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Eliot, his new friend Neal, and “cousin” Shawn, who is visiting them for a couple of weeks, are lying in front of the television, watching cartoons, when suddenly, Neal jumps up and declares he wants to be like Superman, too.
The three boys set up, and soon have an odd mixture of Superman, Aquaman, and Fred Flintstone running and flying around Bucky’s living room, all trying to defeat evil robber-spies who are trying to steal the prized Gold Medallion of the sea. Bucky has yet to figure out what the Gold Medallion is supposed to do, but he has cottoned on to the fact that in reality, it is Neal’s father’s old police badge.
Now, Bucky isn’t really one to tell his kid how to play, but he does get insulted when Fred Flintstone (formerly known as Shawn Spencer) needs to merely wave his arms and shout look over here to distract the spy from his mission. Superman and Aquaman run behind him (him being their large, currently disinterested hound dog, Dum Dum) and snatch the Golden Medallion and, holding their hand-shaped guns muzzle up, celebrate their triumph with poses that would make Charlie’s Angels proud.
Bucky exchanges a look with Shawn, who is squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head in disappointment and nervous anticipation.
Yup. Time for an intervention.
“What’d they do wrong, Shawn?” Bucky asks.
“Held a very volatile weapon pointing toward their heads,” the boy explains with a small lisp, courtesy of his three missing teeth.
“Exactly,” Bucky responds, giving the boy a respectful nod. Bucky debates within himself for a long while, then calls all three of the nearly 6-year-olds in his charge out back.
He’d made manager of the hardware store last year, and the owner had already expressed his desire to pass it on to Bucky when he retired. Which means that Bucky and Eliot had been able to purchase a very nice home a few months ago, upgrading from the small rental from which they’d started. The house stood on a couple acres of land, and Bucky hoped he could keep a low enough profile that Eliot could grow up in this house.
Bucky brought out a few of the guns he’d purchased and laid them carefully in a row, setting up multiple targets at various intervals of distance. Then, he went back over to where the boys are excitedly exclaiming over the guns.
“First of all, remember this, and remember it well. Guns are never toys. Guns are never to be treated casually. The entire purpose of a gun is destruction, so if it misfires, if there’s an accident, if you just wanted a closer look at it, or if you thought you knew what you were doing and forgot something for just a second, remember the tool you are using is very, very powerful and can be very, very deadly. Then think again and ask yourself if you are prepared for the responsibility that comes with that destruction.”
He stares at each of the boys seriously, then turns and fires at each of the targets he’s set up, hitting every single one with the skill of the master sniper the Winter Soldier is.
“Second, if you do believe you are prepared for the responsibility, and the situation calls for it, do not miss your target. It could be dangerous if you do.”
He spends the rest of the afternoon showing all three of them how to properly handle, clean, disassemble, reassemble, load, unload, and finally, to shoot the guns. Shawn is clearly already familiar with gun safety, but he has tried very, very hard to shield Eliot from any aspect of his past life, and Neal is fascinated as only a child desperate for the vague connection to a lost parent could be.
When the guns are cleaned and Bucky ostentatiously puts all of them in the safe (he stores them throughout the house but he knows that Henry would give him a long talking to if he didn’t set a proper example for all the boys), he turns and puts his hands on his hips, giving the boys another long look.
“So that’s guns. Now robber-spies are another issue. Depending on what type of spy or robber, Superman, Aquaman, and Fred will need to adjust their strategy. Each agency has their own very distinctive stance, weapons, fighting style, and signals. Let’s go over a few of them, so you can see what type of villain Dum Dum will need to be next time.”
The next day Batman, Robin, and Superman walked with very distinctive steps to get the drop on the Joker turned CIA agent, before all of them carefully and meticulously surrounded him, then aimed their laser canons and shrink rays at him.
Bucky smiled proudly and decided never to tell them superheroes don’t exist.