Chapter Text
[Private chat between Kaeya and Childe]
[3:03 AM]
childe: kaeya
childe: kaeeeeya ^_^
childe: bitch
[3:04 AM]
childe: KAEYA WAKE THE FUCK UP
[3:05 AM]
childe: if you don’t answer my text this minute i’m gonna fill diluc in on everything you've been telling me about him
childe: this is not a threat this is a guarantee (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
kaeya: gwuuhwsgbh ,
kaeya: what . the fuck
kaeya: it’s like 3 AM???? childe ?? what do you WANT
childe: took you long enough
Childe sent an image at 3:06 AM
childe: do u think zhongli will like this outfit
kaeya:
Kaeya blocked Childe (3:08 AM)
childe: :(
-
[Private chat between Childe and Xiao]
[4:23 AM]
childe: and then he blocked me :(
xiao: why the fuck are you texting me about this
xiao: it's 4 fucking am
xiao: wait did you just say that you like zhongli
childe: yessir
xiao:
xiao:
[4:28 AM]
xiao: OPEN YOUR FUCKING DOOR
childe: what
xiao: if you don't open it i will not hesitate to rip it from its hinges
childe: wait what the fUCK are you actually at my door
xiao: you have 3 seconds
childe: WAIT WHAT
-
[Chat name: we have gunpowder and also rice ]
[Members: none pizza with left beef, the ultimate geo mommy, not a fucking catgirl, and 11 others]
[4:30 AM]
none pizza with left beef: soooo did anyone else see xiao leaving his apartment with a literal spear and a murderous look on his face or was that just me
popsicles slap: what
not a fucking catgirl: w
cocogoat: um, isn’t it 4 AM right now?
popsicles slap: did you just say a SPEAR
none pizza with left beef : yes,,,,,,,,,,, to both of the above,, should i be concerned for someone’s life
popsicles slap: sweet maybe i should ask him if i could borrow it sometime
reading yaoi brb: chongyun?? are you trying to tell us something???
reading yaoi brb: ok mood though
reading yaoi brb: also why is everyone awake i thought i was the only one
Zhongli: Someone might be in danger. Xiao goes overboard easily.
the ultimate geo mommy: Wait, wait wait wait. So Xiao has a spear and can actually wield it??? And someone might die?
the ultimate geo mommy: Well that’s nice
reading yaoi brb: AOSGFKJN ningguang really just,,,,.. wow
none pizza with left beef: update i just spotted him,, he’s heading across the street to the other dorms
none pizza with left beef: i think he’s heading towards that one exchange student’s apartment,,?? like the transfer student from snezhnaya who likes to get into fights
none pizza with left beef: can’t remember his name lol
popsicles slap: is he not literally in this chat
Zhongli: Childe..? No, I don’t think he’s been invited to this chat yet.
popsicles slap: oh
none pizza with left beef: oh yeah !!
flaming lesbian: LMAOO he boutta get his ass whooped
flaming lesbian: i’ve got my popcorn ready, who else wants to join me in crossing the street and watching the fight happen
none pizza with left beef: FOOD?? count me in
not a fucking catgirl: me too :)
an actual pirate: me too, can’t wait to see where this goes B)
flaming lesbian: oh wow hey beidou haven’t seen you on this chat in ten years
not a fucking catgirl: she was probably off chugging sprite or something
an actual pirate: i'm not even going to deny it. gotta keep up my nutrition
reading yaoi brb: so am i the only one slightly concerned for the physical wellbeing of whoever xiao is probably attacking right now
none pizza with left beef: his name’s childe LOLL
cocogoat: no… i’m worried too, i’m a bit afraid that xiao will go overboard, i haven’t seen him take out his spear in a long time
popsicles slap: wait so what i’m learning rn is that xiao has had a spear and has used it before
Zhongli: Yes, Xiao has had his spear for a long time. I agree with you, Ganyu, something must have happened. I will go interfere.
none pizza with left beef: yasss zhongli u go,, be that responsible disciplinary committee member wow
flaming lesbian: iconic.. we stan a king
not a fucking catgirl: i thought you were looking forwards to the fight xinyan :( betrayed
popsicles slap: so is no one going to talk about xiao’s spear? ok
-
[Chat name: we have gunpowder and also rice ]
[4:39 AM]
Zhongli: It has been taken care of.
the ultimate geo mommy: Thank you, Zhongli.
feral catboy: ASJNJL,,//JSPBCMl J XA 2,
none pizza with left beef: xiao r u okay ??
feral catboy: fuck childe
reading yaoi brb: what happened????
Zhongli: Nothing. I stopped them before they could get to any serious fighting.
feral catboy: u should’ve let me punch him in the face one more time zhongli
feral catboy: why didn’t you
Zhongli: I don't wish for him to be seriously hurt.
none pizza with left beef: owo????????
Zhongli: Anyways, should we add him to this chat? He is in the same homeroom as us, after all.
an actual pirate: wow, changing the topic, your not slick zhongli
the ultimate geo mommy: you’re*
an actual pirate: ningguang, you should know that i'm too swag for correct spelling
feral catboy: DO NOT ADD HIM TO THIS CHAT HOLY FUCK
feral catboy: i do not want to have to interact with him any more than i already am forced to
popsicles slap: xiao what do u have against him
feral catboy: everything
Zhongli: … Understood. I will refrain from adding him to the chat.
flaming lesbian: well since that’s over and done with can we all go to sleep now
none pizza with left beef: wait xinyan do u actually have popcorn
flaming lesbian: ya, u want some? :D
none pizza with left beef: YES PLS!!! wait im coming over <3
cocogoat: don’t stay up too late! we still have classes! ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ
none pizza with left beef: got it!!! i’ll have some popcorn and then go to sleep
not a fucking catgirl: yes ganyu!! ilysm thank u for the reminder u sweet sweet soul :)))))))
cocogoat: you’re welcome! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥
the ultimate geo mommy: Goodnight, everyone
the ultimate geo mommy: Actually, it’s more like morning. Good morning, and see you all in class a few hours from now.
the ultimate geo mommy: Please don't commit any murders in that time frame
-
[Chat Name: we got swag for dayyyyys ]
[Members: gay little gremlin, grape juice batman, barbara!!, and 15 others]
[1:56 PM}
gay little gremlin: so did anyone else see childe come to class looking like an absolute mess
ojou-chan: LMAO WHATTTT
grape juice batman: who the fuck
amber ^-^: uhhh like the transfer student from snezhnaya ??? idk him he’s like a grade above me
elsa: bitch got what he deserved <3
ojou-chan: am i missing something LMAO
my horoscope says i shouldnt: i heard he got into a fight with xiao and zhongli had to stop them from tearing eachother’s faces off
my horoscope says i shouldnt: at 4 am in the morning
Jean: no swearing please
elsa: fuck sorry jean
Jean: You know what, I’m not even going to bother anymore
chalk man: wait i’m definitely missing something here, who’s zhongli again
gay little gremlin: he’s hot
gay little gremlin: that’s literally it
ojou-chan: seconded
antonym of luck: i’ve seen him like once in my life and the thing that struck me first was how hot he was
prinzessin de veruteilung: Sir zhongli’s radiance is truly otherworldly; it transcends mortal bounds. Indeed.. his outward appearance shines with light as though sprinkled upon by stardust.
oz: what mein fraulein means is that he’s hot
chalk man: okay simps
chalk man: i still have no fucking idea who he is though
Jean: He’s part of the disciplinary committee and he’s in Mr. Morax’s homeroom
ojou-chan: he’s got like,,,,,,,,,, long brown hair that’s usually in a ponytail?
gay little gremlin: and a really hot ass
ojou-chan: can you like shut the fuck up
my horoscope says i shouldnt: venti you have the right to remain silent
elsa: when i tell you i just spat out my fucking juice
elsa: venti i hope you have the money to pay for my fucking caprisun that you just caused me to waste
gay little gremlin: BSJHJXHJSKJN
ojou-chan: @ elsa you shouldn’t count on it, this bitch doesn’t even have enough money to buy himself skittles
gay little gremlin: so true </3
gay little gremlin: i just want to taste the rainbow
elsa: you can taste these hands u boutta be catching
gay little gremlin: i'd rather taste something else~ ;)
barbara!!: this chat needs jesus
ara ara~: no amount of jesus could possibly cleanse this chat
chalk man: wait so zhongli’s the dude that childe has a massive fucking crush on
gay little gremlin: HUH
ojou-chan: W
elsa: yeah he woke me up at 3 am just to ask me if i thought zhongli would like his outfit
amber ^-^ : oh my god
gay little gremlin: what having zero bitches does to a mfer
ojou-chan: shut the fuck up venti (x2)
my horoscope says i shouldnt: ???? there are people who don’t actually know about how hard he simps for zhongli??????
grape juice batman: i didn’t even know who childe was until 2 minutes ago
chalk man: diluc is a different species entirely
gay little gremlin: but he’s still super hot and we all simp for him <3
chalk man: does no one love me :(
ara ara~ : i love you
elsa: me too tbh ;)
Sucrose ≧◠ᴥ◠≦ : m-me too!!
chalk man: <3
amber ^-^ : wow lisa cheating on your gf huh
ara ara~ : i meant platonically, i could never love anyone more than i love jean
gay little gremlin: HUH
Jean: .. <3
ara ara~ : <3
ojou-chan: so i guess we’re just not going to talk about childe getting beat up by xiao after all
-
[Private chat between Childe and Xiao]
[2:49 PM]
childe: sooo,,,, do i have your blessings to ask him out sometime
childe: and by him i mean zhongli
xiao: WHAT THE FUCK
xiao: I THOUGHT I BLOCKED YOU?
childe: you did, but i have my ways
childe: hehe
xiao: don’t fucking hehe me oh my god
xiao: you sound like venti
xiao: i’m going to heely off a cliff
childe: cool
childe: after you do that can we talk about me asking out zhongli
xiao:
xiao: i’m digging your grave as we speak
childe: wait you have heelys
-
[Chat name: we have gunpowder and also rice ]
[3:10 PM]
feral catboy: @ not a fucking catgirl yo keqing arent u like the daughter of the principal or smth
not a fucking catgirl: uh yea what do u need
feral catboy: i just have a question
not a fucking catgirl: suspicious but shoot
feral catboy: hypothetically speaking would i get expelled if i committed a murder
not a fucking catgirl:
feral catboy: this is purely hypothetical
not a fucking catgirl: it depends on what you’re murdering, i guess
not a fucking catgirl: my sanity? probably no
not a fucking catgirl: a live, human being that goes by the name of childe? probably yes
feral catboy: well fuck me
Zhongli: Xiao, please refrain from committing any murders.
Zhongli: As a member of the disciplinary committee, it would be very difficult to cover up the incident.
popsicles slap: .. that’s what you’re concerned about?
flaming lesbian: man childe really has it rough lmao