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“Did you see that?”
“See what?”
“Quick you’re missing it! Damn it B’Elanna...”
“Tom, I’m trying to work here!” B’Elanna hoisted herself up from beneath the console she’d been working on, bumping her head along the way.
“What?” She asked angrily, rubbing her head.
“The Captain and Chakotay. They’re holding hands!”
B’Elanna glanced over in the direction of the pair, who were just departing Engineering-no hand holding in sight.
“They are not.”
“Well, they were just a second ago”, Tom insisted.
“Still trying to win your own betting pool, are you Tom?” B’Elanna smirked, ducking back under her console.
“I’m telling you they were!”
“Uh-huh, sure.”
Tom sighed in frustration and stomped out of engineering, not even noticing Harry as he passed by.
“Whoa. What was Tom so mad about?” A slightly offended Harry asked as he sidled up to B’Elanna’s console.
“Something about his stupid betting pool. Holding hands, nothing. You’d think he caught them making out in the corridor”, B’Elanna muttered.
“Caught who making out?”
“Hmm? Oh, Chakotay and the Captain.”
“They were making out?!” Harry nearly shouted.
“What? No! Oh, go ask Tom. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get these conduits realigned before next year?”
“S-Sorry. I’ll go...”
“Thanks”, B’Elanna mumbled as Harry set off down the corridor in search of Tom.
After almost 20 minutes with no success, he passed Astrometrics and decided on a detour, hoping that maybe Seven would know more about the incident, and eager to fill her in if she didn’t.
“Seven! Have you seen Tom?”
“I have not”, Seven responded, not looking up from her work.
“Oh. So...did you hear the latest?”
“The ‘latest’?”
“The news, the tea, whatever you want to call it!”
“I assume this has something to do with the infantile wagers perpetuated by Lieutenant Paris and yourself?”
Harry bounced on his heels, choosing to overlook the insult.
“Maybe...”
Seven continued to tap her console.
“I have no interest in irrelevant gossip.”
“Come on Seven! Aren’t you even a little bit curious?”
She sighed, turning condescendingly to Harry.
“Very well. What is the ‘latest’?”
“Well, it’s not 100 percent confirmed- but I have it from a very reliable source that Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay just may have been seen....KISSING in the corridors.”
Harry beamed.
Seven raised an eyebrow.
“I see.”
“‘I see?’ That’s all you’ve got to say?”
“If the Captain and Commander wish to place themselves in a compromising position, I do not believe it is any of our concern.”
Seven spoke rather loudly, and neither she nor Harry noticed the small figure entering the cargo bay.
“Seven?”
“Naomi Wildman.”
“My astronomy lesson was at 0900, right?”
“Correct. If you will excuse us Ensign.”
Harry shrugged and departed Astrometrics, patting Naomi on the head as he went by.
“Seven? What’s a ‘compromising position’?”
“Something entirely irrelevant to your astronomy lesson.”
Naomi sensed that she wasn’t going to get an answer from Seven, so she let the subject drop, but filed it away in her mind for later.
After her astronomy lesson was finished, she headed to sickbay to pick up some anatomy texts from the Doctor.
“Hello?”
“Hello Miss Wildman. And how are you this morning?”
“Fine, thank you Doctor. How are you?”
“I’m quite well. Is there something I can do for you?”
“You promised me some texts on the Bolian immune system.”
“Ah, yes. Here you are.”
“Thank you.”
Naomi started to leave, then thought back to her earlier question and changed her mind.
“Doctor? Could I ask you something?”
“Of course Miss Wildman. What is it?” The Doctor questioned absently, returning to his previous work.
“What’s a ‘compromising position’?”
The Doctor chuckled.
“And just where did you hear that young lady?”
“Well, I overheard Seven talking to Harry, and she said something about the Captain and Commander Chakotay putting themselves in a compromising position...”
“Oh?” The Doctor whirled around, suddenly very interested.
“You... didn’t happen to overhear anything else, did you?”
“No...” Naomi answered with a puzzled expression.
“Oh.”
“So...what does it mean?”
The Doctor suddenly thought better of the company he was speaking to, and began to stammer through an explanation.
“Well, it- it could possibly be that, um- AH! Mr. Neelix! How are you this fine morning?”
He walked briskly over to the Talaxian who had just entered sickbay, nursing a badly burned hand.
“Not so good I’m afraid. I was just putting the finishing touches on a Tarkealian roast when-WHOOSH! Darn thing spat all over me.”
The Doctor did not bother to ask just what a Tarkealian roast might be, or what it would be spitting.
“Well, at least it saved the crew the ordeal of eating it”, he sighed. “Not to worry, Mr. Neelix, I’ll have that patched up in a moment. You’d better run along Miss Wildman. Perhaps your mother would be better suited to answer your question.”
“Ok”, Naomi shrugged. “Feel better Neelix!
“Thank you, Naomi”.
“There you are”, the Doctor set aside the dermal regenerator with a self-satisfied grin. “Good as new.”
“I can’t thank you enough Doctor. Well, I guess I’d better be getting back to the galley... though what the crew is going to do for lunch now I really don’t know...” Neelix mumbled to himself.
“Mr. Neelix!” the Doctor called after him. “You always seem to be up on the latest news about the crew. Have you heard anything interesting lately?
“Uh, why no, Doctor. Is there something in particular you’re thinking of?”
“Perhaps some new... relationship?
“No, I don’t think so. But I could always ask around and get back to you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I would never tell you to, say, bring it up to various members of the crew-in a tasteful way of course- or ask about what they may have heard... or seen...and I surely wouldn’t expect you to report every minute detail back to me. But of course if you feel inclined to do so, I would certainly keep everything confidential!”
Neelix looked somewhat blank, not really understanding what the Doctor was after, but starting to become rather curious about this mysterious relationship.
“Well, I’ll see what I can do, Doctor. I’m starting to get a bit curious myself! May I ask- just who are the rumored parties involved in this little tete a tete?”
“Oh, only a certain Captain and her First Officer”, the Doctor grinned, proud of his inside knowledge.
Neelix’s eyes went wide.
“Oh, my...”
A few hours later, Tuvok entered the mess hall.
He had had many occasions to regret his acute Vulcan hearing over the last few years, and today was fast becoming one of them.
Some of the conversations he suddenly-and quite unwittingly- overheard would have made him blush if he were anything but Vulcan.
While he was aware that humans had an exasperating fixation on gossip, and so, usually chose to ignore it, today he simply could not, given the individuals being discussed.
He made his way to the galley, intent on getting to the source.
Neelix greeted him with a bright smile.
“Mr. Vulcan! How wonderful to see you! What can I get for you today?”
“Information”, Tuvok responded coldly.“Are you aware of the topic of conversation currently being entertained in this mess hall?”
Neelix shifted uneasily, sensing where Tuvok’s line of questioning was leading.
“Mmm... More or less.”
“Might you, in your capacity as ‘morale officer’ have had something to do with it?”
“Well, I-um. Maybe. But it didn’t start with me. I was just... obtaining information for an interested party”, Neelix finished quickly, trying to cover by rattling off a phrase he had recently read in a Federation Textbook.
Tuvok nearly rolled his eyes.
“I see. I will need to request the identity of this and any other ‘interested parties’, and also a complete list of the topics of discussion”, he ordered, already beginning to type up a report that he was sure he’d have cause to regret.
When the hour came to submit his daily security reports, he consciously withheld this one until after the Captain had finished reviewing them, and it didn’t escape her notice.
“What’s the problem Tuvok? Out with it.”
“I have become aware of a number of rather...disturbing rumors concerning you and Commander Chakotay.”
“Oh? Such as?”
“I do not believe it is necessary to go into details, Captain.”
“Come on Tuvok, a little gossip on a ship this size is inevitable. How bad can it be?”
“Very well.”
Tuvok began to read from the PADD in his hand.
“In summary, the topics range from: holding hands in the corridors, ‘making out’ in public areas, and engaging in”, Tuvok cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Intimate relations in various locations throughout the ship including the turbolifts and Jeffries tubes.”
“What?” Kathryn shot to her feet, grabbing the PADD. “Oh, this has gotten way out of hand. Have the senior staff in the briefing room in ten minutes.”
In ten minutes they were there-with the exception of innocent bystander Tuvok-each displaying various levels of unease.
“All right”, Kathryn slapped her hands down onto the table. “How did it start? And don’t any of you pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“Well... Tom said-“ Harry began hesitantly.
“ I said? I didn’t even talk to you today!” Tom interrupted.
B’Elanna spoke up next.
“I guess I might have been the one who started things...but Tom made me so mad I just-“
“Why is it always me?” Tom interjected again.
“I believe we are all aware of who is best known for spreading rumors”, Seven offered, looking pointedly at the Doctor.
“Don’t start pointing fingers at me, Seven. Naomi heard it from you-“ the Doctor answered indignantly.
“Naomi?! You haven’t dragged that poor, impressionable child into all of this-“ Neelix cut in.
“Enough!” Kathryn held up her hands.
“On second thought, I don’t really care how it started. What’s important is that it ends here”, she ordered, every syllable dripping ice.
“Is that understood?”
She was acknowledged with guilty nods and a chorus of ‘yes ma’am’s’, everyone recognizing that it was most definitely crunch time.
“I’m very surprised at all of you. Senior staff members, carrying on as if you have nothing better to do than spread idle rumors. You all have double shifts for the next two weeks. And I’m certain you will see to it that this gossip is put to a stop?”
More nods.
“Good. And let me assure you that if I or Commander Chakotay were-hypothetically-ever to pursue a relationship, we would be far more discreet than all of you seem to think.”
“We really meant no disrespect Captain...” Neelix tried to offer an olive branch, but was silenced by a freezing glare.
“Dismissed.”
As soon as the room was clear, Chakotay-who had not said a word the entire time- burst out laughing until his eyes watered.
Kathryn crossed her arms, still glaring.
“I’m glad you find this amusing.”
“I’m sorry Kathryn. But...the Jeffries tubes...”
His smile was impossible to resist, and soon Kathryn was holding her sides, laughing right along with him.
“All’s well that ends well, I suppose”, she said finally, wiping her eyes.
“I’m just glad we got it all straightened out.”
Chakotay stepped closer to her, his mood becoming more sober.
“This might be a good time to consider some things, though.”
“Oh? Like what?”
“Like, when are we going to tell them?”
“You mean, everything?”
“That we’ve been in a relationship for the better part of the last two years? Yes.”
“If today was any indication, they’ll find out the truth soon enough. But for now, I like having it as our secret. And when we do decide to tell them, I want them to get it straight from us, not picked up through this ridiculous hearsay.”
Chakotay nodded slowly.
“I see your point.”
Kathryn placed a soft touch on his chest.
“Thank you for understanding.”
”Your wish is my command, Captain”, he responded teasingly, pressing his lips gently to hers.
His hands soon came to rest on her hips as he began a trail of kisses down her neck, slowly backing her up and onto the table.
“How many... times...have I...told you...” she gasped between kisses, until she finally managed to put him at arms length. “ Not in the briefing room!”
“At least it isn’t the Jeffries tubes...”
Kathryn began to laugh again, burying her face in Chakotay’s chest as he nuzzled her hair.
Neither one heard the sound of the doors opening.
They whirled around to face Harry Kim- wide eyed, beet red, a forgotten PADD dropping from his hand as he took in the sight.
Chakotay clasped his hands in front of himself while Kathryn quickly slid off the table, both trying to regain some semblance of decorum.
Harry gestured helplessly while he tried to formulate a response.
“I saw nothing”, he finally blurted out.
He then clamped his mouth shut, retrieved the PADD, turned on his heel, and returned to the bridge-followed soon after by a poker faced pair who, to any casual observer, presented the indisputable picture of a perfectly platonic command team.