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I sat in the great hall, alone.
Jamie, well, most of the men, had been called away by Dougal. For what I did not know, nor would anyone tell me if asked. They had been gone most of the evening and I wondered what was happening. Gellis, always seeing the potential opportunities, took it as a relief she would not have to endure her husband’s presence for more than necessary. We engaged in small talk about various subjects, most benign enough, but I suspected Gellis was still wanting to hear more about my past.
Since our return to Leoch, things had become more confusing for me. I found myself becoming more…involved with Jamie. Truth be told he was intoxicating in a gentle, yet demanding way. Each morning when he woke early, he would pull me closer to him with a gentle squeeze, as if he was attempting to absorb me through some sort of osmosis. It was a wonderful feeling to be desired, wanted….loved, by such an honest man. Yes, Jamie was an honest man, and I felt unworthy of the precious gift he gave so selflessly. I thought less and less about Frank, the future, of returning to my world. As we embraced prior to his departure each morning, Jamie would kiss me where my neck and shoulder met. I would feign sleep the entire time, as I listened him relieve himself behind the screen in the room, a low groan/sigh accompanying the sound of liquid hitting the basin. Jamie dressed with quick efficiency, having only two shirts, one kilt, one set of breeks, and a riding coat in his entire wardrobe. I remembered asking him about such as we traveled back to Leoch.
“Where are the clothes you wore to the wedding?” I asked as we rode side-by-side along the road. Jamie looked at be curiously.
“They were no mine, Sassenach. I had to return them the following day.” Jamie remarked without concern, looking forward to the road ahead.
“Weren’t yours? But…” I stopped talking when I realized my beautiful wedding dress was carefully wrapped in the cart behind us. I had to admit the dress was beautiful and I was glad to have it. However, hearing Jamie say he had to borrow the clothes for us to be married.
“But..what, Sassenach?” Jamie inquired curiously, seeing the perplexed look on my face.
“It’s just…I have…the dress. That beautiful dress.” I answered honestly, looking back at Jamie, who moved his horse closer to me, reaching to take one of my hands.
“Aye, as you should, mo neighean donn.” Jamie stated with a smile rubbing his fingers over my knuckles sweetly. “And I intended to see ye in that dress again soon, when we return to Leoch. As well as see you out of it.” Jamie whispered devilishly to me. I smiled shyly back, remembering our many amorous encounters on our wedding night.
“I just thought, well, you looked quite handsome and dashing at the wedding…” I spoke with openness and pleasure remembering Jamie in his wedding finery. “…it just…. would have been… nice to see you dressed… that way again….as well.” I smiled brightly as I saw Jamie’s eyebrow quirk upward, then he laughed.
“Well, Sassenach…if I had known you were so enamored of me in my fancy dress....” Jamie smiled with happiness in his eyes as he glanced at me again.
“It’s just you have…so little. I just wish…” Jamie stopped me again by taking my hand again.
“I have everything I need right here, Claire.” Jamie stated quite seriously. I saw the look in his eyes. He was remembering our escape from Fort William and Black Jack Randall, the whipping, everything that had happened since we had been married. The last week was the first time in weeks a real sense of normalcy had settled into our relationship.
And now I sat half listening to Gellis gossip about something or other. I kept craning my neck towards the hallway anytime I heard heavy footsteps, hoping that Jamie would return.
“Dinna fash, Claire. You’re young husband will be back with ye soon. If the hungry look he was givin ye most of the night is any indication.” Gellis nudged me playfully as she refilled my glass with more Renish.
I had 3 glasses already, I think this would be my fourth. I could not remember. The room was getting warmer and my dress tighter as drank from the glass offered by Gellis, who continued to talk but I did not hear her. My mind swirled about in a lightheaded manner and I placed the two-thirds empty glass down carefully. I smiled as I realized I probably had drunk too much. I thought of Jamie….all of him. My dress threatened to squeeze the life from me as I thought of his lips upon my skin, his gentle insistence, his not so gentle domination of my body….I wanted him…now.
I looked about the room, hoping for his return, but did not see him. All I saw was Laoghaire intently staring at me. Our eyes met, yet I refused to look away first. She rose from her seat and seemed to move to quit the hall. Instead she moved swiftly toward me.
“Why did you have to take him?” Laoghaire demanded, her stance telling even my drunken state that she was there for to fight.
“Take who, my dear?” I asked sweetly, Gellis watching with intense interest over my shoulder.
“Jamie! You played me for a fool. Ye did.” Laoghaire stated pointedly.
“Well, if you say so…” I responded, saluting her with my glass.
“Aye, ye did. Played me false by offering me friendship…all the while you wanted him fer yerself, ye did!” Laoghaire spoke with venom.
“That is not true. And in these matters it takes two people to make a marriage. So I suppose, Jamie also lead you astray. If he did at all…” I looked pointedly at Laoghaire, reminding her that Jamie also chose me.
“You seduced him with one of yer spells! Yer a witch, I ken!” Laoghaire hissed at me. Gellis and a few of the women gasped at the accusation. I looked pointedly as I drained the rest of my glass and placing it heavily on the table. I stood slowly, bracing my hands flat on the table, looking directly to Laoghaire.
“You should not lament the loss of things you never had.” I stated with menace and anger. I broke eye contact and walked as quickly as I my muddle brain would allow. I did not see Gellis Duncan’s evil giggle as she stood and walked toward a flabbergasted Laoghaire.
“Too bad you don’t have a charm to counter what ye claim.” Gellis whispered enticingly as she passed by Laoghaire.
I stumbled toward the back of the castle, to where the castle garden was. I sat gingerly on the short wall overlooking the castle garden. It was cold out, and the wind was blowing, but I didn’t feel it. The renish and my anger were boiling my blood as tears slipped down my cheeks. I started to cry harder thinking about the fact no one followed me now…not now when I was married to Jamie. And yet, I wished someone had followed me. In my desperation to get away from Laoghaire, I wished I had someone…to confide in.
I was still alone in this place. I was angry at Laoghaire for saying such awful things, but I could well see how it looked from her vantage point. I was so confused. Jamie, Frank, Jamie, Frank, Jamie, Jamie…..my mind reeled with images of both men, but Jamie’s was the most prevalent. How could I leave him now? I found myself thinking about our future together. He had said all he needed was me, but was I enough? I needed to tell him the truth…soon. I feared that my heart was already gone and there was no way for me to get it back to return to my own time. I sobbed harder thinking of leaving Jamie…my Jamie.
Through my sobbing and tears I did not hear Jamie approach me.
“Claire! There ye are!” Jamie exclaimed, the wind blowing his hair from his face, as he bounded down the stairs quickly. “Ye’ll freeze to death out here, Sassenach, without yer cloak.” Jamie stated as he reached for me, still unaware of my emotional state. Clearly no one had advised him of the altercation in the hall with Laoghaire.
“So what if I freeze to death. That would serve Laoghaire just fine!” I announced as I whipped around, stumbling a bit, to face Jamie, tears still upon my face. Jamie’s brow furrowed with concern both for my stumbling and my statement. He braced me with his large hands on my upper arms near my shoulders.
“Well, it would no serve me, Sassenach.” Jamie stated with a cocky smile, gently wiping one of my tears from my cheek.
“Stop calling me that!” I yelled, whipping myself bodily from his arms and away. “I’m not an outlander anymore, am I? I’m your wife! When….when am I…not going to be…under suspicion?” My anger and emotions bubbled up again causing me to stutter.
“What’s happened, Claire? Tell me.” Jamie asked urgently as he pulled me closer to him. I resisted a bit, pushing away a bit, but Jamie held me tightly.
“Nothing.” I stated taking a deep breath. Jamie lips pressed tightly in a thin line, a sure sign of annoyance.
“You need’nt fash over Laoghaire, mo neighean donn. She is a lass with a hurt heart.” Jamie stroked my arms lightly as he spoke.
“She called me a witch, Jamie. That I had you under a spell or something.” I spoke finally, my hands running up front of Jamie’s coat.
“Aye, lass. You do have me under yer spell. I have no wish to not be.” Jamie whispered as he pressed his lips to mine, salty with my tears. Jamie pulled back and smiled.
“I can taste the renish on yer breath. How many glasses have ye had, lass?” Jamie smiled as pulled me close to him to shield me from the wind that had picked up.
“I lost count…I think 4.” I mumbled into Jamie’s chest as I leaned my face into his warm wool coat.
“Mmmpphhfff. No wonder…I leave ye fer moment and I find ye drunk and sobbing….what I am I to make of that?” Jamie joked as he steered me towards the entrance to the castle. I leaned my head against his shoulder.
“I suppose you could make anything you like of it.” I stated as I whirled unsteadily away from Jamie, who still had hold of one of my hands. I laughed and giggled as Jamie pulled me back to him swiftly. We ‘danced’ about a bit, both of us laughing and creating a bit of noise.
“Saucy wench. I see I shall have to exert my authority as yer husband to keep ye away from the drink.” Jamie pulled me up against his long body, kissing me languidly, his tongue gently and slowly probing my mouth. I sighed softly, my knees turning to jelly. My god he is a good kisser…I thought as we snogged there in the bailey for what seemed an eternity.
Finally, he pulled back and smiled that halfcocked smile that always charmed me. I ran my hand down his softly bristled cheek and chin.
“There are other ways to keep me away from the drink, you know.” I whispered into Jamie’s mouth as I moved up to kiss him.
“Oh, aye, and what might they be?” Jamie whispered back, clearly enjoying the playful banter, as we kissed in the public bailey. Drunk as I was, I had no cares, but I thought Jamie might not like this. As it was, he seemed content to continue our ‘discussion’ right here, even though I could feel evidence jutted against my left hip that told me otherwise.
“You could discipline me.” I stated softly and was met with a derisive ‘mmmhhhpp’ between the soft, small kisses I was placing around Jamie’s mouth. Jamie’s hands were roaming about my body, and he moved us back to a tiny alcove off the main bailey, semi shielding us from view. He pressed me up against the wall, his left hand pressed flat against the wall above my head, the other cradling the back of my neck and head as he plundered my mouth. His breath tasted of ale and peppermint. He must have had some of Mrs Fitz’s peppermint sweets recently, I thought.
“You taste good.” I whispered into Jamie’s ear, as his mouth moved along my jaw and to my neck. Oh my god, he could take me right here and I would not care. How I wanted him.
“What other ways I can keep ye from the drink, mo ghrá?” Jamie whispered as he continued his assault on my neck and exposed shoulder. His right hand was now at the flare of my hip, pulling himself roughly between my legs, grinding against my hipbone. A soft moan from one of us, or maybe both of us, could be heard.
“You…you..cou…could…get me with child.” I stumbled over the words as I hotly whispered them into Jamie’s exposed ear, my mouth and teeth sucking and nibbling on the earlobe. Jamie paused just briefly, pulling back to look directly into my alcohol laced, sexually charged eyes, a very serious, intense look on this face. His mouth quirked up in a half smile, as he cupped my jaw, stroking it lightly, all the while lightly grinding his cock against my hip.
“Aye, if that is the only way to keep ye sober” Jamie sighed heavily and dramatically. “Then I suppose I must do me duty, then.”
“Duty my ass.” I stated as we both laughed and I pulled Jamie closer to me, my head tilted back to gaze at him. Jamie kissed me passionately, pulling away from the wall, embracing me tightly against him. He moved us away and toward our bedroom, and I knew he fully intended to ensure he did his duty, right and proper, this very night.