Work Text:
“Touya Todorog Todoroki
8 years old
My best friend”
Below this description sat a primitive drawing of the boy in question, a spiky tuft of white hair on a stick figure in a hoodie, an angry grin on his face that would appear evil or malicious to anyone that wasn’t you and in that moment you wished you were anyone but you.
Full tears rolled down your face, dropping onto your elementary school diary filled with anything you thought to be of importance at the time, meaning mostly Touya, sketches of Touya, nice things Touya has said to you, a polaroid of Touya, an entry made by Touya, Touya, Touya, Touya...
No matter how dull you convinced yourself the pain was, any direct mention of young he-who-shall-not-be-named triggered an inevitable spiral and then it’s back to your room for a week, back to bed all day until slowly and gradually back to civilization and schoolwork and “oh look, they want to hang out tonight”, and back to forgetting as best you can.
You can’t ignore it now though.
You opened up Pandora’s box and you’ll never collect the abstract nouns fast enough to get them back in, you idiot.
Deal. Deal with it, just process it and it’ll be fine and you can move on.
You were the only one to show him kindness
Just get over it, it’s dumb.
He couldn’t stop hurting himself
You are predictably self-destructive
And you see that man on the T.V. everyday and you will for decades to come
Stop.
And he will be praised while T**** “rests” in an unmarked grave with no body to be buried
Please just...
Maybe if you’d-
Stop.
And stop you did, but then it all came crawling back.
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Act One, Early Childhood: A Trivial Promise
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“Oh no, what happened?!”
The boy stumbled up from the rope ladder, his arm red and blistering already.
“It’s nothing, y/n, don’t even worry about it!”
“No, no Touya let me see it, lemme see your arm I wanna help, please just let me.”
You were calm with him. You had to be, he was so skittish and if he ran away it would get infected and you couldn’t let that happen.
“Fine... but you don’t get to ask questions this time.”
“That’s okay, T.”
You went and grabbed the first-aid kit you stowed away in the cabinet of your treehouse. Well, Touya’s treehouse, technically, but when you called it that he would correct you, saying, “No, it’s ours , we live here together and we always will because we love each other!”
It’s funny how kids get upset about things like that, the only things they can control at that age, and take such serious matters so lightly. He didn’t even know what he was saying. What a silly little boy you were, Touya.
“Ouch! Be careful... please.” He always used his manners so begrudgingly. Problem child. Bad kid. The sweetest to you, though.
“Oh, I’m really sorry, T, I will, I promise, is that better?”
You dabbed on the antiseptic tenderly, the same way you did when “playing doctor” with your stuffed animals.
“Yeah, that’s better. Thank you.”
“Mhm.”
“I know you said I can’t ask questions but... you don’t have to answer me out loud, okay? Just listen.”
Touya stayed quiet.
“Did he do this again?”
“It’s not his fault it’s mine. It’s always mine, what don’t you get about that? It will always be my fault because... because I can’t control it, I can’t control my dumb quirk.”
He was crying now but still seemed collected. He didn’t care if you bore witness to his emotions, you would never invalidate them.
“But it is his fault, Touya.”
You finished wrapping up the gauze and pinning it to his arm, cupping his face in your tiny hands.
“He forces you, he makes you use your fire even though he knows it’s hard for you. He doesn’t car-“
“Don’t you think I know that, idiot?!”
He ripped himself away from your gentle hold, brushing his cheeks off with the back of his hand as if to insinuate that you’d dirtied his face with your attempt at kindness.
“I know he doesn’t give a shit.”
“Touya, don’t swear in the treehouse.”
“Right, s-sorry.”
“Come here, please.”
You were sat up on your knees with your arms out wide, motioning for Touya to come closer.
“Okay, y/n.”
He scooted closer and leaned in, letting you hold him. His mother never did this with him. She seemed scared of him for some reason. It made Touya so sad. His father had hugged him a total of once in his lifetime, when his quirk had first manifested.
You held him tightly because you knew he might leave at any second and you wanted to put as much love into the hug as he’d allow for.
“I’m sorry I called you that. You’re not an idiot,” he mumbled into your shoulder.
“It’s okay, T, I forgive you. I always will.”
“Hey, y/n?”
“What’s up?”
“What do you wanna be when you’re older, like when you’re an adult?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to be a doctor but my mommy tells me I’ll probably have to ‘settle for nurse’ because it’s really hard to get into medical school.”
“That’s dumb. I bet you could get into any school you wanted to. You’re just smart like that, you always know what to do and I think you’d make a great doctor.”
“Thanks, what do you wanna be when you’re an adult?”
“I don’t care what my dad says, I’m gonna be a hero. I’m gonna save people and make a lot of money and buy a big house for us like dad bought for mom. I’ve gotta take care of you especially, because you’re quirkless.”
You didn’t mind being quirkless, you didn’t get bullied for it in school and you couldn’t imagine what life would be like with a quirk at this point. Besides, you were the closest onlooker to the pain and suffering and discomfort Touya’s quirk had cursed him to live through. You didn’t feel as though it was worth it.
“That sounds like a good plan. Where will we live?”
“Eh, somewhere in the country. Outside the city. Away from people, unless I need to go save someone, then I’ll drive there. It’s too dangerous for you in the big city, though, y/n.”
“You’re right, you’re right. Talk more about the future, will we have pets?”
“I was watching this show the other day and it had a family on it that had goats as pets. I think we should get goats, y/n, they were pretty cute on T.V.”
You laughed, “Yes let’s get some goats, Touya.”
“And a German Shepard. They do this thing called ‘herding’ where they round up all the goats for you. I think that would be nice.”
“Yes. And some cats since we’ll live in the country where there’s lots of mice and rats.”
“Hey, y/n?”
“What, Touya?”
He looked up at you. There were stationary tears in his eyes but he was smiling through them.
“Will you promise to stay with me, like, forever?”
“Of course, Touya, I love you so of course I’ll stay with you.”
“We have to go to different schools in like two years, will you promise to still come here every day?”
“I’ll be here as soon as I can and every day.”
Touya sat up and hugged you back, staying like that for a while.
“I love you too, y/n, you’re my best friend in the whole world. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you.”
“I won’t let anyone hurt you, either, Touya.”
“How’ll you do that without a quirk?”
You chuckled again.
“I don’t know, I just won’t!”
“Okay, deal. We’ll both protect each other forever and we have to spit-shake on it. ”
“Oh, Touya that’s so gross! Do we really have to?”
“Yes. This is how you make the promise real. Just get it over with, you can wipe your hand off right away but don’t go inside to wash it, okay? Dad’s probably still mad at me.”
“Okay, fine.”
You spat into your pudgy little hand, Touya into his and you sealed your proposed fate with a shake.
“Yucky,” you said, wiping your hand off on the side of your shirt.
“Not that yucky.”
“Spit is gross, Touya. But... I really want the promise to be real so I’ll deal with it.”
“Can we stay up here for a while longer, y/n? I have cards and marbles in the cabinet, I can teach you how to play, Keigo taught me yesterday at recess!”
“Okay, yeah that sounds fun, teach me!”
_________________________________
Act Two, Middle School: The Shared Clumsiness of Adolescence
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“Ew, Touya, don’t look! I’m about to go!”
“Who cares?! We used to take baths when we were little, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“Don’t even act like that’s in the same ballpark!”
“Whatever.”
Touya turned around. You two were camping in the woods near the Todoroki residence and the lack of toilet and toiletries was proving to be the biggest issue for you, at least.
Touya had changed a lot that summer, went into an isolationist cocoon and metamorphosed into an angry, volatile butterfly. On occasion you did miss the relentlessly sweet boy he used to be. Of course he’d always been angsty, even from a young age but at least he was quiet and had the capacity to be docile. You didn’t love him any less, though.
“Okay, I’m done, you can turn around, now.”
“Finally. Can we please hurry the fuck back to the tent, now? It’s too dark for comfort out here and I’m freezing my sack off.”
“Graphic.”
“It’s true.”
“Just because it’s true doesn’t mean it’s necessary but yes, let’s get back ASAP.”
You two were a little ways off the beaten path and had to maneuver around fallen branches and thorn bushes in order to get back to the trail that took you to the clearing.
The walk back was silent but not in an uncomfortable sense, and once you got back to the tent you immediately scurried inside while touya put out the fire with a bucket of lake water you two had collected earlier for the occasion.
Afterwards, Touya made his way into the tent as well. You had already quickly changed into some more comfortable layers and gotten into your sleeping bag under the covers.
“Scooch, fatass.”
“Will do.”
You had learned to ignore his brash comments, he really didn’t mean anything by them.
Once you two were under the covers and the flashlights were off and the fire put out, you were left alone with your thoughts and the sounds of simultaneous tossing and turning and shifting and never quite getting in a comfortable-enough position to sleep in.
“Touya?”, you whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Can you sleep?”
“Nope. Judging by the fact that you’re conscious and talking to me, I’m guessing you can’t either?”
“Nope. I just can’t get comfy. Do you wanna talk?”
“Yeah, sure. What do you wanna talk about?”
“We could play a game.”
“What about truth or dare?”
“I feel like any dares would be pointless since there’s no cell service and nobody else out here. I can think of maybe two good dares and then I clock out.”
“Alright, alright, what about kiss, marry, kill?”
Ah yes, kiss, marry, kill, the watered-down version of fuck, marry, kill that Touya had thought of in order to make you less uncomfortable.
“Okay yeah, sure. You go first, though I’m bad at coming up with options.”
“Okay, okay, I’ve got one. Crimson Riot, All Might, O’Clock.”
“Ugh! Touya they’re all old.”
“Don’t care. Have to choose.”
“I think I’d kiss O’Clock since he’s the least scary of the three in my opinion. I’d marry All Might I guess since he’d be really hard to kill and I’d try to kill Crimson Riot but inevitably die trying.”
“Yeah I think that’d be the best route to go. Have you ever kissed anyone before, y/n?”
The question was so sudden, and it was a bit of a touchy subject at the time since all of your friends had received their first kisses already. You were the last straggler, and at this rate it felt like it would probably just never happen.
“Uhm, no. I haven’t yet. H-have you.. kissed someone before?”
“Of course I have.”
He said that so nonchalantly, it made you nervous.
“Oh. Uhh can I ask, with whom?”
Touya chuckled under his breath.
“Yeah I kissed a few girls at summer camp last month. It was kinda late and we were all just having fun and playing spin the bottle.”
“What was it like?”
“Summer camp? Oh, it was okay. Kinda hot and this one kid in my bunk wouldn’t stop cryi-“
“No, T, the kiss, what was it like kissing someone?”
“Ohhh, that’s what you meant. It was fine. I don’t know I didn’t really like any of them to be honest with you. It just seemed like I should have since everyone else was.”
“Oh. I get that.”
The tent went too silent for a few seconds too long.
“Hey, y/n, can I ask you for a favor?”
“Uh, sure Touya, what is it?”
He cleared his throat nervously. It was weird feeling Touya’s nervous energy once again, it was very recognizable but still foreign due to his brand-new wall he’d built around his genuine emotions.
“Can I be your first kiss?”
You can’t say that you were shocked. Touya had grown weirdly protective of you recently, asking you to hang out more often, stop talking to that classmate, block their number, stay the night again, the list goes on.
“I mean, I guess, yeah. I wasn’t saving it for anyone, really, but why?”
“Well I figure it would be better if I knew it came from someone experienced, such as myself, versus some sleazy guy who doesn’t care about you trying to shove his tongue down your throat.”
“Ew.”
“Ew, indeed. C’mere.”
Touya sat up and turned the smallest flashlight on.
You sat up and out of your sleeping bag and rubbed your eyes at the sudden beam of light that filled the small space between you two.
“C’mere, closer,” Touya repeated.
“O-okay.”
You wiggled forward until you two were almost touching. There was no more room for ease or solace. This was real and your best friend was about to kiss you.
Touya put his right hand on the left side of your face, using his palm to tilt your chin up towards him so you had no other choice but to look him in the eyes before he leaned in and firmly pressed his lips against yours.
It was a bit rough for a first kiss, but you still enjoyed it because it was with Touya, and it felt warm and attentive. It felt like him.
His lips were surprisingly soft, making you a bit self conscious about the state of your own and you pulled away.
“Why’d you do that, did I do something wrong?”
“No, sorry, I don’t know why I did that. You can... keep going if you want to.”
Touya smiled. It wasn’t the wide, toothy grin you were accustomed to in childhood, but the smirk was still appreciated.
He leaned in again, this time holding your whole head between both his hands so that you couldn’t move back any further and kissed you once more, and then again and again and one more time.
Touya wanted to enjoy moments like these while he still could.
“How was that?”
“It was nice I think.”
His hands were still on your face.
“You think?”
You averted your eyes, a little embarrassed now.
“Well I don’t really have anything else to compare it to, but I did like it.”
“That’s good.”
He kissed you on the cheek.
“I’m glad.”
And then the opposite cheek.
“Come cuddle with me, it’s getting too cold, now.”
You hadn’t noticed the drop in temperature after the fire went out, too focused on Touya.
“Okay one sec.”
You wiggled halfway into your sleeping bag and then scooted next to Touya in his.
He turned the flashlight off again and wrapped his arms around your head and torso, pulling you in closer.
You rested your hands on his shoulders and lay back on your downy pillow.
“Goodnight, Touya.”
“Goodnight, y/n.”
You heard the smile in his voice.
_________________________________
Act Three, Penultimate
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As your dear friend matured further from the boy you’d once played cards with, the one your parents had introduced you to as a baby, who’d watched you grow and allowed you to watch him devolve, he became more and more distant by the day.
It was the first day of Sophomore year and you two were finally attending school under the same roof again.
You ran up to him excitedly, even though your classmates seemed visibly intimidated by his demeanor, his oversized black hoodie zipped up over what you assumed was the school’s uniform.
“Touya! Aren’t you happy? We finally get to be in a class together.”
“Oh, hi y/n,” said Touya, barely glancing up before hanging his head back down again.
That was a lackluster greeting, but nothing you hadn’t received from him before, so you continued chatting away, trying not to pay mind to his mien.
When the bell rang, you followed him out thinking he’d head towards the cafeteria.
He didn’t. Touya turned down an empty hallway, headed for the exit at the end, apparently unaware that you were closely behind.
“Touya, where are you going?”
Touya flinched.
“Jesus, you scared me.”
“It’s time for lunch, I thought maybe we could sit together.”
You did your best to smile up at him despite not feeling in the mood to do so.
“That’s okay, y/n I’m just gonna head out I think.”
Touya Todoroki skipping school didn’t phase you in the slightest, it was a regular occurrence for him throughout his academic career.
“Do you want me to bring you your syllabi when school gets out?”
“No.”
Okay, that was blunt.
“Alright, bye then I guess, Touya. I love you.”
You leaned in and hugged him. Touya was considerably taller than you by now and you wrapped your hands all the way around his torso and pressed the side of your face into him as he leniently reciprocated the embrace.
“Just don’t be sad, okay?”, he whispered, almost inaudibly.
“What was that?”
“Just don’t be sad when I leave.”
“Why would I be sad? I’m seeing you tomorrow, Touya.”
“That’s right, you are. Bye, y/n, I love you too,” he said before quickly pivoting away from you and heading out the door before checking if the coast was clear.
You went about your day normally but couldn’t shake the nausea Touya’s tone and implication left you with.
You tried not to think about it. You’d se whim tomorrow, it would be fine. You’d see him and he’d be normal again. He’d be aggressive and scare off classmates making advances at you and he’d pat your head and say “I love you, y/n and I’ll never leave.” Everything would be fine.
_________________________________
A fire.
Our treehouse.
A tragedy; an accident.
You couldn’t hear what the specifics of what your parents were trying to get across over your own chokes and sobs.
Touya was d***.
He had d***.
No he hadn’t, silly. He was just messing around it’s a prank, you’re being pranked, right? Fooled? Classic Touya, he could pop out from behind the couch now in a scary monster mask now because this wasn’t fucking funny anymore.
You passed out. Or at least you think you did because you can’t remember anything until that midnight when you were hunched over the toilet, aggressively vomiting while your mother held your hair from your face and rubbed circles into your back.
After cleanup and mouthwash, you eyeballed a mouthful of nyquil and passed out on the living room couch. You couldn’t sleep in your room, it was plastered with pictures from disposable cameras of every adventure you and T**** went on together.
Together.
There would be no more of that. You laughed. It wasn’t funny but you laughed so that you wouldn’t have to cry again.
Your house. You would live there together forever because you loved each other.
Firefighters were still sifting through the ashes for any shred, any remnant of T**** Todoroki. They never found them but it wasn’t worth it to test each grain of ash and debris for human DNA. That afternoon, Rei saw T**** climb up the rope ladder and never come down. He was nowhere to be seen, all of his belongings still at home. His lighter, his acoustic guitar, his hoodies, his secret collection of vintage baseball cards.
You were going to throw up again.
‘Just don’t be sad, okay?’
It wasn’t an accident
_________________________________
You didn’t have the heart to tell his family that T****’s death was planned by none other than T**** himself.
You couldn’t look Rei in the eyes, or Natsuo or Fuyumi or little Shoto.
This rule did not apply to Enji.
Three weeks from the incident you politely knocked on the door of the Todoroki household, you let yourself be greeted by Ms. Todoroki and asked for Mr. Todoroki under the guise of wanting to give him something of T****’s you’d found in your room.
You entered his work study/office, which was overwhelmingly mahogany. That’s really bad for the environment, Enji.
Endeavor. The number two pro hero. Local piece-of-shit dirtbag father.
You weren’t messing around with him. Not when it came to this, you had to do T**** some justice, tell him what your friend kept locked inside all those years to his face and then drive a rail spike into his frontal lobe . No, y/n, you can’t do that, you’d get arrested and then who would be around to tell the story of T**** Todoroki? Certainly not his parents as they’d cleaned his room out a week from his little “accident”, not even giving you a chance to sort through the photos and the hoodies and other memorabilia, simply burning it or shipping it off to thrift stores around the province.
“It wasn’t an accident.”
“What, exactly are you referring to?”
“Your son’s death. Your eldest son, your first son, actually, first child, your test run. He killed himself . Burnt up alive because he’d rather be dead in the ground than live through one more second of you being his ‘father’.”
“That is a dangerous implication, you have no idea what you’re talking about and I suggest you leave.”
“You wanna know the only thing that kept us going, Enji? Our rock, the shared goal your son and I would spend our days fantasizing about? The prospect of waking up, turning on the news and seeing ‘Endeavor, dead’, preferably from some nasty villain attack, a painful quirk absolutely demolishing you and we’re sitting there knowing that you’re burning in hell where you belong. When that day comes I’ll cry twice as many tears of joy. One for me, and one for your first born.”
Enji no longer felt the need to indulge in the conversation, as you punctuated your hate-fueled monologue by turning away and walking towards the door, as you knew he’d instruct you to do if you didn’t act on your own.
“By the way, Endeavor , Shoto’s fate is the same.”
And with that, you were out.
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As you sat, crumpled over your box of belongings in your childhood bedroom, reminiscing on the past, you felt a sense of relief. Why? You didn’t know the answer to that.
It was the same feeling you’d get after To***’s arms were clean and bandaged, and he would lean against you and sigh, pleased with being taken care of by someone for once. It was the same feeling you’d get from talking about Endeavor’s inevitable death with Tou**, cackling over all the possible ways he could meet his end painfully. It was the same feeling you had the evening Touy* kissed you, and held you the whole night through and murmured in his sleep and drooled all over your pillow. It was the same feeling you had when you recognized Touya in your class the first day back from summer break, only to discover later that he wasn’t even enrolled in that school, and that his final wish was to tell you that he loved you and that you shouldn’t be sad once he’s gone.
Well you were. You were really fucking sad right now. You tried to be mad at him, tried once a month to permeate your sadness into rage but you couldn’t find it in you to do so. It wasn’t his fault, he was hurting and he was mistreated and he was never taught how to deal with emotion in a healthy way, and every day you blamed yourself for that, you should have talked to him, you should have taught him, you should have-
There was no use in it at this point. No use at all. Touya is looking down on you right now and thinking, “ you’re a wreck, get it together, idiot, I’m gone and you need to move on.” Yeah that sounded like him. You walked over to your too-small childhood bed and stood over it for a few beats before slipping under the covers, fast asleep.
As Touya Dabi watched you through the open curtains of your bedroom window from across the street, he wondered if you thought about him as much as he did you.