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Yes, Warlock, There Is a Santa Claus

Summary:

Six-year-old Warlock is told by a kid at school that there's no such thing as Santa Claus. Luckily his Nanny and Brother Francis have a plan.

Notes:

Okay, this fic was inspired by one of those "true" stories that showed up on my face-book feed about a kid coming to his grandmother for answers when they started to question the existence of Santa. At first I laughed about the heavy-handed message and "Christmas Shoes" levels of saccharine ridiculousness. Then all of a sudden, it started rewriting itself as a Good Omens fic, and here we are. Happy Holidays, and I hope you enjoy this bit of tooth-rotting fluff, baked into sparkle-coated cookies, and dunked into a big sticky vat of hot chocolate.

Work Text:

Warlock swung his feet, staring as first one shoe then the other blocked his view of the big knot in the wood floorboard.  The laces of one shoe had come untied and the harder he swung that foot, the wilder the laces flew.  He liked this bench.  It was comfortingly familiar and at an optimal height for feet swinging.  He tried to let that make him feel better about the no-good day he was having.

When Nanny appeared at the end of the hallway, he breathed a huge sigh of relief.  If it had been Harriet (she insisted he call her Mommy but since she wasn’t here, he didn’t have to) he would have been in trouble, but Nanny was always on his side.

She swayed down the hall, stopping in front of his bench.

“Let’s see then” she said in her soft lilting voice and Warlock tilted his chin up, turning his head.  “Impressive.” Nanny nodded calmly.

Warlock grinned, then winced, reaching up to rub his swelling jaw, and winced again.

“Who was it?” Nanny’s voice took on a hiss and Warlock knew what that meant.

“Gerald” he said indignantly, playing out a little fantasy involving his nanny towering menacingly over his nemesis, then his shoulders drooped a little, “but I hit him first”.

Nanny nodded, satisfied, “Fair enough.  And why were we fighting with Gerald Hellspawn?  I thought we liked him.”

“He’s wrong.” Warlock frowned, his gaze dropping back to his shoelaces.

“I’m sure he is.” Nanny said, waiting patiently.

Warlock nodded his head, swinging his feet harder.

“What’s he wrong about?” Nanny touched his shoulder gently and Warlock could feel the tears pushing at his eyes, so he didn’t look up.

“He said there’s no such thing as Santa.”

He held his breath, waiting for Nanny’s reply.  She never lied to him, not like other grownups.  He wanted to know, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know right here in the hall, at school, where the other kids might see him.

His nanny made a noise that he knew meant she was pursing her lips, “Well that’s just ridiculous.”  Her voice was like the breeze on a hot day and he looked up into her face, to make sure she meant it.

“Now you wait right here.  Your headmaster wants to chat.” Nanny smiled a wide toothy grin that would have given other kids nightmares but told Warlock that he was safe.  

Despite himself, Warlock felt the edges of his mouth curling up a little.  Nanny was good at chatting with the headmaster.  She always won. 

*

“We knew this day would come.” Aziraphale was planting bulbs.  Every inch of him was covered to some degree in soil and smudges.  He looked very at home and okay with the state of things.  But this wasn’t okay.  Kids couldn’t just go around taking away other kid’s magic.

Crowley paced.  “He’s only six Angel!”

Aziraphale made a gentle noise of commiseration, patting the soil like a parent tucking in their child.

Crowley swung around to face the angel and planted himself, folding his arms.

“It’s time.”

Aziraphale looked up, scratching his nose, and leaving a fresh streak of dirt.

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

Crowley nodded.  Time to put their plan into motion.

*

Warlock felt better after his bath, snuggled into his bed in his softest pajamas.  Nanny had rubbed some of her special first aid cream on his jaw and everywhere else bruises were forming, and nothing hurt anymore.  He was just tired, and still a little worried.

“But Nanny, why would he say it if it isn’t true.”

Nanny looked up from the book she’d been reading him and folded her hands.  “Because he doesn’t understand.”

“Understand what?” Warlock propped himself up on his elbow.

“You’ll see.” Nanny closed the book and put it on the shelf.  “Now go to sleep, Hellspawn.  We have an important day tomorrow.”

Warlock didn’t think that was really an answer but knew better than to ask more questions right now.

“Will you sing me a lullaby Nanny?”

“Of course, dear.” The familiar exchange soothed Warlock’s brain almost as much as his nanny’s singing.  He drifted easily off to sleep with visions of monsters and world-annihilating fire dancing in his head.

*

Warlock had never ridden in Nanny’s car before.  It was very old and very special.  He kept the bottoms of his shoes on the floor where they belonged and didn’t leave any finger or nose prints on the glass.

She drove carefully and slowly to the store.

Warlock followed her inside, a little disappointed.  There wasn’t anything special about the store that he could see except there was Christmas music playing.  Nanny stopped inside the door, unsnapping her purse, and pulling out a fifty-pound note.

“Okay Hellspawn.” Nanny didn’t notice that her sunglasses had slipped down her nose and her super cool eyes were showing.  Warlock was mesmerized.  “This is for you.”

Warlock took the money, confused but interested. 

“I’m going to wait right here.” Nanny pointed to a bench by the door. “Your job is to find something for someone who needs it and buy it for them.”

“Huh?” Warlock was confused. 

“You and your family don’t have to worry about having the things you need.” Nanny said gently.

“Like clothing and food and toys and stuff you mean?” Warlock asked, thinking maybe he understood.

“Exactly.” Nanny nodded, “But I’m sure if you think about it a little bit, you’ll find that you know someone who doesn’t have everything they need.”

Warlock nodded his head slowly, starting to feel very important.  “Okay!  You wait there.  How much time do I have?”

“As long as it takes Hellspawn.” Nanny settled down on the bench.

“Okay!” Warlock gripped the money in one hand, waved with his other, then turned with all the purpose of a hero of old, ready to begin his great quest.

At first, he felt overwhelmed.  There was so much to see, so many people.  He tried to think of somebody he knew who needed something, but his friends were like him, they had all the things they needed. 

He walked through the aisles getting more and more worried that he would have to go back to Nanny and ask for help.  He started to feel frustrated.  It was hot in the store and his coat was uncomfortable, and his gloves didn’t fit in his pockets and… and then he knew what he wanted to buy.  A coat!  A coat for Molly.  Molly needed a coat.  She never went out at recess.  She told the teacher she had a cough, but all the kids knew she didn’t have a cough.  She just didn’t have a coat!  Almost dizzy with excitement Warlock squeezed the money tighter in his hand and marched up to a tall person wearing a vest that meant they worked at the store.

“Could you tell me where the coats are please?” he asked in his best grown-up voice.

“Uh, sure.” The clerk looked around, “Are you… is your parent with you?”

Warlock felt proud. “My nanny is waiting for me at the door.  I need to buy a coat for Molly because she doesn’t have one and if she has one, she can play with us at recess and Nanny said to take this money and buy somebody something that they need.  Warlock raised the hand with the fifty-pound note.  “And I didn’t know what to get at first but now I do so, I need to know where the coats are.”

The clerk smiled and pointed, “Down that way dear.”

“Thankyou!” Warlock called, setting off at a sprint.

There were so many to choose from, so many colors and styles.  There were long ones, short ones, ones with hoods, zippers, buttons, big pockets, little pockets.

Warlock knew Molly was kind of the same size as him but taller, so he tried some on, standing on his tippy toes to see if they’d fit her. It was hard because he had to put his own coat on the floor, and it wasn’t easy to do all the zippers and buttons himself.  But he knew it was going to be worth it.  

Then he remembered last time they drew pictures at school, Molly’d used a lot of yellow, so he looked until he found a yellow coat that was a little long for him and had a fluffy hood.  It had big pockets so she could fill them with rocks and sticks and things, and it was really soft inside.

He wanted to cry it was so perfect.  She was going to love it!

He found the checkout, hugging the coat tight as he stood in line.  She was going to be so warm in this perfect coat, and he’d found it for her all by himself!

When it was his turn to pay, he pushed the coat proudly up onto the counter and even more proudly reach the crumpled fifty pound note up beside it.

The cashier leaned over the check-out to see him and smiled.  “Is this for you then?” he asked.

“No” Warlock grinned back.  “I have this coat.” He raised his arms out to the sides to show off his own coat. “It’s for Molly.  She doesn’t have a coat and I found her a coat and now she can go out for recess and put treasures in the pockets, and she doesn’t have to stay inside anymore.”

“Ah, I see, a present then.” The cashier scanned the tag and looked at the money Warlock had left on the counter.  “Perfect” he said with another smile and tucked the fifty- pound note into the register.  “Would you like a bag for that young man?”

“Yes, thank you.” Warlock answered politely then grinned as the man reached across the counter to hand him a big bag with handles.

Warlock was too focused on holding the bag high enough that it didn’t drag on the floor to see the cashier wipe at his eyes before turning to help the next customer.  And then he spotted Nanny by the door and waved excitedly, hurrying to her.

“Well?” she asked, smiling with anticipation, and Warlock pulled the coat out of the bag.

“Tadaaaa!!”

“Oh, that’s lovely.” She inspected his treasure appreciatively.  “Is it for little Molly?”

“Yes!” Warlock gasped happily. “How did you know?”

Nanny waved her hand the way she did when she wasn’t going to explain something. 

“Well done.  Now on to phase two.”

Warlock struggled the coat back into the bag as Nanny stood up.  He couldn’t wait for phase two!

*

Warlock pulled another long piece of tape off the roll, tongue between his teeth as he wrapped it around the package then stood back to admire his work.  The coat was now hidden inside layers of shiny gold and red paper and more than a little bit of tape.  It was a bulky, squishy shape that had been very hard to wrap, but you definitely couldn’t tell what was inside it now.  Nanny had helped him spell Molly’s name, but he’d written it all by himself on a gift tag stuck to the top, and Brother Francis had given him a long piece of sparkly ribbon to tie around it.  He knew it was rude to say, but he thought it was much prettier than any of the presents his parents had for their friends, waiting under the cold blue and silver tree in the big house.

“Now what?” he asked Nanny.

“Now we wait for the sun to go down, and then we go for another drive.”

*

It felt like the day lasted forever, but finally the sun started to set and when Warlock asked for what felt like the thousandth time if it was time to go, Nanny told him it was.  

Warlock waved goodbye to Brother Francis and, hugging his beautiful present tight, climbed back into Nanny’s car. 

She drove carefully through the darkening streets and Warlock started to count Christmas lights on the houses they passed. 

Nanny parked the car a couple blocks from Molly’s house, and they walked sneakily the rest of the way. 

There was a sort of wild hedge along the side of the road by Molly’s house and Nanny crouched down behind it.  Warlock scrunched down too and looked up at her, waiting.  He was pretty sure this was the most exciting thing he’d ever done.  His Nanny’s face was in shadow and she looked very mysterious.  

“Are we going to give her the present now?” Warlock whispered.

Nanny nodded. “But we don’t want her to know where it came from.”

Warlock lost a little of his excitement. “But I got it special for her.”

Nanny nodded. “Yes, but sometimes it’s even more special to give someone something without them knowing it’s from you.”  

Warlock wasn’t sure if he believed that, but he was willing to give it a try.

“The trick…” his Nanny was saying, “… is to not be seen.  So, you want to sneak over there, leave it, ring the doorbell, then run back here without getting caught.  You’ll have to be fast and very quiet.”   

Warlock nodded, tucking his feet under him, his heart starting to pound in his chest.  “Okay.”

A car passed, and another, their headlights sweeping past Molly’s front door.  He watched his nanny, realizing she was waiting for a break in the traffic. 

As darkness settled around them, Nanny tapped his shoulder with a whispered, “Okay now!”

Warlock darted out from the cover of the hedge, launched himself up the walk, tip toed up the stairs, and set the present very carefully in front of the door.  He couldn’t find a doorbell and started to panic but then inspiration struck.  Taking a deep breath, he pulled off one of his gloves, pounded on the door as hard as he could, then leapt off the porch, darting back out to the street, and skidded down beside his Nanny.

She gave him a thumbs-up and he grinned, his heart pounding in his ears.  This was fun. 

He tried to catch his breath, shifting to get the best view through the holes in the hedge.

They didn’t have long to wait.  The porch light flicked on, lighting up the gift like a spotlight, then the door creaked open and Molly’s dad squinted out.  He glanced around then down, and Warlock couldn’t help the little squeal that escaped him.  Luckily another car passed just then, and his excitement was drowned out by its engine.

Molly appeared behind her dad, peeking around his side, and Warlock had a perfect view of her face when she saw the big sparkly present with her name on it.  He would never forget how her eyes got big and started to shine with excitement as she crouched down to get a closer look. 

Her father also knelt down, giving the present a cautious poke and turning it over a couple times before nodding to her.  Despite the chill in the air, she sat down on the welcome mat and carefully untied the ribbon.

Warlock bounced from one foot to the other, using all his self-control to not pop up and yell at her to rip the package open already.

She didn’t rip it.  She found each piece of tape he’d stuck on and pulled it just as carefully off, but finally the paper fell away and the coat sprang free across her lap in all yellow fluffy glory. 

She stared at it, then up at her father, her mouth a big O, and Warlock let out the breath he’d been holding.   As Molly’s Dad helped her into the coat, she beamed up at him, and he beamed back at her.  Standing in the porch light in the soft, warm, yellow coat with the big pockets, Molly twirled and laughed and hugged her father and Warlock grinned up at his Nanny.

“She likes it.” He whispered, his eyes filling with happy tears. 

“She does.” Nanny whispered back with a nod of approval.  “Our work here is done.”

All the way home Warlock thought about it and decided that Nanny was right.  That had been way better than just handing someone a present.     

*

Warlock jumped out of the car and began a careening run across the driveway only to slide to a halt as he saw the path of lanterns leading across the darkened lawns to Brother Francis’s cottage.  Nanny appeared at his side and as they stood, snowflakes began to drift lightly down around them.

Warlock’s face glowed in the candlelight.  “It’s so magical.” He breathed. 

Crowley smiled.  Nobody could say the angel didn’t know how to create atmosphere.  The snow was a nice touch.

“Do you think we should follow them?” Crowley asked, indicating the candles. 

Warlock nodded.  “I think Brother Francis wants us to come visit.”

Crowley nodded as well, “I think you’re right”. 

Warlock took his nanny’s hand and started along the candle-lit path under the stars that peaked out around the clouds.  “I think this is the best day of my life.” He said seriously.

Crowley definitely didn’t feel his own heart do anything as cliche as glow in response to the contentment the boy was radiating.

They knocked on the door and Aziraphale answered with a beaming smile.  Even in his guise as Brother Francis, that smile could light the coldest night.  Crowley could have sworn he could see the angel’s halo, but then he stepped aside, drawing them inside, and Crowley realized it was just that the cottage was aglow with a ridiculous amount of candles.

Warlock looked around, a little subdued in his awe.

“Brother Francis, it’s beautiful!”

Aziraphale exchanged a grin with Crowley over the child’s head, then took on an earnest expression.  Walking to the center of the room, he produced a scroll.  The paper was old and tied with a golden cord.

“Young Master Warlock.” He said in a serious tone that caught the boy’s full attention.  “Today you have joined the ranks of a very special company.  You are now, and forever will be, one of Santa’s helpers here on Earth.” With perhaps a touch more drama than necessary, he unrolled the scroll to show Warlock the shining gold writing of the document.  “You are charged with keeping the magic alive in this world and bringing joy to those who need it the most.  Do you accept the responsibility of this assignment?”

Warlock’s eyes were bright and big as he nodded solemnly.

“Wonderful.” From the same place as the scroll, Aziraphale produced an old quill pen, handing it to Warlock. 

The child gingerly signed his name, forming each letter more carefully than either of his caregivers had ever seen him do before.  When he was finished, Aziraphale blew across the ink and for a moment, it seemed to sparkle.  He rolled the scroll back up, tying it with the cord, and Warlock’s eyes were very big as he accepted the document from the angel.

“Well done my young friend!” Aziraphale beamed, “Congratulations!” He shook the little boy’s hand and patted his back and Crowley stepped up to do the same and suddenly the candlelight seemed brighter and the air of seriousness dissipated. 

“And now.” Aziraphale continued. “You must tell me all about it!”

They each tucked into their favorite chairs and Aziraphale passed around a plate of cookies that miraculously replenished itself while Crowley and Warlock related their evening’s adventure.

*

Three immortal beings sat around the small fireplace.  Mugs of hot cocoa steamed, and toes and fingers were warmed.

“He’s a good boy.” The newcomer said, resettling his fluffy red cap and gloves in his lap.

The tall spindly demon with his backside practically in the fire growled while the angel in the armchair preened.  “He is my dear, there’s no denying that.”

The demon crossed his arms but nodded.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask.” The demon began, turning to the angel. “You took care of the rest…?”

“Oh!” the angel beamed. “That’s the best part.  The cashier wouldn’t let me pay the balance.  He said it was his treat.  Wouldn’t take another penny”

“Hmmm.” The demon grunted but there was a glimmer in his eye as well.  

They chatted about this and that until the one dressed all in fur finally rose, stretching enormously and gazing regretfully at the toasty fire as he pulled his boots back on. 

“Well, it’s been lovely as always, but I really must be getting along now.  Lots to do and only one night to do it.”

The other two nodded, following him to the door of the little cottage as he donned cap and gloves. 

The snow still fluttered delicately through the air, but the large boots left no prints in the grass.  Halfway across the lawn he turned, waving, and called in a rich, warm voice.  “Thanks for the cocoa, and thankyou both for keeping the magic alive!”

Crowley joined Aziraphale to wave at the door.  The night air was chilly, and the stars were bright.

Angel and demon wrapped their arms around themselves, both secretly wishing their arms were wrapped around each other, and watched the sky, waiting.

*

Up in his room in the big house, Warlock was fast asleep.  He didn’t see the flying sleigh, or the man with the snow-white beard who drove it.  He didn’t even hear the bells.  But he didn’t need to.  He believed anyway.