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“It was the first Christmas where we could go out and do something fun with you. You were almost 14 months old. We talked with JJ and Hotch and asked them what we could do with you.
‘Take her out to one of those step-by-step ornament making places! Henry loved that.’ JJ said.
‘You should make her a holiday sweater and go out to make a Christmas card.’
We did neither of these things, but the idea of making something ourselves gave Derek an idea.
He worked for weeks, building and perfecting a small wagon, just for you. We painted it green and covered it in Christmas light and red bows used for presents. When you were four you got mad at me for making you take a nap, so you went out to the garage and tried breaking it. It was so funny to see your little hands try to rip apart planks of wood. I wonder if you would remember that today.
We took the wagon out to see Christmas lights around the neighborhood. Most of the lights were mediocre at best, just wrapping around trees in people’s front yards, but others were elaborate. One person had starry night on the side of their house in lights, that one was my favorite, and someone else had lights that connected to a radio station and they synced together. That one was Der’s favorite.
You settled for so much less back then. You loved such simple things. Someone had a blow-up rubber duck out front, covered in lights. It made you so happy. You almost jumped out of the wagon. You started clapping your hands.
‘Lacey like light! Lacey like light!’
Those were your first words.
With parents like me and Derek we expected them to be either curse words or a scientific term, but no. Just an ordinary expression of happiness.
That night, Derek and I were lying in bed, and I- I- I, uh, I said, I- I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Spencer handed the piece of paper to Derek and stepped away from the podium.
“He said, ‘I love her, Der, I think I’ll love her as long as I can.’ Lacey was one of the best things that ever happened to us. Sometimes I can’t even believe she's gone. In my mind she’s still here with us, ready to go on our next adventure.”
“We were supposed to read her that letter on her 18th birthday. We’re ten years early. Children should outlive their parents. Not the other way around.” Spencer said through sobs.
Derek took Spencer’s hand and they walked to the casket.
“Sleep well, honey bunches, just wait for us.”