Chapter Text
Petrichor. The pleasant smell that usually follows the first rain. The smell he remembered even when surrounded by the chemicals of a hospital room.
—————
Some people like the rain and others don't. Daichi hated the rain. Even more than that, though, he hated walking in it. With or without an umbrella, it was annoying. Rainy days were dull and depressing, so he hated them. Rainy days also got his shoes wet as he walked into the hospital and took a deep breath. It smelled like cleaning supplies as usual. He knows exactly where he's going: to the waiting room where he would wait for the doctor to call his name and check out his injured knee. This is what he gets for playing Volleyball with his friends.
The chairs in the waiting room are made of wood frames and cushions that aren't that soft, but he sits there with his elbow on the armrest, propping up his head as he scrolls through his phone. Beside him, a male shifts in his seat, causing him to look up again. The person beside him is looking in the other direction, but he could already pick out a few interesting details.
He had silvery short hair and pale skin. His leg was constantly shaking with anxiety, his hands fiddling with the string of his hoodie. When he finally looks in his direction, Daichi's eyes widen with surprise. His eyes are a soft hazel color with a mole just below the corner of his left eye. He smiles nervously.
"Hey,"
"Hey."
For a reason unbeknownst to him, he's curious about this guy. There's bad bruising on his right cheek that makes a bit of anxiety rise in his chest. "Are you okay?" He asks.
"I'm in the hospital," the guy replies with a gentle smile and a gentle chuckle. "And so are you, are you okay?"
Daichi feels the heat creep up his face, and watching the smaller man cover his mouth with his bruised hand when he laughs at his reaction makes his face even redder. The brunette sighs and leans his head back to look at the ceiling. "You're right, all I did was bust my knee, you look like you got into a fight," he says and tilts his head to the side to meet his eyes again.
"Oh, right, I'm here for some blood tests. Trying to...get some answers about it, y'know? A few months ago I wouldn't have gotten more than a scratch from falling such a short distance, so...let's hope it's just a one-time bad outcome," the silver-haired guy crosses his fingers in the American gesture for good luck. Daichi nods and does it too which causes both to laugh.
"Oh yeah, I never asked your name," hazel-brown eyes sparkle with curiosity.
"Right, uh, Daichi Sawamura."
"Koushi Sugawara. It's nice to meet you. It's been a minute since I met a nice stranger," he says, scribbling in a small notebook in his lap.
Before Daichi can respond, Koushi’s last name is called out. With a sigh, he stands up, wincing as he does. "Hey, think you will be here when I'm done?" He asks, turning to him. When Daichi nods, he smiles and hurries off. The brunette takes a moment to think as he watches him go. His eyes drifted down to the seat where he'd sat and now laid a paper. He picks it up and flips it over, pink blush filling his cheeks again.
"Here's my number, see you later :)"
Daichi's heart might've skipped a beat just then. As his name was called he shoved the paper into the pocket of his jacket, standing up to greet the doctor.
The appointment went by in a blur and he'd be fine. He was curious about how Sugawara's appointment went but had no clue where he was. So he waited in the rain he hated. He still hated the rain but hated it a little less when he was waiting for someone. When the make arrives, he waves a little and stands beside him, beneath the shelter of the umbrella.
"So, what exactly are you thinking right now?" Daichi asked, his gaze meeting Koushi's. "Um…" is his initial response, but he quickly perks up again.
"Well if you wanted to, we could go to the nearby cafe? Ya like coffee?"
"Yeah,"
"Then that's where we'll go!" Even in the dull and gloomy atmosphere of a rainy spring day, he has a little bit of sunshine next to him. As the sign turns green they walk side-by-side across the street. Sugawara is shivering a lot within a minute, but they weren't exactly close enough yet for him to feel like he could do anything that wouldn't be seen as weird. So he walks beside him and lets him shiver.
A sigh of relief leaves them both as they finally enter the warmth of the cafe. They choose a table and sit for a while, Suga putting his head down on the table. "Are you okay?" Sawamura asked with a slight tilt of his head. He doesn't get an answer, reaching over to move his bangs out of his face to check, but right before he. would touch him, Koushi looked up without lifting his head. He smiled faintly.
"I'm fine. Just cold."
"You're pale."
"I always am,"
"Why?" The round of questions are expected, but the change in Koushi's expression tells a story that he isn't sure was meant to be told. Sugawara doesn't look away, he simply responds "I'm sick. Can we not talk about it?"
After a brief hesitation, he nods. He wouldn't make him talk, although he was a bit concerned. He decides to push Sugawara's bangs away anyway. They smile at each other. Koushi sits up and stretches with a yawn. "So, how'd you hurt your knee?"
"Oh, damn that's an embarrassing story," he chuckles. "My friends are volleyball players. We all played in high school, I was a wing spiker. Decided to play again and well- I'm not as good as I used to be."
"No way, really? I used to be a setter. I didn't get to play much, though."
“Aww, why’s that?” Daichi asked. Koushi sighed and shrugged, finally sitting up properly. “Wasn’t good enough. Got diagnosed in my third year. And that was what- two years ago? Jeez, two years…” Koshi covers his mouth with his hand, suddenly beginning to tear up. ”Damn...damnit damnit, I'm sorry, gimme a second…" he puts his elbows on the table and hides his face, the bruises on the back of his palms are prominent and larger than they were when they had met just an hour or so ago.
"Take your time…" Daichi sighs. There were few times in his life where he had a chance to realize just how insignificant some of his problems are. Whatever his new...friend was going through was a lot more than him, and even if they just met, they had clicked instantly. That meant something. He felt obligated to help him even if just a little bit. He has a feeling that recalling his high school adventures has forced him to realize how long he's been sick. Daichi could only assume he was right and try to be as comforting as he could be. It was hard though, hard to watch him try to collect himself after realizing how long he'd been in pain. Probably back and forth to this same hospital constantly.
"Ugh, I'm sorry for dragging you here just to watch me cry about my problems, I just miss my normal life. Do you think you could take me home? I'm not supposed to be out in the rain or anything like that because getting sick might not go well for me. Besides, I'm anemic…" Sugawara explains, clearly trying to get closer while distancing himself at the same time. Without hesitation, Daichi nods, grabbing his umbrella and standing, holding out his hand. Koushi takes his hand and stands, a flash of pain in his eyes as he walks beside him out of the door and back into the gloomy rain. They walk in silence and it's perfectly fine because it's more comfortable than awkward. Koushi slows down after 15 minutes, his breathing suddenly changing.
"Tired?" He questions. He doesn't get a reply, just a quick nod. Trying to think fast without thinking, Sawamura offers "Why don't you just stay the night at my place? You won't have to walk in the rain on your own that way. How does that sound?"
"Oh no, I couldn't -"
"Please. Maybe you're not feeling it, but you look like absolute shit." Suga laughs at his playfully harsh comment but just nods.
"Okay yeah yeah, I get it. I'll go, okay? Geez, we only just met today and you're already being so pushy. You almost sound like you want something from me, hm?"
"What? No! No, I don't- I'm not like that!" Daichi waves his hands in front of his face, feeling heat creep up his face, and the adorable laugh that leaves Koushi's mouth just makes him blush more. "I know I know," he responds "I'm just teasing." Sugawara grins at him with a light pink hue even dusting his cheeks. A cup of coffee and tea later and they're back on their way. Daichi still watches Koushi shiver, but the little smile on his face makes him realize that he's happy to be with him. Daichi was sure that there must be a reason why they met. Of course, there was a possibility that it was just chance, but what were the odds of fate that would let him just meet another Volleyball player his age right next to him at a Hospital? As he mulls over his questions, he notices from the corner of his eye, Sugawara messing with a spot on his chest, right between his neck and shoulder.
"What is that?" Daichi asked, softening his voice with the feeling that it was a sensitive topic. Proving his suspicion correct, Sugawara shakes his head and shrugs. "Just a...hospital thing," he says. It sounded more like a half-truth than a lie, so he just left it at that. He returns his gaze upwards, trying to figure out what kind of medical thing would be in such an odd place. And to add to that, why he's so self-conscious about it. His memory blurs the rest of the time out. It's all like muddled colors, although he remembers Sugawara leaning on him for a few minutes, clearly not feeling well. Taking notice, he quickly entered his cozy apartment.
"You should lay down on the couch before you fall over, Sugawara" he tries to lighten the mood, but the male in question just isn't impressed, making a whimpering sound as he does down. "Suga," he says.
"What?"
"Just call me Suga, Sugawara is a bit of a mouthful sometimes…" he brushes a few strands of his hair back behind his ear, leaning on Daichi's shoulder as he sits beside him. With a calm smile, he grabs the blanket draped over the back of the couch and lays it on Koushi, causing him to smile faintly at their now shared warmth. Suga mumbles something about how warm he is and he just chuckles and says "Lucky you." In reality? More like lucky him. While Daichi had his friends, he wasn't around them very much and wasn't this connected with them. He was very connected with Suga, though, noticing the evening of his breath as he fell asleep on his shoulder. How lucky did he have to be to meet someone like him today?
He shifts a bit to find better comfort, but something catches his eye. Suga's shirt had slipped down his shoulder slightly with the weight of the blanket and now exposed what he could only see as white tape on his chest. Although curious, he knows it's not his place to be nosy while he was asked, that would be weird. So he leaves it as one of his millions of questions for the morning.
He finds himself now beginning to drift off into the world of sleep. Even in the world of sleep, there was still a little angel on his shoulder.
_____
His eyes flutter open in the absence of warmth. Quickly he discovers that Koushi has disappeared from his side, a cause for alarm. Daichi stood up, the blanket falling back onto the couch from his shoulder as he looked around, his steps rushed as he entered the hallway. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but this wasn't it. You don't find unconscious people in the hallway of your apartment just any day. He crouches down and gently shakes his shoulder. "Hey...Hey."
Suga is awake it seems with glassy, unfocused eyes. He whimpers when he's picked up, naturally laying his head on Daichi's chest. He's way too quiet, his breathing heavy and shaky. He mumbles something but it's completely inaudible. His face and shoulder are bruised, making Daichi wince just looking at them. It was raining again, so there was no way he was taking him to the hospital on foot, so he had no choice but to call the ambulance. Suga is silent aside from his breathing. A breathy "Sorry.." Leaves his lips, but nothing else. Daichi shakes his head.
"It's not your fault I don't think. What happened, though?"
"I...I don't know…" it doesn't seem like he has the energy to talk very much. It was fine, though. He was okay, and that was fine. For some reason, he was more worried when the paramedics arrived. He was never a person who was made uneasy by hospitals before. He hated getting shots, but he never got sick or hurt often so he had no reason to ever be scared. He got into a nasty collision during a game once, but that still wasn't as bad as it could've been. He got a big bruise on his face and lost a tooth, but he didn't have to go to the hospital. He guessed he was lucky.
Everything feels like it goes by in slow motion, yet takes no time at all. It feels like he's waiting forever when red hair comes into view, bright enough to cause sensory deprivation. If the light hits it a certain way it might blind you. The guy the bright hair belongs to keeps trying to peek into Suga's room. That is until he turns around and notices Daichi's presence. He jumps with an inhuman shriek. "Yikes, what the heck?! When did you get there?!"
Daichi tilted his head with confusion. "I've uh- been sitting here for a couple of hours?" He answers. The guy was short, maybe 5'7. His eyes were a pretty brown color with fair skin. He was completely caught off guard by Daichi's presence. He points to the door of the room with a confused look and all he says is "Umm?" And Daichi just nodded awkwardly. The guy walks over to him and holds out his hand.
"Um- I'm Hinata. I'm one of his friends from high school. Who are you?"
"Daichi. We met yesterday."
Hinata gives him an incredulous look.
"We met downstairs waiting for our appointments and we just started talking! We were gonna hang out but he seemed like he wasn't feeling good so I let him stay over at my house and then this morning something happened!" Daichi tries to defend himself from the thoughts he could tell we're going through Hinata's head. "I don't even know what he has-!"
"You don't?" The sudden drop in the previously friendly male sounds dangerous. He swallows nervously, leaning back in his chair until the back of his head grazes the wall behind him. Hinata puffs out his cheeks, glaring at him and folding his arms. "Didn't you see it?" He asks.
"See what?"
Hinata taps a spot a bit below his collarbone. "The thing- right here?" He elaborates. After thinking about it for a moment, Daichi remembers the white tape he noticed when his shirt slipped down his shoulder. He nods again. "That's a port," Hinata explains. When the brunette tilts his head, he explains further "it's for giving blood, taking blood, giving fluids, etcetera. Erm, that's not the point. It's there cause he needs it for chemo."
Daichi swore his heart stopped beating to process the information. He stands up slowly, which makes him realize just how small Hinata is. "You mean like...getting treatment for Cancer?" He confirms, walking towards the door of the room and peeking inside. Suga had been asleep for at least two hours now and he was told not to bother him unless something was wrong or he woke up on his own. He ran his hand back through his hair with a heavy sigh. "Damn…" he swore softly.
It was disturbing seeing how peacefully he slept with his skin the same color as the sheets with the exception of the bruising on his exposed skin. Hinata stands beside him, lifting his gaze to meet his eyes again before looking away quickly. "I think...you're more special to him than the rest of us somehow…" he says.
"What do you mean by that?" Daichi raises an eyebrow with concern and confusion as well as curiosity. Hinata sighs, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
"What I mean is...my uh boyfriend Kageyama was supposed to pick up Suga after that appointment was over. He wasn't late or anything but on time. But Suga was with you instead. He probably forgot completely, but Kageyama wasn't happy about it. He wasted time and money on gas. But more than that he ended up being a bit upset, not knowing if he was okay or if something went wrong." The redhead's eyes stay focused down towards the floor as he speaks. "It's not your fault or anything, I'm just saying...if you understood the circumstances better, maybe you'd get it better…" venom rolled off of Hinata's tongue in his last few words of the sentence.
Noticing the slightest movement from the bed, Hinata enters the hospital room ahead of him, cringing at the bitter mix of smells."Hey, you awake?" His voice makes Suga blink a few times since he probably didn't expect him to be here. He sits up, rubbing his eyes with the back of his palm. "Yeah I'm up, what are you doing here, Shouyo?"
Hinata Shouyo was his name, huh? Seemed to suit him pretty well. The redhead sat down on the edge of the bed with a smile "Well I came to make sure you were okay because Kageyama said you left with someone else and the nurse said you had collapsed" he explained. "So...is it coming back?"
"Hinata-"
"I need to know! It would feel worse not knowing!" Hinata begged. Suga threaded his fingers into the younger male's hair, pulling him down against his chest as he started to show signs of crying.
"I don't know yet, but...I think so. We had a good run though, didn't we? It'll go back to normal just like before, okay? Hey, I'd like to talk to Daichi for a minute if you don't mind. Why don't you calm yourself down a bit?" Suga requests, causing Hinata to look at the brunette. He looks down at the floor and heads off out of the room to sit in the hallway again. Daichi sits on the edge of the bed, now worried about both of them.
"I'm sorry you had to see all of this," Koushi apologizes softly, fiddling with the bracelet around his wrist. "I didn't mean for you to get caught up in this. I just wanted to have a good day for once. Can you forgive me for this?" He's terrified of this conversation. His hands are shaky and he won't make eye contact.
"I don't have to forgive you, you didn't do anything wrong. You can't control your illness-"
"I could've told you-"
"But you didn't and that's fine. You didn't want to scare away someone who started to care about you. You were scared. I would've been too." Daichi tried to reassure him. Suga chuckles and lightly slaps Daichi's hand. "I don't believe you. You don't seem like the type."
"The type to what?"
"To be scared."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Suga sits up, the hospital gown falling off of his shoulder. He looks up at the bright fluorescent light above his head and then back to Daichi with a calm smile. "I mean you don't seem like the type to be scared of this sort of thing. You seem like the type of person I wish I was and I'd do much better if I was like you. You seem like you'd be super calm. Wouldn't panic. The initial shock is all it would be for you. Am I right?"
The male seems pretty confident in his guess. Daichi looks up as if to search his brain for the answer. "Uhm...well that's a good question, I don't know," he meets his eyes again. "It hasn't happened, so I don't know what I'd be like. However, I think I'd be just as scared of you if not more scared because I hate not being in control. I hate not being able to have a say in things. I'd go crazy," he shifts his gaze downward as Suga's pale hand grazes over his. His touch is cold but still feels like electricity going through his body.
"I guess you're right. So...you'll stick by me?" He asks.
"Of course I will. I'm not going to be one of the people who walk out of your life because you're sick. I'm gonna stick around and see you through to the end, Suga."
"The end…" Koushi exhales slowly and lays back down, looking up at the ceiling as he continues to speak and asks "What is the end for a twenty-year-old with Leukemia?"
Daichi hesitates to answer, knowing he has to choose his words very wisely or else it may cause a problem with either Suga or Hinata who was still in the hallway. "Well…" he starts, not continuing until Suga looks back over at him with his beautiful hazel-brown eyes. "The end is when you're no longer suffering from this. So I guess if you really wanted to put it that way, the end could be when you finally beat it or...it could be when you die, I guess. Let's aim for the first one, though. Okay?"
Suga chuckles softly, holding onto his hand with a honey-sweet smile and a honey-sweet voice that says "Okay."
-----
*ping*
[Suga | 11.23.XX | 11:37 PM]
Are you awake?
[You]
I am, but why are you?
[Suga]
I can't sleep. My arm hurts
[You]
why don't they give you pain medication?
[Suga]
They can't give me anything stronger and IVs will bruise my arm. It just hurts, will you come to me?
[You]
Why don't you call someone closer? It's pouring freezing rain outside.
[Suga]
Please? You are the closest.
[You]
15 minutes.
Daichi didn't mind going over to the hospital often and Hinata didn't seem as wary of him anymore. He had finally met Kageyama who hadn't warmed up to him over the past two weeks and Hinata told him that it would definitely take longer than that. Despite knowing Suga for this long, he only just found out that he lived the closest to him. Although he didn't talk much while Daichi was there, Kageyama had mumbled something about some of their other friends avoiding the hospital. If he brought it up, though, it meant those friends were still in their lives.
It didn't matter that it was not even 30 minutes away from midnight, he was going to visit. It was definitely not allowed, but if Suga's usual nurse on this shift was there, hopefully, she would let him go in. He could hear the rain beating against the roof of his home even before he left. Going out in this type of weather is what he would actively avoid, but avoiding Suga wasn't really an option.
It doesn't take 15 minutes, which is probably because he's worried. He's always a mix of happy and worried when he gets a text from him. Mostly because it could be absolutely anything with him. He wasn't sure if he came in too late or at the perfect time because he caught a nurse talking to him. He can't see Suga from behind him at the doorway, but he could hear the silverette not just crying, but sobbing like he was having a hard time breathing. Quickly Daichi steps in and approaches to make his presence known, causing the nurse to quickly leave. Confused and concerned, Daichi sits on the bed and watches Koushi crawl over and lay his head in his lap. The crying doesn't cease which is a testament to just how much pain he's in.
"Hey…" he gently rubs comforting circles into the smaller male's back, which seems to work some, but it doesn't help the pain, unfortunately. Koushi looks up at him with narrowed hazel eyes, turned red and raw from rubbing tears away. "H-Hey…"
Daichi grins a little at his response, running his hand over his shoulder. Suga flinches and he pulls his hand away. "What happened there?"
"They sedated me…"
"What for?"
"I don't remember, I got angry about something...Or I was scared, but I don't remember, I just woke up and I was hurting so bad so I texted you and I just...panicked. Don't leave tonight, stay with me tonight…" Suga sits up, adjusting to sit in his lap, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly. He hides his face in the crook of Daichi's neck. Daichi doesn't mind, he never does. He just holds him in a loose grip. Suga's breathing is slow and shaky, his hand playing with the hair near the back of Daichi's neck. He doesn't know when, but at some point, his breathing quiets as Koushi slips into a peaceful sleep in his arms. His phone goes off. Daichi doesn't want to be nosey, it's not his business. But he glances over at the lit-up screen.
[Tsukishima]
I know you're awake. Go to bed, Senpai.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Looked like he'd be meeting some other friends. Without thinking about it, he pecked a kiss on Suga's cheek, and to his surprise, the sick male woke up. He giggled softly and smiled as much as he could manage. He was weak. He looked weak. His pale cheeks were dusted with a slight pink but. "Hey, How long has it been since I met you?"
"About two weeks, why?"
"I feel...like I'm doing something wrong. Like I shouldn't be doing something. I shouldn't be feeling like I am…"
"What are you talking about, are you okay?"
Before the question is even answered, Suga's face has been stained by tears that streamed quickly down his chin. "No...No I feel-"
"Hey." Daichi gently grabs his face which makes him freeze. "What is it?"
"I have to go back on my treatments and I want you to be the one with me...I love all of my friends so much and I know they'll be so upset, but-"
"Don't...feel bad about what you want. You have the right to whatever you ask for," Daichi reassures him which brings a bigger smile to both of their faces. Koushi is beaming despite his sickly features.
"Then will you take me out tomorrow? Before I have to start my treatment again? Please?"
"Except that," Daichi murmurs, gently setting Suga beside him. Koushi groans "Why?"
"Because it's winter and you're anemic. You'll be freezing and you'll end up sick which you can't handle. You know that already. If you were able to, you wouldn't be staying here. Just- it's not a good idea. I'm sorry," he reaches for Suga's hand but he flinches away. "You can't be mad at me for this, I don't want you to get sick! One of your friends texted you, they want to see you tomorrow...er- Today, it's past midnight now, please just- listen to me. Okay?"
Although pouting like a 5-year-old, Suga nods slowly in reluctant agreement. "Fine.."
"Good," Daichi stands up and ruffles his hair. "I have to work today, anyway. Next year."
"Next year?"
"Yeah. Next year. I'll take you out when it snows next December."
"It's November right now," Suga responds with confusion on his face. Daichi chuckles softly. "Because it'll be close to the New Year. You know what that means? It means you'll have lived another year. Fought another long battle. It'll be like your reward. I promise, that's what we'll do," he holds out his hand with his pinkie extended. Although he hesitates, Suga does the same, linking their fingers together.
"You better keep it."
"I will."
-----
"TADASHII!"
Suga wines as Hinata shouts at the top of his lungs, clinging to the male in question. He's around 6' with a face full of freckles. He hugs the shorter male with a nervous but clearly happy smile. "Hey, Shouyo."
"You're way too damn loud," the tall blonde that accompanied him muttered, clearly annoyed. "If you think he's loud, you'd hate Nishinoya," Daichi chuckled softly. He recalled how energetic and rambunctious his younger friend had been the last time he saw him and Asahi despite being adults. He didn't understand how Asahi put up with him for so long. Suga would probably like Asahi, though. He was quiet and sweet. A big teddy bear that would keep you warm at night.
"I don't believe there's anyone worse than him," The blonde -who he quickly figured out was Tsukishima- said while doing his best to keep Hinata from hugging him. Daichi chuckled "Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that…" he sighed. The thought of his friends was so...distant yet brought him a nice warm feeling despite the cold outside.
"It's been a while. Where's Kageyama?" Tadashi asked, sitting on the edge of Suga's bed. Hinata frowns and answers "He didn't want to come, I'm sorry-"
"No, don't apologize. You couldn't force him. That's just how he is," Suga said softly, but everyone could tell that he was a bit disappointed for him not to have come. He looks down at his lap and sighs.
Sorrow.
That was the look in Koushi's eyes. He was used to people coming in and out of his life without a word, yet was still able to smile through the pain of the same betrayal over and over again. Daichi gently put his hand on his shoulder and he smiled at him. "I'm sure he has a good reason, he always does," Suga says softly. His faith in his friend was more than he thought he could ever manage to have for some of his own. To his surprise, Suga wraps his arms around his neck and hugs him. He shoves his face into the crook of Daichi's neck, and although surprised, he holds onto him. For the first time in a while now, Hinata looked annoyed. He leaves the room.
"Is...he okay?" Yamaguchi asks, probably referring to both Suga and Hinata. "The nurse said the anemia was affecting his mood. So- depression, mood swings…" he sighs and gently rubs comforting circles into Suga's back. He isn't crying, but he's quiet and cold although the latter isn't abnormal for him. Tsukishima answers for Hinata's status "He's been going through a rough time with that stupid King-"
"Tsukki-"
"He fell to an all-time low and something happened between them the other day, I don't have a damn clue what, but it's annoying."
"Annoying how?" Daichi asks, shifting his arms as Koushi settles properly in his lap. The blonde crosses his arms.
"It's annoying because I saw the damage it did! He didn't even notice that I saw, but I did and it pisses me off…"
Both Daichi and Tadashi look at Tsukishima with concern. He doesn't elaborate and they don't ask him to. The room fills with awkward silence. Hinata comes back in and sits in a chair in the room, but that still doesn't fill the quiet room. Daichi quietly runs his fingers through Suga's hair. He whimpers softly from his place in his arms. Now Tsukishima is pacing the room. He was annoyed and now Hinata was pissed off too. Damage? What could he possibly be talking about? The possibilities unnerved him.
"Um-" Tadashi tried to speak up nervously. "Come on, I want to talk, Hinata…" he says, quietly shuffling himself out of the room and into the hallway to attend to Hinata's unusual behaviour as he follows him back out. Daichi can hear their quiet conversation but isn't sure exactly what they're saying. He simply assumes that it's going relatively well considering the lack of yelling. Hinata is clearly a very cheerful person which makes it seem like he doesn't always handle sudden or intense changes that disrupt that cheerfulness he holds. Soon Tadashi returns to the room and the addition of Hinata's crying is enough to snap everyone out of their current emotional states. "Sorry, I'll be back," is all he says with zero explanation as he leaves again with his hand on Shouyo's back between his shoulders. Something happened. The lack of knowledge made Daichi's skin crawl. What happened? It was safe to assume that it had something to do with Kageyama, but it was difficult to tell since the two left in a hurry before any questions could be asked or explanation be given.
Tsukishima looks apprehensive, staring at the door still a minute after they leave. Then he looks at Daichi and Koushi looks between the two of them and sighs. "Tsukki...go."
"What?"
"Just go!"
To their surprise, Suga raises his voice, sounding full of more rage than he thought was even possible for him to express. Startled and confused, Tsukishima is quick to leave. Not just the room, but was probably not going to be back for a while. Daichi is left with the irritated patient in his arms and doesn't say anything until Suga decides to explain his own actions.
"If I make them leave, they can't hurt me by not being here. Right? It's that simple. Why wouldn't Kageyama want to come? Why wouldn't he want to see me?" Suga sits back without leaving where he sat in order to look him in the eyes. Daichi frowns.
"I think based on what was said, Kageyama is going through a depression and Hinata is struggling with him because of it. If 'damage' means what I think it means, let's just hope that he doesn't end up in the hospital too. That's the last thing you'd want, right? Your friends all seem to be trying their best to cope with all of this. Trust me, the longer it goes on the harder it gets," Daichi tries to explain.
"I'm the one who has to live not knowing if I'm going to live or die, so-"
"And they have to live not knowing if you're going to live or die either, don't you get it?" Daichi gently sets Suga down on the bed beside him. "They're just as scared of you dying as you are. They're scared of seeing it all happen. The longer you're sick the closer it feels to your death to them. Hinata said you were pretty connected with Kageyama when you played volleyball. He's trying to deal with his dying senpai. Doesn't that make sense? He's depressed and scared and might even be hurting himself to seem strong for you."
Suga looks down at his hands with a thoughtful look on his face. After a moment he slowly nods "Yeah...you're right about that I guess. I need to cut them some slack because they're here to support me with nothing as a reward except for fear and worry. I get it. I'm sorry, but I just...want it to be over. Daichi wraps his arms around Suga's shoulders.
"That's fine. It's okay to feel things. I'm here with you."
-----
People tend to bother you when you feel least like dealing with them. Not that he would ever complain outwardly about taking care of Suga and being there for him, sometimes he was a handful even if he was perfectly quiet. From vomiting and mood swings to depression, anxiety, and mania, there was no keeping up with him. For hours he'd throw up until he was dehydrated. He'd sleep while receiving fluids and would remain depressed for a while, then sit up for two nights and ramble without breathing more than he "had to." Then it was over. Four days and it was done. Suga was manic for the rest of the week and then Monday came and he crashed like someone coming off a high or a hangover.
He did nothing but lay in Daichi's arms. It was just them of course because Koushi’s friends were dealing with their own shit and hesitant to see him in his weak and unpredictable state. He speaks just like someone who was clueless and tired. Daichi let him lay on his chest while he ran his fingers through his hair.
"You shouldn't do that," Koushi murmured.
"Hm? Why not?" Daichi asks with the softest smile on his face.
"Because it'll make it go away the longer I have to be treated…"
The statement confuses him at first, but then it clicks when he remembers where his hand is. The treatment would cause him to lose his hair. It'd come back once the treatments were over. If he went into remission, that is. Daichi had every faith that he would keep fighting long enough to see their trip out into the snow next December. And hopefully until long after. Long enough that nobody has the chance to say that he was too young because by the time he goes he'll have lived a good life.
"Your heart's beating so fast," Suga comments, looking up to meet his eyes. Daichi chuckles. "Yeah, I know. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about what I'm afraid of with you, and I'm thinking about why I enjoy being with you despite all of this."
Koushi sits up and tilts his head slightly "What you're afraid of with me? What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, reaching up to play with Daichi's hair which was starting to grow out but he didn't really feel like getting it cut again.
"You know what I mean," he sits up a bit. "Nothing about it really bothers me, but you know that there's a lot of questions and scary things when it comes to you. A lot of uncertainty. Not knowing what's going to change and what will stay the same. It's always something different, good, and bad. It's a lot to think about, and it's scary. But it won't make me leave" he explains. Suga had probably heard words nearly identical to his plenty of times. The people who said those words before him had probably vanished when it got too difficult for them to handle. He never even bothered to ask about the whereabouts of his parents. The experience is heavily traumatic for everyone involved, yet it takes a lot of courage still to remember who's suffering the most. Two years ago, Koushi's whole future crumbled before he could even get close to it. A high school boy seemingly on the brink of death for so long that now he can legally drink.
"You're spacing out," Suga's voice snaps him out of his depressing trance. With them being so close, he can't help but look into his soft hazel-brown eyes. This guy has more trust in him than anyone probably ever did before. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he went away...it was a scary thought that he didn't want to think on too much.
"Do you have any idea how happy I am to have someone like you?"
"Like me? What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean...you're great with my strange friends. They're a weird group but they're just all I have. You care about me for real, not just out of pity. You aren't mean or forceful about things that aren't completely in my control. I think you're the person I've been waiting on," as he finishes his sentence, he yawns.
"Been waiting on? Waiting on for...to do what?" Daichi asks, but Suga has laid his head back on his chest and fallen asleep within moments. He doesn't dare to bother him. Instead, he watches him sleep. He watches his back rise and fall with every breath he takes. He watches the sleeve of his sweater slip off of his pale shoulder even though it fit him just fine a couple of weeks ago. Every little detail is so noticeable on someone so fragile. Yet despite being so weak, Suga was equally as much the strongest person he's met.
He considers for a moment as he drifts into a sleep that maybe the love he felt for him was more than what he thought it was.
-----
Daichi wakes up to the absence of the body that had been lying on top of him. It's uncommon for Koushi to get up for no reason since his body temperature is low and Daichi was like a heater to him. The lightly ajar bathroom door answered any questions he had, though. The brunette stretches and slides off the bed, casually heading over to the bathroom and peeking in. It's hard to see in, so he knocks on the door frame. There's no verbal response, but he can hear him gagging. A bit concerned, he opens the door slowly, just enough to peek his head in.
As he suspected, the male in question was crouched by the toilet, currently in the process of puking his guts out. He doesn't even seem to notice Daichi's presence until he gently puts his hand on his shoulder and pulls his hair back as it hadn't been cut in a while probably. He lifts his head just enough to look up at him. He looks pale, skinny, and tired. Of course, all of these traits applied to him daily but it looked worse than usual.
Daichi kneels down and grazes his thumb over Suga's cheek, flashing him a small smile and receiving a weak one in return. It was concerning, but everything became concerning with him.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm hungry."
"Oh, I wonder why," Daichi lightly chuckles which at the least pulls a strained laugh from Suga. "They haven't brought in your breakfast yet, so we'll see how you do then, how about it?" He suggests. Suga shakes his head a little.
"Can you get me something instead? I don't mean to put you through the trouble, but...please?" A slightly stronger smile appears on Koushi’s lips that he can't say no to even if he tried. He lightly ruffled his hair as he stood with a nod of agreement and let him be. He grabbed up his jacket and slipped on his shoes to go about his way, but when he opens the door is greeted by a startled face.
"Kageyama?"
The younger male's nose and ears have turned pink from the cold as well as his cheeks which turn even redder upon seeing Daichi. Wordlessly he turns on his feels and starts to retreat down the hallway. Daichi is quick to grab his arm and is just thankful that the door doesn't slam behind him. "Hey-"
"Let go of me."
"It's early, what're you doing here? Alone, for that matter," Daichi asks. The raven-haired boy turns to him slowly. It makes him realize that his eyes were raw and reddened from tears, not just the cold of the winter weather. He sniffed, rubbing his nose with his sleeve. His eyes are trained downwards, away from Daichi entirely.
"I came because…I don't know if I'm going to come back after this," Kageyama explains, his voice the softest he's ever heard it.
"What do you mean?" Daichi asks, receiving no response. Naturally, his more protective instincts kick in. "Are you just going to vanish from his life just like so many other people have? That'd be a crappy thing to do."
"What? No! No that's not exactly what I was…thinking."
"Then what were you thinking, Kageyama? Just answer me, I don't have to say a thing unless your life is in danger," Daichi tries his best to press for an answer. Kageyama gives him a dry and humorless chuckle, shaking his head.
"Then I'm not talking…" Kageyama takes a step back and for a moment they just look at each other. Both of them know that the other is aware of their thoughts. Daichi's teammates used to call him dad as a joke and well now was the time to use that dad personality of his. He steps forward and puts his hands on Kageyama's shoulders which causes him to nervously tense up, clearly intimidated by the stern look he was giving him.
"Listen. I don't know what you're planning to do right now but just don't. For Christ's sake just don't do it. Suga's sick right now. Come back tonight. With Hinata. Am I clear?"
"What are you? My Dad?"
"Would that make you listen to me if I was?" Daichi asks. To his surprise, Kageyama's expression lightens up with a laugh. It makes a warm feeling rise in his chest that he got a reaction like that out of someone who was not only depressed but usually reserved and quiet.
"I'm going out to get Suga something to eat since I guess he doesn't want the hospital food when he's already sick enough. Wanna come with me? Maybe talk a bit more?" He suggests. Kageyama shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Sure. Can't promise I'll talk, but I'll take the food."
Daichi smiles fondly at him as they start to walk down the hall to leave.
"So, you play Volleyball?"
"Huh?" The question startles Kageyama but he nods "I'm a Setter. Sugawara was my Senpai in volleyball and in school so this is a bit rough. We're really different but he's always been sweet to me no matter how difficult I am with him. I don't really know what to do with him not around..." He explains. "It's not even about volleyball, it's just his presence. I hate being all sentimental and sappy, but just knowing he was there has always been helpful to me, but...I have a bad feeling about the next year to come."
"And why's that?" Daichi asks with a slight tilt of his head. Kageyama meets his eyes before looking away again. "Because everything changed when you came out of nowhere. Like a fucking miracle or something. All of a sudden Sugawara isn't sitting around sad all day, suddenly Hinata is excited to visit, and best of all, four-eyes and Yamaguchi come up out of the blue. I go to school with them every day and play on a team with them every day and they avoid visiting. But somehow when you start coming around, they magically change their minds. What are you, magical?" He scoffs at the end.
Daichi has to stop and think about it for a moment. He wasn't wrong. He never thought of it like that before, though. As a result, he shrugs. "I guess I might be. If I am then I hope that it's a good thing," is his final answer.
They make their way out into the open, now faced with the streets of Japan and the bit of grass that was outside of the hospital. The flowers hung low as the cold weather killed them and the now drizzling rain beat them to death with heavy drops. Geez, when did my thoughts get so morbid? He shakes his head to clear the disturbing observation from his head. Beside him, Kageyama takes a deep breath and stares at the cloudy gray sky. "It smells nice out here…" he comments, quietly and thoughtfully, probably not intended for him to hear.
meanwhile, Daichi can't help but think about what Suga had said to him the previous night.
"I think you're the person I've been waiting on,"
"Been waiting on? Waiting on for...to do what?"
It stressed his mind more than he would've hoped. What was it that could make him the person he's been "waiting on"? And regardless...what was he waiting on someone for? To do...what? The nice smell Kageyama had pointed out was making his head hurt. He hated the rain.