Work Text:
YangMi logged in on her burner account to check a certain supertopic. She had not seen either of them outside except when they had to perform and receive an award, and she knew that they were supposed to sit somewhere near her because she asked, in the most subtle way that she could without drawing out suspicions that she had been asking specifically for their seating arrangement.
It did not surprise her that Xiao Zhan chose to stay backstage after his performance, though not for the ridiculous reason she had heard some of her fellow actors say. Xiao Zhan had always been polite and considerate, and she was aware that he had done it out of courtesy for the rest of the performers. The audience, which was largely composed of his fans, would most likely not be able to focus once he was outside. Xiao Zhan had probably taken up the offer of staying behind, and had decided not to appear unless he was required to do so.
YangMi had swallowed down the urge to interrupt the gossip backstage to share her input. It would be strange, she supposed, to suddenly defend an actor she hadn't publicly interacted with. She had just stared at the nameless rookie actor, committing his face in her memory to make sure she would never work alongside him. He had a lot to say. Maybe, he also had something to say about her. YangMi hated that kind of person so much.
Also, a couple of actors had been missing as well after they walked down the red carpet and performed. YangZi didn't go back on the floor too, so why only target Xiao Zhan?
Months had already passed since then but it seemed antis were still running around.
Aside from Xiao Zhan and YangZi, Yibo had been gone as well. YangMi was aware that actors who had to perform had the choice to stay in their dressing rooms to prepare for their wardrobe change or have last minute practices, but Yibo didn't need to perform until near the end of the event. He had no reason to hide too, but he did, and YangMi wouldn't be a self-proclaimed proud cpf if she wouldn't fill the gaps with some help of her imagination.
Ah, backstage romance , she had thought, slightly giddy.
YangMi scrolled through the supertopic. It had been a while since she had done this. As expected, several shots of them, standing on the same stage, had been posted by fansites. She couldn't even be bothered that the rest of them— including her, had been either blurred or cropped out, because honestly, she wasn't there to look at herself. She had her own supertopic for that.
It had been a quick affair— the presentation of the Tencent Video VIP Stars. They were herded by several staff to crouch on the platform, and she was too busy in making sure she wasn't stepping on others' dresses, that she was on the right spot. It didn't occur to her that Yibo would be standing beside her until he settled on the empty side on her left, and when she briefly turned to check, the man had his neck craned to look beyond the two actresses.
He was looking at Xiao Zhan. Of course, he was. Yibo had greeted her politely when their eyes met after the man had deemed that Xiao Zhan had fully settled in his place. After he made some vague gesture to the man who had been hovering behind Xiao Zhan, attentive and eagle eyed. Now, as YangMi went through several snaps taken before their platform rose, through several fans' captions, she learned that the man was indeed, Yibo's longtime and trusted bodyguard. He wasn't Xiao Zhan's person, and yet. And yet .
Yibo really took great care of Xiao Zhan, huh?
YangMi left a thumbs up on one comment that said their combined team felt like a family. YangMi wouldn't be surprised if the bodyguard needed no prompting to assist Xiao Zhan.
She continued to scroll idly, leaving more likes in her wake. She saw snaps of that one time she did look, and she didn't need any confirmation but she still read the analysis made by a fan to prove that Yibo had been really looking at Xiao Zhan. She didn't remember smiling but it appeared that she did, the corner of her lips were lifted for a fraction as her eyes bounced from Yibo to the front.
She was terrible at this, she mused. She was supposed to be an actress, capable of keeping a straight face, but it was not everyday that she could witness a love this big and genuine. Certainly not in their industry.
YangMi moved to another set of pictures, nodding in satisfaction when they had also captured Xiao Zhan looking at Yibo's general direction. It felt like a drama now—YangMi was certain she played a character who had to content herself with stolen glances at one point of her career. She forgot how it ended for her character but it didn't matter, she only wished that it would go well for them, for the people whose affection wasn't based on a continuously revised script.
The banners. Yes, the banners. YangMi had seen them earlier from where she was seated, but up there, directly facing the crowd, the first thing that she noticed was the yellow led banners. It was very eye-catching. She knew the meaning of some of them— she was lowkey proud of that, terribly amused as she zoomed in to look closely at Yifan's bewildered expression while he read the words.
The banners on their right were extremely funny since it only contained a list of food with no indication on what it meant whatsoever, like an inside joke shared only within the fandom. She remembered the lost look on Yifan's face when he turned to her, managing not to laugh at that as she swiftly managed to steer his attention away from the 3+2 biscuits.
She had thought she was slick. She had thought she was subtle in her attempts. She had remembered thinking that if she would turn her head slightly towards her left, it would look like she was just surveying the crowd, and not checking on Yibo whose side profile she had already been familiar with. She thought she had successfully sneaked a peek at the younger actor, but as she clicked at a compilation of her doing exactly just that, well, at least she tried.
She didn't change much, did she? This user also included some of the snaps of her eyeing the two actors who seemed lost in their own world. It was so much easier last year, she reminisced, not the ogling part, but with the way they interacted and how relaxed they both were. After everything that happened, like most of the cpfs, she was just glad that they allowed themselves to appear together again.
The rest of the posted pictures on the supertopic were just Xiao Zhan and Yibo resolutely looking everywhere but each other, or them glancing at each other though never at the same time. It was as if it had been planned all along— Yibo would look at Xiao Zhan first and the latter could do the same after he was certain that he was already facing the front again.
The most liked posts all had these exact moments captured, with each shot as devastating—heartbreaking as the next one, even though the only thing that changed was the angle. This time, unlike the previous shots when they were still crouched down, the expression that they had worn was clear for everyone to see.
How could someone hold so much yearning in just a single look? Where was the bright, young actor who had stubbornly gravitated towards Xiao Zhan's space just to chatter? Where was Xiao Zhan who had indulged Yibo, smile turning less perfunctory, more fond, as he nodded to whatever Yibo was saying?
They looked at each other as if they just saw each other for the first time on that night, like they couldn't help but to check whether they were really there, standing with only a few steps separating them. It was almost unconscious, the way they did it. No matter how stiff they stood, how they tried to ignore each other's presence, there seemed to be a compelling force that pushed them to just look.
There was some type of longing on their gazes that made somewhere within her hurt. How could you still long for someone who had already been yours?
YangMi had believed that they were together because this, you couldn't easily fake this.
Fansites had managed to capture them leaving the stage as the platform was lowered. Pictures and clips of Yibo as he hurried towards Xiao Zhan's direction were recorded, but the clip ended before they could even see Yibo walk past Xiao Zhan to stand directly in front of him. She didn't understand why he had done that before but now, while the short clip played on loop, it dawned to her that Yibo deliberately chose a spot where the camera wouldn't reach him.
Yibo had waited for Xiao Zhan without a single word. When everyone had gotten off the platform, Yibo slightly bowed at them, his seniors, as they began to disperse. YangMi had lingered a bit for obvious reasons, watching in the corner of her eyes as Yibo exchanged a couple of words with LiYing before walking away with Xiao Zhan falling a step behind him, his tall and slim figure swallowed by Yibo's entourage of bodyguards. YangMi wouldn't be able to tell where Xiao Zhan's people started and ended because it looked like they effortlessly merged with Yibo's.
"You are checking them out again, aren't you?" YangMi lifted her eyes from the screen to meet her manager's inquisitive eyes. She shrugged in lieu of a reply, turning her phone off and throwing it on her lap, figuring that she had already seen the posts that mattered.
"You know you could just ask about them, right?" Her manager continued. "Use your connections. I know some people, if you don't want to do it yourself."
"Forget about it." YangMi replied, followed by a soft sigh. She tried to make herself comfortable on the carseat, pushing a button so her seat would recline at her desirable angle. When she turned to look, her manager still had her eyes on her so she tilted her head to the side to escape it, choosing to look at the blurred landscapes beyond her window. She didn't even remember where they were headed at.
"You could ask Da-laoshi again. He is close to Yibo."
"Forget about it." She repeated, hearing fatigue in her own voice. "I'm content with this. It's fun."
"You're a celebrity. Use it for your advantage. You're acting like a normal fan, losing sleep over them."
That was the problem, wasn't it? Not her chasing a pairing?
"What are my schedules for today?" YangMi asked. She closed her eyes when the view started to give her a headache. "Do I need to look pretty?"
Her manager stayed silent for a long time, no doubt sensing her sarcasm. She couldn't help it, she was aware that she was just doing her job but hearing her say that today hit differently. Maybe she'd apologize to her later, when her mind was much clearer.
"You have a magazine photoshoot, and two ads. You also need to film a couple of short clips for some brands and events. After that, we're going back to the filming site."
Ah, the yearning. The thought came unbidden. It's not a matter of being in a relationship, or having to see each other. In their industry, you were always bound to be busy, your schedule filled to the brim. It's not that they look and act like they had just seen each other for the first time on that day, but it probably leaned more on the fact that they just had not enough chances to meet in all these months. They were probably just unconsciously trying to get their fill of each other before they separate again, and wasn't that just cruel?
"You should sleep. I'll wake you up when we get there."
YangMi hummed, immediately losing track of her train of thoughts. Maybe she would take that offer and contact Da-laoshi again, or maybe she wouldn't.