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“I'll deal with Charles.”
They went, leaving him to make good on his claim. He knew from the way James had looked at him that he knew Matthew’s distaste for the situation. James would have tried to intercede if he could. But there was little and less that he could do. Truth be told his relationship with Charles had been a lot better once. When they were young children, he had followed Charles everywhere, had believed that he knew all the answers. He had wanted to be more like him before he realized how different they were. They had been growing apart when Matthew had ruined things but not immeasurably so.
He had ruined things though. He hadn’t meant to but the truth was.. he had.
If wishes were horses’ beggars would ride.
The old adage came back to make him grimace.
The truth was he had ruined things; Charles just didn't know it. First with mama and that accursed poison, and now with kissing Grace.
None of those things were Charles' fault. He would hate Matthew if he ever found out, would despise him, and Matthew would deserve it. Forcing on a bright smile Matthew called out to his brother. Distracting the stern figure as James and Cordelia stole across the room and out the door.
He felt rather than saw the way his brother flinched, seeing him here. He strode over, his face set unhappily. “Matthew,” Charles said sternly, out of place with the merriment around them.
He grabbed Matthew by the arm and pulled him out of his chair and into a corner so they could speak more privately. If Matthew hadn't been expecting something of the like he might have tripped at the speed. As it was, he merely pulled his arm out of Charles' grip as he settled into his new seat.
“So,” he smirked up at his elder brother, with a bravado he didn’t quite feel, “What brings you to these parts at such an hour? I didn’t have you marked as a fan of the entertainment.”
Charles sat down next to him; his lips thinned in response.
Matthew tried again, smiling angelically at his brother, “Come on Charles. There’s no need to look quite so much like someone strangled your cat.”
His brother frowned, no softness breaking his expression, “You shouldn't be here Matthew.” He told him firmly, “especially not alone. I would think even you would see the foresight of bringing Anna or your parabatai with you. They would be able to look after you if things took a turn for the worse.”
He said the last part softly. It did nothing to take the sting from his words though.
Matthew felt himself flush and resisted the urge to take a drink from his flask. It wouldn’t help him to dispute Charles’ words at all. “Look after me?" Matthew rolled his eyes, "I'm not a child Charles, I don’t need a minder.”
His brother levelled him a look, “Really?” he snapped, “What I see is a Shadowhunter boy who thinks it's some great game to get drunk at some downworlder public house if for no other reason than to mock everything our mother has tried to build.”
"I am not mocking everything mama is trying to build" Matthew tried to defend himself, feeling a coil of unhappiness that quickly joined the emptiness inside him.
Is that what he was doing? Making things worse for mama. He had thought the only one he had been hurting was himself. Trying to drown out everything. Trying to stop himself from ruining everyone around him.
“Then what are you doing?” Charles snapped, accusation burning in his bright green eyes. People thought that Charles Fairchild didn’t feel things. Matthew knew that wasn’t true, Charles just hid his feelings more.
When Matthew couldn’t find an answer Charles declared, “You need to stop endangering yourself with stupid risks and endangering everyone around you. You’re almost an adult, you need to do better.”
Matthew bit his lip, feeling exposed. He often either felt furious trying to deal with Charles or like a misbehaving child that needed to be corrected. Neither case was how he wanted to feel. He took a deep breath and released it, “You're here.”
“I’m here to find out what the downworlders know about the situation for the Enclave,” Charles told him, finally answering his first question.
Matthew shrugged for want of a better response, “I'm not endangering anyone here Charles. It’s nothing to do with you where I go.”
Charles sighed, and looked away as if he couldn’t bear to keep looking directly at Matthew and somehow it was worse than when he'd been angry. “Come home Matthew. I can drop you home in the carriage on my way back to the meeting.”
Matthew flinched and shook his head stubbornly.
There was a part of him that wished he could go, could somehow try and fix things between him and Charles. A bitter part of him disagreed, he had to stay here for James and Cordelia. He couldn’t stay too close to Charles and mama and papa; he would be doing them all a favour if he pulled away. If he didn’t hurt them anymore.
Charles scowled at him, “I have to leave but in about an hour I'm going to come back this way. If you're still here I'm going to drag you home.”
Matthew scowled back at him, disliking the heavy-handedness of the threat, “It's nothing to do with you Charles. I'll go home when I want to.”
Charles was unmoved, “One hour.”
He got up and left. Leaving Matthew to the revellers, music, and unless Matthew was mistaken a large quantity of alcohol.