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“again. from the top!” chan panted out, wiping the beads of sweat from his temple. “we’re not leaving until we get at least the dance part for the bridge right you guys.” numerous groans accompanied ensued.
“but channie hyung~ we’ve already been here all day and we’ve perfected most of it now,” the maknae panted out. he was a mess on the floor with his legs sprawled out as he tried to cool down from the intense dance routine they repeated a billion times. jeongin tried his best to never complain, so voicing out his thoughts definitely showed how tired they all were.
one member found himself struggling more so than usual.
“felix, what’s going on? you’re usually on top of your game during practice,” minho turned his body that was leaning on the wall near the speakers to face his dongsaeng.
“that’s true, i’ve also noticed that you made a lot of mistakes today buddy, are you okay?” chan asked.
“um i’m fine, i’m sorry i keep messing up. i’ll try harder hyungs,” felix quickly apologized, bowing his head down subtly in embarassment. “i think i just need a few more sessions to catch up, remember?” he added, hoping they’d understand his predicament.
‘i need to pick this dance up faster, i’m falling behind... i can’t let them leave me behind, no matter what,’ felix thought nervously as he bit his lip.
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
i guess it was easier said than done.
“felix what the hell?!” changbin yelled out in frustration. after spending many hours with his 3racha members and not having much sleep, to having a hectic practice day, he was definitely not feeling so great.
everyone was stretched thin and the sour mood in the practice room was only amplified by the members panting, groaning, and occasional yelling in frustration.
“you made the same mistake like a million times and we told you to correct it already!” hyunjin yelled angrily.
“chan said we can’t leave until we get this bit right, are you even trying?” hyunjin continued as he squinted his eyes in annoyance at the shorter member.
ouch... ok, that hurt.
are you even trying?
i guess hearing those words from someone you had non-platonic feelings for would hurt more than other people saying it.
“change of plans,” chan spoke out as he made eye contact with felix.
it wasn’t easy, the new choreography they had to learn was something very different. simply having the will to do flawlessly could only do so much. felix needed more time to fully memorize his moves, just like anyone practicing anything new.
felix’s lungs were still burning for air from the dance. but the disappointment in chan’s eyes... it was so strong that he felt his own ears turn red from embarrassment and his stomach twisted in an uncomfortable way. this type of pain felt worse than the pain in his lungs.
“it would be unfair to keep punishing the group for only one person’s mistakes, so everyone else can go but felix. felix you gotta stay back and make sure you’ve perfected your parts. now is not the time for slacking off,” chan said strictly, he only wanted what was best for his members and despite how harsh he seemed. if being strict meant they’d get shit done to work hard and make stay proud, then so be it.
“i understand hyung,” he said, voice drenched in fatigue. he was too drained to explain why he made so many mistakes since the previous comments he made fell on deaf ears.
“and make sure to record it and send it to me afterwards so i know you practiced, then you’ll show me again first thing tomorrow alright?”
“yes hyung.”
all members sans chan, changbin and hyunjin hugged felix and bid him goodbye before they left. they felt too irritated to give felix a proper goodbye.
as the door closed, a lone tear made its journey down a down casted face.
the lone member turned around and pressed play, heavy pants drowned out by the sound of the booming music as he began the dance sequence again.
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
the members wasted no time getting into their designated cars to go home, take showers and sleep.
“hyung don’t you think you were a little too harsh with felix earlier?” han asked quietly.
“no,” chan responded. “he needs to practice sungie. you saw the amount of mistakes he made.”
“well yeah but it’s expected, i mean he-“
“not now jisung please, can we talk about this later? i’m beat,” chan said, voice tired and overused as leaned his head into the cold window of the car, letting the whirring of the engine lull him to a light nap before they got home.
jisung sighed outwardly.
the members minus felix arrived home and took showers before collapsing onto their beds. before you knew it, everyone was out like a light.
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
“morning,” jeongin said groggily as he waddled into the kitchen, rocking the latest hairstyle, bird’s nest.
“morning innie~ did our little maknae sleep well~,” changbin began. pinching his cheek as he sat on the kitchen table to help himself to the breakfast chan already made.
“our little maknae!! you’re so cute aigoo- you look like sweet bread personified you know?” changbin continued.
“hyung stop, i will bite you,” jeongin threatened jokingly as he tried to save his cheeks from changbin’s aunty-like pinches by softly trying to swat his hands away with fail.
“ah yes we practiced a lot yesterday,” chan walked into the kitchen, phone in hand as he talked to their dance choreographer on speaker.
“that’s great! well done for controlling those boys channie, they’re definitely a handful,” their choreographer chuckled. “i saw the video you sent me yesterday on you guys’s progress. i apologize again for not being able to see it directly but i’ll be coming back to town in a few days.”
“don’t worry, we didn’t have many troubles,” chan said.
“ah that’s great! i’m also really impressed with felix, despite having only half the amount of time to learn the choreography because of that pops in seoul show he’s hosting, he’s almost perfected it. that’s commendable since it’s a completely new routine compared to what the group is normally used to, please tell him i said to keep up the good work!” their choreography praised felix, conceding how hardworking the young aussie boy is.
“...”
“hello? chan? you still there?”
“oh uh, yes i’m still here haha!” chan responded back feeling guilt well up in his chest.
within a few more minutes, the conversation ended, and by then all the members, except felix, were in the kitchen, so they heard everything.
“shit.”
“no cussing changbin,” reprimanded chan. “but in this situation, i’ll allow it... i messed up.”
hyunjin was too guilty to even speak, hearing his own words echoing back
‘are you even trying?’
“how did we forget about that?” changbin asked incredulously as he stared at his empty plate.
“i... i don’t know, i think it’s because we all had busy schedules so we forgot about felix’s schedule,” chan reasoned as he clutched his phone tightly, feeling guilty for being so harsh. “still, that’s no excuse, i should have remembered.”
“we all should’ve channie,” minho said kindly as he patted chan on the shoulder, he also overheard the conversation on the phone and decided to make his presence known.
“jisung, i’m also sorry i didn’t listen to you in the car,” chan apologized, feeling even more embarrassed for shutting down what jisung had to say so quickly.
“it’s okay hyung, i should’ve pressed on. but that’s not what’s important right now,” jisung accepted chan’s apology, reassuring his leader that it wasn’t a big deal with a little smile.
“come to think of it, i remember felix hyung not being able to come for practice those few times remember? he said beforehand that it’ll be because of the filming he had to do,” jeongin remembered. “but um, where is felix hyung right now?” he asked.
“did he come home after his extra practice?” seungmin asked.
“i don’t know, i didn’t see him.”
“yeah i didn’t hear him come in either.”
“his shoes, phone and bag are gone though, so he must still be out for his filming maybe.” minho pointed.
“i’ll call him,” chan said as he turned his phone back on to search for his fellow aussie’s contact.
the phone rang twice before a female’s voice picked up. chan put it on speaker.
“hello? is this chan-ssi? stray kid’s leader?”
“uh yes...” chan was about to barrel her with questions but she got straight to the point.
“hello, i’m kim aream, i’m the director’s assistant for the pops in seoul show. felix-ssi is currently in filming for the new dance cover for the channel right now. he wanted me to keep his phone for him and pick up in case you called for any reason, such a sweet kid that boy is haha, the ones that come here don’t usually do that. is there anything you would like me to tell him? or is it an emergency or personal matter?” aream inquired respectfully.
“oh um just please tell felix to call us back once he’s done please, and tell him not to worry too, thank you,” chan said.
“i understand, chan-ssi, i’ll let him know,” she responded.
“bye.”
“goodbye chan-ssi.”
chan hung up first.
“double shit,” changbin said.
not only did the members completely forget about felix’s schedule after he even told them beforehand, but chan made him stay back to practice some more when he also had to go for his filming for a different dance. felix was practicing two dances, and probably didn’t get the chance to even sleep well for either.
hyunjin could only stare at the floor as he heard the phone conversation between chan and areum, his past words ringing like loud bells in his ears.
are you even trying?
he was trying, more than ever.
“i didn’t even notice he was gone...” hyunjin whispered. “just how terrible of a person must i be to forget that he literally was not there for some sessions?” he mumbled quietly to himself.
unbeknownst to him, a few members heard his words.
“please don’t say that hyunjin,” chan said softly.
“there is no excuse, this is all our fault, mine especially for not being an attentive leader, so we need to focus on fixing our mistakes and apologize when he gets back.”
“true. i still feel bad though, he must be so exhausted hyung,” jeongin voiced out his thoughts as his voice trembled slightly.
all the members thought the same thing. they all stayed in the kitchen with an unspoken decision to stay there until the door was heard.
felix was back home!
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
“i’m home,” he said quietly, not bothering to see if anyone heard him. he was so tired he forgot to call back like areum told him to.
after kicking off his shoes and placing them on the shoe rack, felix quickly made a beeline for his and hyunjin’s shared room without wasting a glance at anything else.
his bones felt like lead and his eyes were stained red with fatigue. he quickly got rid of his backpack near the door once he entered and immediately planted face first onto the bed.
‘if i can sleep for at least two hours, i’ll have enough juice to keep me going before my online korean lesson and then dance practice,’ he thought drowsily as he sought out the energy and will to set an alarm just in case he overslept.
the small boy only had a bit below an hour of sleep, after doing his extra practice as instructed by chan until late at night, and the preparing for today’s filming, it was already 7AM, the filming started at 8:30AM. he had no energy for absolutely anything, not even the mean words his members dished out yesterday. our homie felix fell asleep within literally 10 seconds.
“let him sleep, he’s probably exhausted,” chan said as they all approached felix and hyunjin’s room. felix didn’t even close the bedroom door and he was asleep in his tight fitted jeans. he was sprawled out on top of the bed, too tired to even get under the covers.
the members walked out of the room, except for hyunjin.
they all felt guilty to some extent for how they treated their baby yong bokkie, even if it was a cold shoulder, a denial for a hug request, even the silent irritation that was evident in their eyes from yesterday.
they all felt remorse for their thoughts. actions, and words. but, the one who felt the absolute most guilt, was hyunjin.
he stared at felix as the younger boy’s breathing stabilized, completely unaware of the inner turmoil in hyunjin’s mind.
without a second thought, hyunjin stepped forward.
‘i need to apologize,” he thought, feeling ashamed.
///\\\///\\\///\\\
“he sent the video of his extra practice at 7:14AM, and since his filming started at 8:30ish or something, he must’ve slept for maybe one hour, or he pulled an all nighter since he had to practice for that other filming too,” chan said to the boys in living room.
“dang, we owe him a lot of apologies hyung,” jisung said.
“yeah, we should start by maybe postponing all his plans for today and tomorrow so he can rest no?” minho suggested.
“great idea minho, i’ll call manager hyung right now and explain,” chan said as he walked out of the room to make the call.
“ah hyung, so your one brain cell decided to be useful today?”
jisung got a face full of pillow within two seconds.
“where’s hyunjin hyung?” jeongin asked, not seeing the taller male in the room.
“ah i think he stayed behind to watch felix or something, he probably feels bad for what he said,” seungmin answered his dongsaeng.
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
a few minutes later, chan came back.
“alright, manager hyung agreed to postpone his schedule, so he doesn’t have to come for practice today and most of his activities tomorrow are postponed too,” he informed the members. “where’s hyunjin?”
“with felix-“ minho said. “WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT BANANA?” minho glared angrily, swiftly turning around to see jisung failing to hide his giggle, eyes glued to the TV screen in concentration, something minho failed to do when he answered chan.
“it’s not my fault you suck at mario cart hyung,” he teased.
minho glared hard then tried to swat at jisung who dodged easily.
“try and glare harder hyung, you’re as intimidating as a sparkly pink cupcake.”
“yah! you disrespectful brat that’s it, i don’t know why you’re so daring today but i’m coming for you,” minho got up from his seat and ran after jisung, their game forgotten.
“hyung~ minho hyung and jisung hyung are fighting again,” seungmin said, not looking up from his book. “just go and make our already,” seungmin whispered under his breath.
“WHAT?!”
“HELL NO I DON’T LIKE MINHO HYUNG!”
“stop messing around! we have to go for practice soon!” chan yelled, face palming as he mentally prepared himself for the fight he had to stop.
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
ping!
you have a new message!
chan: we’re gonna go for practice now, we won’t be gone long and since you know the dance really well you can stay and watch over lixie for the day. let him know his schedule’s postponed for today and most of tomorrow too please.
hyunjin decided to join felix on his bed instead of going to his own.
he was currently lying next to the aussie, stuck between letting the younger rest and wanting to smother him with hugs, kisses, and apologies, for how he treated him.
felix roused from his sleep slowly.
‘the ping from my phone when chan hyung texted me must’ve woken him up,’ hyunjin thought.
he opened his blearily eyes, confused by the body next to him.
“oh hyunjin hyung. it’s you,” he said groggily in recognition, voice laced with sleep.
“hi...” hyunjin mumbled quietly, the atmosphere seemed too delicate to speak loudly.
“i think you should get into something more comfortable,” hyunjin giggled out.
felix looked down to see himself in his tight jeans.
“no wonder i feel so uncomfy.”
felix slowly got up and replaced his jeans and graphic tee with a pair of black shorts and a plain white tee.
felix laid back down next to hyunjin immediately.
“lixie, i need to talk to you,” hyunjin said, sitting up.
“sure hyung,” felix yawned, sitting up slowly, still feeling tired.
hyunjin abruptly grabbed felix and hugged him tightly as he began.
“felix i- i’m so sorry for the things i’ve said to you the other day-“
“hyung it-“
“no, please. i need to apologize felix. it wasn’t right at all and i was just feeling so irritated. i completely forgot that you weren’t able to make it to some practice sessions because of your pops in seoul filming. i understand if you don’t forgive me since i said really shitty things to you yesterday. you do try, always. especially in these past few weeks and i’m really sorry for not seeing being more aware of this and yelling at you.” hyunjin said as he looked at felix, eyes filled with sincerity and regret.
felix slowly processed his words, recalling events from their previous practice session as hyunjin apologized.
“hyung, it’s ok,” felix said as he pulled away from the tight hug to look at hyunjin. his eyes were moist.
“no no hyung don’t cry, please don’t cry. it’s alright.” felix reassured the elder as he reached out for the older, placing his palm against one of hyunjin’s cheeks. “i admit that i was hurt when you said that, especially since i’ve a crush on you and all, but i’m ok now and it was a misunderstanding. you guys just forgot and we’ve all been pretty busy because of our schedules lately. it’s normal, ok? it-“ felix yawned again “-happens.”
somewhere in his sleep deprived brain, felix forgot to keep the fact he had feelings for hyunjin a secret.
“you... what?”
“huh? what did i say? you smell good by the way,” felix mumbled as he looked at hyunjin, he forgot half of what he said.
“you said you have a crush on me,” hyunjin answered, eyes still wide in disbelief, ignoring felix’s random input about his smell, there are other important things that needed his attention right now.
“i did? well, it’s true though,” felix said.
“wait... WHAT?!” felix spluttered out all of a sudden in shock as his brain caught up with his words.
“i- i just- uh.” felix was flustered, all signs of fatigue being replaced by mild panic as his heart began to race in nervousness.
‘how the hell do i recover from this?’ felix panicked.
he quickly pulled away from hyunjin and created as much distance as he could.
“i- i didn’t mean to say that- um. you can just pretend i never say that. i’m sorry for making you uncomfortable i-“ he started breathing a bit heavily.
‘that’s it. i’m done for, god i didn’t even get to finish watching haikyuu. my life is over. done. finish,’ felix thought.
“felix,” hyunjin said calmly. the roles have now seemingly been reversed. “take a deep breath baby.”
“i- i can’t i-,” his breathing was getting a bit more erratic and his hands began to shake slightly as the fear of rejection and being ridiculed began to consume his thoughts.
‘i need to leave,’ he thought as he set his eyes on the door.
hyunjin saw his eyes move to something behind him, knowing exactly what the younger male was planning to do. before felix could move a single muscle hyunjin quickly grabbed and pinned him down.
felix opened his mouth to quickly protest, face red in embarrassment, before he was interrupted by a pair of lips on his own, swallowing his words of protest with it.
felix’s eyes widened in shock.
hyunjin slowly let go of felix’s arms and held his face with both hands after being certain that the younger wouldn’t try to make a break for it.
felix slowly closed his eyes and melted into hyunjin.
hyunjin slowly broke the kiss a few moments later.
“i like you too,” he whispered softly to the younger, pecking him on the lips once more.
“i- you-....are you serious?” felix asked shyly, looking up slightly at hyunjin who was still hovering above him.
“i would never lie to you baby.”
felix turned away shyly, face red at the pet name. “stop saying that~” he whined in embarassment as he tried to cover his face.
“why? you’re my baby,” hyunjin chuckled as he kissed felix’s cheek again.
“so... does this mean we’re dating now?”
“only if you want to-“
felix interrupted hyunjin with a soft kiss.
“i want to, hyung.”
hyunjin smiled down at the younger, how did he get so lucky?
RING~!
both boys jumped, startled by the ringing of felix’s alarm.
“oh yeah we have to go get ready for practice,” felix groaned, wishing he slept more.
“haha, yeah no. you’re not going anywhere.”
“huh? why not?” felix was confused, they couldn’t just skip practice. unless they had a death wish or something of course.
“you’ve been given the whole day off today and most of tomorrow to recuperate, chan called manager hyung,” hyunjin explained. “and i was instructed by chan to stay here and watch you.”
“really?! oh thank god, i don’t ever wanna leave this bed hyung,” felix was so happy that he could sleep some more. “but you didn’t have to stay, i don’t need a babysitter,” felix scoffed.
“that’s true, but i’m glad i get to stay back here with you,” hyunjin whispered as he pulled felix closer to his chest and ran his fingers through the damaged but soft, blonde locks before interlocking his arms around the younger’s waist.
felix cuddled into the taller boy. he buried his face into hyunjin’s chest and wrapped his arms around his torso as he returned the older’s affectionate embrace.
hyunjin’s soft breathing slowly began to lull felix to sleep.
“felix, did you just sniff me?”
“...no”
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
CRASH!
hyunjin and felix were startled awake by the sound of chaos that seemed to be coming from the kitchen.
“are you seriously trying to bribe felix hyung with burnt food?” the voice of an unimpressed maknae was heard.