Archive of Our Own

Dear Isak,

I know these requests go unanswered more often than I would like, but as Christmas is coming soon, I couldn’t help but hope for a Christmas miracle. Just this once. It’s been ten years, and I miss you every day, my darling boy. It’s been too long. Christmas hasn’t been the same without you. So, I’m hoping you’re free. I hope you miss me, your friends, and your home too.

I am writing to invite you home for Christmas. The annual Town Hall Party will be taking place on Christmas Eve, and this year its being hosted by some of your friends. We all miss you. Home isn’t the same without your smile. I haven’t seen it in so long.

I love you Son, whatever you decide.

Your Mother.

Isak reread the letter in his hand. It was the first letter he had received from his mother in years. Why would she choose now to contact him?

“Everything okay there, Babe? You’re ruining the movie experience.”

Isak looked up at the touch on the back of his neck. He leaned forward to place a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “Yeah… Why wouldn’t it be?”

Chris sat on the opposite end of the couch, look flat and unimpressed. “Maybe because you’re making that face you do when you think too hard. You know I don’t like that face.” He pulled his eyebrows together and frowned at Isak. “See? Just like that.”

Isak scoffed. “Fuck off.” But he looked back at the paper, considering. “My mom sent me an invitation to Town Hall Christmas party back home.”

Chris laughed, moving closer to Isak to read the letter over his shoulder. “Why the fuck would anyone want to go to that?”

Isak frowned as he turned to look at his boyfriend. They had been together for the last three months, and years before that, on and off. “It was actually really fun when I was a kid. We went every year as a family before I moved.”

“God, you’re so cheesy Isak. That sounds lame as hell.” Chris teased, leaning forward to give Isak a kiss to tamper the burn of his words. “Well, good thing you have an excuse not to go anymore. You’ll be too busy with work.”

He was right.

Isak practically lived there. He was far too busy at the hospital to take days off.

Except that he had been spoken to by his chief resident about being over worked and his options to avoid burn out. He had been scolded for not taking his vacation days for the last three years. He had been told in no uncertain terms that he would be sent home if he showed up to the hospital over the winter break.

So really, Chris was wrong.

“I haven’t been back in years, Chris.” Isak said.

Chris shrugged, “And? From what you told me, it wasn’t great when you left there. Ten years is a long time Isak. So why would you want to go back?”

“I haven’t seen my mom since I left…” It did really feel like it was too long ago.

“I thought you hated Christmas?” Chris asked.

“I do.” Isak said. He did. Christmas in Oslo anyways. “But it wasn’t always so bad. It was kind of nice when I lived with my mom.”

Chris shrugged again, sliding back across the couch and turning on the movie he had paused. “Whatever. Let’s watch something and then we can go to bed. You’ll forget about this come morning.”

Chris gestured for Isak to come closer and cuddle as he turned the volume up high on the movie he had chosen.

Isak frowned, still thinking of the letter, but he went when Chris called.

++

Sleep did not come easily that night, like Chris had suggested it would.

Isak kept thinking of his mother; the last time he had seen her, and the last time he had been home. Perhaps it was the time that passed that made Isak nostalgic, but the events of his leaving did not make him any less anxious to return home. He had been invited after so long. There was an ache that he could not deny, a nagging desire to return that he could do nothing but listen to.

Isak felt too hot in bed, he kept pushing Chris’ arm from his side and the covers off his legs. He kept tossing and turning. He kept looking out the window to watch the snow swirl in the wind outside. Isak felt like he was in a snow globe, and he wanted nothing more than to find the warm home in the middle of the woods that so often accompanied the swirling snow scene. He kept thinking of his mom’s house. Of the decorations and treats that were always scattered throughout the house.

Chris stirred, throwing his hand over Isak’s chest again. “Stop moving or you’re going to the couch.”

“Would you come with me?” Isak looked to Chris. His eyes were closed, and his hair was sleep messed. “The town hall always has a tradition where a couple is announced. My mom and dad got engaged there.”

Chris was silent for a long time, and Isak thought he might have fallen asleep again. “Isak, you know I have that big merger at work. I’m up for a promotion, and if I get it than that’s great for us.”

“But you haven’t met my mom. We’ve been dating three years.”

“Three months after that last time.” Chris reminded him of their last time being off again. “Anyways, I never met her any time before this. You haven’t seen your mom in three years, Isak. The promotion is good for us. It means we can talk about taking the next step. You want that right.”

Isak wanted Chris to come with him to his hometown. But clearly that wasn’t happening. “Yeah.” He said. “Yeah, I want that. I just wish you would come.”

Chris sighed, pulling away from Isak and resituating himself on his side of the bed. “I’ll tell you what. You go home. See your mom. And if my work thing works out, I will let you know I’m coming.”

“You promise?” Isak asked quietly. “I just wish you could come back with me. I’m nervous.”

Chris didn’t answer, but the soft snore he let out told Isak he had fallen asleep.

++

The train ride to the small town he had grew up in was more eventful than Isak would have preferred. It was five and a half hours from Oslo to the town, and Isak had thought he would have benefitted from the choice to sleep on the trains instead of an attempt to rent a car for the duration of his visit. Besides, the views on the train were world renown, and Isak hadn’t seen them since he had left at fifteen. That and he wasn’t the best driver, so Isak thought it would actually be safer for him to avoid the roads as he travelled with the nervous energy of someone who hadn’t been home in a decade.

Instead of a safe and pleasant journey, Isak had his phone stolen and a broken suitcase to show for his efforts. He was down to his pocket change by the time he had made it to the small village.

When he arrived at the small train station, Isak was more tired and frustrated than after a 36-hour shift at the hospital. He stood on the train platform and took a deep breath of the cold mountain air. It burned in his lungs but gave Isak something to focus on rather than his frustration.

He was back home. The green hills and valleys of his childhood covered in a serene white blanket of snow. Even after such a long journey, Isak could feel his nerves calm. He forgot just how lovely it was there. A small village just out of a dream. It had really been too long since he had come home, but Isak hadn’t left on good terms. His father was quick to whisk him to the city to make sure his mother would be able to heal without the worry of having to take care of Isak. He never visited because his mother wasn’t in town when she was being treated, and eventually he became too busy with university and then work to go back. Even when his mother had ended her treatment and returned to their childhood home.

Isak shivered, though he couldn’t tell if it was due to the cold or the memories of his hometown. Whatever it was, it motivated him to move forward with his plans. He had no way to contact Chris to let him know that he had arrived relatively safely, and he had no spare change to call a taxi. He was stuck with no options but wait for the unreliable bus or begin walking. Twenty minutes of waiting at the bus stop made Isak’s decision for him.

He began to walk, pulling his suitcase along behind him aggressively as it trailed along behind him. It was a long journey, but he still found that he knew the way.

++

Isak made it to the brightly painted red house that coloured his memories of his childhood. It looked just as picturesque as the rest of the town. It almost felt as if Isak was walking through a dream. Nothing had changed in the time since Isak had left home. There was the same white curtains in the window, the same wooden reindeer decorations dotting the lawn, and the same chipped paint by the door where Isak had hit it with a skateboard as a kid.

Isak took a deep breath. He reached forward and turned the doorknob of his childhood home. It opened easily. And as the door swung inward, Isak entered his mother’s home.

The hallway was lined with lights and greenery. Red ribbon wrapped around tables and railings where green garlands intwined with them. It felt as if Isak was following a trail that led further into the house, towards its heart as he walked down the hall, passed the kitchen and into the large space of the living room.

The tree was large against the window at the end of the room, it to was green and red with the twinkling of white fairy lights. There were glass baubles hung throughout the tree, red and shining. It looked a bit different than Isak remembered from his childhood, but even from the entrance of the room Isak could see the ornament that he knew would read 1999 Baby’s First Christmas.

And just in front of the window, to the side of the tree, a body stood leaning forward to place the star atop it. But it wasn’t his mother, like Isak thought it would be. All the same, Isak felt his breath leave him as that body brought back memories from years long passed. Long fingers gripped the sparkling star, and blond hair fell stylishly against a pale neck, long jean clad legs flexed as he stretched further to place the star on his target. Even.

Isak hadn’t expected to see him so soon. He’d almost convinced himself that he would not see him at all. But even after ten years, Even had the ability to steal Isak’s breath away.

He hadn’t noticed Isak yet, so Isak took the moment to try to cool his heated cheeks. He pressed at them but knew that the more he watched Even from afar, the warmer his cheeks grew.

Even turned abruptly, having finished his task with the tree, and stared confusedly at Isak. For a long moment he didn’t say anything, his brow furrowed and his eyes wide. He seemed to shake himself and let out a quiet chuckle. “I must have missed my pills today, because there is no way that Isak Valtersen is back home for Christmas.”

Isak ran a shaky hand through the strands of hair that had fallen in his face. “Even Bech Naesheim. It’s been awhile.”

Even broke into a wide smile, moving forward to pull Isak into a hug. Isak leaned forward to accept it, but was left wanting when Even stopped short suddenly, leaving space between them and shuffling around awkwardly. “‘Awhile’ he says. Ten years Isak.”

Isak shrugged, embarrassed. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at Even when he began to laugh. It brought a smirk to Isak’s own face. “You look good.” It had been years, and Even still looked the same. Taller maybe, but his eyes were just as blue and his smile just as genuine.

“You always look good.” Isak wasn’t sure he heard Even correctly, or if he had made it up in his own mind, but Even’s cheeks had grown rosy. Even cleared his throat. “What brings you back to our neck of the woods? Does your mother know?”

“Do I know what?” Called a voice from the hallway. Marianne Valtersen looked stunning as she entered the room, hair swept up into a bun and white sweater wrapped about her figure. She looked happy, not at all like Isak remembered her being when he left. When she smiled her eyes crinkled, and Isak could see the beginnings of age around his mother’s eyes and in the silver streak of her hair. She too paused in her actions, eyes wide when they took in Isak. “You came.” She whispered, running forward and taking Isak into her arms. The hug was warm, and Isak melted into it. She kept whispering his name, reverent and soft, over and over. Her fingers carded through his hair as if she couldn’t believe he was real, as if he was a ghost or soft breeze that would blow out when she wasn’t looking any more.

“Hi, Mamma.” Isak said, voice rough.

“Isak. Sweet boy.” Marianne placed a soft kiss on the side of his temple, and Isak smiled softly at her in turn. He reached up to wipe away her building tears. “What took you so long?”

“I’m here now.” He promised.

“Forever can start now then.” Marianne said, pulling away after what felt like minutes and hours at once. Isak missed her warmth immediately.

“I am just here for a short time. I need to get back to the hospital when the town hall celebration finishes.”

“You aren’t staying for Christmas?” Marianne’s voice was soft and disappointed.

“I need to be home for Chris. He couldn’t make it to meet you, but I don’t want him alone for Christmas.”

“Chris?” Marianne asked, a twinkle in her eyes. “I think your family here is more important. It doesn’t matter who had you the last couple Christmases. It’s our turn.”

“Mama.” Isak scolded, but he was stopped by shuffling near the tree.

“I should go.” Even said.

“Oh Even, you’re welcome to stay.” Marianne offered, and Isak nodded his agreement.

“No.” Even replied, voice set. “You have catching up to do. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You could never.” Marianne answered, but Even was already out of the room.

“Why is he so upset?” Isak asked, watching the space he had just occupied.

“You left a lot of broken hearts here, Isak. You have a lot of mending to do.”

“I was never powerful enough to break hearts here, Mama.” Isak said quietly.

“You were never very observant, either.” Marianne answered. She pat his cheek. “Help me finish the tree that Even was in such a hurry to leave incomplete.”

Isak listened to his mother.

++

“Go get us some coffee, Isak.” It was so loud in the quiet of the morning that Marianne may as well have shouted.

“Mama, it’s not even 8:00 yet.” Isak mumbled from where he had pushed the pillow over his head.

“You sound tired, sweetheart. The coffee is a good idea.” She pulled his pillow off his face.

When Isak squinted an eye open, Marianne sent him an angelic smile. “Don’t we have coffee here?”

Marianne’s smile widened. Isak would not have been able to tell it was still early morning from her energy. “I didn’t know you were coming, so I never restocked. It’s your own fault really. You owe yourself the coffee. Now hope to it; I don’t want you wasting your day away.”

Marianne swept out of the room, taking any chance of Isak returning to sleep with her because she had grabbed his blanket and added it to her laundry basket.

Isak groaned, rolling out of his bed and grabbing the first sweater and bottoms he had in his suitcase.

If he was going to be up, He might as well get coffee out of it. But in retribution, he would make sure his mother’s cup was just a bit too sweet to match her disposition that morning.

++

“Two large coffees. One black and the second with three sugars.” Isak told the barista behind the bar. She was just a kid, and Isak didn’t recognise her from when he lived there. He was okay with that though, since he didn’t really want to be recognised.

“Scratch the three sugars, two should be just fine. And can you add some cinnamon to the black coffee? And add a green tea to the order as well?” A voice called from behind Isak.

The barista blushed, smiling sweetly at the intrusion. “Sure, Even.” She was much friendlier to Even than she had been to Isak.

“That was my order. I’m not paying for your drink too.” Isak glared in Even’s direction. How dare he look so happy and well rested?

“I see someone is jonesing for caffeine. I would’ve thought being a hot shot doctor would have had you kicking unhealthy habits, but I guess not.” Even rifled about his pockets before he pulled out change. “I’m truly worried about your spending habits if you can’t afford a little charity.”

Isak tried to keep his annoyed demeaner in place, but he could feel the smile tugging at his lips. He covered it by rolling his eyes. “I was going to get my mom coffee. Just not you.”

Even scoffed, accepting the two drinks he was handed with a smile at the girl behind the bar. “Surely you remember your mom drinks two sugars, or has it been so long?”

Isak rolled his eyes again, aware that it made Even’s smile grow wider. He noticed how the barista placed his coffee on the counter without a kind word or smile. “She woke me up, so she would have deserved it.” He admitted.

Even laughed. “Ah, I see. Well let’s get the tampered with drink back to your mom.”

“Are you coming home again?” Isak asked.

“Oh, so you remember it’s your home again, do you?”

Isak’s cheeks heated, but he tried to play it off as the cold. “I just mean-“

“It’s cool, Isak.” Even had stopped in the middle of the square to watch Isak as he fidgeted. His happy mood didn’t falter once.

Isak opened his mouth to explain himself, but he was cut off by a screech across the road.

“Isak Valtersen!”

Isak knew that voice. His head whipped in the direction it had come from, and he was just able to prepare for the full forced hug landed on him. He barely saved his drink, but Even helped by taking it out of his hand when he had regained his balance.

“Hi Eva.” He said to the mess of red hair clouding his vision.

“What the hell are you doing back in town?” Eva screamed into his chest, pulling back just far enough to look to Isak’s side. “Hi Even.”

“Hi Eva. Can I give Isak back his coffee now?” Even lightly shook the cup, waiting as Eva pulled Isak closer for a moment before pushing him away harshly. “Thank you.”

Isak accepted the coffee gratefully, taking a quick sip to avoid answering Eva’s earlier question. The first sip hit his tongue with a rush of heat and a hint of spice. The cinnamon that Even had asked to be added provided a warm wintery flavour that was perfect for the Christmas weather. He took a second sip, impressed, and just caught Even’s smile when he leaned forward to take his own sip of tea.

“I’m so telling everyone you’re here.” Eva was saying, she didn’t seem to notice that the men weren’t paying attention to her. “They will be so surprised. I never thought I’d see you around here again after you left. Your dad was so angry that I thought you hated us.”

Isak rubbed at the back of his neck, quiet as he tried to figure out how to respond to that statement. After the silence stretched, Even saved Isak from his desire to just say something in the hopes the tension would fade.

“Isak really is a Christmas miracle.” He smiled, accepting the gentle ribbing Eva gave him as she laughed.

“Well, I actually have work to get to, but we will have to meet up later, Isak! And you’re coming to the town hall right? Even’s hosting this year, so you better be. I actually really missed you.” Eva jutted her thumb in the directions behind her.

Isak nodded in relief. “Yeah. Later, Eva.”

“Bye.” Even said. They watched as Eva retreated because she kept turning back around to wave in their direction. “Should we get your mom her coffee?”

Isak sighed, shrugging his agreement. “She deserved the extra sugar.” He muttered as they started in the direction of the house.

Even nodded, frown in place but eyes smiling. “Of course she did, Isak.”

“She did.” Isak knew it sounded whiny, but he didn’t mind if he was called out on it because Even couldn’t keep the smile from his face.

++

“Ah, thank you.” Marianne said, accepting the coffee with a smile before taking a sip. “Perfect.” She pronounced it with a pop of the ‘P’.

“You’re lucky Even was there to save you. I wanted to mess with it.” Isak nodded towards Even who smiled brightly.

“Even, my saviour.” Marianne stuck her tongue out in Isak’s direction before settling her gaze on Even. “Who doesn’t have anymore work to do here, and that’s why I wasn’t expecting him.”

Even blushed a pretty red, and Isak watched how his fingers worried though his blond hair until it fell into his face a little. “I just thought I’d check out the final product. Make sure there were no last minute tasks.”

Isak caught the suspicious look that Marianne sent Even’s way. Her growing smile was teasing. “Sure. You’re welcome to take pictures if you would like too, but I can’t offer you any of my leftover cookies. I had saved Isak one, but it’s not enough to share.”

Isak smiled smugly at Even moving to his mom’s side to reach for the cookie. He received a light slap to his hand for his efforts. “What was that for?”

“You don’t get any if Even doesn’t.” Marianne reached for the cookie herself and took a bite. “No, you’ll simply have to go out and grab me some groceries so I can make enough for both of you.”

Isak elbowed Even’s giggling figure when he returned to his side. “We just went out.”

“And you could go out again.” Marianne said, her tone a warning. “When was the last time you got fresh air in Oslo? It will be good for you.”

“Yeah Isak, it will be good for you.” Even poked at his side, and Isak jumped at how it tickled.

“I don’t know why you’re teasing. You’re going with him.” Marianne said.

Even looked away from where he had been holding Isak’s gaze in a contest of sorts and towards Marianne. “What, why?”

“For showing up unexpectedly of course. Now I have to invite you over for lunch, but I don’t have enough food. So you’ll go with Isak.”

“Yeah Even.” Isak affected the same nasal tone that Even had used moments before. “You’ll go with me.”

Even let out a loud sigh, but he was fighting another grin. “I guess someone has to make sure Isak doesn’t get lost. It’s been so long since he’s been home after all.”

Isak rolled his eyes, but he didn’t object when Even absentmindedly grabbed his hand to head back out into town. Isak may have held it tighter than necessary for a moment, but he would never admit it out loud. They seemed to realise the connection was too warm, too noticeable, because they both let go quickly as if burned. They continued out the door as if nothing had happened.

“The grocery list?” Marianne shouted at their retreating backs.

“Text Even!” Isak shouted back, remembering he needed to look into a new phone.

“Text me!” Even repeated.

++

“We should get broccoli.” Even was rifling through the produce section of the grocery store, lifting up random veggies as he saw them.

“We should get pizza.” Isak said.

“Pizza is not healthy Isak. Aren’t you a doctor? Shouldn’t you be super good with your food?” Even pushed the broccoli in Isak’s direction, laughing when Isak shoved it away with a frown.

“Broccoli is gross, and pizza can have veggies on it. Being a doctor doesn’t mean I don’t have tastebuds.”

Even nodded, face skeptical. “Sure. I guess that means we will be getting a veggie pizza. Especially since we are getting homemade cookies from your mom. We have to make sure we get our five helpings before we pig out on cookies. Maybe we should get apples too, I’ve heard about them and doctors.”

Isak rolled his eyes. He reached for the veggie pizza, lifting it and obnoxiously underlining the word veggie until Even nodded. Then he grabbed a pepperoni pizza to place behind it in the cart with tongue stuck out in Even’s direction. “Oh, I see. You want me to stay away. Get the apples and I guess I’ll have to go even though I just came back. Or wait until Christmas Eve and then I’ll be going anyways.”

Even’s smile dropped into a frown. “Right. No apples then.”

Isak felt his own smile dip. “Even, I was just kidding.”

Even shrugged it off easily enough, opening his mouth to answer, but whatever he had planned to say was lost when he was interrupted by another voice that Isak had not heard in a very long time.

“I heard that a ghost was back in town. Never would have believed it’d be you though. Had to check it out myself.” His best friend said from the opposite side of the isle.

“Jonas.” Isak took a moment to just look at his childhood best friend. It had been that long since they had last seen each other. Both stood still in the supermarket before they burst into movement. “My god, get a hair cut!” Isak said, laughing as he hugged his best friend, pushing at the mess of black curls that covered Jonas’ head.

“Who are you to tell me to do anything?” Jonas pushed back to study Isak. “I run into you and Even just like every day of high school. We haven’t seen each other in years, and you criticize me. It’s like nothing has changed.”

Isak ran a hand through his hair. “Nothing has changed since you last saw me. I’m a doctor like I said I would be, and I live in the city.”

Jonas nodded. He pat at Isak’s shoulder, before letting him go. He raised his left hand to show Isak the glittering metal band on his ring finger. “Maybe for you, but it would have been nice to have my best friend at my wedding.”

Isak looked at the ring, dumbfounded. He breathed heavily and turned to Even to make sure he was seeing the wedding ring on Jonas’ hand too. At Even’s nod, Isak turned back to his friend. “What? When did that happen? I didn’t even get an invite!”

Jonas’ substantial brows pulled inwards. He looked to Isak for a moment, frown pulling at his lips. “What do you mean? I sent the invitation to your address in Oslo. You never RSVP’ed but I thought you just didn’t want to come back here, like any other year.”

Isak’s face fell. “What? I never got it. I don’t live with my dad anymore, but I don’t get why he wouldn’t forward the invitation.”

“You really didn’t get it?” Jonas asked. “You’ve never come back before, so I just thought you didn’t want to.” Jonas shrugged his shoulders, as if he would have forgiven Isak for not attending his wedding.

“Are you kidding?” Isak punched at Jonas’ shoulder. “I would have come back here anytime I was asked.”

Jonas looked at him suspiciously. “You never have before.”

Isak cocked his head to the side, unsure at the chilly tone in Jonas’ voice. “I never was asked.”

Jonas glanced to Even. They shared a silent conversation, eyes tight and frowning. It reminded Isak of his last day in town, before his father swept him off to the city with little more than a goodbye. Isak felt his stomach clench. Even opened his mouth to speak, but Isak cut him off. “So, who was unlucky enough as to get married to you?”

Jonas laughed, looking to his own ring before flipping Isak off. “Eva. How else would I have known you were back? She texted me like crazy after she saw you this morning. Speaking of, you should give us your phone number so that I have it the next time you disappear on us.”

Isak blinked, surprised by his own happiness for his friends. They had found each other so young and worked so hard to get to where they were. Isak was sad that he had missed seeing them happy at their wedding. He took a moment to process the entirety of Jonas’ words. “I don’t have a phone at the moment. It was stolen on the train. I’d be much busier if I had it. I could text my dad to ask why he didn’t forward the invitation.”

Jonas frowned again, deep in thought.

Even cut him off from voicing any thoughts. “You know, we’re just standing in a grocery store with your mom’s groceries. Maybe we should go drop them off, get you a new phone, and then you can meet up with Jonas and Eva later.”

Isak looked to him gratefully, glancing to Jonas and seeing his nod in response. “Awesome. We’ll go do that, and then we can come by to see you guys at seven?”

“Sure.” Jonas nodded.

“We?” Even asked.

“You don’t want to come?” Isak looked to Even. He had just assumed Even would be there. He’d been there with Isak during his entire time back, and it felt weird to think he might have something better to do.

Even’s confusion faded, a soft look replacing it. Isak liked how Even looked when he went soft like that.

“Yeah. I think I can be free.” Even said.

“Good.” Isak nodded.

Jonas looked from Even to Isak, brow raised. “Okay... See you both at seven.”

++

Isak and Even arrived home with a new phone and groceries in tow. As Even handed Marianne the groceries, Isak sent a quick text to Chris to let him know he had arrived safely and another to his dad asking about Jonas’ wedding invitation. He received no answer.

Marianne baked them cookies. Warm, soft, and with extra chocolate chips.

Isak was delighted.

As she placed the tray onto the oven rack, she smiled at Isak and told him she would be spending the night at her friends.

“Mom! I’m only here a week.” Isak complained.

Marianne looked to him, unimpressed. “That isn’t my fault.” She tapped his cheek before turning to Even. “You’re welcome to stay and take pictures as long as you need to.”

“Thank you, Marianne.”

And with a smile she left.

Isak watched for awhile as Even fiddled with an expensive camera. “So, what exactly do you need photos for anyways?”

Even glanced around the room, adjusting his camera to fit the lighting and space. “I’m getting photos of the space, and the way it’s decorated.”

Isak looked around the room too. “Are you trying to get inspiration or something? Mom always has had the best decorations for Christmas.”

Even laughed, nodding easily enough. He started to take a couple test photos, checking and readjusting as he deemed necessary. “I won’t deny that. Marianne has always been able to bring Christmas to life. But the photos are for my portfolio. She let me set up the house this year.”

Isak frowned, looking around the room again. The soft greens, reds, and hints of gold. The natural influence on all the decorations; the fact that the tree was potted rather than cut. “You did this?” He asked, soft in the quiet atmosphere of a room reborn. “It looks just like my childhood.”

“With hopefully a bit of theatricality.” Even said. He had stopped fiddling, finally happy with the results of his photo. “Nostalgia was my theme. I really missed the good old days when Christmas meant miracles, family and love. I wanted all of it back.”

Isak looked again to the twinkling lights of the tree, and the softness of memories past that they were able to convey. “You got it.”

Even seemed so focused on his photos, on the angles and the lighting, that Isak had thought he hadn’t heard him. But he must have, because quietly, almost as hushed as a child sneaking downstairs for the chance to see Santa, he whispered, “I did wish for a miracle.”

++

“So, what exactly do you do that you need a portfolio?” Isak asked as Even scoped the space.

“I do interior decorating, Isak.” Even took a picture of a bauble on the tree.

Isak nodded a moment, then looked up quickly. “From here?”

Even laughed. “The internet exists, and I can travel when needed. And believe it or not, people who live here like getting help as well.”

“I’m not saying they don’t.” Isak felt his cheeks heat. He didn’t mean to come off condescending. He just did not know that Even could have such an interesting job and still live there.

Even frowned at him, eyes considering. “I don’t know what you might have learned in that big city of yours, but success isn’t measured by how big your house is or where it is located. I’d much rather be around people I love and spend time with them.”

Isak grew quiet. He let Even continue with his work. He had some thinking to do.

++

Even had been taking photos for what felt like hours, and at first Isak had not minded, but he had begun to notice how the last few shots had been in his direction. In fact, Even was fully facing him as he took the last shot even though he knew that Isak hated photos.

He must have noticed he had been caught out by Isak’s glare, because Even cleared his throat and pointed to the kitchen. “I think the cookies are almost ready.”

“Then you can take them out, and I can take the camera.” Isak said.

Even pouted for a moment but gave in easily enough. He handed Isak his camera.

Isak started taking his own photos. Of Even getting the cookies from the tray; as he showed one triumphantly to Isak as if he had baked them himself; as he took a bite without waiting for Isak to have his own. Then Isak stopped, rushing forward to take the cookie from Even’s hand and eating the last of it. “We need to let it cool.”

“You’re mean.” Even said, but he followed Isak to the couch. “Movie?”

“Movie.” Isak agreed.

They were interrupted by a phone ringing just before it started. It took a moment, but Isak had realised it was his. “Hello?”

“Weren’t you supposed to arrive yesterday?” Chris’ voice came loudly over the speaker.

“Hey to you too. And I did, but my phone was stolen yesterday so I had to get a new one first.” Isak turned away from where Even looked to him curiously.

“Wow. A day there and you already lost your phone? I’m glad I didn’t go back with you to that boring town. Get back here soon for Christmas!”

Isak was sure Chris had meant for it to sound teasing, but the words hit Isak like an insult. “It’s been lovely here. I didn’t even know how much I missed it. Didn’t you say you were going to try to come?”

“Sorry baby.” Chris said, he didn’t sound sorry at all. “It was just a joke so don’t take it too seriously. I might still try, but it isn’t looking too good. You didn’t make the train ride sound too good either, so you can’t be mad if I don’t make it.”

“Whatever. I have to go anyways. I’m supposed to be watching a movie. Try to come.”

“Okay babe, miss ya.”

“Miss you.” But Isak was already speaking to a dead line.

Even was quiet a moment, looking anywhere but Isak before he gave in. “Who was that?”

Isak sighed. “Chris. My boyfriend.” He wasn’t sure if he was telling Even or reminding himself.

Even was quiet again, then he nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to get us cookies?”

Isak looked to him, Even’s eyes earnest and caring. “Please.”

Even brought him a large plate of cookies from which they shared. He put on the movie, and they watched quietly for a while. During a lull in action he turned to Isak. “It’s hard to remember how much time has really passed, because it feels like no time at all, but I feel like I need to remind you. You should be happy.”

“Even, I don’t even know what happiness is.” He stuffed a cookie into his mouth and threw another at Even. “Have you ever been really happy? To the point you didn’t even have to question it?”

“Yes.” Even’s voice was honest, raw. “Here about ten years ago.” He took a bite of the cookie, trying to hide the red of his cheeks.

Isak blushed, remembering those years so long ago. “If that was happiness for you, then maybe I know what it is too.”

“It’s hard to resist you.” Even admitted. He had softened again, smiling at Isak and rubbing a bit of chocolate onto his cheek. Isak reached forward to wipe it off, gasping at how Even leaned into his hand. It reminded him of when they were teens; when they spent nights together commiserating; when Isak would talk about how hard it was to listen to his mom and dad when they would fight; when Even would talk about how hard it was to feel good some days; when it felt like it was the two of them against the world.

Isak had forgotten about those days; the ones that seemed so long ago. When days spent with one person, made the hard things seem easier. He didn’t have those days, not after he moved away with his dad. He didn’t have anything close to it until he had met Chris. Chris who laughed at him and watched tv curled up next to him. Isak had something close to it with Chris sometimes, and he had to remember that no matter how good it felt to have Even look at him with that soft look, it was nostalgia. It wasn’t real.

Isak leaned back, putting space between them as the movie resumed. Even let him, retreating himself to the other side of the couch.

They watched one movie, then two. And if Isak noticed that they grew closer over the course of the film as the tension in the air cleared, Isak didn’t say anything. They were just getting comfortable.

And if he heard Even fall asleep at some point late in the night, Isak didn’t wake him. Instead Isak sent a text to Jonas asking for a rain check and snuggled into the couch himself.

And if Isak fell asleep with Even’s heat beside him, then it wasn’t really his fault but the cookies he had eaten.

++

Isak woke up to the snap of a photo being taken. He took a moment to orient himself, warm and comfortable on the sofa. But not alone. No, Isak’s head was resting on Even’s shoulder, the smallest hint of drool on Even’s sweater. Even had his arms wound around Isak where he was still fast asleep.

“Aren’t you two adorable.” Marianne’s voice called from the other side of the room. A click of the camera following shortly after.

Isak pulled away quickly, startling Even but not waking him. “Mom? What?”

Marianne took another picture. “You have some missed messages on your phone. Jonas says you owe him, and Chris said something about your ass.”

“Mom!” Isak screeched. Even stirred beside him.

“I suppose it would be helpful to remember you have a boyfriend who won’t even come to meet your mother.” Marianne said, voice deceptively bright.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Isak stood from the couch, moving to the kitchen to start making coffee.

“Okay.” Marianne said. “But you look happier now that you’ve come back. I’m glad you’ve finally accepted an invitation.”

Isak shrugged at her. “What do you mean finally?”

Marianne looked to him, eyebrows furrowed and opened her mouth to speak. Even rose from the couch before she could. “Is that coffee I smell?”

Isak handed him a cup, cheeks warm from the way Even’s hands lingered. He could feel his mother’s eyes on them. “We didn’t make it to Jonas’.”

Even laughed, nose scrunching prettily. “Oh, he’s probably annoyed. I’m free tonight if you are.”

Isak’s stomach fluttered and then sank. He didn’t look at his mother where he knew she was smirking. “Yeah. Totally. But I’m gonna call to see if I can make it up to him sooner.”

Even’s soft morning smile fell. “Oh, yeah sure. Just let me know.”

Isak didn’t like to see that smile fade. “So, like maybe me and Jonas can hang out today, and then you can come by later too?”

Even brightened. “Oh! Yeah! Like you two, and then Eva and I.”

Isak nodded. “The four of us.”

“Like two pairs.”

Isak eyebrows furrowed, suspicious. “Yeah, like two pairs. As long as you stop being weird.”

Even smiled wide. “No can do. You have to take me at my weird, or not at all.”

Isak couldn’t help but match Even’s grin. “I guess I’ll take you.”

Even’s eyes softened, and his smile became brighter still. “You can have me.”

The moment felt big, as if Even was offering something more than one night out with friends. Isak didn’t know how to respond to it. He was saved by the clearing of a throat and the click of a camera.

“Isak, now would be the time to text Jonas.” Marianne reminded him.

++

“So why did you ditch me last night? Jonas asked, blowing on the coffee in his hand as if the winter wind weren’t doing enough to cool the cup in his hand.

Isak shrugged, fiddling with his own drink rather than look to Jonas’ curious gaze. “Just got distracted a bit, then tired.”

“You texted me though. It’s not like you fell asleep.” Jonas pointed to the park they would skateboard at as kids, and Isak agreed heading to the nearby bench so they could get comfortable as they chatted.

Isak nodded, considering his words. “Even did. So, I just thought we’d wait till today.”

Jonas took a sip of his coffee, watching the view of the town pass in front of them before taking another. “You still could have come though. Even if Even was asleep. We see him everyday. It’s you who is the big deal.”

Isak’s cheeks heated, and he took his own sip of coffee to match Jonas. He could have gone to Jonas and Eva’s on his own, but the thought had not even occurred to him yesterday. He enjoyed when Even was around so why wouldn’t he put it off until a day later? “Well, I’m seeing you right now, and we’re coming by tonight too. In a way waiting got you more of me.”

Jonas watched as he shrugged and took another sip of his coffee. His eyes were narrowed, but his smile was wide. “You are so full of yourself... why would I want to ever see you that much? I don’t get how Even has been okay with being around you all the time since you came back.” He was teasing, but Isak could see how his smile fell as Jonas grew more serious. “Did you know you talk like you two are a pair?”

Isak shrugged, running a hand through his blond hair. “What’s so weird about that? We aren’t together, we’re friends, and it’s been too long so I want to spend time with him while I’m here. We were all together as kids, so I don’t really see why we can’t hang out now… I missed you guys.”

Jonas leaned away, letting it seem like he was going to let the subject drop. “Okay, fair enough. I’ll leave it alone. For now. I just want to remind you that you and Even were never friends like you and I.”

Isak glared at Jonas, continuing to do so even after Jonas raised his hands in surrender. “Yeah, he’d know when to stop. We weren’t like that then, and we aren’t like that now. We’re friends. I have a boyfriend. I’m going home at the end of the week to be with him.”

“Okay.” Jonas took another sip of his coffee. “You have a boyfriend. You are happy in Oslo. You never came back here because of that. But Isak, you have smiled more in the two days than I’ve seen you in any of your instagram. Even with the hot boyfriend who doesn’t listen. Great job on having closed messages by the way, or else I could have sent you a message after I didn’t hear back from my wedding invitation.” Jonas said.

“Jonas.” Isak warned.

“Fine. Fine. But sometimes you take the trick, and you realize you’re about to fall and you have to decide whether you’re going to lessen the pain or if you’re going to let yourself get hurt.” Jonas finally fell silent, looking out at the town below them.

“I never fell because I never skated.” Isak said, taking his own sip of coffee to keep from saying more.

“Yeah, but unlike skateboarding, with love you can never really choose not to take part in it. Falling is inevitable at some point. It’s just a question of if you’re hitting the ground hard or softly.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Jonas.” Isak wiggled his empty cup and stood from the bench.

Jonas finished the last of his drink and stood too. They had only walked a short while before he slipped on some black ice and landed hard on his bottom.

“Look who fell, now.” Isak said, not at all nicely. It took him a moment to realize something was wrong. Jonas was quiet, right hand cradled close to his stomach from where he had moved it from under him. He held it close. When he continued to remain seated on the cold ground, Isak grew worried. “Jonas let me see.”

Isak bent to his knees, examining what he could see of his friend’s wrist. Jonas sported a grimace that spoke of pain, and his strong grip gave Isak an idea of where it had originated. Isak was quick to switch to doctor mode. He examined the area, sure and calm, and made sure to ease any pain Jonas was feeling as well as he could.

“Well we’re gonna have to head to the doctor’s to set your wrist. You hurt it at the very least, though I think it’s more likely sprain.” He took off his scarf, fastening it tightly around Jonas to minimise any unnecessary movement on the joint. “Up we get.”

Jonas seemed to recover from the shock of the fall. He burst into a flurry of swearing which eased when he moved his arm a bit harshly. “Oh my god this hurts. I’m too old to hurt myself falling on ice. Too young for it too. Eva is going to make so much fun of me.”

Isak laughed, leading Jonas to the town medical center and avoiding any hazards along the way. “If it helps, she already married you so you can’t embarrass her away anymore.”

“I hate you, Isak. Not doctorly at all.” Jonas whined, clearly trying to keep the pain from his mind.

“Do you remember how hard you’d fall as a kid? And spring right back up like nothing happened?” He waited for Jonas to nod. “I get this hurts, and it sucks because no one likes pain, but can you please show child you that you’re stronger than him? It’s embarrassing.”

Jonas grunted, but quietened, letting Isak lead him into the medical center.

“Jonas!” Dr. Skrulle called from the inside of the small medical center where she sat chatting with the nurse instead of helping the waiting patients. “Looking a little rough, friend. And whose that with you?”

“Hi Dr. Skrulle. Jonas here fell, and I think he might have sprained his wrist.” Isak said.

“Valtersen! You look like your dad. That’s not a compliment.” Dr. Skrulle said, moving forward to test Jonas’ wrist and Isak’s handiwork. Satisfied, she leant back and pointed in the direction of one of the patient rooms. “You can get stuff in there; it looks like you know what you’re doing. I’m just gonna continue telling Gloria about my blind date yesterday.”

Isak watched, dumbfounded, as she left him to take care of her patient. He led Jonas to the room and did all the check ups required. At one point the nurse came in to help him, after Dr. Skrulle had left to take her late lunch break. “It’s a sprain.” Isak told Jonas when they had finished running tests. “We’re going to have to put on a small cast, but you should be good to go before you know it.”

“Thank you.” Jonas had calmed, having received Isak’s sure care and a prescription to help the pain. “You’re pretty good at this.”

Isak smiled. “Thanks. I went to school for it. I even kind of like it when it isn’t my whole life.”

“You know.” The nurse said from where she was helping Isak to clean the room. “Dr. Skrulle is looking to retire, and we are in search of a replacement for the town.”

Jonas glanced at him, eyebrow raised. Isak shook his head. “I work in Oslo. There’s no way I could get my boyfriend to settle here. He hates small towns.”

“Is there anything he likes?” Jonas muttered from beside him.

“He like me.” Isak said jokingly, but his voice may have been a bit too quiet to come off confident.

“Do you like him, or were you just lonely?” Jonas challenged.

The nurse cleared her throat. “Well, the job is here. Should you want to be too.”

“Thank you.” Isak blushed, embarrassed she had heard them bicker.

The nurse winked. “I’ve heard much worse.” And she left.

“We should get back to mine.” Jonas said, wrist set in a cast and things packed up.

Isak pulled out his phone and sent Even a text to let him know they would meet him there. He hadn’t even put the phone away before Even had responded with a thumbs up and smile. He just caught the address to his mom’s place that he had sent Chris in a message that still remained unanswered from the day before. He shook off the cool feeling that settled in his stomach, returning to Even’s conversation and sending his own smile in return. The cool feeling faded.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

++

“Did Isak beat you up?” Eva asked, laughing as Jonas and Isak entered the house.

Eva and Even were sat on the couch, a beer each and popcorn between them.

“I fell.” Jonas said.

“He was saving an old lady who fell herself, actually cushioned her fall. It was really sweet, because she could have really hurt herself if Jonas wasn’t there to save her.” Isak lied, shrugging off his coat, and helping Jonas out of his. He waved away Jonas’ smile when Eva made a cooing noise in response.

“Oh baby, are you really hurt? Come here.” Eva made grabby hands at Jonas who went easily, allowing her to place a kiss on his cheek before she checked on his wrist.

Isak sat next to Even when he pat the couch beside him. “Did you hurt yourself too while saving the little old lady?” Even asked suspiciously, head bent towards Isak and searching his skin for any cuts.

“I am not kind enough to save old ladies. It was all Jonas. He definitely did not just fall while walking.” Isak answered, smiling at the relief that filled Even’s eyes.

“Aww, and here I was hoping to kiss any bruises better too.” Even said, quiet.

Isak looked up sharply. Even’s eyes were bright and teasing, but as they shared a look their mischievous light dimmed, growing serious and intense. Isak was shocked by the warmth in his stomach. He was surprised by just how much that notion sparked heat within him. Isak had not felt that way over another man in a long time, perhaps even before he began dating Chris, certainly not in the last few months of them dating on and off.

Isak licked his lips, breaking eye contact. "Sorry. No such luck."

Even bit his lip, resettling on the couch so they weren't facing each other. "I've always had bad luck."

Isak settled too, still close, but with a space of safety between them. “Me too.”

Even confused Isak. He was so friendly, with everyone, ever since they were children. Isak never felt like he could read Even, even when he was told by so many others that there was something there. Before he had moved to Oslo, Isak might have believed it. But Even never got in touch, he never answered Isak’s calls. Though things seemed so nice and easy since Isak’s return, he knew it was nostalgia. It was a Christmas dream from which Isak would wake when he returned to Oslo. And then Isak would be alone. Except for Chris.

So, Isak backed away. He would rather have a lukewarm certainty than the chance of pain that came with the heat of passion. Even was a fire ready to burn Isak if he took the steps toward him. Chris was cool, collected, and chilly, but Isak was used to that. He accepted it, and it was a safety net. They weren’t together, not always, but they were right now. So Even was off limits. He just needed to remember that when they were so close. He needed to believe those words because when Even was around they felt like lies.

Isak decided not to think about it that night.

They ate dinner, made by Eva and Even. They laughed and they teased. They discussed work, and family. They reminisced.

It was nice, and Isak almost forgot how fleeting it was. The Christmas Eve party was in two days, and in three he would be back home.

Isak already felt like he was losing out on something.

“Hey, you okay?” Even asked, leaning into him.

Isak nodded, then looked down as he shook his head. “I’m just happy to be here. I didn’t know how much I missed it, and I don’t know how I’ll go back.”

“If you aren’t happy, you can change things.” Even said it like it was easy.

“Changing things take effort.”

“Not always. Sometimes it just takes a decision.” Even smiled, and Isak wanted to believe him. He stood from the couch. “I’m going to get us a drink.”

The group watched him leave, and Eva spoke when he was far enough away. “You know he is single right? Has been for years.”

“I’m not.” Isak said.

“Sure. But that is fixable.” Eva said. “And you would be happier, I think. Like you are today.”

“Chris is my boyfriend.” Isak repeated. At the moment. Until they tired of each other and separated, until they grew lonely and reunited.

“Are you happy, Isak?” Jonas asked, arm wound around his wife. Eva’s head rested on his shoulder.

“What is happy, Jonas?” Isak asked, and he found he really wanted to know.

“How Even is around you. And how you looked today. When you smiled. With your mom, us, and honestly Isak? Even.” Jonas said.

“What about me?” Even asked, handing Isak a beer.

“We were saying how rude it is you got only Isak a drink.” Eva said, kicking out her feet to make it hard for Even to sit.

He shrugged, pushing Isak towards Eva’s feet and taking up the space beside him in the corner. “That’s because I like him better than you.”

Eva snorted. “We could tell.”

Even placed an arm over Isak’s shoulder. “Good. I haven’t been hiding it.”

Jonas sent Isak a significant look. Isak refused to keep his gaze. “Can we watch the movie?” Isak asked, trying to move the subject. “I’d like to finish it before I leave.”

Eva kicked him, a frown on her, Jonas’ and Even’s mouths. “Fine. But cuddle close because I want to remember you well before you disappear forever.”

Isak rolled his eyes, but he let himself be pulled to the middle of the couch to be hugged. He let himself feel loved, and he let the mood in the room brighten just that little bit from the warmth of it.

++

“You didn’t have to walk me home.” Isak leaned against the door frame as he watched Even move back and forth as if unsure what he wanted to do.

“I was afraid you didn’t know the way.” Even teased. “Besides a gentleman always walks their date home.”

“This isn’t a date Even.”

“I know. You have a boyfriend. Just a pair of friends on a friend date is all.” Even said, he leaned forward and Isak felt his breath catch.

“Yeah. As long as you know, we’re just friends.”

Even hadn’t left his space, warm and sweet in Isak’s presence. “We can’t always get Christmas miracles.” He said, voice quiet.

“You’re teasing me.” Isak leaned back, trying to get away. He hit the door with his back, but Even grew closer still.

“I would never.” Even said, quiet and sweet. “Unless you liked it.” He smiled at Isak. “You’re blushing.”

“You’re teasing me.” Isak repeated, but he hadn’t opened the door yet.

Even sighed and leaned back. “I am. I should get back home anyways. You probably have that boyfriend to text.”

Isak grabbed Even’s hand before he had even realised he had reached for it. “Chris doesn’t matter. We’re just two friends hanging out. You should come in, there’s probably still some left-over cookies.”

He wasn’t lying. They weren’t doing anything wrong. He was probably spending his night out on the town under the twinkling Christmas lights. Isak wasn’t in the mood to delude himself any longer. Chris and he were boyfriends by title only. Because it was easier to say that then admit they were both lonely. The offer to come with Isak to his home town for Christmas had been a request asking if what they had could be more, and Chris had declined.

Besides, Even teased by nature. He didn’t mean anything by his words or they would have come before Isak had left for ten years. They would have come before so much time had passed. This town was playing tricks on him, and Isak was falling for them happily.

“Maybe I should sleep in my own bed tonight.” Even said.

“I didn’t say anything about sleeping over.” Isak said, finally opening the door. “Just some cookies.”

Even watched Isak open the door; he watched Isak back inside the house, and Even let himself get pulled along. “Well in that case. Who can say no to a cookie?”

And if they put on a film, and if they sat closer than necessary, and if Isak fell asleep on Even’s shoulder before Even had left for the night, Isak wasn’t going to say anything about it.

++

“We need to stop meeting like this.”

Isak cracked an eye open against the morning sun. He glared at the brightness of his mother’s smile. “What?” He asked. He had been comfortable and warm, and Marianne’s presence was ruining it.

“Can you stop pretending the thing that is happening in front of me is not actually happening?” Marianne asked with a raised eyebrow.

Isak looked to his side where Even had an arm wrapped around him. Isak’s own hand was comfortably intwined with Even’s. Isak tightened his grip before letting it loosen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It sounded weak to his own ears.

Marianne snorted. “Whether you’re leaving tomorrow or not, you might want to call the boyfriend you keep saying you have and end it.”

Isak didn’t say anything, but he didn’t move from his spot either. He was not about to admit to his mother that she had successfully argued his agreement from him.

Instead, Isak reached to the side table for his phone and sent a text to accompany his unanswered one from days earlier.

Don’t worry about feeling bad for not wanting to come. I don’t miss you when you’re not here. And if we’re honest, I don’t think you do either.

Isak leaned back into the couch, head rested against Even’s shoulder.

“And Isak,” Marianne smiled at him from her chair. “If you really want to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’d probably stop holding Even’s hand so tightly. Especially when you could be using two to send a breakup text.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Mom, if there was really something here, if there was more than friendship, or god forbid some sort of fate, then it fucked up. I only got invited back from you this year. No one reached out or answered back. Especially not Even.”

Marianne watched him, frown in place and thoughts somewhere else. She took a moment to answer, composing herself. “Isak I don’t know why you’re lying to yourself, but if you really think we’ve never contacted you, if you really think I didn’t want you back every day I was healthy enough to have you, then you need more than a Christmas miracle this year.”

She stood up and left the room. She didn’t wait for Isak to answer.

Isak sat contemplating the information he had just received. A wrinkle of confusion at Marianne’s words. He remembered that letter he had received just weeks before. There had been a suggestion that it wasn’t the first letter sent, even if it was the first one he had received. He pulled out his phone to send another text.

Dad, has Mom tried to contact me since she’s been better?

It wasn’t long until he got a reply.

Isak she will never be better. Don’t fall for those silly little hopes..

Fuck you, Dad. She’s better than you’ve ever been.

Isak dropped his phone. His mom was in contact. He had been wanted back. Maybe all those fears and worries of rejection were for nothing.

Even stirred beneath him. “Stop thinking so loud.” He pulled Isak closer.

“Even, have you tried to contact me after that night?”

++

It might have been a heavy question to ask so early in the morning. Even had sat quietly before standing to get coffee. He handed Isak one too.

“Start from the beginning please.” He said, blowing on his mug.

“That night.” Isak was looking at the tree, afraid to look Even in the eye. “Did you not regret it? Did you try to contact me?”

Even moved to him, lifting Isak’s chin to catch his eyes. “Who could regret you? It’s always been you ignoring me.”

“No!” Isak shook his head so sharply he was afraid he’d hurt himself. “Even I called you that night. I called you the next day. Your parents said you didn’t want to talk to me. And eventually my dad stopped letting me try.”

“What?” Even’s voice was soft and disbelieving.

It was like no time had passed at all. Isak was fifteen again and in love. He had been so sure of it then. They spent all their time together. Even gave him his attention and his time. Isak felt like he knew Even better than anyone. Even Jonas was sure that there was something there, when Isak told him how he felt one night when he felt he would burst with it.

So Isak was going to ask him that night. Even had been so happy and so excited, like a star bright in the night sky. He had drawn Isak a Christmas tree, detailed decorations of their time together standing out against it. It was beautiful. Isak was sure that things would work out. Just in time for Christmas.

Then hell broke loose.

His mom had found them too close, but the problem had been with her own demons. She had broken down and cried. Isak had left Even, confused and frustrated, to help his mother.

And then his dad had arrived. He had told Isak to stay away from crazy, that it would only hurt them, and told Even to stay away.

His father had told them they were leaving and to pack a bag.

Isak was only just able to sneak away, to find Even waiting outside in the cold.

Isak remembered the hug Even had given him. He remembered whispering into his neck. “I’m sorry my mom is crazy.”

Even had pulled away. “She loves you Isak. It’s a sickness.”

“Dad says we have to stay away, but I don’t want to leave you.”

“He doesn’t like sick people. That’s why he doesn’t like me. Because I’m bipolar.”

“You’re not sick. He can’t keep me away from you guys. I want to be with you.” Isak held Even closer, afraid that if he let go, he wouldn’t be allowed to touch him again.

“Then keep in touch.” Even whispered into his hair.

And Isak had tried to, at least to begin. But his father had gotten to him. If Even and his mother had really cared, if they really wanted him back, then why wouldn’t they have called or sent a letter?

And after enough years had passed, Isak had believed him.

He may have been wrong to.

Now he stood before Even, ten years older and just as captivating, as he was told that he had been wrong in his assumptions.

“Isak I went through a depressive episode after you left. My mom told me you called when I was starting to feel better. I tried to get a hold of you but your number had changed. We sent letters because Marianne knew your address, but you never replied.” Even said.

“Fuck.” Isak sat down, placing his now cold coffee on the table in front of him. “I never got any letters.”

“You got one this year.” Even said. He sat next to Isak, his stunned expression no doubt matching Isak’s own.

“I did, didn’t I?” Isak asked, placing his hand on Even’s knee. Even looked down to it but didn’t move his leg out of the way. “Is there another miracle waiting to take place?”

Even’s eyes moved from his hand, following the line of his arm up before settling on Isak’s eyes. They shared an intense look, and Even did not look away when Isak leaned closer. Isak himself looked down to Even’s lips. He leaned forward more, dying for a chance to finally taste them.

Even pulled away, letting Isak’s forehead fall to his shoulder in defeat. “Isak…” He breathed. “Don’t do this. Don’t ruin me for everyone else when you are leaving in two days.”

“Even…” Isak started, pulling away but leaving his hands on Even. One on Even’s knee and the other caressing his cheek. “I thought you wanted this. Have I been reading you wrong?”

Even leaned into his touch. “I want it so badly. I wished for you this Christmas. But I didn’t know how much this would hurt. I can’t only have you for a short time. You’re going home to the big city and your boyfriend. I won’t be your mistake. No matter how badly I want to be.”

Even pulled away as he stood and left the room. Isak had no chance to reply.

Isak sat alone in the light of the Christmas tree and thought about his choices.

All he had to do was make a decision.

++

Isak didn’t know how long he sat alone before his mother returned. He just knew he had spent a lot of time thinking.

“Isak?” Marianne asked. She dropped her purse and sat next to him. “Is everything okay? Where did Even go?”

“Mom.” Isak turned to her, finally looking away from the twinkling lights of the tree. “I think I’m in love with Even.”

“Oh honey.” Marianne said, pulling Isak into a hug. “Is that a bad thing?’

Isak leaned into his mom, breathing in her scent to calm himself. “I think I never stopped loving him, no matter how hard I tried. But I’m leaving tomorrow after the party, and he’s staying here.”

Marianne rubbed his back, swaying Isak back and forth. “Isak, Isak, Isak. He loves you. How can you expect him to let you go?”

“But I live there, Mom!” Isak pulled away to look at her. “My life is there!”

“What life, Isak? Your ex? Your dad? A hospital that takes all of your waking hours?” Marianne pushed his hair out of his eyes, holding his gaze. “You have a man who loves you here. A mom that loves you here too. And a job? I heard from Dr. Skrulle that she’s expecting you to call about her retirement. Heck, you even have friends here that have missed you so much. What was so great about Oslo?”

Something lifted in Isak’s stomach. A weight he had not realized he was carrying with him. “Do you think he’ll listen to me if I try to talk to him?”

“Honey, I think you need to give him space. You need to think and make some decisions. My heart and my home are always open to you; they always have been. There is time for action tomorrow, if you decide what you are going to do.” Marianne stood from the couch and directed Isak to his room. “Sleep. There is time for everything else tomorrow.”

Isak listened to his mother.

++

I am coming with you to the party tonight.

 Jonas: Why Isak, Eva wants to remind you that I am a married man.

Jonas: This is a couple’s night.

Fuck off. Let me come. I need the support.

Jonas: I guess I am in a throuple tonight…

Thank you.

Jonas: No worries. I’m here for you.

++

“I’m sorry I didn’t make it to your wedding.” Isak told Jonas as he fiddled with the collar of his shirt.

“It’s chill Isak. You didn’t get the invite. Not your fault.” Jonas watched him. “You know you’re taking longer than Eva to get ready. She’s downstairs waiting for us, and if you take much longer, she won’t be in a fit state to come with us.”

Isak pulled off the shirt. “Can you please help me then?” He threw the shirt to the floor. “Sorry. I just have so much to prove. To all of you. I wanted to be here, I just didn’t know I was welcomed.”

“Eva!” Jonas called. He startled waffling through Isak’s clothes. “You don’t need to prove anything. We’re happy to have you back.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

They smiled at each other, a tension in the air lifted.

“Why did you interrupt my second cup?” Eva asked, wine glass in hand.

Jonas turned to his wife, two tops in his hand. “Which one would make Isak look hotter?”

“Oh. Burgundy, definitely.” Eva said, taking a sip. “Isak looks great in red. Makes his lips prettier.”

Jonas nodded, pushing the burgundy pullover in Isak’s hands. “It makes your lips prettier.”

“Is that a good thing?” Isak asked, pulling it over his head.

Eva snorted. “Only if you want to get kissed. And we both know that you do.”

Isak felt his cheeks heat.

“Oh, how cute are you.” Eva said. “Your cheeks match your shirt. Makes you almost irresistible.”

“Eva.” Jonas warned.

“Don’t you worry baby. I only have eyes for you. Even, on the other hand.” She smiled when Jonas snorted, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Are we ready to go? We’re passing the point of fashionably late.”

“Okay. I’m ready.” He didn’t really feel like he was, but Christmas miracles seemed to be abounding and there was always a chance he would be by the time they arrived.

++

The town hall was beautifully decorated with glittering gold. Just walking into the room, Isak could see Even’s part in creating the theme. The rustic wood of the building, the green of the pine trees, and the sparkling gold made Isak think of angels. He felt like he was walking into another world, an ethereal land where miracles could take place. Even had had his already, now it was time for Isak to have his.

It was 22:23, and Isak knew the party was in full swing. It would be hard to find anyone in the dim light of the room, and successfully finding Even would be impossible without help. Luckily, he had that.

“I’ll check the dance floor.” Eva said.

“And I’ll head out back.” Jonas offered.

Isak nodded, looking around the filled tables for blond hair and captivating blue eyes. He searched high and low, ignoring the smiles his mother sent him when she caught his eye. He was ready to leave the room and join Jonas outside, when he caught the flash of a camera and long arms in a navy-blue sweater.

“Even!” Isak shouted, disturbing the soft noise of the room and catching Even’s eyes.

Even looked surprised to see him, but he didn’t rush to leave when Isak headed in his direction. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

“I need to talk to you.” Isak explained.

Even held his camera close, as if it could protect him from any harsh words that Isak might hurl at him. “Isak, I can’t say goodbye to you.”

“I don’t-“ But Isak’s words were cut short.

“Valtersen!’ Chris’ voice rang out in the room, turning heads and sparking whispers.

Isak whirled away from Even’s look of confusion and towards the man Isak had not thought he’d see step foot into the town. “Chris?”

“You invite me to Christmas only to cancel over a breakup text?” Chris laughed, humorlessly. “Strange joke, babe. Not very nice either. You’re gonna be on the naughty list when we get back to mine. I’m here so we can go home.”

Isak could hear Even’s breathing behind him. He could just hear Even’s quiet words. “What? Isak did you two break up?”

Bolstered, Isak stood tall. “Why did you even come here, Chris? You hardly cared before I called things off.”

Chris smiled, but it was chilly. “I don’t get broken up with Isak. We’re not done. You just have small town fever and a case of memories. You don’t want to be here. There is too much crazy here, that’s why you left remember?”

Isak glared at Chris. “That’s why my dad left. I never agreed with him. I just forgot how much I loved it because of his words.”

“Isak, babe, now you’re being crazy. You don’t want to get stuck here in a dead end when there is so much in Oslo. What we have works, and you won’t get better than me. Not from some hometown kook who has nothing to show for himself.” Chris looked over Isak’s shoulder gaze sharp. “Crazy breeds crazy, and you are better than that.”  

Isak reached back to grab at Even’s hand. He held it tightly, only calming when Even squeezed back. “I don’t know what I saw in you, but its over. You aren’t welcome here.”

Chris let out a bark of cold laughter. “See this is why your dad kept the letters from you, and why I kept doing it when you moved out. You get home and all the sudden your soft and weak. It’s disgusting. I only missed one letter and you’re ready to give up everything.”

Isak took a moment to process Chris’ words. “You kept my letters from me? You kept me away from my mom, my friends, and the man I love for three years because you thought we looked good together? Fuck you, Chris. You need to leave.”

Jonas and Eva made themselves known then.

“You heard him.” Jonas said, pointing to the exit. “No one wants you here.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Chris said. “Fine, throw it all away. I can find someone better than you in no time.”

“Please do.” Isak said. “I already have found someone ten times the man you are. And hotter too.”

Chris glared at him, before turning his attention to Even. “Great. Not only have you ruined his life, you made him crazy too.”  He spit out.

“Oh, I am a gentleman, but I want to hit him.” Jonas said. “You’re lucky I’m in a cast.”

Eva pat her husband’s back. “Well, I’ve never been gentle, and I don’t have a cast.” She forced her way froward, harshly shoving Chris into the cold night air.

The room was quiet for a moment, before it burst into the hum of gossip.

Isak had no ears for the goings on around him, turning to focus on Even, his hand still tight in Isak’s. “Fuck Chris. He’s wrong. You’re perfect and amazing. You are the embodiment success and happiness, and I could never do better than you.”

Even was quiet. He had been the entirety of Chris’ interruption. At Isak’s words, he looked up and caught his gaze. Even’s blue eyes were wide and happy. “Fuck Chris and whatever that shit was.” He said, lifting his hands to rest on Isak’s cheeks. “Isak, you said you love me.”

Isak felt his cheeks heat, but they were soothed by Even’s fingers resting gently upon them. “I do.”  

“Really?”

“Really.” Isak leaned forward, excited at the way Even’s eyes followed the movement, at the way his breath caught when Isak licked his lips. “Even, can I kiss you?”

Even stood quietly, eyes on Isak as he thought.

They were interrupted by Marianne’s voice. “Not to be a bother, but you are under mistletoe, so it would really be bad luck to say no.”

Even and Isak looked up, the green sprig and berries indeed above their heads. Isak caught Even’s eyes as they burst into laughter. When they calmed, Even moved one hand to Isak’s hair, pushing it out of Isak’s eyes. “I wasn’t going to say no. Isak you look really hot in red.”

Isak lurched forward, capturing Even’s lips in the sweetest of kisses. Even tasted like cinnamon, sugar, and hope. Isak was sure to become addicted. He felt Even laugh against his lips, and Isak soon joined him. They pulled apart, but soon reconnected in a second heated kiss, then a third.

“I got my Christmas wish this year.” Isak whispered against Even’s neck. “It’s a miracle.”

Even held Isak close, refusing to let him lift his head or leave his space. “What did you wish for?”

“You.” Isak said, pulling Even’s head down and tasting the promise that sang from his lips.

“You can have me every year.” Even whispered.

Isak smiled, nodding. “I didn’t know I could be that lucky.”

Even laughed, pulling Isak to a dark corner and away from prying eyes. They had put on enough of a show. “Isak, you have had me for ten years. It’s me who thought I couldn’t have you.”

“Even. You deserve everything. I just want to be here to be part of that.”

Even looked sharply at Isak, question heavy in his eyes. “What about Oslo?”

Isak shrugged. “I heard they were in need of a doctor here. Thought I might apply to stay.”

Even’s smile was brighter than all the lights in the room, his happiness a treasure more important than all the gold that surrounded them. “Can I kiss you every Christmas?” He asked, nodding in the direction of the clock.

Isak looked to it, and where it now read 00:11 on Christmas day. Isak looked back to the man he loved. “Only if you kiss me every other day too.”

Even let his fingers settle in Isak’s hair, pulling Isak closer and letting a final promise linger on Isak’s tongue.

“Every day.”

++