Chapter Text
For some reason, Beth felt that her unexplainable luck was running out.
The fact that she managed to escape Dawn's claws with Noah and without getting caught was a miracle. She knew that. She wasn't stupid. The rest of their mission was like shooting in the dark because there was nothing but bodies and burned houses when they arrived at her friend's old community. A part of the girl, even if a small one, hoped it would be different.
Beth's year at Grady Memorial left her desperate for safety, for a place where she didn't have to look over the shoulders of both of them all the time. However, the more she walked through that no-man's-land, the more she reinforced her new belief that such a place didn't exist.
In times like that, Greene found herself thinking about the others if they had survived. If he had survived, of course he did. She would have known if Daryl Dixon was dead. She would have felt it.
You are acting stupid, Beth . The voice of her conscience - which for some reason, is very similar to Maggie's voice - hints at the back of her mind, and she needs to shake her head to dispel the thought. The last time Beth saw him, at the funerary home the walkers invaded, Daryl told her to run, and she, being an idiotic girl, obeyed.
There is not a single day where Greene doesn't regret that decision. Even if they had both died, at least she wouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty and the guilty. Sometimes, when she closes her eyes in the silence of the night, it is almost as if she could feel him on the other side of the invisible thread that connects them.
Where did you go? Beth founds herself questioning in thought. Why didn't you found me, like you said you would?.
And soon after, she feels stupid and selfish. She should be thinking about her sister, mourning her. But it is hard because it is not Maggie's face that the girl sees when she closes her eyes. It's not with her that Beth always dreams. It's always him, him, him. His voice, his advice, his absence haunting Beth at every second of every fucking day.
She pushes the frustration away from her mind by rubbing her face with an open palm.
Beth and Noah camped in the woods that night, and he slept curled up next to the tiny fire. There were only a few things Beth was grateful for those days, but her best friend was definitely one of them.
She felt petty and inadequate for sitting there, feeling sorry for herself and rambling about a man who's probably dead by now. He's not . The girl's stubborn part insists, and she sighs, giving up. While she's too busy being a walking mess, Noah moves on, even after losing his entire family in the massacre that destroyed his whole community.
The insect's noise and Beth's heavy conscience are enough to keep her awake. But there is nothing to be done about the daydreams. She cannot stop the fact that her own mind sabotages her, bringing memories of him .
Greene never believed in destiny or considered herself a hopeless romantic. The girl knows that she survived by her own merits and that she is more than capable of keep doing so. Beth would never let her life revolve around someone else, but the girl wishes she had said goodbye.
'' Are you alright?''. Noah's voice got the girl by surprise, and she pulled the knife from her belt automatically, only stopping herself a second later.
''Yeah, I'm okay, go back to sleep''.
"You're crying." Her friend points out, making an emphatic gesture towards her face.
Greene's unable to mask her own surprise when she touches the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand and feels tears rolling down on her skin.
'' That's nothing ''. She replies, apparently too late because Noah is already wide awake.
'' Don't worry. We'll make it. ''. Noah reassures her, and she nods, relieved that the boy thinks their precarious situation is the reason behind her tears.
Of course, he knows everything about Daryl and the rest of her old group. Beth told him everything when they were at Grady Memorial, sharing their motivations to escape that hell.
In the end, the two of them decided to go to Washington because, honestly, what other option they had?. It was just a few miles, and it couldn't be worse than where they are now.
There is no more food anywhere, and Beth's skills as a hunter weren't anywhere near good. They survived with fruits, forest roots, and a mixture of expired powdered milk with poorly filtered water that she tries very hard not to think on.
Hunger is not even the most challenging part. Because, with it, the body gets used.
The real problem is the other people. A few weeks ago, a man attacked Beth on the road while Noah scavenged nearby houses for supplies. The pain of having her head thrown violently against a car window almost made Greene pass out, but luckily, she was quick enough to put a shard of glass on her attacker's throat while he was distracted, trying to pull her pants off.
The more memorable event, however, happened three nights ago. A couple tried to steal their stuff when they camped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Beth broke the woman's neck, but the guy accompanying her put a knife to her throat. Noah killed him. It was the first time that her best friend killed. They haven't talked about it yet.
''Sleep, Noah. I'll wake you up on your turn to keep watch ''. She declares, standing up to take a walk around the perimeter they've established.
Noah raises an eyebrow as if he is about to contradict Beth. Then he seems to think better and ends up giving in.
Beth never thought she would miss Georgia's weather, but the damp heat of home is better than that suffocating air that made her feel like she was cooking inside out. Noah's situation wasn't much better than hers. Beth could hear his erratic breathing from where she was standing.
They have been walking since the sun came out on the horizon. Now on the road off the main route, Greene keeps looking over her shoulder all the time because grass took over the coasting.
Her neck burns under the scorching sun, and her lips are so dry that she can feel the skin breaking. Despite this, Beth refuses to pass out. She cannot afford that luxury now when they are so exposed.
"Beth, are you okay?".
Noah asks, and she realizes that she stopped in the middle of the road, resting both hands on the top of her knees. Beth nods in response because she doesn't know if she'll have the strength to speak.
At this point, the sound of the undead following them doesn't even bother her anymore. The wind carries their rancid scent, and if her stomach weren't already empty, she would certainly throw up.
Some stray walkers stumble out of the tall grass, and she picks up the pace, grabbing Noah by the back of his shirt to drag him with her. He limps and trips over the asphalt, knocking them both down when one of the dead pulls his arm. Luckily, Beth already has her knife between her fingers and slides the blade through the rotten skull of the biter.
"You have to run. I'm just going to slow you down, Beth, run. Please." Noah's words make her tense her jaw and move her head stubbornly in denial. She will not make the same mistake twice.
With immense effort, Beth helps Noah to his feet, and they move, walkers close behind. Luckily, the road opens at a fork after a few meters, showing the beginning of a residential area. Greene's sigh of relief almost overwhelms them again, but she manages to go further, locating an old supermarket at the end of the block.
'' Hold on, Noah. Just for a little longer ''. She whispers, tightening her arm around the boy's body.
Stumbling, they reach the employees' entrance, where Beth props Noah on a pillar to open the door. She needs three well-aimed kicks before facing the moldy darkness inside the establishment.
They don't even have a damn flashlight, but they also can't risk it out there any longer. Beth blocks the door behind with a crate full of empty glass bottles, dropping her best friend on a pile of boxes to inspect the best she can. She didn't have taken five steps into the room before she felt the cold barrel of a gun against the back of her neck.
"Hands up, I don't want to hurt you, but I'm not taking any chances either. '' The unknown male voice informed her, and she took a slow breath.
Beth no longer was the naive farm girl or the optimistic idiot of the prison. She ate the bread the devil kneaded at Dawn's hands and learned how to fight back.
She doesn't wait for half a second to hit her elbow in the son of a bitch's head, making the pistol fly away, hitting the floor. He swears in the gloom, and Beth turns to punch him in the face. After so many months of planning an escape in the elevator shafts of Grady Memorial, she became really good at distinguishing shapes in the dark.
Noah, always quick, already took the unknown man's gun and handed it to her.
'' If you do anything that harms us, I'll blow your face ''. Beth says, stepping on his chest and keeping the pistol pointed at his head.
" I won't. " The stranger replies, sincere enough to make her put the gun down.
'' Good. I know that a lot of people like to kill, but that is not our thing ''.
"It is a relief to hear that."
'' Do you have a flashlight or something?''. She asks, helping Noah to sit down again.
" In my left pocket."
Beth turned on the flashlight after taking the said thing, letting the beam of light illuminate her hostage's face. He is a relatively young man, with brown hair and the well-groomed appearance of someone who has a place to stay and does not need to be wandering like them.
In a way or another, this is none of Beth's business. She stopped believing in the kindness of strangers a long time ago.
'' There's a herd coming. As soon as the walkers are gone, we're leaving too, and you can also go on your way ''.
She sits down next to Noah, passing the gun to him and grabbing their backpack to inspect it. They have half a packet of powdered milk, a bottle of unfiltered water, tape, and aspirin.
" We are screwed," Noah speaks, following the flashlight with his eyes.
Beth closes the backpack and leans her back against the wall.
'' No, we'll find something ''.
"You should have left me behind. You would have more chance without my dead weight holding you back".
'' Don't be an asshole. You're all I have ''.
"Your bad luck then. ''
Despite her tiredness, Beth smiles at his stupid attempt to joke about their precarious situation. She doesn't care about the fact that a stranger is listening to the conversation. In a few hours, they will be following different paths.
"Sleep, Beth. I'll wake you up on your turn to keep watch."
She's so exhausted that she can't find the strength to refuse and end up lying on the dusty floor, with her face towards the wall. It has been so long since she had the opportunity to sleep in the dark that she practically pass out, her sleep lulled by the sound of the wails of the dead outside.
They are sitting on opposite sides of the table, him and she. The soft afternoon light seeping through a dirty window made his blue eyes look like steel.
"You came back, again. '' Daryl Dixon tells her, and despite the neutral expression on his face, the recrimination is there, implied in his voice.
Beth knows she's dreaming, she only has that kind of clarity when she is not awake, but she raises her chin defiantly anyway and swallows the lump in her throat because they're here, in the funerary home in the middle of the forest.
Beth needs to give her subconscious some points because everything about the dream is perfect. There are deep lines of exhaustion sinking into Daryl's face, but he's sitting on the chair in a carefree way, with one foot on the seat and the elbow at the top of one knee.
'' It's not my fault if I miss you ''.
All the time. Beth wants to say but ends up restraining herself. So much so that sometimes, there is no room for anything else.
"Tssc, when I sent you out, it was because I wanted you to live. " Daryl's voice is hoarse when he scolds her, and as she feels that she can wake up at any moment, she holds on tight to the edges of the dream.
"I'm nobody, Beth. 'You should know better than to keep coming back here."
'' But you are, for me you are ''. She replies, on the verge of panic, she never left that house, to begin with. She cannot escape her regret, and she thinks that there is no greater punishment than this.
Daryl stares at Beth like he can't really understand her, and then she wakes up on the cold floor of a market, with Noah's whispered voice echoing between the walls.
"... We were in this place, a hospital, the woman in charge ... She was a bitch. The beatings didn't bother me, but she practically handed Beth over to some guys who, well, you can deduce what they wanted to do with her, so we ran away. It wasn't easy, and I know I couldn't have done it without Beth. She takes care of us both ".
"Where I come from, that kind of thing doesn't happen, this I can assure you. "
She listens to the conversation in silence, without giving the slightest sign that she's awake. It doesn't look good. Noah is too naive. Beth will not allow them to end up at another Grady Memorial. The memory of Dawn's heavy hand and Gorman's nasty smiles remain too fresh in her memory.
Greene turns around suddenly, rising from the floor with the knife in hand.
''What are you saying to him? ''. She demands to know, and the stranger raises his arms, surrendered. Behind her, Noah asks her to calm down.
"I ... I come from a community, high walls, electricity, we accept people, and you both seem to be excellent candidates".
For a moment, Beth thinks about putting the knife in his face and ending this, but she and Noah are tired, their lives on the line, her luck is running out, and maybe, this is their last chance.
"When I told you to get out, it was because I wanted you to live." Daryl's words in her dream make the decision that she hopes will be the right one.
" What's your name? ".
Beth doesn't know if she should answer for the camera or the woman in front of her, but she's so distracted by the aspect of the room that she can barely care.
Everything is so clean and new. Beth is the only thing out of place, filthy and exhausted.
She can see her own face in a mirror behind the shelf, her bones prominent from the lack of food, the ugly scar on her forehead, her cracked and stained with dried blood lips. Beth should look at herself and be ashamed, but she's not. Her eyes are still blue. Her heart is still beating.
She's still herself, beneath the layer of dirt and horror.
She survived.
When the stranger on the road, Aaron, talked about bringing them to his community, she had doubts. But now, sitting in a comfortable chair with Deanna's encouraging smile, Beth thinks she really made the right decision.
'' Elizabeth ''. She says after a second of hesitation.
Beth thinks about her journey from the farm until Alexandria. Greene recalls every decision she made, everything she has lost, and all she left behind. Of course, she thinks about him, in the way she will never see him again and how it hurts.
Daryl is gone. Frayed memories and a lot of regrets are all Beth has.
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth raises her head.
'' My name is Elizabeth Dixon, but you can call me Beth ''.