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This was a bad idea. A really bad idea.
There were a few reasons Jane believed this date would go poorly. First off, it was a blind date. Jane had been on blind dates before and every single one of them was a disaster. Starting with the guy who wiped snot on her dress as a ‘joke’ and ending with a guy she met online who thought he was ordering a sex worker.
Second, because Tony Stark had set them up. Not Darcy, not Pepper, not even Bruce. No it was Tony ‘effing Stark insisting this ‘old business partner’ of his would be perfect for her. Which showed how much he knew because Jane did NOT date stuffy old men who probably thought she should be at home baking pie instead of studying wormholes. Still, it was a Saturday night in December with several weeks to go until Christmas. Her apartment was decorated and her shopping was done. She had nothing else to do this weekend.
At least the restaurant was nice. A little out of her price range, but she wasn’t exactly hurting for cash lately. If she stuck to the appetizer menu, she should have no trouble staying within her monthly food budget.
Her dress was another story. Borrowed from Betty, the sleeveless blue mini dress was the height of last year’s fashion. It was also the only thing Jane could find that more or less fit her and wasn’t ridiculously sparkly or revealing. It had cost Betty two hundred dollars, so Jane had to be extra careful with it. She had only ordered water (wasn’t much of a drinker anyway) and had her napkin completely unfolded over his lap. If she looked silly, it didn’t matter. This was a silly situation. She was on yet another blind date, and the guy wasn’t even there yet.
“Loki Odinson,” Jane muttered. She’d actually laughed when Tony told her his name, thinking he had to be joking. When he showed her a picture of her date to be, Jane knew he was joking. No way a guy like that, rich, powerful, and almost supernaturally handsome, would be interested in a plain jane foul bachelorette like her.
“Come on, Jane, have some confidence. You’re gorgeous as hell and a genius. He’s going to be falling all over himself for you!”
Loki Odinson, with his cufflinks and jeweled wristwatch, did not look like the kind of person who fell anywhere. Plus, if Darcy was to be believed, he had a reputation for being… eccentric. What exactly that meant, Jane didn’t know, but she assumed (hoped and prayed) it meant funny with a great personality.
Jane sipped her ice water as she watched the door. The waitress handed it to her barely a minute ago and she had already drunk half of it down. Luckily, she’d peed before leaving the house. That should give her at least enough time to say hello, make small talk, order entrees, and then politely excuse herself if need be. She took another drink before forcing herself to put it down.
It was five minutes before he was supposed to arrive. Now that she was sufficiently hydrated, Jane moved on to checking her phone every two seconds. It took twelve tries for the five to become a six. Seven o’clock loomed and there was no sign of any tall rich guys looking for a date with a no-name scientist. Maybe he wasn’t coming. This whole thing could’ve been one big joke from the start. Tony was known for his elaborate pranks after all.
But he’d never be intentionally malicious, right?
“Something else to drink, Ma’am?” the waitress asked.
“I’m fine, thank you. Just waiting for my date.”
The waitress nodded and turned away. Jane went back to watching the door. A few men came in, but none of them were Loki. Unless she’d been catfished… no, no one had approached her yet except the waitress. Unless she’d been stood up…
The tension in her gut traveled lower as a horrible sense of urgency overcame her.
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Jane squeezed her legs together, but the pressure wouldn’t abate.
No one had entered the restaurant in the last two minutes save an elderly couple and a group of young women. It was 7:01. He was going to be here any minute. She couldn’t possibly afford to get up right now.
But she had to. The water had gone right through her and her body was leaving her no choice. With a groan, Jane stood and power walked to the bathroom. Three minutes later, she exited with a sigh of relief. Her bladder was empty, her hands freshly washed, and her dress spotless. Her table was still empty, and it didn’t look like anyone else had come in since she last checked. Jane thanked every god she could think of. Even if her date was fashionably late, everything was fine and there’d be absolutely no-
A waiter, baby-faced and barely taller than Jane, all but ran through the kitchen doors with a tray of chocolate ice cream. Jane didn’t see him coming, she only felt the air rush out of her lungs as a body collided with her.
“Oh my-” the waiter yelped. If there was more, Jane didn’t hear it.
She staggered backward, knees buckling and arms spinning. There was nothing to grab hold of, so she let gravity do its work and landed hard on her side. The jolt of pain was nothing. Mild and temporary. Especially compared to the icy chill crawling along her torso.
“I’m so sorry,” the waiter was saying, kneeling over her with a wad of napkins. “Please, let me get that.”
But there was nothing for him to ‘get’.
The dress... Betty’s dress...
The stain stretched from just below the neck to the hemline. Bits of ice cream melted on her legs, sickeningly sweet in her nose and mouth. As Jane stared at the mess, bile rushed to her throat. She swallowed it down and tried to lift herself. The waiter was still apologizing, the hostess rushed over with a mop and some wet wipes, and what Jane needed most of all was air. “Excuse me,” she said, bypassing the hostess and heading for the door.
All eyes followed her. She didn’t have to see them to know. Ice cream dripped with each step, creating a trail that followed her out the door. Jane tried to wipe off the excess, but all that did was dirty her hands. Now they were sticky and the dress was still ruined.
“Dammit…” she mumbled, shivering in the cold. On top of everything, she’d forgotten her coat. “Dammit, dammit… can anything else go wrong?”
A sports car zoomed by, tires squealing, and no turn signals that Jane could see. It drove through a massive puddle in the middle of the street. The splash missed her dress by several feet, but now her best (and only) pair of heels were waterlogged.
“For the love of…”
Speech finally failed her as she fell backward onto a bench. She winced as she hadn’t yet recovered from the first fail, and though the physical pain was starting to ebb, the emotional pain would take days to fade. Maybe even weeks. The thought of going to Betty tomorrow with the twisted, chocolate husk of what had once been her dress was unimaginable. Jane never thought she’d be the kind of person who got worked up over wardrobe malfunctions. Being stood up on blind dates did weird things to people.
Another car drove up and a man stepped out. Jane heard him speak to the valet but didn’t look up. If she made herself small and kept quiet, maybe he’d mistake her for a hyper-realistic sculpture.
“Pardon me,” the man said. “You wouldn’t happen to be Jane Foster, would you?”
If there was one upside to this whole mess, it was that she definitely had not been catfished. Loki Odinson, on the outside at least, was exactly what all the romance novels said a billionaire CEO should be. His fitted suit suggested a well-toned body. His eyes were hypnotically blue. A single thin eyebrow arched up as he stared at her. Jane’s brilliant mind went into overdrive and determined that she should answer his question.
“Yeah, I’m Jane,” she looked down at her ruined dress and soggy shoes. “I Uh… I’m-“
“A mess?” Loki asked.
His tone wasn’t rude but close. Jane might have been angry if she wasn’t so miserable.
“Pretty much,” she mumbled, “I’m sorry, I looked better than this five minutes ago.”
“Looked cleaner, you mean?”
Jane nodded. “Yeah.”
Loki nodded back. With each inclination of his head, a smile grew. Starting with a faint smirk, it was soon a splitting grin. Now only that, but his shoulders were shaking. He was laughing at her. Loud enough to draw the attention of passers-by. When Jane gawked at him, the son of a bitch just laughed harder.
“This isn’t funny,” Jane snapped. “I was trying to make a good first impression!”
“In a dress like that?” Loki eyed the sequins with distaste. “A bit outdated, don’t you think?”
“Hey, this is my friend's dress.”
“Oh, it’s not even yours, this just keeps getting better. I’m so glad I agreed to this date.”
“Yeah, well I’m not.” Jane stood and glared at Loki as hard as she could. Even wet and stinking of processed sugar, she liked to think her rage still carried some weight. “If I’d known you were such an elitist asshole, I would’ve stayed home with Netflix and a pizza. Better than anything they serve at this dump anyway.”
“Clearly you haven’t tried their pizza,” Loki said. “Care to share one with me?”
“Did you hear anything I just said?”
“Yes, but none of it implies our date is canceled,” he said.
“Wha- all of that implies it. You really want to go in there with me looking like this?”
“Well, clean or not, you are quite beautiful.”
Words failed Jane again as she could do nothing but stare at him. She’d been called beautiful before, always in flowery superlatives spoken by half-drunk college guys looking to get laid. Never had it been spoken so matter-of-factly, like it was as obvious as water being wet.
“I… people will stare at us…”
“And?” Loki asked flatly. “I find it’s easier not to concern myself with the opinions of others. Perhaps some can’t get away with that, but I can.”
‘So damn arrogant,’ her inner voice said. It wasn’t all that loud, though. In fact, she could barely hear it. “But I’m a mess. You can’t possibly-”
Loki took her hand, still dripping with melted ice cream. Without a word, he dragged it down his white shirt and green silk tie.
“There,” he said, fixing his jacket so the chocolatey fingermarks were on full display. “Now we match. Shall we?”
So this was what eccentric meant. In that case, maybe Jane was a little eccentric herself. When he offered his hand, she took it. They were enormous compared to hers and the warmth of his skin eased her frayed nerves like nothing else ever had. Together they walked back into the restaurant, heads held high. If the hostess did a double-take and Loki had to glare her into silence, so what?
She’d have to look Tony Stark in the eye tomorrow and tell him he was right. He’d better appreciate it.