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You hugged your legs closer to your chest. If only your insecurities would stop biting and clawing at you. In a few minuets, your friends would be at the door ushering you to come with them to a party some upperclassman was throwing.
You desperately wanted to stay in your room and relax but there was a part of you that was wanting you to experience everything about college life, including the parties, at least a few times. Besides, once you had some alcohol, you would open up some. Maybe.
You made your way off the bed and stood in front of the mirror on your bathroom door. You pulled and tugged at your clothes and triple checked your makeup in the mirror. No amount of makeup would ever make you look or feel beautiful enough for your crush. And you knew he would be there. He wasn’t the most popular guy but he had a large group of friends and was outgoing and kind.
You had made some mutual friends but it was obvious the only interaction you had from him was friend-like.
The eager voice of your insecurities whispered “how could he ever like you? Do you see yourself? You can’t fix an ugly face with any amount of makeup...” Tears threatened your eyes as you frowned at your figure in the mirror. This wasn’t even worth it anymore.
Suddenly, you hear a knock at your door. It was your friends Mina and Ochako. The beautiful beams of their smiles and happy chirping made you feel a little better.
At least you have great friends! You took a deep breath and told yourself you would try to enjoy tonight, no matter what.
You three walked briskly in the cool air until you made it to what looked like a frat house, just on the edge of campus. Great.
Your nerves were getting the best of you as you casually strolled in behind them. Mina made a straight shot for the kitchen area. Sure enough, there was Kirishima, Denki, and Jirou.
“Hey! You guys made it!” Kiri’s sweet voice made you smile. You felt relief flood over you as you walked over to Jirou’s waving and smiling figure. You got a cup of beer from the nearby keg.
For what felt like an hour, your little group stood around conversing about random things and class mishaps.
When Denki made some mixed drinks you may have overindulged and began to feel a little tipsy. But it added to the actual fun you were having.
As you looked around the crowd, you wondered if he was also here. You would never dare to ask the others. If they thought you had a crush on him, they would probably look at you with pity. You would be able to easily pick him out from a crowd. He stood out everywhere he went, with his two-toned hair and gorgeous heterochromatic eyes.
“Who are you looking for, nerd?” A familiar rough voice brought your attention to a spiky-haired blonde now standing in front of you. You blushed slightly.
Katsuki was gorgeous, also. He did not seem to care though, he focused on his studies. Anything or anyone else was just...extra.
You tried not to let your eyes linger on his muscular arms as you squeaked out a “nobody. Just curious to see who is here.”
“Uh-huh.” He had an eyebrow raised. Your eyes got kind of wide. Surely he did not know? He wasn’t THAT observant?
Thankfully the conversation got shifted as everyone began to talk about how impossible it was to drag Izuku away from his studies. You couldn’t help but laugh. Eventually most of them pointed over at you and said, “You are almost as bad as him, y/n!”.
That was followed by giggles and hugs / pats on your shoulder. As everyone reached their tipsy breaking point, it was decided that they should all go dance. You and Katsuki decided to sit it out, since neither of you really danced.
You did make your way into the living room though, and lean up against a wall, drink in hand and talking. You tried not to feel nervous as you eyed many girls looking over towards you and Katsuki.
You were having casual conversation and a few times you overheard some of the more drunken ones saying “What the hell is he doing talking to her?”, “She isn’t even that pretty!”, “He’s the hottest guy in school and he’s wasting his time with a loser.”
You tried to ignore it but it hurt. You faintly smiled at Katsuki and told him you needed to go outside for some fresh air.
As soon as you left, you glanced back to see that some of the girls had already pounced and taken your place. Of course. As you pushed open the door you noticed your crush standing at the other end of the long porch. So this is where he’s been. It does feel a lot cooler and better out here. You smiled.
Then you realized as he turned around there was a beautiful, skinny girl with long blonde hair attatched to his lips. You knew it was impossible but that did not stop your heart from sinking and cracking. You looked away and bit your lip. Tears welled up in your eyes.
You glanced down at the drink in your hand and wondered why you were even still there. You looked on either side of you and saw no one there. No reason to stay. The tears left your eyes and you stopped when you heard a sudden vaguely familiar voice behind you.
“Y/n? You okay?”
“Y-yeah I’m good. I’m fine.” You frantically wiped the tears from your eyes and sucked in a breath as you turned to find it was one of your old friends from high school, Hitoshi.
“Toshi!” you smiled as much of a smile as you could muster. “I didn’t know you went here, too.”
“I guess we just hadn’t ran into each other yet...I saw some of the other UA peeps in there. Hey, you sure you okay?” Now he was slightly frowning.
You tried to repair your face but failed. You saw your crush walking through the doors, blonde in tow, and walking up the stairs. Your face must have told on you because Hitoshi had followed your line of sight and looked back at you with a sigh. He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t.
“So...,” your voice was too low. “So what brings you out here?”
“It was too stuffy in there. And...parties aren’t my thing.” he swished the liquid in the cup he was holding.
His purple hair was down and framed his face. It was a good look for him. You felt comfortable in his presence. But you could not repair how empty you were feeling inside.
“And you?” Oh, I just came out here to wallow in self pity and contemplate leaving while having a mini existential crisis going on. Nothing major.
“Ah I just needed some cool air. I actually...you know, I’m actually going to go back to my dorm. I need to find one of them and tell them...Katsuki was the last person I saw in there.”
You just wanted to go back to the dorm, turn all the lights off, sulk in bed and cry for the rest of the night. And hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
That maybe, just maybe, you’ll feel better about everything and especially about yourself.
“Oh..okay. If you want I can go in and try to find them for you? Yeah? And, if it’s okay with you, I could walk you back to the dormitory? I would feel better if you weren’t alone.”
Wow. That was really nice. You smiled and nodded appreciatively.
When Hitoshi walked in he eyed several of the group, dancing with partners on the floor. Even Katsuki was now busy with some redhead all over him. Hitoshi rolled his eyes and made his way over to the usually angry blonde.
“Hey, I’m just letting you know to tell the others that y/n is leaving. I’m going to walk her back to the building so she won’t be walking alone.”
Katsuki nodded and gave him a thumbs up. “Tell her to text us when she’s back, especially Mina!” his voice boomed.
Hitoshi nodded and stepped outside.
Y/n was leaned over the small railing of the house’s porch, looking at the frozen bushes below. Her face was stoic and tears still pricked at the corners of her eyes.
He wasn’t stupid. He knew all too well why she was having a miserable time.
He often felt that way during any high school gatherings, when he would be looking at her and she would be looking at Shoto Todoroki.
And now she was still looking for him in a crowded room. He would never know how lucky he was to have someone like her feel the way she felt about him.
She was so beautiful. He could never let her know, he knew it would be in vain and the last thing he wanted to do was make her feel weird.
The two of you made smalltalk on the way back to the dormitory. He stopped just outside the doors.
"Well, this is your stop." He tried not to seem kind of bummed.
"Yeah, home sweet home...listen, thank you for walking me back. Be careful going back to the party."
"Ah I'm going back to my dorm. I'm done for the night."
"Oh...I get that. Hey...Toshi?"
"Yeah?" he had turned around, about to walk away.
"Thank you, really. Message me sometime. It was nice to see you again."
"Of course. You too." Wait...he didn't have your number. He turned around frantically. "Y/n!"
But you had already gone inside the building.