ricky had to go and make some uncomfortably earnest comment about how he wished he could come over anyway. So. The whole friendship thing is going great.
He knows he shouldn’t complain - it is quite literally his own fault they’re in this situation. If he hadn’t gone back to Nini, if one single thing had been different, it all could have been different. But now - he sits on his hands so they won’t intertwine with Gina’s, steps back in conversation so his brain doesn’t start getting any unruly ideas about the lack of distance between them. Pretends he doesn’t see the hurt expression on Gina’s face, and has to live with the knowledge that he’s the reason it’s there. The craziest thing is - she never even said she liked him back. It’s something he’s turned over in his mind, replaying that conversation for the 100th time like a favourite movie. She didn’t confess her feelings back to him, and oh - what a delightfully ironic turn of events this is. He’s sure that if there’s a higher power they’re sat up above, cackling at him. What if she doesn’t like him at all? What if she was just worried about him being sad, so she didn’t explicitly reject him, but she also didn’t accept his feelings? What if she’s in love with like, Big Red or something? What will he do then, die?
But, no - she wouldn’t do that. Gina hasn’t always been the most honest in the past, sure, but now she makes a point of it. She wouldn’t lie to him to preserve his feelings, especially at the cost of her own. So if she does like him, then why is she waiting for him? It’s not like he’s special. He’s very aware that you could look down any street and find five guys who look exactly like him. And Gina’s - Gina.
Thankfully for his anxiety, as time goes on there’s clearly an obvious level of mutuality regarding their feelings, if the increasing number of comments made about them by others are anything to go by. Nobody’s dared to say anything explicitly to the both of them, but it’s still noticeable - the way Carlos always suggests that Gina and Ricky be the example pairing for a new dance, despite the fact that they never dance together in the show. The way Ash always automatically assumes Ricky’s with Gina whenever he says he’s busy - she may be right, but it’s still unsettling that she knows. Even Nini seems to be aware of it to a degree, but she doesn’t seem upset thankfully - more curious than anything else. She hasn’t made any jokes about it, though, and Ricky figures that even if she’s not upset by his obvious feelings for someone else, it’s still likely an uncomfortable topic for her. As a result, he doesn’t think twice about accepting her invitation to hang out alone for the first time since they broke up, and they meet up at a local diner, though not the one they used to frequent on dates. That’d be a bit too weird, even for them.
She at least has the decency to allow him to finish the first bite of his burger and first sip of his milkshake before asking: “So why aren’t you and Gina dating yet?”
Again, fortunately there is nothing in his mouth for him to choke on, but he still has a slight mental breakdown. “I would - we would never - how did - I’ve never dated anyone, ever. You have the nerve, the audacity to - Gina is my friend. And anyway, how do I know you and Gina aren’t dating, and this is just a ploy to throw me off, huh? Check and mate.”
“You cannot Leslie Knope your way out of this situation.” She replies flatly, taking his milkshake and drinking from it like it’s hers. Some things never change. “I know that you like each other. Everyone in the play knows you like each other. Astronauts in space probably know you like each other. This cannot be a shock to you.”
Ricky bites down on his front lip hard, closing his eyes. “You’re not - mad?”
She laughs, but quickly stops when she realises he’s being serious, and her expression turns from amused to worried. “No! I’m - that’s not why you guys aren’t together, right? I’m - fine! I’m beyond fine, I’ve been waiting for weeks for you two to actually do something about - whatever it is that’s going on.”
“Oh.” Ricky says dumbly. “Well, that’s - good, I guess.”
“That really isn't the reason though, right. Do you need my blessing? I’ll give it to you right now!”
Ricky laughs. “I don’t - it’s not that. Not entirely that, anyway, although it is kind of to do with you, I guess. I just - I don’t think I’ll be good at - at being in a relationship. And she deserves good. Not that you didn’t! I just - I don’t think I realised that I wasn’t great at being a boyfriend until I wasn’t one anymore.”
“Oh, Ricky.” Nini reaches her hand out to put over his, and leaves it there. “You were fine, or - at least, you definitely weren’t the only thing wrong with our relationship. I was - we both kind of sucked.”
“Yeah.” Ricky laughs again, but it’s not particularly happy. “I guess I’m just scared that - I’m just gonna destroy everything. I don’t want to do that, not to her.”
“You won’t.” Nini nods, looking at him almost unblinkingly. “And anyway, we’re teenagers - nobody’s expecting you to live happily ever after right away, least of all Gina. If nothing else, it’s probably a good idea to actually communicate with her, regardless of what happens. She probably wants to know all of this stuff, and not from anyone else - from you.”
“You’re probably right. Why are you always right?”
“I’m really not.” She says, sighing. “I - fuck. I’ve actually - been working through some stuff with Kourt, especially now her and Ash are - whatever they are. I realised I was - our friendship was super one-sided, and I wasn’t treating her the way I should have, the way that anything close to what she deserved. She’s the reason I didn’t leave, in the end. I cared way more about her than I cared about any school, and I’m trying to make sure she knows that now. That she’s not some - object that I just vent to whenever I want. So. Yeah. Not always right.”
Ricky twists his hand up so their hands are clasped flat against each other. Vaguely, he remembers having a conversation about Waffles vs Pancakes, aka holding hands with your fingers interlocked vs holding hands with your hands just flat like his and Nini’s currently are. He realises the only person he’s interlocked his fingers with while holding hands is Gina herself, which probably says something subconsciously about his not-so-deeply repressed feelings for her, or whatever. The point is, he’s holding hands with Nini and has still managed to relate it back to Gina, which is a quick summary about almost his entire life since the night of the Homecoming dance, if not the night he saw her at the skatepark. “Well, you can feel free to vent to me if you want.”
“I was mostly venting about you.”
“Oh. Yikes.”
“Yeah.” They both laugh, and then Nini’s head twists to the side, eyes darting towards the door behind Ricky in recognition. She grins and waves with her free hand, and Ricky turns to see Seb, Carlos, and Gina all standing near the door, smiling back. Gina’s smile, he notices, starts to fade the longer she looks at them, and it’s only once she’s whispered something to Carlos and turned on her heel does he realise how this must look. Ricky and Nini out for dinner, alone, holding hands across the table. He nearly falls face-first with his haste to get out of his seat, before realising he was technically at dinner with someone currently, and it would probably be rude to just leave her here. Fortunately, she just points outside, not even bothering to say a word, just staring at him with both eyebrows raised. He offers a quick thanks to her as he leaves, doesn’t even bother saying hi to Seb and Carlos as he passes them clearly walking over to their table.
Gina hasn’t gone far, thankfully - she’s standing by Ricky’s car, of all things, and even though he still feels like shit it warms something inside of him to think that that is where she chose to go. She sighs heavily as she hears him approach, not even bothering to look at him. “What, are you gonna tell me that wasn’t what it looks like?”
“Yes!” Ricky insists, going to reach for her arm before realising she may not want him to, meaning he’s left with his hand awkwardly hanging in the air between them for a moment. “That was quite literally exactly what I was going to tell you!”
“It’s fine, Ricky.” She looks at him finally, and she’s not even angry, just - resigned. It’s so unsettling and unfamiliar Ricky doesn’t quite know what to do. “You don’t owe me - whatever. An explanation, or feelings, or anything. We’re just friends, you said it yourself.”
“But I don’t want that!”
“But you and Nini - everyone knows that-”
“Everyone knows what?” Ricky doesn’t want to yell, but he can’t help it. Dealing with the consequences of your shitty actions fucking sucks. “As far as I’m aware, the only thing everyone knows is that I’m, like - obsessed with you, basically. But not in a - weird way, just like. I really fucking like you, okay! Only you. Nobody else, especially not Nini.”
“But then why were you guys - you know.”
"She was comforting me about you, dumbass.” He stops suddenly. “I’m so sorry, you’re not a dumbass. I’m the dumbass, I’m the biggest fucking moron in the world, I’m sorry - I’m sorry for everything.
Gina closes her eyes, sighing. “I hate this. I hate - I’m not this person. I’ve never been this person, getting - jealous, and upset, over a boy. ”
“Trust me, you’re not missing out on much.” Ricky says, but he’s smiling now, drifting ever so closer to her. “And I don’t mind, but - you should know. It’s only you. Only you.”
“So, what?” Gina looks up at him again, the beginnings of a smile mirrored on her face. “Are we - actually doing this? Or are we still going to be friends, but like - weird friends who kiss and hold hands sometimes.”
“I mean, that’s really what a relationship is.” Ricky shrugs. “But, uh - I’m in. If you’re in.”
“What about this entire conversation makes you think I’m anything but in?”
“Self-sabotage is in my nature, what can I say.”
“That it is.” Gina puts a hand to his cheek, and he puts his own over it, turning his face so he can kiss her palm. They stand there for a minute just looking at each other. It should be weird, but it isn’t.
When her hand falls away from his face to hold one of his own, he asks: “So - do you wanna be my girlfriend?”
“No.” Gina shakes her head, and Ricky’s entire stomach feels like it’s fallen out of his body and is currently plummeting to the core of the earth. Fortunately, she continues: “You are going to ask me on a date first. You owe me. A lot.”
Ricky laughs, ducking his head down. “I do. I really do.” She smiles at him, and the sight of it alone makes him question how he could have thought he could stay just friends with her for even a second longer. Fortunately for him, he doesn’t have to anymore.
They head back inside, and their friends all cheer loudly when they see their grins and their hands intertwined. The restaurant they’re in isn’t busy at all, so they’re able to pull up two more chairs at the table where they’re sitting. Ricky attempts to make them swear to secrecy, but Nini confesses that she’d told Kourt about how she planned to ask Ricky about Gina tonight, who’d told Ash, who’d told EJ, and all three of them were apparently keen on updates, which Carlos was all too willing to give them once he’d seen what was going on. It’s not like it matters, really - if their feelings had been obvious before, they’re bound to be impossible not to notice now. Ricky can’t fucking wait.
“Everyone’s paired up now.” Seb says, dreamily, before sparing an awkward glance in Nini’s direction. “I mean, except for like, Big Red. And - you.”
Instead of any expected reaction, Nini simply flushes bright red. “Um - well. About that-”
“You aren’t dating Red, are you?” Ricky says suddenly, before remembering Red is gay, and also - no.
Nini gives him the old classic ‘Ricky Could You Think Before You Speak Even Just Once In Your Life’ look, one that’s familiar to anyone who knows him closely. “I’m not even going to try to respond to that, but - there might be a girl? Maybe? Who knows. Who can never be sure.”
Gina rests her elbows on the table and her chin on her palms, wiggling her eyebrows. “Who is it? Do we know her? If we don’t, how do we get to know her? I would like to know her.”
“You’re very invested in the love life of someone you thought I was dating like ten minutes ago.” Ricky comments, again without thinking. Gina and Nini barely spare him a glare before continuing their conversation, and they all find out that her name is Sadie, and she’s in the arts program at their school, and she is very pretty and very funny and apparently kissed Nini while dropping her off two days ago.
“But we haven’t spoken since.” Nini says, smile drooping. “I don’t really know - what to say. Like hey! Tuesday was great! Wanna do that again sometime, or a lot of times!”
“As long as you don’t insist on being friends while not making any attempt to act like you’re just friends, you should be fine.” Gina says, and Ricky wraps an arm around her waist, hooks his chin over her shoulder.
“You’re never gonna let me forget that, are you?”
“Literally never.” She turns her head just so, and they’re suddenly so close their noses are brushing. “We’re gonna be in the rest home, and I’ll still be bullying you about it.”
“Well, as long as you’re still there with me.” Ricky says, completely sincerely. Seb grimaces. Carlos gags. Nini threatens to dump what’s leftover of Ricky’s milkshake over his head. But Gina just smiles and kisses him on the cheek, turns her head back so he can bury his face in the joint between her neck and shoulder, and that makes it all worth it, in the end.
What’s even more worth it is when he gets to take her on their first date. They go on a picnic, because sue him - he’s a bit corny. It’s meant to just be for lunch, but they end up hanging out for hours and hours and hours, until suddenly it’s dark and they’re driving up to the closest lookout point to look at the stars, because again - Ricky’s a bit corny. The Aces are playing softly over the speakers - No need for chill just lose your filter/I'm ready to dive in/Melt the ice and just swim - and Ricky can see Gina turn to look at him occasionally in his peripheral vision, and it’s good. It’s really good.
It’s warm enough that they can sit outside without freezing to death, but cold enough that they need to put the picnic blanket across their knees as they do so. Their hands are intertwined again, as they are more often than not these days, and Ricky brings them up to his mouth to kiss Gina’s hand, the way he’d wanted to the time at Red’s pizza place. She smiles and ducks her chin, and he likes that - likes that he makes her so happy. Why he does, he’s not entirely sure, but he’s decided it’s not his place to question it, just to accept it.
“This was really nice.” Gina tells him suddenly, turning her head to look at him straight-on. “Not that I thought it wouldn’t be, but - I don't know. Pretty good for my first date ever.”
Ricky doesn’t know how he hadn’t realised it before - she’d literally said to him last year that she doesn’t do dates, that she’s never been able to. He guesses he just hadn’t quite processed how literal that was. “Well, I’m glad. Most people’s first dates are pretty shit.”
“Was yours?”
“Is that really what you want to talk about right now?”
Gina scrunches up her face. “Now that I think about it, not really.”
“That’s what I figured.” Ricky laughs gently. “But there are more good dates to come, I promise.”
“You promise?” Gina shifts infinitesimally closer to him, and Ricky moves closer to her in turn. “That’s a pretty big promise to make. You sure you can make good on it?”
“Pretty sure, yeah.” They’re so close now - it wouldn’t take much moving at all for him to kiss her. “I think I can handle that.”
“Good.” Gina whispers, and kisses him before he can respond. It lasts just a moment, brief and soft, but he cups her jaw and pulls her back in before she can shift away again. This one is longer, a little less gentle - Gina puts a hand in his hair and tugs softly, and Ricky’s mouth falls open in a gasp, and that’s as far as it gets, but it still seems to have deactivated something in his brain. He pulls away to kiss her cheek, the edge of her jaw, the side of her neck, and she’s laughing, they both are. He’s so fucking happy, it’s a bit insane.
Eventually, they do have to go home - Gina claims that Ash’ll be out here searching for them if she isn’t home at a specific time, and Ricky frankly wouldn’t put it past her. When they get to the Caswell’s house, however, Gina doesn’t seem quite willing to get out of the car - not that Ricky’s complaining, of course. “I really did have fun tonight, you know.”
“I really am glad.” He replies, and leans over to kiss her, because he can do that now. One kiss turns into two, turns into three, turns into ten minutes. Maybe. It’s not like either of them were counting. The only reason he pulls away is because he realises there’s a pretty important question he hasn’t asked her, and he would like to ask it as soon as humanly possible. “So - do you wanna be my girlfriend. If you say no again, I might cry, so you should keep that in mind.”
“Well in that case.” The corners of her mouth quirk up in a smirk, but her eyes are warm. “But yes, of course I do. Stupid question.”
“Necessary question.” Ricky corrects, kissing her again. Kissing his girlfriend again. He can’t quite believe it. He pulls away, but only so far that their foreheads are still touching, just not their lips. They sit there for a moment, just breathing in each other's air, and then Gina kisses him, again, insisting that that’s the last one, that she has to go right now. It’s not, and she doesn’t, but it’s a nice attempt all the same. When she does finally get out, Ricky watches until she’s all the way inside, and then does a truly humiliating fist-pump/seated dance combination, which everyone he knows would bully him for life about if they saw. Fortunately, they did not.
Not a lot changes after that, aside from the obvious. They don’t really have to bother telling anyone, other than their parents - Ricky’s dad is delighted, Gina’s mom is upset at having to pull the Protective Mother act from a distance. Ricky talks to her on the phone once, promising that she can have the first shot at him if he does anything to hurt Gina, and that seems to satisfy her. The teasing from their friends is a lot more obvious and direct now, but there’s now the added benefit of Ricky being able to kiss Gina in front until they all promise to stop. Nini tentatively introduces Sadie to their group as her girlfriend. EJ tentatively introduces Howie to the group as his boyfriend. Rehearsals seem to last forever, but they’re made slightly easier by the fact that he basically doesn’t have a scene where Gina isn’t present. He also gets to see her in the back-up Belle dress they’ve made for her in case they need her to understudy, which is - something, to say the least. The soft, awed look on Ricky’s face upon seeing her had apparently enough motivation for everyone else in the room to make a quiet exit, which he’s grateful for. As much as he’s unbothered by PDA, there are some moments he’d like to be between the two of them alone.
Finally, it’s Opening Night. Everything’s running a hell of a lot smoother than it was last year, in that it isn’t a complete disaster. Kourtney, who decided she wanted to help with costumes as well as playing the lead, managed to make Gina into a very fashionable candlestick, which probably shouldn’t be humanly possible. Maurice, or the junior playing Maurice, is currently singing on stage as he walks through the ‘woods’, which is his and Gina’s cue to prepare to go on. As the time gets closer, Ricky looks over at her, and something hits him like a tidal wave. Something so crushingly obvious he can’t believe he’s taken this long to realise it. Something he should tell her, right now.
So: “Hey.” Ricky murmurs quietly, trying to get her attention without alerting anyone else around them. As if she can tell he wants to say something important, she moves in closer to him, crowding into his space a little.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” It makes her smile, so brilliant and so warm for such a small thing, and he can’t help himself anymore. “I love you.”
She gasps softly, and her eyes are wider than he’s ever seen, and he is so in love with her it’s embarrassing. And she knows. She knows that now, because that is a thing that he told her. And suddenly Maurice is yelling “let me in, let me in!”, which is their cue to go, and it’s a miracle that the both of them manage to make it on stage at all, let alone act.
“Well, now you’ve done it! I told you not to let him in!” Ricky says huffily, something that’s incredibly hard to do when you’ve just told your girlfriend you love her for the first time. He deserves a medal, or maybe an Oscar. Except it’d be a Tony, for this, wouldn’t it? Maybe a full EGOT.
“We could not leave him for the wolves!” Gina insists, but her eyes are so bright with fondness, Ricky can barely stop himself from smiling dopily back. They manage to make it through the scene, and the rest of the first act without incident. When it gets to the intermission, Ricky’s taken a single step behind the curtain when Gina near-leaps on him from behind, spinning him around so that she can kiss him, their stage makeup be damned. “I love you too, dumbass.” She knocks their foreheads together. “Don’t ever say that to me without giving me the chance to say it back again.”
“I won’t.” Ricky whispers. “I won’t, I promise.”
“Good.” Gina whispers back, kissing him again before pulling him into a tight hug. “Good.”
“Now’s not the time, lovebirds.” Carlos says as he passes them, but it’s in a kind way. “Come on, this way.”
They pull away from each other, and Ricky sticks his hand out in offering. Gina takes it, and they follow Carlos together, not letting each other go for a second.