Work Text:
i wonder (what it's like to be loved by you)
The light was annoying this time in the morning making Jess groan in defeat. She very clearly got too drunk to bother to shut what she believes to be her blinds last night. She threw an arm to her eyes to shield them from spring light. Jess shuffled to her side trying to get away from the pain, hoping to go to sleep once again. It was at that moment another groan moved beside her, making Jess freeze in pure fear.
(jessica day doesn’t do one night stands. it’s in her personal codes of ethics which, yes, sometimes she breaks, but it’s important for her to build relationships with the men she sleeps with. probably if she knew that the man sleeping beside her was one that was her best friend, she would make a clearer note next to the word relationship. and to be fair, it’s on her for getting drunk on that fateful night, knowing damn well that it was important that she remembers what happened the night before.)
Her fear was becoming too much so taking a breath and trying to think of an excuse, she turned her head to be met with a mess of brown hair. The brown haired man had a smell of cheap beer, all in one body wash and Nick Miller.
(it was a smell that jess lives off of. the smell of nights in his messy room, late nights at his bar and just something that makes her feel at home.)
Nick Miller was in her bed. Well, she was in Nick Miller’s bed because her bed was in her room in piles of metal. She slept with Nick Miller. For the first time in four years.
(when she drinks, she forgets. she forgets about the running upstairs and old rooms to looking out the window to see him and looking up to see him…)
Her hand went to her mouth to stop herself from screaming, but in the process, hit Nick around the head, and while he sat up in shock falling out of the bed with a cry of pain from the whiplash. Jess let out a confused noise that she didn’t know could come out of her throat while Nick rubs the back of his head standing up, only with joggers on.
(because when he and regan were a thing he worked out and somehow under that dad body, light abs now exist. he looks better, he seemed to change in new orleans, becoming a better man.)
“Jessica Day,” Nick spoke through gritted teeth, watching her through darkened brown eyes making her see a little bit into last night as his eyes watched her as she repeated her confession over and over again. “I swear the only reason you allowed me to wake up early if it is a national emergency.”
Her phone buzzed beside her and so did Nick’s. Jess left his eyes picking up her phone but glancing back up at his face while she fished her glasses out. Putting them on her nose, pushing them up slightly, she reads the text on her phone. Again. And again. Until somehow something clicks.
‘Due to the spread of the JJ29 virus, California and all other states of the U.S.A are to quarantine within their household only leaving for necessary items. For more information please click here.’
“Well,” Jess choked out, “it is a national emergency.”
(last night was filled with love confessions in the elevator, drinks at the bar, then stumbling home and laughing and making out in the cab. they have not talked about them. they haven’t talked about nick and jess again. they just know they love each other.)
Nick wasn't looking up from his phone, instead, he looked confused. They had been hearing about the virus for a while now, it wasn’t anything new, but the idea of being locked in a loft with the man she just confessed her love to was haunting.
When he looked up at her his eyes softened as he spoke. “You got lucky, Day.” He shrugged, smiling slightly heading out of his room phone still in his hand.
“So, I’m stuck at Aly and mine for a while. I have everything I need, including Furgerson, thank the lord,” Nick also thanked the lord that he wouldn’t have to look after that cat, “but if you guys can just mail me a few bits I ask for on my list that would be amazing.”
Jess wandered into the living room where Nick had the TV on the news on low volume which showed what was allowed during the pandemic and Winston on the line. He was pacing nervously but still had a smile on his face talking to his childhood friend.
“Got it, Winnie. If you need anything else or get bored, don’t be afraid to call.” Nick laughed down the phone, one hand in his pocket.
(he looked like he had just been told his dad died again. he was hiding his emotions throughout phone calls with his publisher and his friends, but jess could tell he was worried. she could see it in the way he pushed off questions about if he would be okay and how he was going to cope. jess was worried too but nick had his business to think about and his books.)
It was when he was on the phone with his mum things really found a way to come out. Jess was in the kitchen, making Nick coffee, watching him from the kitchen island as he spoke calmly and sweetly to his Mother.
“Ma, I am not alone.” Jess heard Nick telling his Mother through the phone.
Jess’s heart swelled at the thought that she isn't alone either.
(throughout this, if this was a random game of who would you rather be locked in a house without of all your friends, she would choose nick. because nick makes good eggs and nick will watch her movies with her, then complain about her bad they are and have a debate about why they are good or why the acting was terrible. nick would ask her if she was okay, not because he just wanted to start a conversation because he actually cared for her and wanted her to be happy. nick was good. he pretends to be a bad boyfriend to all his girlfriends, but really anyone who has dated nick knows that he will do anything for them.)
“Jess is here with me, and to be fair,” Nick turned his head to look at Jess who held her coffee in both hands, smiling from the kitchen with his red flannel over her small frame, “she is all I need.”
He promised to FaceTime his mother at the weekend and wished her good luck with all the family. Nick watched Jess throughout the rest of the phone call. She pretended that she didn’t know, but really she was watching him too out of the corner of her eye line. As he hung up the phone, he made his way to where Jess was standing.
(some people would call this silence between them awkward or weird. but really they didn’t need to use words. because they both didn’t know if what happened last night was real or just a dream. they have no idea if last night was because of love or alcoholic beverages.)
“Hey, Jess.” Nick broke the silence first, studying her reactions carefully. “Wanna bake a cake?”
“That is not how you do it, Nick!” Flour was all over the side, making it look as if it was Christmas in the loft. Jess tried to stop laughing as Nick poured half a cup of water into the bowl again. “Nick, I’ve already put the water in there.”
(she was meant to sound teachery, telling someone off, but he looked adorable, his hands covered in the flour, the hoodie caked in cake mix and his face had a line of butter. he really had no idea what he was doing.)
“Jessica!” He shouted as she threw more flour at his face.
(her name seemed to just roll off his tongue. she hated being called jessica, it was a hit to her past, in which nobody liked her apart from cece, and they would make fun of her. but with nick he would tease her just as much as he would compliment her, as much as he cared for her.)
Jess threw her head back and laughed wildly, holding the bowl protectively.
(to nick, jess was perfect. she was pure. jessica day was underrated in the world and maybe he maybe biased, i mean he loves her more than he ever loved anyone, but he wants the world to know how perfect she was. even though the world has stopped today, he felt as if the world hadn’t stopped for them.)
Nick wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder forgetting about talking about feelings. He just wanted to show her. Jess leaned into his touch stirring the bowl embracing the music that she had on low on her phone because Jess made it clear she bakes better when listening to music.
(the sense of domestic bliss was astronomical. jess hadn’t felt comfort from any guy touching her after her break up with ryan but really it had always been nick. she didn’t stop loving him. she has always loved him.)
With the cake in the oven and the TV on low, Jess walks to the living room where she expects to see Nick. The living room was empty apart from the people on the news talking about the rules of the lockdown. Jess watches it carefully, she will need to know how to work zoom for school now. It wasn't until she heard a crash in her room was when she was out of her daze.
“Nick?” Jess called as she made her way to her room.
Nick was putting up her bed frame carefully, not looking at Jess as she wandered in. She leans against the door frame, watching him put it up, humming to himself the song that was playing while they were baking. He looked peaceful, even though there was a pandemic outside and they could be locked inside for weeks on ends, he looked happy.
“Hey, Jess, can you pass me the hammer?” He spoke tapping the frame, not looking at her.
“Yeah sure.”
They work in silence, with stolen stares unpacking Jess’ room. Nick tried to involve himself in the bed frame because high stakes lego makes him feel manly and better as a human. Jess hangs up clothes in the wardrobe quietly. At some point, she takes the cake out of the oven and brings him a slice of it and bites into the warm cake. She seems lost in thoughts and as she is trying to reach high shelves as the last few bits of stuff are on the floor. She makes little noises to show her struggle. Nick watches as she tries for a bit before shaking his head, walking up to her picking up her spare coat hangers. While he puts them away that's when she speaks.
“I thought you would have wanted me in your bed.” Jess didn’t know where the newfound bravery had come from, but she looked up at him as he watched her with a curious look.
Nick shrugs and decides to play along. “No, your bed is better than mine, I’m sleeping in there.”
It was late at night and Jess was on the couch on phone calls with the school board trying to convince them to make sure every kid had a laptop so they could do online school. Nick plays with her hair, while he flicks through Netflix on the TV screen. Jess ends the phone call in a huff and ignores his question if she was okay but instead settling her head in his lap, flicking through her phone idling. Nick sighs, placing his hand on her head again playing with the loose brown curls watching as she asks Cece if she is okay over text.
With ‘Blue Planet’ coming to an end softly in the background, Nick looked at Jess who was asleep on his lap. He silently freaked checking her pulse to find it was strong and steady under his fingers.
(“are you checking my pulse?” jess laughs sleepy as she turns to face him
“you were very quiet,” he laughs back.
he wasn't going to tell her the other reason why he did that as well that day. because he thought it was a dream. because jess was dream material.)
He didn’t know what to do, his eyes looked down on her small figure and he knew he would need to carry her. Sure Nick Miller was doing better with his physical health but he felt like he picked up Jess that he would be in his arms and that’s all he wants. All he ever wants.
(one day he wouldn’t just have to worry about jess to bed but also his daughter and son would be tucked into their mum’s side with some cheesy disney movie playing.)
Nick untangled himself from Jess and picked her up carrying her bridal style. Her head tucked itself into his neck and with a breath, he carefully took her to her room placing her on top of her sheets pulling them down so they cover her matching bedwear.
(she looked peaceful, not someone who has just been told they will have to stay home for weeks on end without leaving unless you're getting food.)
“Nick.” Jess stirred as he started to walk out of her room. “I thought you said my bed was more comfortable?” Nick watched her bright blue eyes for a hint of a joke. Instead they looked at him with a look that brings him 20 years in the future with annoying teenagers that bore his last name and Jess’ eyes full of joy watching them go to prom.
He didn’t say anything as he made his way around to the left side of her bed wrapping his arms around her middle. Nick simply tucked his head into her shoulder and told her it was going to be okay.
(because if anyone was freaking out about the pandemic it should be jess. someone who has to figure out a whole new way of teaching 400 kids, someone who has to spend a lot of time with nick miller who will get grumpy and annoyed at the world outside. but somehow he knows she has a plan.)
When Jess had made her way back to sleep Nick couldn't help himself.
“I love you, Jessica Day.”
“I love you too, Nick Miller.”
She turned her head, rolling it to the side, lips meeting his in a side kiss. Nick was half asleep but he lifted his head above her. Their kiss was deep, loving, even though it had happened 24 hours ago, they needed more, Nick will always need Jess.
(jess was a drug, something he had tried to quit and was successful for some time, but life after was nothing like in the past. jess gave him an escape, something that he could commit to. jessica day should have been a part of his life a long time ago.)
“Last night?” Jess breathed between locked lips
“It happened, it was real,” Nick pulled away to watch her eyes settle into a look of complete happiness
“Don’t leave me again.”
“That is humanly impossible right now, Day,” he laughed pointing outside the window.
“Shut up and kiss me, Miller”