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As much as Teddy loved Billy, the first year he lived with the Kaplans after the death of his mother was...difficult.
It had nothing to do with the Kaplans themselves; actually, from the first hug Jeff gave Teddy (when they tried to tell Billy’s parents that Teddy was an alien and they took it as Billy coming out as gay), they always treated Teddy like they raised him from birth. “The Talmud tells us that we are to raise you like our own,” Jeff said the night they finished moving furniture around to add Teddy’s bed. Jeff hugged Teddy’s shoulder then as Rebecca finished stuffing his pillow into the case. “You’re one of ours.”
No, the difficulty came with keeping up with the family’s religious-based rules. Billy rarely spoke of his family’s religion outside of their brownstone, but inside their apartment Teddy felt alarmingly out of place at times. In public Billy occasionally asked if a food were kosher or if it contained pork, and occasionally he ducked out of something to spend Friday through Saturday at home, but Teddy never realized how involved the Kaplans’ religion was in their daily life.
Billy described his family as Reform Jews, of which Teddy had very little understanding. From what he could tell, Billy only wore the little disc-looking hat on Fridays, Saturdays, and major holidays. He watched television, had a cellphone, wore average clothing, and typically kept his thick dark hair brushed over to one side. Billy never had the ringlets on the sides of his head or the shawl with tassels on the bottom, though he owned a shawl to wear for certain ceremonies. He occasionally said “oy vey” to be theatrical, but otherwise never said anything in Hebrew or Yiddish.
At least, not outside their home. Inside, Rebecca frequently switched between the three languages without a second thought. Billy and his brothers rarely responded in anything other than English, but the first time Teddy heard Billy’s mother call him “Ze’ev,” Teddy didn’t let it go for more than a week.
“It isn’t even a direct translation,” Billy would whine after the rest of the Young Avengers caught on to the name. Jeff and Rebecca used Hebrew and Yiddish names for the other boys (Eitan and Yitzhak, respectively), but Billy always disliked that theirs were close to their English names and rarely needed a long explanation accompanying how his parents got “Ze’ev” out of “William.”
According to Billy, his mother grew up in an Orthodox family until she met Jeff. They dated while Jeff attended medical school to become a cardiologist and Rebecca studied to become a psychologist. She left her Orthodox family to marry into Jeff’s Reformed family, and a few years later Billy was born. A few more years and Ethan came next, then Isaac soon after.
Then they added Teddy after his mother died when Teddy was 17. Since Teddy had no father, and social services threatened to place him in some kind of home, Jeff and Rebecca immediately began filling out forms and submitting paperwork to foster Teddy on an emergency basis. After crashing on their couch for a few weeks, the younger boys were moved into a shared room once again and Teddy took over the smallest room in the apartment down the hall from Billy. What was once the nursery for all three boys was converted to Isaac’s tiny room, then given to Teddy for the time being.
The morning after their first kiss, after Billy crept back to his room before Rebecca lectured him about being alone in his date’s room, Teddy woke before Billy and made his way to the kitchen to find most of the family already awake and dressed. The younger boys, Ethan and Isaac, sat at the table and argued over who had first rights to the orange juice. Jeff stood in front of their kitchen window, rocking back and forth and muttering to himself with a leather cube tied to his head. Around his arm was a similar box, only the entirety of his forearm was wrapped in leather.
Rebecca ushered Teddy into a chair and set a plate of French toast in front of him. “Jeffrey will be done with his morning prayers in a few minutes. Go ahead and eat, honey. Billy! You have three minutes to be out of that bed and have netilat yadayim finished!”
The same routine happened almost every morning, as Billy was a legendary anti-morning person. He would blearily drag himself out of bed and into the bathroom, appearing moments later at the table with his head on his arm trying to catch a few minutes of sleep before all the boys headed off to school.
After a few weeks, Teddy actually liked the routine on Friday evenings. The Kaplans had a television but rarely watched it; rather they spent much of Friday through Saturday reading books or practicing various hobbies. Billy spent much of the time with Teddy trying to sneak a few minutes of alone time with him until a family member noticed their absence. Teddy even began remembering some of the prayers, as the first part was often repeated with only a few changes at the end.
Some rules Teddy did not understand. He figured there would be no bacon in the house, sure, but there were more rules regarding meat than he realized. No mixing meat with dairy, which meant no cheeseburgers. Apparently marshmallows were out, because they contained a pork derivative, unless someone brought a bag home from a Kosher food mart a few blocks away. Jeff even used an app to scan most of their food to ensure it was Kosher.
Teddy looked forward to Chanukah, as he had much more awareness of the holiday than some of the others like Yom Kippur or Sukkot. This year, Chanukah overlapped with Christmas along with a few firsts: the first Christmas/Chanukah with his boyfriend, and the first Christmas without his mom.
He joined them on the first night, watching as the family sat around the kitchen table covered in food. It reminded Teddy of the small Christmas celebrations with his mom, their tiny tree adorned with little paper crafts Teddy made over the years and gifts from Santa waiting under the tree. Isaac, the youngest of the boys who was preparing for his bar mitzvah in the spring, asked to light the first candle while Jeff recited the prayer. As the warm glow filled the room, Billy reached his hand under the table and wrapped a few fingers around Teddy’s.
“Happy Chanukah, Tee,” he said, leaning over to kiss Teddy’s cheek. Teddy squeezed Billy’s fingers and quickly returned the kiss before either of the younger boys could make fun of them for doing so. “I got you something.”
“Actually it’s from all of us,” Rebecca stated, moving the hanukiah to the window for the candles to burn for the next half hour or so. Teddy looked to each of the Kaplans, then to the small box Billy held wrapped in blue and silver paper. Teddy fumbled with it, his big hands refusing to cooperate with him in that moment.
With the wrapping paper disregarded, he held a square flat jewelry box. “It’s not jewelry or anything, Billiam is too young to get married,” Ethan smirked, cutting into his third jelly donut. Billy balled up the wrapping paper and tossed it in his little brother’s direction. Jeff gently scolded both boys, reminding Ethan to check his blood sugar before he ate another donut.
Teddy pulled the lid from the box, revealing a brand new shiny key. “It’s to the front door. I wanted to make sure you could come in and out whenever you wanted to.” Billy’s face flushed and his ears turned a subtle shade of pink as Billy closed the gap between them and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
“Okay, before this gets any more gross, I’m next,” Isaac announced, reaching for his own gift at the center of the table. As Isaac tore into his gift, Rebecca wrapped her arm around Teddy’s shoulder and squeezed.
“Chag Chanukah sameach, sweetie.”
“Umm, hug Hanukkah sim...”
Billy giggled and gave his mother a bemused grin. “Just say ‘happy Chanukah’ like normal people, mom.”
“It’s Teddy’s first Chanukah, I’m giving him an authentic experience.”
Isaac paused in unwrapping his new phone case to gesture at the pile of dreidels on the counter in various sizes. “It’s not an authentic Chanukah until you’ve played dreidel.”
“He’s right, actually,” Rebecca agreed, letting go of Teddy’s shoulder to clear away some of the gift wrap. “And before this becomes something for you boys to argue about, Ze’ev, you aren’t allowed to reality-warp the dreidel so you win the pot each time.”
—-
After the candles burned for their required length of time and multiple rounds of dreidel played in which Billy was accused of cheating anyway, Teddy and Billy lounged on the couch with a pile of chocolate gelt shared between them.
“So, if I’m understanding Jewish holidays correctly, all you do is eat,” Teddy mumbled between bites of a chocolate coin. Billy reached up and thumbed away a dab of chocolate from the corner of Billy’s mouth.
“Chanukah isn’t even our most important holiday, you know. People think it is just because it happens close to Christmas. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are the major ones.”
Teddy worked the foil of a coin into a tight ball. “Which is the one where you camp out in the yard for a week?”
“Oh, you’re thinking of Sukkot. That happens in the fall.” Billy snuggled into Teddy, breathing in the scent that could only belong to Teddy Altman. “I’m glad that you’re here with me this year.”
Teddy kissed the top of Billy’s head and remained there for a moment, trying to push the sudden twinge of heartache he felt. This was the first Chanukah with Billy, but in a few days it would also be the first Christmas without his mother.
Mom loved Christmas and everything about it. Once Teddy reached high school, he figured out that most of what she loved was Teddy’s excitement about Santa Claus and presents and Frosty the Snowman. Their small tree had few store-bought ornaments; most of the decorations were handmade when Teddy was in elementary and middle school and seemed to grow in complexity as he aged. Every year until Teddy was in junior high school, they would make “reindeer food” to spread around the front steps so Santa Claus could give treats to the reindeer, consisting of oatmeal, glitter, pretzel sticks, and marshmallows.
He held on to the magic of Christmas for as long as he could, primarily to keep Mom happy. When he was too old to believe in Santa, they found excitement in riding the train to look at the lights and decorations. One year they tried ice skating and visiting the tree in Rockefeller, and another was spent in Florida just so Teddy could experience a “tropical” Christmas.
Unable to hide the sniffle, Teddy quickly wiped away the tears forming at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Billy sat up and scoot back so he could see Teddy’s face.
“Hey, you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Teddy fibbed, clearing his throat. “Just thinking about Mom. She would’ve loved this.”
Billy rested his arm on the back of the couch and gently tucked a lock of Teddy’s shaggy blond hair behind his ear. “My parents would’ve loved having her.”
Teddy nodded, the somber moment rolling through him like a wave. Within a few seconds he was drowning in the feeling, swallowed into a whirlpool of sadness and happy memories. Billy nudged him closer, then tugged him into a tight hug against his shoulder as the tears fell more heavily. Teddy was not a loud crier, but seeing his face cracked Billy’s heart in half.
They remained in that position for nearly an hour, long enough that Jeff and Rebecca knelt in front of the couch to check on them. Rebecca knelt next to Billy’s knees and, almost as if she were copying Billy, pet Teddy’s hair. Jeff, in more of a squat position, placed a hand on Teddy’s ankle at the far end of the couch but otherwise made no movement.
“It’s overwhelming, isn’t it, honey?” Rebecca cooed. Teddy’s bottom lip quivered, and he shut his eyes tightly before nodding against Billy’s ribs and sniffling. “The first holidays without someone are hard. You’re in a new place that doesn’t feel like home yet, in a new school, nothing feels familiar.”
“I wish she was still here for Christmas, it was her favorite holiday,” whispered Teddy, his voice wavering. He probably looked like a mess right now, leaving a huge wet spot of tears on Billy’s thigh.
“Of course you do, honey, it’s okay to feel that.” Billy could tell that Rebecca was using her Therapy Mom Voice, which differed from her regular Mom Voice. “Do you know what we say in Hebrew about someone who has passed on? Yehi zira baruch. May her memory be a blessing. Sometimes blessings are painful, aren’t they? It’s a beautiful kind of sadness; the memories themselves are happy, but the reminders hurt.”
Teddy took a deep breath and attempted to wipe away his tears. Rebecca clutched Teddy’s big hand in her own, ignoring the dampness of his skin. “How about you boys go spend some time with your friends for a bit, get some dinner, whatever you want to do. Dad and I will clean up and keep the other two out of your hair for a while. Let’s say...be home by midnight?”
Teddy’s blue eyes met Billy’s, those intense sea-blue eyes that Billy fell more in love with every day. They nodded to each other, though Teddy seemed reluctant to remove his head from Billy’s lap until Jeff gently pat Teddy’s ankle and helped him sit up. Teddy could see where Billy’s natural inclination for physical affection came from after watching the Kaplan parents.
They briefly went upstairs to put on warmer layers of clothing, then met at the foot of the steps when both boys were covered head to toe in heavy coats and hats. As Rebecca gave them some last minute instructions to text her every hour or so, Jeff slipped some money for dinner into Billy’s hand. “You boys have fun, okay? Be careful.” The boys nodded as Billy tucked the bills into his wallet. He then wrapped his gloved hand around Teddy’s bare one and led them out the front door.
Rebecca did not move from her spot until she no longer heard her sons’ footsteps on the porch. “Jeffrey, where do you think we could find a Christmas tree this late in the evening?”
—-
When the boys returned home a few hours later, something seemed off to Billy. The window next to their front door, which was decorated with Chanukah garlands and various cheesy hanging decorations, was bare. It would not be the first time his family was targeted for their decorations; a few years prior during Sukkot, a neighbor called the police on the Kaplans for “forcing their children to live on the back patio.” They moved the sukkot into the living room for the remainder of the week, and for a time it made Jeff and Rebecca wary of putting up any decorations or visible signs of their religion.
“Mom’s decorations are gone,” Billy said, stopping Teddy in his tracks. This was only the first night of Chanukah, there was no reason to take them down so early. Teddy looked around the street for anything unusual, but at 12:30 in the morning the street was quiet. They could see that at least one person was awake, as the living room’s lamps were on, but Jeff or Rebecca could have left the lights on waiting for their return.
As soon as Billy opened the door, he heard the music. Whoever played the music kept it low enough to not disturb the neighbors, but he could hear it clearly enough. Teddy had to remove his hat before he could hear the song clearly.
Jingle Bells.
“Mom, we’re home,” Billy called into the living room.
Jeff answered rather than Rebecca. “In here, boys.”
They followed the voices, with Billy using magic to flip various light switches as they went. “What are you guys doing up so-“
Both boys stopped in their tracks as soon as they walked into the living room. In the corner of the room, blocking the bookshelf crammed with psychology and medical journals, was a Christmas tree. Jeff and Rebeca shuffled around it placing a hodgepodge of new ornaments as well as figure out a strand of white lights. The Chanukah decorations that were originally in the window were carefully tied onto random spots on the tree.
“What do you think?” Jeff paused in his attempt to space out the lights to step back and admire their handiwork. Rebecca set her box of ornaments on the coffee table and met the boys where they stood.
“Merry Christmas, sweetie,” she said, rubbing Teddy’s biceps as of to warm him. Even though Teddy was taller than Rebecca by a few inches, he practically collapsed into her arms and hugged her tight around her waist. They held the position for nearly a minute, until she kissed Teddy’s temple then gently nudged Billy closer so she could kiss his cheek. “I’m glad you’re here, Teddy; we weren’t sure what exactly goes on a Christmas tree so we improvised.”
Teddy chuckled and wiped his eyes. “It looks great,” he croaked, smiling at the mixture of Chanukah decorations and traditional Christmas decor. Rebecca turned around and picked up the box of ornaments.
“Here, since you’re the subject matter expert, you can put the last ornaments up. Ze’ev, help me collect the Chanukah gifts and we’ll put them underneath.”
“That’s where the Santa mensch puts them, right?” Jeff looked to Teddy then to the space below the tree, straightening out the bottom layer of branches. “Or do they go in the tree?”
“I don’t know what a mensch is.”
Jeff adjusted his glasses. “I guess the closest you would have to it is a saint.”
“Oh, okay then. Erm, yeah, they can go underneath. I’ve seen people put little gifts like cards in the branches.”
Billy and Rebecca returned with their arms full of various Chanukah gifts, mid conversation about the gift rules. “-still open one each day, but on Christmas Day we can do either. Ethan and Isaac are going to be so surprised in the morning.”
Teddy helped them space out the gifts then stepped back to admire their completed work. The tree was an interesting mix of traditional red and gold bulb ornaments, white lights, and blue and silver Chanukah decorations. Like Teddy’s tree growing up, some of the Chanukah decorations were made by the Kaplan boys as they grew. Teddy looked closer at some of the crafts, placing his hand against a “menorah” made of the outline of Billy’s fingers when he was six years old. There were pictures of each time the Kaplan boys helped light the candles for the first time, a few dreidel pictures colored in scribbles, and worksheets of the word Chanukah in Hebrew traced by the younger boys.
Once the last of the ornaments were up, Jeff and Rebecca hugged Billy and Teddy in turn. “Good night, my boys,” Rebecca said wistfully. “Don’t stay up too late, please.”
“Night, mom.”
“Night, Mrs. Kaplan.”
Rebecca grinned and briefly paused on her way up the steps. “I’m going to have you calling me ‘mom’ eventually, young man.”
Alone in the dim living room, it’s only light source from the strand of lights on the tree, Billy and Teddy sat together on the couch like they did a few hours ago. Billy pulled his legs up to his chest and snuggled into Teddy’s shoulder, listening to his heart beat in his chest. Despite Teddy being a hybrid alien species, much of his physical anatomy was similar in placement to a human. The only difference Billy ever noticed in his heartbeat was that Billy’s had a different rhythm than a human. Billy could listen to billions of heartbeats, but he would always know Teddy’s.
They lounged together under a blanket for a while, admiring the soft lights and occasionally grinning at each other. At one point Teddy gently held Billy’s chin, leaning forward to give him a deep kiss. When they pulled back, Billy looked into Teddy’s impossibly blue eyes.
“Happy Chanukah, Bee.”
“Merry Christmas, Tee.”