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Things has taken on a natural rhythm since our traveling party had returned to Castle Leoch. Jamie and I had grown closer now that the normalcy of daily life had settled in.
Being a married couple now, we were afforded a well-appointed room within Castle Leoch, which we had enjoyed greatly since our return. I must admit that the evenings we spent in that room were lovely and passionate. Jamie seemed to have boundless energy when it came to making love. Not that I complained regarding this, it was just that I thought less and less about the future I had left, and to be honest, about Frank. I rarely thought of him now, and yet I had not told Jamie the truth. Jamie had said he would not press me for my secrets, but as the days went by, I could feel the stirrings of something, it growing stronger each day…was I in love with my husband, James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser?
I was in the surgery, contemplating these thoughts, when the wife of the blacksmith and her son, Thomas, rushed in. I turned at the sound of them rushing in.
“Oh mistress! Please help me son!” the woman cried. I looked and saw the boy holding his upper arm as blood seeped through his fingers. My eyes went wide at the sight.
“Bring him here.” I motioned for the woman, Glenda I believe her name was, to place the boy on the bench near the fire. I immediately stripped the boy’s shirt and coat off, blood free flowing from the wound. The boy moaned a bit as I pulled the blood soaked shirt from his arm. Glenda gasped as she saw the wound, her hands going to her mouth. I grabbed a clean cloth from the shelf to staunch the blood flow. I tied a tight tourniquet around Thomas’ upper arm to slow the flow of blood. Thomas’ face was pale and white, he looked near to passing out, but remained upright.
I peeled back the cloth to look at the wound, it was deep, but did not look like any major arteries or veins had been cut judging by the lack of blood spray.
“Looks like a cut from a sword. You’ll need a few stitches.” I announced as I gathered the necessary items.
“Mistress Fraser will my boy die?” Glenda whispered to me nervously. I was still getting used to being called Fraser, but I found I liked it more and more. People were less wary of me now, more respectful, now that my name was attached to the Fraser clan. I smiled and laid a comforting hand on the worried woman’s arm.
“I doubt it. But once I have cleaned and dressed his wound, you must do exactly as I tell you to prevent it becoming inflamed and heal properly.” I looked over to Thomas, who was listing slight to the right with his head against the wall near the fire. “He’s a healthy boy. I’ll be fine.”
“Oh bless you. You are indeed a miracle to have come to this clan.” Glenda stated with all the reverence as if she was talking about the Virgin Mary. It was unnerving this reverence at times, but if it brought comfort, I would allow it.
I moved my patient to his arm would lay straight on the table so I could do what needed to be done. I slowly, gently cleaned the wound, the boy hissing and wincing a few times as I passed over the wound with the antiseptic I had developed. So concerned for my young charge, I did not notice the person who had just arrived and stood on the stairs watching.
Jamie knew where is wife was, the surgery. After returning to Leoch, Claire had resumed her role as the healer. Jamie had continued to work in the stables with Old Alec, but now that he had a family to consider, he had to figure out how get the price lifted from his head. He could not return to Lallybroch until then, and Claire would continue to be in danger as well. He had left their bed early that morning, not waking Claire as he left, but he wanted, no needed to see her just for a few moments. Jamie walked briskly down the hall toward the surgery, passing through Mrs. Fitz’s kitchens, stealing a roll as he walked by and taking a large bite out of the freshly baked bread.
“Oy! James Fraser…ye get yer muckle size out of me kitchen…you silly coof!” Mrs. Fitz yelled and scolded Jamie as he laughed as he bounded down the stairs to his wife.
Jamie slowed when he heard voices in the surgery. He paused at the third step from the bottom and watching, listening his beautiful wife move about. He saw the boy’s face, then his arm. Jamie smiled when he heard Claire’s reassurance that the boy would not die to the concerned mother. Jamie leaned against the wall as he ate the rest of the stolen roll, watching with interest.
I laid the threads out for the sutures. The bleeding had slowed considerably, but it still needed to be stitched up. I looked again, probably 5 to 10.
“Now Thomas, you are going to have to stay very still as I do this. Can you do that?” I asked. Thomas, still pale, nodded with trepidation. The wound was very sensitive, the nerve endings probably on fire. I sat down and began to talk…
“Tell me how this happened, Thomas.” I paused for a moment listening to the tale of a group of boys who had stumbled upon unwatched swords and decided to “play” with them. Thomas, being the blacksmith’s son, knew the swords where not to be trifled with, had tried to stop them from toying with them.
“You are very brave. So what happened next?” I asked drawing Thomas further into the conversation. Thomas explained that the boys started to fight about who got which sword, all of them wanting the longest one. I snorted derisively at that.
“Then one of the boys went after Hamish and I stepped in front of him, and got cut.” I looked up at Thomas, realizing Hamish had been involved in the skirmish.
“Well, you did a very good thing, Thomas. You are a smart young man to be so fearless.”
“Don’t tell on me, Mistress. I don’t want Hamish to get in trouble. He’s me friend. He will surely get whipped fer it.”
“And you won’t?” I looked knowingly at his mother, Glenda, who was none too pleased by the tale she was hearing. I smiled and she smiled back…no, no whipping, but let Thomas think so, was communicated in the exchange.
“All right then, all done.” I announced. Thomas looked shockingly over his arm and saw the wound was neatly closed with 7 sutures. I washed and wiped my bloody fingers, bringing a bowl of salve and clean dressing to wrap the arm with.
“I dinna feel a thing. Did you charm me while ye were doin that?” Thomas asked wonderously. His mother smacked his good arm in response.
“That’s no way to thank the mistress, ye wee mongrel! I should let yer Da tan yer hide tonight for your stupidity!”
“It’s alright. By talking I just took your mind away from thinking about your arm. Now, you will need to keep the wound covered for 3 days. If you feel bad before that, come see me immediately, I don’t care what time it is. After 3 days, we will take that bandage off, but you must keep it clean regardless. Understand?” I looked at both mother and son pointedly. Cleanliness was not a strong suit here in the 18th century, but by god I was going to be sure people understood that it was important when combating infection. I ruffled the boy’s hair playfully who laughed at my affection.
Glenda moved toward me and embraced me gently, almost reverently.
“You have a way with children, Mistress. Perhaps God will see fit to bless ye soon with yer own bairn.” Glenda glanced meaningfully to my narrow waist. I smiled and blushed a bit at her suggestion.
“Yes, perhaps. Some day.” I responded nervously.
“Praise be to God fer you, Mistress Fraser.” Glenda gathered up a weak-kneed Thomas & started to leave. None of us noticed the man quietly leave up the stairs after witnessing our exchange.
We, Jamie and I, had not seen each other all day except for briefly prior to dinner, when I told him I was not feeling well. He had asked no further questions, just kissed me softly, left to go to the great hall, leaving me to return to our bedroom.
I sat at the dressing table in the bedroom, a feeling of melancholy seeping my every bone. I was tired and my thoughts turned wistful. So caught up in my thoughts I did not hear Jamie enter. He saw me at the table, my head bowed, absently rubbing the bristles of a hair brush. He was carrying a tray of cheese and bread with him, which he placed on the side table next to our bed. I did not hear him take his dirk off and place it in its usual spot above the bed stand. Nor did I hear him remove his sword or coat.
Jamie came up behind me, a frown creasing his brow with concern. He gently leaned on the back of the chair, his finger lightly tracing the exposed part of my shoulder.
“What troubles ye, mo nighean donn?” Jamie whispered. Pulled from my thoughts I looked slightly over to see his fingertip lightly caressing the skin of my shoulder and up my neck. Married little over a month and he already could tell when I was troubled.
“I’m alright. Just….just a bit…tired…I suppose.” I arched my back slightly, feeling a twinge in my side that so often accompanied my monthly courses. It was only the first few days that I felt this way physically, after which I would be fine.
“Have I worn ye out, Sassenach?” Jamie whispered playfully into my ear. I laughed despite myself feeling Jamie’s warm breath on my ear.
“Well, if you must know…its…its…not that…” I stammered a bit as I looked for the words to explain the situation to Jamie. Oddly, I found the conversation oddly embarrassing, as I toyed with the brush again. Jamie, always perceptive, covered my hand holding the brush and looked deeply into my eyes.
“Tell me, Sassenach.”
I swallowed my fear, literally. “Well, its just…I’ve…I’ve started…my….monthly courses today.”
“Ahhh, so IS it that. I figured it might be.” Jamie exclaimed in relief and moved around to kneel in front of me.
“You figured that’s what it might be?? How could you….?” I asked curiously, and a bit bothered. Jamie smiled and stroked my cheek and hair back from paler than usual face.
“I’m a farmer, Sassenach. These things are not unknown to me.” I smiled at his simple explanation. He kissed me softly on the lips. “You need no be ashamed to talk to me about such things. It is a natural thing.”
Yes, I thought, it was a natural thing for a woman to have. But it seemed to never bear any fruit, even though plenty of effort was being put forth. It always made me sad to think I might not…..I could not…I was unable finish the thought….my eyes watered a bit. Jamie saw the emotions in my eyes and his frown returned.
“Claire, what is it?? Tell me, mo ghrá, please.”
“It’s just that....it’s always…disappointing when…my monthly….when it arrives….reminds me that….that….” I couldn’t finish my thought. Jamie stroked my neck, his forehead and mine touching.
“That yer no with child, aye?” Jamie kissed my forehead softly. “Ye shoulda no look at that way, mo nighean donn.” Jamie took both my hands in his large warm ones. “Look at it as another chance, no as the last chance. Aye?”
“I suppose…” I smiled back at Jamie as he wiped the watery tears from my eyes with his thumbs gently. “It’s just that….I….I never conceived with my first husband. So perhaps the fault lies with me.” I spoke honestly to Jamie, who nodded.
“Or perhaps the fault lies elsewhere, Claire. Do not think of yerself in such a way. You are perfect to me. We shall let God sort out the rest, aye?” Jamie spoke passionately to me. I nodded at his simple and honest answer. Yes, let God sort it out, I thought with agreement. After a few moments, I looked at Jamie who had very cocky grin on his face as he looked at me.
“So I take it then that you desire to have my bairns?” Jamie asked the smirk still on his face, his eyebrow arched playfully.
“Well…” I shrugged a shoulder and arched my eyebrow back. Jamie laughed heartedly, and swung me up into his arms, carrying me to our bed. My head spun a bit at the sudden movement
“Well, indeed. It is a lot more than expected when you agreed to marry me, Sassenach.” Jamie exclaimed happily as he kissed me soundly on the lips.