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Christmas was finally here. Ellie was really happy about it, not because of Christmas itself, she had stopped loving Christmas a long time ago. It was her mother’s favorite holiday, they’d always have this huge tree, all of these decorations, the whole package. When she died, she took the spirit of Christmas with her. Ellie was okay with it, she’d always have the memories of this holiday with her, and it was enough for her.
She was happy because Christmas break meant she was finally going to see her dad again, and everyone else was coming back to Squahamish, including Paul and Aster.
She had spent Christmas Eve with her dad, watching old French movies as they always did. It might have been the thing she had missed the most. Hearing her dad repeat all of the lines from memory was weirdly soothing, probably because that was when she felt more like home.
Her father had already gone to sleep. Ellie was in her room, playing her guitar. Her mind was empty, letting herself get carried away by the music. The sound of her phone brought her back to reality. Her eyes widened when she saw who had just texted her. It was Aster Flores. They hadn’t talked since the kiss. It had been several months now, and Ellie was trying to get over her. She unlocked her phone.
ASTER : Are you up?
ELLIE : Always.
Aster read the text, but didn’t text back.
ELLIE : Are you okay?
ASTER : Not really?
ELLIE : Wanna talk about it?
ASTER : Not really?
ELLIE : Where are you?
ASTER : You know that place where we went?
ELLIE : I thought there was no cell reception.
ASTER : I’m not there yet, I’m on my way.
ELLIE : I’ll be there.
ASTER : Thank you Ellie.
Ellie wasn’t used to leaving the house at night, but when it came to Aster, she just couldn’t resist. She got down the stairs carefully, trying not to wake up her dad. She left a note in the kitchen just to make sure her dad wouldn’t worry.
She grabbed her bike and in just twenty minutes, she was leaving it next to Aster’s car. She was glad she had put on her biggest coat, because it was freezing. It was dark so she used her phone’s flash to make sure she wasn’t going to trip on a root or a rock.
Then she saw her. She was sitting on a rock with a cover on her. She had a lantern next to her and was facing the water, quiet. When she heard someone coming behind her, she turned around and smiled.
Ellie smiled back. She had missed seeing her face. The truth was, she had never stopped thinking about her, no matter how hard she had tried to get over her.
Ellie climbed on the rock and sat down next to her friend, who offered her a part of the cover which she gladly accepted.
They didn’t talk at first, they just silently stared at the water. Ellie didn’t want to rush Aster, she just wanted to show her that she was there, ready to listen if she felt like talking to her. After a few minutes, Aster broke the silence.
“I’m scared I’m not enough” Her voice was trembling, like if she was trying not to cry.
Ellie looked at Aster, concerned “What do you mean?”
“I’m scared I’m not enough. I’ve been trying to be that perfect little girl my parents wanted me to be, I’ve been trying so hard. I almost married a guy I didn’t like just because my parents liked him and I had convinced myself that it was my destiny. I did everything I was asked to do. Everything I do, I do it so that my parents can be proud of me. But no matter what I do, I end up disappointing them. I broke Trig’s heart, I broke my parents heart, I’m not enough and-”. She suddenly stopped.
“And what?”
“I’m scared I’m not enough for you.” None of them talked for a few seconds, but it felt like hours. “I keep thinking about what happened between us and the truth is, the way I feel when I’m with you, when I talk to you, I’ve never felt someone like that for anyone before. I don’t know what it is, and I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that for so long, but I’m terrified. I don’t care that you’re a girl, but I’m just scared that I’m not gonna be enough for you. And that sucks because I really really really want to be”. Aster was crying.
“Oh, Aster” said Ellie, as tears filled her eyes.
“Just- just wait”. Aster got closer to Ellie and kissed her. It was more gentle than the last time. It wasn’t rushed, this time the timing was perfectly right.
“You’re more than enough for me Aster. You’re enough to everyone, and you shouldn’t need to prove that. You don’t have to keep making decisions and doing things just because you think it’s what people expect of you. Being you is enough, be gentle with yourself, you deserve to live your life the way you want it, without worrying about what everyone is going to think. You are who you are, and it’s enough, I promise.”
“I want to live my life with you Ellie Chu”.
They both smiled while tears were rolling down their cheeks, it was everything Ellie had ever wanted to hear. She looked at her watch, it was past midnight. “Hey, it’s Christmas”.
Aster laughed “Merry Christmas Ellie”
“Merry Christmas Aster”.
After all, Ellie might be able to learn to love Christmas again.