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It's a chilly night, with the trickling rain softly hits the window of the bedroom that both you and Courier shares. Surely, it's a really peaceful night, but the purple-haired Akudama are shifting a lot in his sleep. His breaths are fast and erratic, as he suddenly jolts up. His violet eyes are shaking from what he had seen in the blurriness of a familiar yet strange dream.
"_____?!" his raspy voice immediately calls out your name, looking around
Courier looks to his left, and sees you who were shifting around, somehow hearing him calling you. He sighs in relief, as he gently put his prosthetic hand on your head. The nightmare shows him that he came home to you were brutally killed, just like that one night of his childhood.
' They're alright... calm yourself down... It's just a nightmare... ' The purple-haired Akudama thinks, as he adjust his breathing
"Courier...?" you slowly stirs from your sleep, peeking from your blanket
"Just go back to sleep. It's just a nightmare," he shortly answer, while caressing your head gently
You, on the other hand, immediately pulls yourself up from your sleeping position. Courier moves back, guessed that he may be can't evade from what's about to happen. After a short while to regain your focus, you sees the face of your worried lover.
"This is the third time you called my name like that on your sleep... Care to tell me of what you've seen?"
"It's nothing. Nothing that you should worry about," Courier answers, looking away from you
You moves forward, your palms gently cups his face and make him to look at you. You know that he had thought of the worst, he might losing you, the one whom he loved. And you thought the same, too; thinking that he also might die while away from you.
"I won't force you. But, I'm all ears if you wanna tell me about it," you soothingly assuring him, still cupping his head by your palms
The two of you gone silent, most of it were you waiting for Courier to brave himself to tell his occuring nightmares. After a while, your Akudama lover gently pry off your palms, signalling that he's ready to tell you about it.
"All my life, I became an Akudama. That time, I still got her—my important person, who guides me to become the legendary Courier just like people expected me to," he begins his retelling
His important person?
you then ask a question, "What happened to her?"
"That night, I got home after finishing a job. I thought I could get her to buy takoyaki together, but..." Courier's violet eyes shakes by each word he said, as if he's afraid to continue
You, somehow guessed of what happened to the important person of his childhood. "Is she... killed...?"
And, slowly, his head nods. "And that night too, my right hand got shot by an assailant."
Your eyes glances to the metal prosthetic hand who peeks from his hoodie sleeve. You imagined of how hard it is, he who grew up alone moreover as an Akudama too.
"How old were you at that night?"
As always, he would answer shortly, "Young enough to know everything."
You can see of how he's becoming really biting if ever you wanted to know more about him and his past. But, this night changes everything you know about him. Deep inside that cold-hearted appearance, there's a myriad of emotions that he hide, wanting to not being look as weak by the eyes of others.
"Then, were you see me killed the same way she was on your nightmares?" you decided to bring up the thing that's been bothering the both of you
"Yeah," the biker Akudama answers, remembering of his blurry nightmare of he opens to the door to your apartment flat as he coming back from his work
And the first thing he saw was you who lied on the floor, blood splutters near your body and the walls. In your hand was one of his guns, you must've been protecting yourself before ended up being killed. Just like that person from his childhood... Just like that time he would gasps and his body shook from the view by his eyes.
"Courier? What's wrong?" you call him, as you can see that he was dazing again
"Nothing... I'll go for a smoke outside," he says, as he tries to wake himself up from the bed
You were utterly worried of him. The next thing you do, is to jump and grabs him by the waist, not letting him go. He whips his head to you, and once again he clicks his tongue by your sudden movement.
"What are you doing, _____?"
"I understand! I know that you're afraid of losing me! Please, don't hide everything from me!" you immediately exclaims, your hands encircles his waist
Courier pauses. He hears you, that if it's okay for him to show you his weakness, his other emotions that he rarely or never lets out before. In other hand, he always suspicious of if it's okay for him to do that— yet he sees you as a person both he loved and trusted, and it's alright to show it to you.
You can hear him sigh, "You really are an idiot, huh?"
"Of course I do! I was idiot enough to fell in love with someone like you! I trusted you, and I feel that you should do the same thing. You're not alone, Courier. You have me, and that woman from your childhood... she lives by your heart!" you says, as your eyes glazed with tears but has determination
Now, he feels guilty. He was too scared to face the real person that is reflected inside him— a person who strives for perfection, but also a person who is far from perfect. Ever since that night, he worked more and more, to distract him from the downpour of emotions.
"What if I say, that I was too afraid to accept my fears and worries?" Courier finally asking you, his bangs covering his shiny eyes
Him? Afraid?
Not ever once you ever heard of him being afraid. He always taking risks to get his job done, not ever once you ever see fear in his sharp violet irises, and every gunshot he delivers. But, like all other imperfect mortals, it's obvious to have such feelings.
"That's okay... I'm afraid too... That's why I'm here for you... We have each other..." you moves up, proceeding to hug him from behind
Courier felt like an idiot right now. Why in this hell of a time, he would ever think of it? The thought of what if he loses you, the thought of what if that night gets repeated. The soft trickles of rain still pounding by the window, just like Courier's heart right now. Always shrouded in crippling cold and pain, alone.
You're here for him, as if you blows the rainy weather; his doubt and fear, away from his heart. To show him what is it feel like to not feel alone, and sharing each other's wound...
Like, covering one's drenched self with an umbrella.
"_____... I want you to understand, that I'm not the Courier you always looked up for. I'm an idiot, a shithead, a coward," Courier speaks, clenching his hands tight
"I know that... But, you'll always be the Courier I love. The Akudama who never ever had fear to do his job. The one who would say I never fail, the one who give someone like me a chance," you say, gripping to his hoodie sweater gently
Within that words, he realizes. He quickly turns around and throw himself down to the bed, trapping you underneath him. That shiny violet eyes, looks down to you with many feelings that is bewildering him. Even in this moment, your lover looks undoubtedly beautiful. You gazes to him, as he tries to made up his mind. You know him very well, that he would always make quick decision regarding of what he gonna do next.
Courier opens his mouth to say, "I won't run away again."
In return, you gently smiles from his firm statement. "I know. I know that's what you'll say."
He hoped, that you would accept the self that he hide, the true colors behind the black-and-purple, the heart that he covers with the mask of perfection-seeking and cold-hearted. Courier have certained, if you continues to be here beside him, that he would have determination to look beyond the hazy skies.
"I love you, Courier..." you says, and like a magic word, he immediately dips down to kiss you
That kiss tasted bitter, yet sweet and emotional. Long, but not short enough, the perfect description of Courier's kisses. He wanted to feel everything, as he parts his lips from you. The rain trickles stops, as the night sky shows up behind the dark clouds, revealing the dim moonlight who blends together with the city lights.
He looks at you who were enveloped by the lights from the outside and he says, "I know. Now, it's my turn."
That was the last words he says, before he continues on by connecting both his and your lips together. To feel your heart who constantly shout out its love to him, to share each other's heat together, to show you that he has also the feelings he wanted to convey so bad. Well, Courier's bad at words, so he prefers on doing it directly.
The night continues on, with the moon shining bright...
Just like his heart who is clear of fear and worries.