Work Text:
jesus christ, girl
i laid up for hours in a daze
retracing the expanse of your american back
with adderall and weed in my veins
you came, i think
because the marble made my cheeks look pink
but i'm unsure of so many things-
Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings - Father John Misty
The first night was the worst.
It would’ve been easier to say that it was the demon’s influence making Maple scream and wail and claw at herself and everyone around her, but in her gut Ash knew. She couldn’t unsee the scene at the apartments, couldn’t stop thinking about the blood and the sirens and smallest bodybag she’d ever seen, still tasted the bile from when she saw it and fell to her knees vomited all over the sidewalk. She knew it wasn’t the demon because Ash was the one who told Maple, stopped her from sprinting through the caution tape as soon as her car screamed to a halt in the parking lot. She was the one who held her and told her that Soda and Chug were gone, who felt her convulse and heard that first terrible scream and felt Maple’s nails rip into her shoulder. It would’ve been easier to pretend it was just the demon, but she knew it was much, much worse.
Neil’s eyes had gone glassy a few hours ago, lights on and no one home. Ash thought he’d been crying - fuck, they all had. Around two in the morning, they’d had to wrestle Maple down into a bed and tie her down with everything they could find to keep her from hurting everyone , including herself. They were both bloody by the end of it, but Ash couldn’t hold it against her. It wasn’t the worst they’d been hurt that day.
By four, Neil had disappeared and left Ash slumped by Maple’s side, trying to offer some comfort. Maple had stopped screaming or fighting an hour ago, but she was still gasping for breath, staring at the ceiling with tears streaming out of her eyes.
Ash sighed and laced her fingers through Maple’s hand. “Maypole.” She said softly. Maple’s head jerked a bit, like she’d been pulled out of a trance, and she glanced over at Ash. “You should try and get some rest. I’ll be here.”
Maple slowly turned her head to stare at Ash, her eyes wide and her face blank. A tear hung from the tip of her nose. “You want me to rest? ” She snapped, and Ash winced a bit, but squeezed Maple’s hand.
“I do. I want-“ She swallowed thickly. “We need to look out for each other. And right now, that means getting you rest.”
Maple stared at her in silence for a long minute. “We were all going to get dinner tonight.” She finally said, so cold it sent a chill down Ash’s spine and a spike through her gut. “Everyone was gonna get together because you’re back in town. I left for a few hours to go and see my mom, and I come home and you tell me that Sal murdered my husband and-“ Her voice cracked, her chest hitching on her breath. The tear dropped off of her nose. “And my baby. ”
“I know.” The world was spinning around her, her stomach was churning, and she was holding Maple’s hand so tightly it hurt. “Maple, I’m so-“
“Your best friend murdered my baby. You tied me down to a bed. And you want me to rest. ”
Ash winced like she’d been slapped across the face. Maple’s gaze was harsh and unwavering and ice cold. Ash realized that Maple might hate her, and she couldn’t blame her if she did. She tried to push past the lump in her throat and scooted closer anyway, trying to find some last bit of strength to get through this. “I want to take care of you-“
“I hate you.” This close, Ash could see her nostrils flare, see the flutter of her heartbeat in her jugular.
“Someone needs to-“
“Oh, I know.” Maple snarled, leaning forward as close as she could against her restraints. “And I don’t want it to be you. ”
Every time Ash thought her stomach couldn’t drop more, it fell some more. “What?” She whispered.
“She was three. ” Maple’s voice was rising, her breathing speeding up into desperate gasps. Her eyes had always been beautiful, and Ash had seen them sad and happy and everything in between, but never this bloodshot and furious.
“No, Maple, it’s okay, don’t-“
“ Fuck you, look at me! ” She was screaming now, and thrashing hard enough that the bedframe started creaking. Ash tried to hush her, stop her from hurting herself, but-. “She was three , Ash! My baby was three years old and she’s dead! And I wasn’t there because I’d be home before dinner to take her to go see Aunt Ashley and Uncle fucking Sally-! ”
“ WILL YOU SHUT UP?! ”
Maple froze, chest still heaving, and blinked up at Ash in surprise. Ash was still trying to catch her breath too, her hands clamped around Maple’s wrists, and - she must’ve started crying again at some point, because now tears were falling from her eyes and landing on Maple’s pillow. “I know.” Ash gasped and dug her nails into Maple’s wrists, holding them down with as much force as she could muster. “I know, Maple, and I - I don’t know what the hell is going on, but everyone is gone and I don’t know what to do, I don’t have anyone anymore but I - you’re still here, and I can’t save Soda and I can’t save Chug or Lisa or - or Larry. ” She choked on a sob and tightened her hands, finally daring to open her eyes. “But I can save you, May. You can hate me forever and that’s okay, but please. Let me save you.”
Maple had always been hard to read - well, to everyone else, she had. Ash had almost always been able to get what she was thinking, but not now. She stared up at Ash like she had just solved a puzzle and the result was something shocking. Her chest still rose and fell with rapid breaths, but slowly, Ash felt the tension in her body seep out. After a long minute, she jerkily nodded, and Ash slowly let go of her wrists. When Maple didn’t move, Ash pulled away completely and dropped back into her chair by the bed, burying her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry.” Ash whispered. She couldn’t stop the tears now, this final flood before she’d be burnt out. “I’m so sorry, I - I didn’t know. It doesn’t make sense, none of this does. I don’t know what to do.”
Maple was quiet as Ash cried until there was nothing left. It felt like the final bit of toothpaste being squeezed from the tube - she was empty and crumpled and used up and ready to be thrown away, but that wasn’t an option anymore. She sniffled and ran her hands over her face, and when she looked up, Maple immediately looked away, fixing her gaze on the ceiling. “I think I’m ready to sleep now.” Maple said quietly, and spared Ash a quick glance. “I think you are too.”
Sleep. The idea was laughable, but Ash would be lying if she said she didn’t want to curl up in bed more than anything. “Are you going to be ok?” She said, and Maple - well, she might’ve laughed, but it wasn’t clear. A smile did twitch across her lips, though.
“No.” She shrugged. “But I’ll be here.”
Ash sat and thought for another long minute before her exhaustion won over. She’d find Neil and ask him to take a shift for a couple of hours, and they’d switch off in the morning. She nodded and stood up, avoiding Maple’s eyes, but still feeling them drilling into the back of her head. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” The murmured half-under her breath before she started shuffling to the door. She was standing in front of the door when Maple spoke again.
“Why did you call me that?”
Ash froze, her hand hovering over the doorknob. Her stomach tied itself into a knot and kicked up into her chest. “Call you what?” She said, trying to play dumb - but of course Maple wasn’t going to let her.
“Maypole.” Ash heard her shift in bed. “You haven’t called me that since…”
Ash took a deep breath and screwed her eyes shut. Today was a nightmare that just wouldn’t stop. She could just ignore it and pretend she didn’t hear her. She could play dumb. But instead she opened the door and slipped through.
“Because.” She said. “It’ll take more than this to make me stop loving you.”
She didn’t wait for Maple’s response before she closed the door behind her.
It didn’t get better.
The feeling of dread got worse every day. Maple did too. They had some hope for a while that maybe Maple had dodged the infection - maybe she’d be fine. She started having episodes a week before the trial. By the time sentencing was announced, she was having them every night. She couldn’t be around anyone else, anymore - she’d tried to attack her mom during one of them, and Ash and Neil just barely talked her out of being committed. They brought her back to their house and latched her to the bed, just like the first night, and every day it got worse and worse and worse.
Ash and Neil were numb to the screaming, honestly, but moving Maple to the basement was somehow the best and worst thing they’d ever done. She was further away, contained, somewhat muffled when they needed to sleep. But Ash didn’t think she could ever wash off how disgusting she felt locking Maple in a cage like Silence of the fucking Lambs.
The demon was getting worse, too. Half the time, when Maple screamed, it was the demon just using her voice and ripping her throat to shreds. Ash was getting good at telling which was which. When Maple was herself, Ash would come downstairs with two mugs of tea that neither of them would touch, but Ash would just hold, warming her hands. They didn’t talk much, just sat together. Maybe Ash couldn’t fix this. But she’d make sure Maple wasn’t alone.
It was a surprising good day. The night before had been hellish - Neil had been convinced that it was finally the night that the demon would fully break out of the basement and come to kill them. But it didn’t, and in the morning, Maple was quiet. She was spitting up blood, but alert and talking a bit. When Ash brought their tea, Maple asked to have a sip. It gave her some hope.
Maple took another sip of tea through the mug Ash held up to the bars and winced a bit. “Hurts.” She whispered, pawing at her throat.
“I know.” Ash said quietly. “I put a bunch of honey in it. It might help some.”
Maple smiled a bit, more of a twitch of her lips than anything. “You’re so sweet.” She scooted closer to the bars until they were sitting almost shoulder to shoulder. Her eyes were dull and tired. If Ash was exhausted, she couldn’t imagine Maple fighting a battle in her own body like this. “So sweet.” She murmured again, like she was thinking of something.
Ash hesitated for a second, then reached her hand through the cage to rest over Maple’s. Maple jerked in surprise but let her rub her thumb over bloody knuckles. It was always a gamble, trying to touch. Ash had a scar now, from when she’d tried to do this and the demon had sunk its teeth into her arm. But she wasn’t going to stop. “Because you’re my friend.” Ash said, a bad summary of everything she didn’t know how to say. Maple rolled her head over to arch an eyebrow and give her a skeptical look, and she looked so like herself that a knot tied itself in Ash’s throat. “Don’t give me that.” She smiled instead, wrinkling her nose.
“I’ll give you whatever I want.” Maple made a face back at her, and it could’ve been a conversation they had in the cafeteria, or on one of their weekend coffee dates, or on the phone while Ash was at school talking until the early morning.
Ash realized she’d been staring, and Maple was staring back at her, her head tilted up to look over Ash’s face. Maple had always been beautiful - maybe not to everyone else, but to Ash, she was perfect. And everything else had changed, but that simple fact hadn’t. Maple’s face was thin and haggard, her eyes sunk into her skull, her dark skin ashy pale. Maybe Ash was just a lost cause, still in love with the girl who’d dumped her and married their friend, but she still looked at her and saw nothing but warm sunlight filtered through the trees.
“Do you remember that time we went to the lake?” Maple said suddenly, and Ash blinked in surprise. Of course she did, but she didn’t say that, just nodded. “We got takeout and we sat under that huge tree by the dock. You were trying to teach me how to paint, but it was so bad I just threw it away.”
“It wasn’t bad. ” Ash tried to say, but they both knew that it really, really was. Maple smiled and turned over her hand to press her palm against Ash’s, tangling their fingers together.
“And Chug kept asking me to go to that party, and I finally said yes, so I had to leave, but I ended up being late because-”
“Because we lost your shoes, yeah. We never found them.” Ash nodded, but Maple shook her head.
“I threw them into the lake because I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want to leave you.”
Ash stopped breathing. “Oh.” She whispered.
Maple opened her mouth to say something else, but a shiver wracked her body and made her double over in pain. A cold spike went through Ash’s chest - that meant it was coming. “May, drink some tea.” She said dumbly, trying to push it through the bars, but Maple shook her head and tried to suck in a breath.
“I-” She gasped. “I never deserved you, babe. I did what I had to - for the baby.” She took a shaky breath. “I hurt you so bad, but you’re still here.”
Ash bit the inside of her lip. They hadn’t talked about it, not since that night. Maple had called her and asked her to meet at their spot, then broke her heart in a million pieces, and the next day Maple and Chug had gone down to the courthouse. It wasn’t the kind of thing Ash had ever thought would be fixed. “It’s ok.” She set the mug down and reached out for Maple. “May, it’s ok, I promise.”
“Ash.” Maple grabbed her hand and squeezed, pressing her forehead against their clasped hands. Ash felt tears against her knuckles and wanted to scream. “Don’t give up on me, Ashtree. Please.”
“I won’t.” Ash pressed her face against the bars, got as close as she could manage. “I’ll never give up. Not ever. I promise.”
Maple looked up at her and smiled a bit, her eyes wet and foggy. “I know you won’t.” They leaned to press their foreheads together before Maple shivered again - they were coming closer together now. Ash should probably leave soon. “Ash, kiss me.”
Ash sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes widening. “I-“
“I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.” Maple screwed her eyes shut and took a shuddering breath against another wave. “Please, I don’t have a lot of time.”
Another tally on a list of shitty decisions. Ash leaned forward as close as she could through the bars and met Maple in a short kiss, really nothing more than just quickly pressing their lips together, but it still sent a spike down her spine. “I love you so much.” Ash whispered as the tears finally came. “I’m gonna fix this. I - I’ll find a way and fix everything and I’ll tell you I love you every single day. I promise. I promise I can.”
Maple smiled again before she pushed Ash away with more strength than she should’ve had. “Go.” She croaked as her body began to shake and her eyes went glassy. Ash scrambled to her feet, leaving the mugs sitting by the cage. She was halfway up the stairs when the screaming started, and Ash couldn’t stop the wail that ripped out of her chest.
Ash slammed the door to the basement behind her and immediately leaned against it, burying her face in her hands and sliding to the floor to sob. She heard the TV flicker with static, and footsteps come to a stop in front of her. “You ok?” Neil said quietly, and Ash violently shook her head. “What happened? Did it hurt you?”
“No.” She gasped. “No, I-” She burst into sobs again. Neil sighed, and he must’ve sat on the floor next to her, because the next moment he was pulling her into a hug, and pressing her face into his shoulder. “Why-” She choked on her own breath and screwed her eyes shut. “Why does it hurt so much?”
Neil was quiet for a long moment, rubbing between her shoulders to calm her down. “You know you love someone when it hurts.” He finally said, and she shook her head again.
“I don’t want it, I can’t do it-”
“You can.” He hugged her tighter. “You can and you will, because you’re Ashley Campbell. You’re a ghost hunter and demon wrangler and no one tells you no.” Neil rubbed slow circles between her shoulders and started rocking gently, keeping Ash held against him. “I know it hurts, but that’s how you know you’re doing it right. You love her and it hurts and because it hurts you’re going to find a way out for all of us.”
“I’m so tired. ” Ash knotted her fists in his shirt and pressed her face into his shoulder. “I can’t do it anymore, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. ”
He kept talking to her, kept up the pep talk until she stopped shaking as much. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was full of shit and they both knew it. Not for the first time, she wanted Sal and Larry to tell her that nothing was alright and that was ok more than anything. She wanted her family back. She wanted to be ok.
Neil was in the middle of saying something when Ash pushed him away and stood up. “I’m tired.” She muttered. He nodded and stood up with her, his brows still knitted together in concern.
“I can watch her.” He said, and probably would’ve said something else, but Ash was already stumbling past him to her room. She couldn’t even bring herself to change into nightclothes, just kicked off her shoes and dropped into bed to stare at the ceiling.
You can and you will, because you’re Ashley Campbell. You can and you will. You can and you will.
Ash screwed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. There was work to do in the morning.