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Tonhon wasn’t asleep when the ringing started, but given the late hour of the night, it took him a moment to reorient himself enough to reach for his phone. Part of him anticipated that it would be Chonlatee. Part of him was afraid that it might be. He hadn’t seen the younger male since Chon had kissed him and admitted that he had feelings for Ton.
He hated all of it. He hated that Chon dared to keep such a secret from him - hated that the younger felt like that about him in the first place. He hated that Ai and Nhai had lied to him. Part of him was angry at his father, knowing that his warring feelings were in part because of how he was raised. He had always been an accepting person - he didn’t care that people were gay, so long as they kept it away from him .
It wasn’t until Nhai and Ai’s admittance of their relationship that his stalwart belief was shaken at the foundation. They’d been his fri sure he’d be just as happy not to see them kissing again, but that was mostly because they felt like brothers to him.
He hated that that realization made it undeniable that Chonlatee, who he had called his little brother since they were young, did not give him the same reaction. Was it because Chon had kissed him ? Ton was textbook smart, he always had been, and Nhai was one of the kindest, most easy going people he’d ever known, but Ai was the best with reading people. He’d been deliberate when he asked if Ton had feelings for Chonlatee.
In the moment, aloud, it was easy to deny. It was much harder when he was alone, since the person he had to convince was himself , and in reality, he wasn’t sure how he felt. He jerked again at the chiming on his phone, jerking him free of his thoughts, and his concerns took an abrupt shift to worry when he saw Itt’s name there.
He pulled the phone to his ear, taking to his feet, “Is Baipai okay?” His sister was the first thing to come to mind; there was no other reason for Itt to be calling at….two in the morning? “What’s happened?”
“Bai is fine,” Itt’s voice responded slower than Ton would’ve liked, and he could hear that there was some kind of commotion going on.
“Then why are you -”
Ton didn’t even manage to finish the question. “I think it’s Chonlatee,” he said. In the years that Ton had known Itt, from when he’d first started dating Baipai, even through their marriage and shared meals, he had never heard the pitch of urgency in his voice. He sounded a step short of panicked then.
“Chonlatee?” he echoed the name, as though it hadn’t been running circles in his head all night. He’d grabbed a pair of jeans and was pulling them on, pinning the phone between his cheek and shoulder to make sure he didn’t miss anything that was going on the other end. There was the unmistakable sound of traffic, and some chatter.
Where were they to be somewhere so loud so late in the night. “What do you mean you think it’s Chon? Where are you, P’?”
“It’s Chon. Fuck , what happened to you?” Tonhon heard the words, but knew that Itt wasn’t talking to him at the moment. There was no word for the dread that curled in his guts at those words.
“P’! Where are you?”
“It’ll be faster if I bring him there - can I bring him?” Tonhon heard himself agree without meaning to, and abruptly the phone line went dead. The questions that went on unanswered made him feel sick and uneasy, but he had no appropriate outlet. He ran downstairs, uncaring if the commotion bothered any of his housemates, turning on every light and left his front door hanging open as he went to unlock and open the gate. He didn’t care if every bug in Thailand came inside, the tone of Itt’s voice promised only that something was very wrong.
It was nearly twenty agonizing minutes later before headlights of his brother-in-law’s Benz rounded into his driveway. Itt wasn’t in much better state than Ton felt at the moment. He barely had the car in park, made no attempt to turn off the lights or the engine before he was running out and around to unlock the passenger side of the car.
Ton ran out to meet him, unwilling and unable to wait inside a moment longer. When Itt opened the door, Ton slipped around it to get to Chon first, needing to make sure with his own eyes that he was okay. He had only known to expect something bad from Itt’s panic, but the sight he found was worlds beyond that.
He knew Chonlatee’s face - every minute detail of it - and for a moment he had to look to recognize him. Like from a textbook, he heard something in his head remind him that head wounds bled a lot, but there was more red than clear skin on the boy’s skin, and his hair seemed half-saturated with it. One eye was visibly swollen, and both of his lips were split open at the right side, leaving darker spots of caked blood.
Ton had opened the door with every intention to scoop Chon up and carry him inside, but he froze solid at the sight of the boy. He was wholly unprepared for the twinned fury and terror that shot through him. Chon’s clothes were bloodied, and he wasn’t responding whatsoever to the light or his presence.
“What the fuck happened to him?” He tried to keep his voice calm, but the words sounded murderous even to himself, turning to look towards his brother in law. Itt’s attention barely flickered away from Chonlatee, even at the question, expression deeply concerned.
“I don’t know,” Itt answered simply. “I found him like this, near Soi Twilight. There was someone poking around, but I don’t think they were involved, just someone on the street. They bolted when I got close, but I was too worried about Chon to follow them.”
Ton’s head spun a little at the given information, and a muted anger stirred in him at the latent familiarity with Soi Twilight. He knew only faintly that there were a lot of bars there, and all of them catered to gay clientele. Chon had admitted that he was gay, but why was Itt there in the first place? Part of him wanted to demand answers, but in the face of seeing Chon hurt like this - he couldn’t be bothered.
He leaned over, unbuckling the seatbelt from around the younger male. Ton knew him well, but it was the first time that he seemed so frighteningly small as he curled one arm behind Chon’s back and the other beneath his knees. Hefting the younger male up against his chest was the first time Chon had any reaction, only releasing a whimper of pain that made his own chest clench up.
“I need to get him inside,” Tonhon muttered towards Itt, unsure whether the older male would follow him, but honestly not caring much either way. Itt nodded in agreement, moving finally to turn off his car and shut the front gate. Ton simply carried Chon into the living room, settling the younger male down onto the couch.
In the better light in the house, Ton’s worry only increased. Chon’s fair skin was too pale in contrast to the blood on his skin, and he was still and silent as a stone. He immediately moved to run to the bathroom, gathering up a bowl and filling it with warm water, grabbing some washcloths before returning.
Itt was sitting on the floor by Chon’s head, looking worried, and the front door had been shut. He left plenty of room for Ton to sit beside the younger, putting the bowl of water on the table beside him. The first order of business was getting Chonlatee cleaned up and finding out how badly he was truly hurt.
Itt waited solemnly beside him, his worry obvious even in the silence, but he didn’t move to intervene. Ton was gentle as he could be, gingerly wiping Chon’s face free of the blood, bit by bit, wincing for the younger as he revealed skin mottled with swelling and bruise. He’d have to get the boy into the shower to get the blood out of his hair properly, but he could at least clean his skin and gauge how badly he was hurt.
Chonlatee’s shirt was torn and stained, but Ton tried to reassure himself that it didn’t seem to have been taken off of him. He couldn’t deny that intrinsic fear, considering where Chon had been - that it had been something more than just a physical fight or blows exchanged. Honestly, he knew that he couldn’t possibly know for sure until Chonlatee could tell him, but there was no saying when the younger male might wake up.
It was painstaking, cleaning his face and neck and arms, feeling a hollow sort of pride when he found Chon’s bruised, torn knuckles. The younger male had fought back against whatever it was that had happened to him. Ton hesitated when he’d cleaned everything he could without removing Chonlatee’s shirt. He didn’t want to overstep, but it was too likely there was more damage to the younger, and Itt could vouch that he didn’t do anything untoward.
Tonhon didn’t even really pause to wonder why that even occurred to him. As gently as he could, he pulled the shirt off of Chon, seeing more bruises on the younger male’s torso, his ribs and abdomen darkening, but it was a relief that while there was some echo of blood on his skin, there were no open wounds beneath his shirt. Ton simply took a steadying breath and continued to wipe his skin free of blood and sweat.
“If I ever find out who did this to you, Chon, I’ll kill them.” He barely thought the words before he realized he’d said them aloud. It was a little alarming how much he meant it. He’d always taken care of Chon, since they were children. And while he still didn’t know how to respond to the strangers that flirted with the boy, and as much as he wanted to tear Nueng to pieces for touching him like that - he’d never seen Chonlatee hurt like this.
He never wanted to see it again.
He stood abruptly - he needed to dispose of the dirtied water and throw the washcloths away - he didn’t even want to wash them, they were ruined. He needed to get Chon something clean and dry to wear, and maybe comb his hair, unsure of his own ability to get the younger male into bath, cleaned, and out again without hurting him further.
He was rummaging in his closet when he realised that Itt had followed him, the older male knocking once on the doorframe to alert Tonhon that he was there. He felt a spike of temper, not liking that his attention was being diverted from his self-assigned task, he needed to help Chon - why was Itt there.
“I need to talk to you Tonhon,” Itt said quietly. Ton didn’t really want to hear it, muttering something that Chon would get cold and needed his help, but when he tried to leave through the doorway, Itt didn’t step aside. He moved to block his path, expression serious. “I put a blanket on him - he’ll be okay for a few minutes.”
Ton knew he was glaring - he was good at glaring; it was uncommon that someone would see his face when he was angry and not fall back or away. Itt didn’t flinch though. It was kind of strange to see him so present , more often than not, as per his father’s complaining, Itt seemed to be distracted from reality, attention focused on his phone or something else at the moment.
“What do you want, P’?” he asked, the honorific familiar, and given despite his irritation.
“Chon is going to be okay,” Itt said, with a certainty that angered Ton all over again. He had no idea if that was true, how could Itt? They didn’t know the true extent of Chon’s injuries, or anything else that had happened before he was found. “Tonhon, listen to me.” There was a surprising tone of authority in those words, enough that Ton actually subsided, though his temper didn’t. “You need to think about what you’re doing.”
“Doing?” The word felt alien, accusatory in some way. “ Doing ? I’m taking care of Chonlatee - you fucking brought him here, didn’t you?” It wasn’t common for him to curse, actually, but he was too angry to hold it back. It felt like Itt was accusing him of doing something wrong, when all he cared about was making sure that his nong was going to be okay.
“You know he’s in love with you - you need to consider his feelings, Ton,” Itt said, not at all swayed by the younger male’s present temper. Ton was bigger than his brother in law, but, strangely, it was the most sure that he could remember seeing Itt behave around him.
“Right now the only thing I care about is making sure he’s okay. Feelings can be dealt with later.” The words took a moment to find, and while Ton wasn’t sure that he meant them himself, it felt like the right thing to say. He didn’t like the way that Itt winced in answer, but didn’t move away.
“Your feelings or his?”
“Why are you asking this? You’re in my way - Chon needs me right now, not this stupid argument. You brought him here so I could take care of him, didn’t you? Let me do that.”
“I did,” Itt agreed, arms crossing in front of his chest, looking at Tonhon in the same manner that he’d seen bouncers stare down rowdy clientele at bars. “And I didn’t. I had to see it for myself, and now I have.”
The demand of ‘see what ’ and ‘ now you’ve seen it, get out of the way ’ warred in Ton for a moment, but neither managed to make its way out before Itt moved again. “Do you know why I was out there, Tonhon?”
“Can you just say what you need to say? This is wasting time.” Ton was no stranger to sounding cold when it benefited a situation, and he called on the talent now. He ignored the fact that he’d been wondering the very thing a short while ago - it didn’t matter right now, not when Chon was hurt, not when every instinct in him was to stay with the younger until he woke up. Not until he knew Chon would be okay.
“I was looking for my Chonlatee- the same way I do every weekend. I know Baipai has told you that sometimes I don’t come home nights. I’ve never cheated on her, but I don’t blame her for suspecting it. My father was just like yours - practically obsessed with the idea of his lineage and his inheritance and his grandchildren. And I thought it was my duty to be a good son and do as my father wanted.
“I never wanted to hurt anyone, but I did, Tonhon. I hurt Baipai, I hurt my relationship with my father, I hurt myself, and I hurt the one person that I loved in the world more than anything. And I’ll lose everything before it’s over - Bai and myself, included.
“There’s nothing good in it, Ton. I kind of had a feeling about you, but I can see it for myself, with this. You’re in love with Chon, and you don’t even understand how badly you’re going to hurt him.”
Tonhon didn’t know how to respond to the words, feeling cold, shaking his head slowly. Itt didn’t know what he was talking about. There was nothing, ever, he would do to hurt Chonlatee. A traitorous part of his conscience brought up the question debating that he’d already done that already.
“You should leave, P’,” he said instead, setting his jaw and his glare. “Go home to Baipai - she stays up worrying over you.” It was unkind, at the very least, to say it, but it was true, too. Itt sighed softly, but to Ton’s surprise, he actually nodded.
“You’re a good person, Tonhon. You’re stronger than I was, you just don’t know it yet. You don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. I know it’s not what you think you want, but he loves you. I promise you, it’s scary, but nothing will hurt more than if he leaves and he doesn’t come back.”
Ton didn’t really expect the hand that patted his shoulder, but then Itt turned around and left him standing in his room, thoughts spiraling. By the time he managed to shut the errant thoughts up enough to refocus on the job he needed to do at the moment - help Chon - his brother in law was gone entirely.
At least he’d been honest in that he’d draped a blanket over the younger male’s half-bare form. It wasn’t enough, though, and Ton carefully carried him back upstairs and into his room. He managed to get Chon re-dressed in a shirt (one of his own - while he still had the yellow one that Chon had left behind, Ton couldn’t make himself select that one). He wasn’t particularly concerned with whether he was making noise or not, mostly focused on keeping his motions smooth.
Still when he heard a rapping on the door, he offered an abrupt instruction to come in, not wanting Chon to wake up quite yet. Ai, initially, looked confused, hair out of sorts and eyes puffy with sleep. The expression on his face shifted nearly instantly from confusion to shock, and he approached the bed with wide eyes.
“Ton,” he said, tone achingly soft, and for just a half-moment, he would’ve sworn there was a flicker of fear in Ai’s eyes, and his stomach plummeted. Did Ai think that he had something to do with Chon’s condition?
Cold reality hit - of course he did. Wherever the hell Chonlatee had been, he was there because they’d fought. Otherwise, Chon would’ve been home. Safe. Right where he was now, where Tonhon would make sure that nothing ever touched him. He swallowed the knot that had suddenly formed in his throat.
“P’Itt found him,” Ton said, just as quietly. “He was in town. He doesn’t know what happened to him - Chon was unconscious already. I just tried to clean him up as best as I could, and he can sleep here.” He couldn’t remember ever crying in front of his friends - men didn’t cry , his father said, but he could feel tears burning at his eyes.
Ai stepped further into the room, expression going sad as he looked down at Chon’s bruised face, the only thing still visible outside the blankets that Tonhon had tugged up to his chin. He got sick so easily when he was cold; he was so vulnerable. It was his responsibility to take care of Chon, and he had already failed so miserably.
The last thing he expected was arms wrapping around him. Ai wasn’t ever really affectionate with him, and Ton had always assumed he was just distant. Learning about the truth of his relationship with Nhai was apparently only the first thing that he really needed to understand about his friend.
For a moment he tensed up, the contact felt wrong , somehow, but he couldn’t explain why. But when Ai moved to pull away, clearly respecting his unease, Ton hugged him back, pressing his face into the shorter male’s shoulder as he fought for a breath that wasn’t a sob. Ai murmured something, patting his back gently, quiet promises that Chon would be okay - that they would all be okay.
And with no power to help Chon, Ton wept in his friend’s arms the way he hadn’t cried as long as he could remember. His head and chest ached when he finally pulled away, and he saw through blurry eyes that Nhai had appeared at some point, lingering in the doorway. They always waited for his permission before entering his space, Ton realized, wondering how he never noticed. He wasn’t sure how much Nhai had managed to piece together on his own, but he obviously shared in the somber mood for the moment.
“What do I do?” he asked aloud, but didn’t even know who he meant the question to - his friends, the universe, himself.
“Let him sleep,” Ai said, with all the practicality he always did. “You need the rest. Nhai and I will stay awake in case he wakes up, but we’ll find out what’s happened in the morning. We might need to take him to the hospital in the morning, but for now I think it’s best we don’t move him too much.”
Ton didn’t argue. Nhai threw an arm over his shoulders and half-guided him downstairs and to the couch, not making any attempt to ask Ton to talk, or to break the silence between them himself. He merely helped Ton lay down, and covered him in the blanket. Part of Ton almost objected - there was no reason that he couldn’t have done it himself. He wasn’t beaten half to death.
The expression on Nhai’s face was what stopped him, sadness and affection both. Nhai knew he wasn’t helpless. He was just worried for his friend. Ton clenched his eyes shut, grabbing the pillow beneath his head and shoving his face hard into the fabric. The reality of how shitty a friend he’d been was a punishment on its own. Three years, they said, they’d been dating. And he’d been badmouthing them to their faces the whole time without knowing it.
And they still forgave him, and cared about him. They never confronted him, or even acted as though his behavior was hurtful, though it must have been. He was confused and angry about Itt’s unwelcome confession - and the realization that Baipai had been right all along. Her own husband was gay.
Ton was furious with the man, but he pitied him too. And hadn’t he been on the path to do something similar? No, Baipai wouldn’t have been the one hurt, but someone would have been. To the world, it was one thing to fake a behavior, to fill a role that his father wanted. But in his own head - in his heart ? Itt was right.
The signs had been there, willfully ignored every step of the way. When other students would flirt with Chon, he couldn’t stand it. He’d told himself that he was protecting him, watching out for his little brother. But had he ever really thought of Chon as an actual sibling ? He couldn’t say for sure anymore.
There was nothing brotherly in the way he felt at the moment, heart and head racing, in equal parts furious and terrified. It hadn’t been a brotherly feeling that had spurred his anger when Chonlatee had kissed him - had confessed. It was wrong that the younger had done that while he was sleeping - but the heart of his anger wasn’t even focused on that.
Chonlatee’s words had forced Ton to think about how he felt for the younger. And he didn’t want to. He could admit that he’d been avoiding that feeling with as much effort as possible. It had felt wrong, but he had been relieved to learn that Chon was a virgin when he’d admitted it. He’d slipped so deep into denial he brought the boy to sleep with a call girl .
And had the audacity to be relieved again, even just to himself, when Chon said all he’d gotten was a pedicure. He’d remembered how loud the boy was in response to just that, and a sick part of his mind wondered if he would always be so loud when he felt good. It had only added to his confusion - his father had told him how manipulative gay men were. It made his skin crawl.
He’d been the one manipulating things with Chon from the beginning, hadn’t he? Had maneuvered the boy to live with him, even to share his room, had made his friends watch over him whether they wanted the responsibility or not? He’d done a dozen things just as bad as Chon’s kiss - and that might have been half gratitude, as he’d run in to save him from Nueng.
That memory alone spurred doubt on his convictions. His reaction hadn’t just been protective. It was protective; he’d always cared deeply for Chonlatee, and knowing how vulnerable the boy was made him worry. But it was possessive, too. He had to be honest with himself, now or never.
He wasn’t sure just how honest Itt had been - he honestly wasn’t even sure how well he’d been listening. But there was self-loathing in the man’s tone, and he seemed genuine in his worry for Chon and Ton. And Ton knew that he couldn’t live with that kind of regret, either.
It was selfish. He had intended to do everything his father wanted - he wanted to be a good son, to do everything expected of him. But learning Chon was gay, he knew that he could never bear to see the younger with another man, not even Na, who’s only crime was being unaware of how pompous he came across. Na hadn’t played the games that Ton had; he’d immediately realized his own attraction for Chon and tried to win him over.
He didn’t hurt him or bully him - even tried to look out for him against what Amp and Nueng had plotted together. Still the thought of him made anger boil in Ton’s gut, from the simple fact that he wanted Chon. And Chon was his .
The true depth of that realization was hard to accept, but once the fleeting thought passed him, Tonhon knew he wouldn’t be able to ignore it again. He considered Chonlatee his - not his brother. His person. How long had he been falling asleep and waking up to his presence? How many of his thoughts circled around the boy, since he’d found him in his childhood home again?
How wrong did feel, looking back on his feelings for Amp? How had her betrayal been more angering than hurtful? It hurt, when someone’s heart was broken. He’d been stupid not to realize that when Chon spoke of his own broken feelings, it was because of him ? And selfishly all over again, Ton wondered what the younger would think of him in the morning, when he woke.
He would have to hate Tonhon for whatever had happened to him. Would he be willing to even listen to him, if Ton gathered the courage to be honest with him? Was it in Chon’s best interest that Ton even tell him the truth? Or was the mere idea of confessing his too-late realization self-serving again?
Ton fell into a shallow, troubled sleep with no more answers than he’d started with. He shifted between pictures of dreamscapes with warring pictures of his father, Amp, Itt, Baipai, and Chon all over again. He was fitful and a quiet dread followed every scene playing through his head.
He jerked awake at a hand touching his shoulder, Ai recoiling safely out of arm’s reach when Ton reactively swung at the contact. Tonhon apologized in the same breath that he realized where he was, the events from the night before hitting him like a sledgehammer. It was bright out, but he couldn’t have guessed the time of day, and he turned immediately to his friend for an answer.
“Chon is asking for you,” Ai explained. He looked tired, dark smudges under his eyes, and Ton didn’t guess whether he’d been up the rest of the night. “He woke up a little bit ago and wanted a shower. Miriam helped him, but now he’s dressed and back in your bed - Nhai and I changed the bedding, so everything is clean. He wants to talk to you.”
Ton swallowed trying to digest the information. He waited for the familiar flare of jealousy to learn that Miriam had helped Chon through his bath, but felt nothing. She was a new presence in their household, but she had been nothing but enthusiastic and helpful whenever asked. She had won over Ai and Nhai instantly, and even Chon adored her, especially after she’d helped rescue him from Amp.
She would never lift a finger to do anything unkind or untoward to Chon. He nodded immediately, taking his feet and thanking the shorter male before he headed towards his room. Nhai and Miriam were in the hallway, both glancing over at him and exchanging a glance that he couldn’t be bothered to translate. He probably looked like death, but that didn’t matter in the face of Chon’s request for him.
He did pause long enough to pat Nhai’s shoulder, and thank both of them for helping Chon, before he stepped into his bedroom, seeking out the younger male immediately. Chonlatee looked just as small as he had the day before, settled on his bed, his hair still damp, brushed back to reveal a bandage at one temple. There were some other bandages on other scrapes and over his knuckles, and he was dwarfed in one of Tonhon’s shirts again.
He moved carefully to sit beside the younger, half a dozen apologies fighting to be the first that he spoke, but it was Chon that broke the silence. He had, for all the pain he had to be in, the audacity to half-smile up at him, the unbroken side of his lips curling up. “Phi,” he greeted in a rough voice.
Ton could see new bruising at his throat - either it hadn’t settled in the night before, or he’d been too dirty. He felt tears at his eyes again, but when Chon patted the mattress beside him, he didn’t attempt to argue, sitting carefully next to Chon. “Chonlatee,” he blurted out, still unsure what he might say.
“Thank you, P’,” Chon interrupted whatever it was that he might come up with, and Ton looked at the younger male with wide eyes, utterly confused. Thank you was the last thing that he thought that he might hear from the younger. “For helping me. Even after everything I did.”
Everything he did ? Ton shook his head, refuting the words. “You don’t owe me any apology,” he answered, reaching out almost without thinking to take one of Chon’s hands into his own. “Just tell me what happened to you - who did this to you, nong? I’m not going to let them get away with it.”
“I don’t know, P’Ton.” Chonlatee’s voice was infuriatingly calm, completely matter-of-fact, but his fingers curled a little around Ton’s, which helped a little to calm the anger he felt. Chon’s touch was grounding, gentle and open, so that Ton could’ve pulled away if he liked. “Another student had invited me to go out - I should’ve said no. But I agreed. When I didn’t...I didn’t want what he wanted, he left me there. I was trying to find a taxi to get home when they stopped me. They wanted money, but I didn’t have any. T-then they wanted something else, and I fought them.
“They didn’t expect me to fight back, P’Ton,” Chon said, lifting his chin a little. There was some pride in the words, and in the same moment, Tonhon wanted to yell at the boy and wanted to kiss him. “I...I don’t remember much after that. They were strangers.”
“I’m so sorry, Chonlatee,” Ton replied instead, reaching over and cupping Chon’s bruised cheek in one hand, running his thumb over the swollen skin. “This is my fault - and I don’t know what would’ve happened if Itt hadn’t found you and brought you home.”
Chon looked confused then, brows knitting in the middle. “Your fault? It’s not, Phi, this was my fault. I...I took advantage when you were sleeping - I know how you feel about...about people like me.” The final words were soft and shamed, and Ton felt them like physical blows. How had he not realized how much hurt his own ignorance was causing?
“I just needed to think, Chon,” he said, thumb still drawing over the soft skin of the boy’s cheek. He really did look like a doll, he had to admit it, and his skin was soft as silk, despite the abuse it had undergone. “I’ve always wanted to think of you as my little brother, but I can’t do that anymore.”
He didn’t expect the hurt in Chon’s eyes at the confession, eyes shuttering, and one hand reaching to pull Ton’s fingers from his cheek. Too late ( stupid , his brain told him) he realized how Chon must have interpreted the words, and the full reality of the situation set in like lightning. He couldn’t let Chon go - so he would have to be honest. He shifted, moving so that the younger was forced to keep him in his line of sight.
“I almost lost you last night, Chontahee,” he said quietly, urging the younger to return his attention. Normally he might have pushed him, but he wasn’t going to do anything that might cause Chon any more pain than he was already in. “I couldn’t bear that thought. You told me you loved me. Did you mean it?”
He could see the confusion in Chon’s eyes, but waited impatiently for his answer. “Since we were little, P’Tonhon. I’ve always loved you. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to stop.”
The admission made Ton’s stomach flip, and he realized immediately that the panic and anger he’d felt at Chon’s first confession were missing entirely. “Please don’t,” he pleaded, and before Chon could let the misunderstanding settle, he continued. “Please don’t ever stop.” There was confusion in the younger male’s face, his unblackened eye going wide, and Ton didn’t let another moment pass before he leaned over and pressed the faintest ghost of a kiss to Chon’s pink, bruised lips.
He pulled away just as fast, but only far enough that he felt sure he wouldn’t accidentally hurt him. “P’Ton,” he said, tone wavering a little.
“I love you, too, Chon - I just...I just was a little slow that it wasn’t brotherly love I was feeling -”
There was no doubt that Tonhon would’ve continued babbling, but he couldn’t, as Chon leaned over and kissed him , with more insistence than he should’ve considered what had happened to him the night before. His gaze was hazy with pain when he pulled back, and Ton couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or irritated with his stubborn boy.
“Can you carry me downstairs? I want breakfast. I want to thank Ai and Nhai and Miriam for helping me.” The request only made him smile again, and Ton immediately stood, walking around the bed to help lift the boy as gently as possible. Chon weighed next to nothing in his arms, and Ton’s heart skipped a beat or three when he rested his head on Ton’s shoulder, nestling close.
“It doesn’t hurt?” he asked carefully, afraid of agitating injuries on the younger male.
“No,” Chon answered, smiling faintly. “I can’t feel anything right now. Just your arms around me. You’ll have to carry me until I’m all better,” he added the final words teasingly, a spark in his eyes that made Ton grin down at him.
He leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead, gentle still. “You’ll be lucky if I let you down even then,” he teased right back, carefully maneuvering to carry the boy downstairs, feeling a lightness in his chest he couldn’t ever remember before.
The kitchen was alive with movement and noise - Nhai and Miriam were making breakfast, trading off jobs effortlessly. Ai watched them affectionately, smiling at Nhai when the taller male offered him a sampling, his expression so much adoration that Tonhon could only realize just how stupid he’d been for so long.
All three lit up at the sight of them, and Ton wondered if this was the first time his best friends were genuinely glad to see him, or whether it was that he was finally seeing who they were. He settled Chon at a seat at the table, making himself available to the others to help, earning a pinched cheek from Miriam, who nudged him to look over the eggs. She quickly took a moment to greet Chon, mothering over him for a moment, making sure he was okay.
It wasn’t over, Tonhon knew. He couldn’t lie to his father - he couldn’t follow the path Itt was on. And there was no certainty that his family would be able to accept him - or the truth. There was something terrible to the unanswered questions. But it wasn’t everything.
Nhai dished out porridge into bowls, topping with the eggs he’d been watching, and Ai chased him out of the kitchen to sit next to Chon, who promptly offered his hand. Ton took it, lifting it to press a kiss just beneath the bandages on his knuckles. Miriam sat down on Chon’s other side, and Ai and Nhai served everyone’s plates before taking seats on the other side of the table.
His parents might never forgive him, and he didn’t know how Baipai might respond. He didn’t know what Itt was going to do about his own unfortunate situation. But Tonhon could say with surety, for maybe the first time, that he had family that would accept and love him no matter what. And he had Chonlatee.
And with just those two things - somehow everything would end up okay.