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The sounds of jazzy Christmas music filled the apartment as snow fell outside the window. Gathered around the brightly lit tree were old friends spread about the living room, sitting on the couch and the carpet. Presents were still to be opened and memories to still be made.
A drunk Kristen Applebees stood up, her glass of red wine raised high. "Happy fuckin' holidays. I love you guys so much and-"
"Jeez Kristen, you're already drunk?" Adaine Abernant giggled. From her spot on the carpeted floor, she held a plate of half-eaten apple pie in one hand and hot chocolate in the other.
"No, I'm not. I just really want to express my feelings because that's what the Christmas spirit is all about." Kristen lost her balance, but quickly saved herself.
"Okay, whatever. Just don't spill wine on my couch like you did last year," Adaine said.
This made Kristen reluctantly sit back down next to Fig who was singing along to the Perry Como song playing on the speaker that sat on the coffee table. She was clearly tipsy from her glass of bourbon in her hand. A Santa hat hung off of one of her horns.
Ever since the group had graduated and moved into the city, Adaine hosted a small Christmas party just for the six of them. It was the highlight of the holiday season, as the night would always end in drunken hilarity.
The night had just begun, and everyone was eagerly waiting for what would happen after a few more drinks.
Fabian sat on the ground with a blanket on his shoulders and a mulled apple cider in his grasp. He got rather cold around this time of year, but it didn't stop him from enjoying the greatest time of the year. As a self-proclaimed master gift giver, he always loved being able to go all out on the holidays.
"When will we be opening presents?" he asked.
"Hold on!" Gorgug yelled from the kitchen. "I'm not ready yet!" Gorgug frantically came into the living room with his second slice of pie and a mug of hot chocolate. He sat down on the couch and let out a breath. "Okay, I'm ready."
"Well, who wants to give out their presents first?" Adaine asked. "Fabian?"
"No, no, no. I'm going to go last. Just because I don't want to set the bar too high," Fabian responded with his usual gusto.
Riz punched him in the arm. "Oh, whatever!"
Fabian chuckled.
"I'll go first! I volunteer." Kristen proclaimed. She put down her empty wine glass and went to the tree. She picked up a pile of presents to hand them out. They were horribly wrapped, as they are every year. Fig got an embroidered jean jacket which said "Peace, Love, Rock & Roll", Gorgug got a knit hat with a black and green striped pattern, Adaine got a knitted scarf with a gold and blue pattern, Riz got a knitted mug koozie, and Fabian received knitted leg warmers.
"And yes, I knit and embroidered it all myself because I'm amazing," Kristen bragged. Everyone said their thank yous and went along.
Next, Fig gifted everyone vinyls, Adaine bought books for everyone, and Gorgug got everyone a stack of DVDs he thought they would like, plus, a carefully curated playlist. Then it came to Riz.
"Hey guys, I'm not great at coming up with presents, so I apologize in advance," he said.
"Hey, don't apologize," Gorgug started. "It doesn't matter what you get us, it's more of a symbolic gesture of love."
"Heh, thanks, Gorgug," Riz murmured. He then handed out presents, the first to Fabian. It was a small box wrapped in shiny green paper and a white bow. Fabian nicely unwrapped the paper, as to not tear it. He opened the box to reveal a bracelet with a silver plate sewn into a leather band. It is engraved with a symbol he is not familiar with. He continues to stare down at it with admiration. He does not pay attention to what everyone else received, or rather, he can't pay attention.
Many people are aware of Fabian's crush on Riz, but it is not at all obvious to Riz himself. Fabian's love for Riz has plagued his mind since sophomore year of high school. It confuses Fabian, for, why would a man like himself be in love with a guy like Riz. It didn't seem in character, and yet, it has given Fabian many sleepless nights. Fabian simply loved Riz, but could not explain why. His friends have urged him to tell Riz how he feels, but has never gotten around to it. Fabian doesn't want to ruin the perfectly good friendship he and Riz have. Hiding his true feelings is perfectly fine, if it means that everything can stay the same.
"Thank you," Fabian says softly. His eyes gleam at the gorgeous bracelet. He slips it on. "I love it, Riz."
Of course, if he could, Fabian would say "I love you, Riz".
"Oh." Riz smiled. "I tried."
Fabian stared for a second, smiling at him. A Sufjan Stevens song was playing. He then stood up. "Now for the best part of the evening! My presents."
Kristen cheered, now having drank many glasses of wine.
"Yes, Kristen! Thank you!" Fabian exclaimed, matching her energy. He gathered up what was left of the presents under the tree and handed them out. He watched as Riz opened the present he was most proud of. It was a Flashlight of Revealing that he went to the ends of the earth to find.
"Oh, wow," Riz gasped. "Fabian, how-"
"Ah, you know, it's nothing…"
Riz pulled Fabian into a tight hug. He smiled as he returned the gesture.
"Okay, get off of me you weirdo," Fabian joked.
"You seriously don't understand how bad I needed this," Riz explained.
"Huh, weird. I just sort of walked by it and thought you might like it…"
"I don't believe you."
"That sounds like a personal problem."
Riz laughed, displaying his fanged mouth.
"You two should kiiiiiiiss, " Kristen called out.
"We're not going to do that," Riz said.
Fabian grabbed the bottle of bourbon sitting on the coffee table and poured himself just a little too much and gulped it down. As he finished, Kristen jokingly threw a decorative mistletoe over to where Fabian and Riz were sitting and started chanting, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"
"Guys, stop. We're not going to kiss!" Riz continued.
Fig joined immediately, then Adaine, then Gorgug.
With a burst of courage from the alcohol and peer pressure, he kissed Riz. It wasn't a great kiss. In fact, it was a horrible kiss. And as soon as it started, it ended. Riz separated from Fabian in dismay.
"I-" Riz couldn't find the words he was looking for, so he simply said, "No."
Fabian sat there in immediate regret. "Riz, wait-"
"I'm sorry, but no. I'm leaving now." Riz grabbed his coat and left without his presents.
No one knew what to say. Everyone felt awful, as if it were their fault. Fabian started crying. And so did Kristen.
"I'm sorry," Kristen drunkenly sobbed. "It's my fault. I pressured you!"
"No, it's my fault. I kissed him! If anything, I should take the blame!" Fabian and Kristen cried into each other's shoulders.
"Now I feel bad too," Fig said as she joined the sobfest.
Adaine stood up. "You guys are being ridiculous! It's not anybody's fault. Tomorrow is the big Christmas party with everyone. I won't let any awkwardness get in the way of us having a good time. Fabian, you have to apologize to Riz at the party and talk things out. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Fabian sniffled.
"Good." Adaine dusted off her hands. "It's late. Get out of my apartment. Kristen, call an Uber."
"Fine," she grumbled.
Fabian walked home in the snow. He didn't even know what he would say to Riz. Or even if Riz would want to see him again. He went to sleep that night cold and unsure what the next day held.
The next morning was a snowy and cold day. It was hard for Fabian to even step outside. But he knew what he had to do. He had to fix this.
When Fabian got to the party, it was already in full swing. Everyone was talking and laughing and singing. Fabian wished he could enjoy it, but he was on a mission. He scanned the party for Riz.
His eyes laid on Riz, leaning against a wall with a disposable cup in his hand. Fabian almost hesitated, but instead confidently walked over to him.
Riz's eyes widened when Fabian stopped in front of him. "Hi."
"Hey, Riz," Fabian said, almost casually.
"Look-"
"I'm sorry. I kissed you without asking or knowing your true feelings and that was really shitty of me. I'm not going to act like that was a drunk mistake because it wasn't. I really do like you, but I also value our friendship over anything else. So it's fine that you don't feel the same way about me. I just don't want you to hate me forever. I'm sorry."
"Fabian. I spent all night thinking about it. I only said no because I didn't know how I even felt. I don't know if the feelings I have for you are platonic or romantic, but I just know that I love you. I always have. I'm still working things out for myself, but I wouldn't mind," Riz paused for a moment, "kissing you again. I just don't think that moment was right for me."
Fabian smiled. "Really?"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"Sorry I made you cry on Christmas."
"It's okay."
Riz gently pulled Fabian into a tender kiss. This one was way better than the last one.
As they pulled away, Fabian asked, "Wait. How did you know I cried?"
"Kristen posted it on her private story."
Fabian turned around, trying to pinpoint Kristen. He charged towards her, fury in his eyes. "Why would you post a picture of me crying on your story?!"
She screamed and ran to hide behind Gorgug. "I'm sorry!"
Riz walked up to stand next to Adaine to watch the chaos go down.
"So you made up?" Adaine asked.
"Yep," Riz responded.
"Are you dating?"
"Maybe."
"Cool."