Work Text:
Taehyung thinks that it's about time he enrolls in a class regarding the most dreaded topic of ‘good decision making’.
Because if there’s anything he’s quite lacking in—it’s having the capacity to make, well, good decisions.
Here’s the thing: he really thought he could manage his, at the time, irrevocably astounding and genius plan.
It was only meant to be a two second step out of his apartment, to enjoy the wintery white snow that was making itself known in Seoul—falling gloriously over the skyscrapers on the night before his favorite holiday of the year.
And you can’t blame him for wanting him to go see it, really. Outside was something straight out of a dream—a Christmas movie, perhaps—maybe that one scene from Elf where Santa shows up in the New York City sky. There were wisps of white coating the bushes, as if it were a soft, powdery sprinkle to finish the top of the cake. It rested upon the expanse of the tall buildings, glistening brightly—nearly rivaling the sun in how gorgeously pulchritudinous it is. Snow danced in the light around them, akin to a choreographed white swan ballet—orchestrated gently by the wind.
He was, in short, was absolutely enamored by the view—the very view that his apartment window absolutely did not do any justice to.
So in utmost Kim Taehyung fashion, he grabbed his phone, slipped on his old ugg boots, and opened his door to run outside on sheer impulse. Without a jacket, at that, as he reasoned it’d only be a 3 second break outside—just enough to let the snow graze his face slightly, letting the frost kiss his face and his eyelashes as his breath blows out steadily against the numbing air.
It’s safe to say that it did not end up that way.
What he’d failed to consider was the fact that his ever so amazing, unproblematic dog, Yeontan, had literally just awoken from his nap, eager and anticipating his usual walk outside. He also failed to consider that said doggo was decidedly not in his playpen—the only obstacle separating him and the front door of the apartment being sheer distance.
And thus, as it seems, as soon as the door was opened, Yeontan let out a ‘yip’ and zoomed outside—Taehyung barely processing the little ball of fluff that somehow tumbled its way out the entrance and into the hallway, his tail wagging wildly in delight.
Anything after that was a goddamn blur.
All Taehyung recalls is barging out the door after his beloved pet, running down the stairs after him (because some idiot decided to leave the door to them open) out the door—snow flying brutally in his irises and coating his hair in frosty whiteness. He thinks he might’ve chased the puppy down 4 or 5 blocks before Yeontan, too, succumbed to the horrors of the frigid cold, slowing down, and finally letting Taehyung grab onto him in a moment of shameful defeat.
The trek back home, on the other hand, he hasn’t even the slightest idea about.
He simply knows that somehow, some way, either through crazy good survival instincts and willpower, or necessity to secure his precious little dog safely back home—he managed to find his way back to the security of his little studio apartment, and fall face first onto his couch—giving Yeontan the honors of shaking his own snow off, thank you very much.
And now here he is—shivering out of his mind, throat lodged uncomfortably with a multitude of brutal, tuberculosis sounding coughs, his nose so red that Rudoph the red-nosed reindeer is somewhere seething in pure jealousy—and his new boyfriend on the way over right now , as they’re supposed to spend their first Christmas together.
Taehyung thinks he would cry if it wasn’t so excruciating to do so.
“Tannie,” He mumbles into the soft, Santa cushion of his couch that he got on sale last week, “Why am I such a fuck up?”
Yeontan only gives him a judgemental look in response, settling back into his playpen. Taehyung thinks he might be going insane.
“Maybe I should tell him not to come,” Taehyung continues to speak as best he can with the horrid throat situation—confiding in his dog like a mad man, “I mean, I have the perfect excuse. I could just tell him I’m sick. He’d totally buy it.”
But the distressed boy was just as adequate as lying to the people he loves as he is at making good decisions—never being able to hold onto the unadulterated guilt that follows it—so he forgoes the idea quite rapidly.
“No, no. I can’t lie to him like that. Plus,” He murmurs, running his fingers through his hair. He lets out a thunderous, brutal cough, shifting on his side. “—knowing the goddamn sweetheart he is, he’d just come over and try to take care of me anyways. The loving cutie.”
Taehyung huffs—the sigh being significantly less painful than his consistent talking—a feat he is utterly grateful for. “But I can’t let him see me like this, either,” He whines, and the puppy next to the couch looks at him with curious, soft eyes. “Tannie, Jeongguk is going to break up with me because I’m an idiot.”
And while the statement might seem ridiculous, or preposterous to some—there certainly was an ounce of truth to it that Taehyung couldn’t quite ignore. Jeongguk very well could break up with him because he is an idiot.
It’s not like the very occurrence hadn’t happened prior.
Because while Taehyung is confident and Taehyung is happy with himself for the most part—he knows that there’s an insecurity that remains at the back of his mind: that he’s too much for people to handle. His previous not one, but two boyfriends had broken up with him under those pretenses (that took Taehyung a record amount of ice cream, tissues, and the presence of Jimin to help him get over), he’s lost friendships under those pretenses, hell, even his own mother had cursed him one time when she was mad, exclaiming that he was “too much to handle” and that she was “fed up with him”.
Who is to say Jeongguk wouldn’t be the same?
The thought resides in his mind uncomfortably, setting there as it gains traction, becomes the most plausible scenario in this situation. Jeongguk shouldn’t have to deal with all his quirks and mishaps and shades of unconventional colors—the boy deserves far better than that—far better than Taehyung.
A burning feel sits at the bottom of his stomach uncomfortably, and his body feels like it’s setting on fire. His previous boyfriends were one thing, but Jeongguk? Jeongguk is a whole other. Taehyung really, really likes Jeongguk—is probably in love with him at this point. Losing him would suck major ass, he knows.
The boy probably came into his life at the best moment possible—his third year of university, when he was drowning in dejection and sudden terrible homesickness from missing Daegu so much. Jeongguk had made him feel comfortable, giving him soft hugs when he needed it (though the boy wasn’t the fondest of physical affection), and going out of his way to buy 2 banana milks instead of 1—giving Taehyung the privilege of having one himself. They’d gone on in this way for nearly 2 months, bumbling around one another like newborn babies—shy smiles and soft eyes galore before Taehyung finally mustered up the courage to confess, giving his new best friend a cheesy handwritten card and a whole box of banana milk.
And now here they were—celebrating their first Christmas together as a couple.
Taehyung cannot screw this up.
“I gotta call him and tell him not to come, Tannie,” Taehyung sits up hastily in a fit of panic, searching for his phone through his heaving, short breaths. His mind is being quite irrational, he knows—yet the fear outweighed the confidence, unfortunately. “He can’t come today, he’s gonna—”
But before he could finish, the loud, dreaded buzzer to his door rings wildly in his eardrums—booming and lethal—far sooner than Taehyung could have ever processed.
“ Fuck ,” Taehyung swears uneasily, forcing down an ugly and obnoxious cough. He finally finds his dumb phone, turning on the device rapidly.
from: jeonggukie <333333333
hey i’m here
and i have a shit ton of stuff
so pls don’t keep me locked out here for long
“Damn it,” The older boy whines, knowing he doesn’t have much of a choice but to let his enamoring boyfriend in. He moves to attempt to get up and open the door like a normal human being, but his legs give in quickly—wobbling from the extreme temperatures he had to face—and he’s back on the couch before he can blink. “Why am I like this?”
from: jeonggukie <333333333
Babyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ew why did that do auto-caps
pls let me in my arms are about to give in
i know i am ripped but even i get weak eventually
to: jeonggukie <333333333
hey uh do u possibly have the spare key i gave u
i can’t rly move right now
i’m so sorry love
from: jeonggukie <333333333
i do
are u okay tho ??? that doesn’t sound good ???
u better make this up to me with kisses
Taehyung sighs, miserably. He hates that he’s like this, he really, really does.
to: jeonggukie <333333333
just come inside pls
i’ll explain after
As if it were clockwork, the entrance of his apartment rattles a bit—a sign of the horrid struggle that comes with trying to fumble with a doorknob—before it opens completely, a wave of cold air flooding inside from the overly air conditioned hallway.
Taehyung promptly hides underneath his cushions, not ready to face his boyfriend.
“Taehyung?” Jeongguk calls out tenderly, presumably kicking off his shoes, and putting any bags he has down. “You okay?”
The older boy only snuggles deeper into his couch, hoping he could somehow dissolve into it—and escape this all too embarrassing situation. He shudders.
“Tae?” His confused boyfriend calls out again, and the boy in question feels his heart being consumed by guilt. He deserves so much better. “You in here?”
The heavy footsteps of the younger boy grow louder and louder, as he inches far too close for Taehyung’s comfort. The latter boy winces, his eyes shutting tightly as he prepares himself for the worst—an ugly cough lingering at the back of his throat.
He feels Jeongguk coming closer, hovering over him, “Tae?”
Unable to hold it back anymore, Taehyung lets out a guttural, disgusting cough—his throat burning in pain. The younger boy yelps at the sound, his eyes presumably widening in surprise.
“Oh my god, Taehyung,” Jeongguk breathes out worriedly, moving to turn the boy over. Taehyung’s eyes remain glued shut—unwilling to look his boyfriend in the eyes, “Baby, what happened to you?”
“Uhm,” Taehyung attempts to say, his voice raspy and broken, “Uh, that is a long story.” He coughs, miserably, “I’m sorry, Gukkie.”
Please don’t think anything of this. Please just think I’m sick, like a normal human being.
“Don’t be sorry,” The younger boy murmurs, bringing Taehyung’s shivering hands up to his lips, and pressing a soft kiss to them, “I’m more worried about you feeling better. I thought you were okay this morning? Didn’t I facetime you like, an hour or two ago?”
Taehyung groans, having been caught in his stupidity. He turns his head the other way, remaining mute—his mind clouded with shame.
“Baby…” Jeongguk mutters, and Taehyung thinks if he were to open his eyes right now, he’d see his all too adorable lover pouting. “You gotta tell me what happened. Are you sick? Did you go outside, or something? Talk to me.”
Bingo.
The guilt comes back in cataclysmic waves this time, making Taehyung ache horribly. His boyfriend is too sweet to him, too good and precious. He is so, so lucky.
And he deserves nothing but the truth.
“Uh,” Taehyung begins, abashedly, “Uhm. See, I may or may not have,” He shivers, and Jeongguk tugs him closer—wrapping his arms easily around the boy. The older melts into the affection, nuzzling his cheek against the broad expanse of Jeongguk’s chest. “—accidentally let Tannie loose when I was going to step outside in the snow for 2 seconds.” He hesitates, pausing for a moment, “Without a jacket. And then I had to chase him down a couple blocks for probably like 30 minutes and I was kinda shivering by the end of it. I don’t remember how I got back home but now I really, really can’t feel my throat,” As if on cue, he coughs again, and Jeongguk’s grip around him only tightens, “And I feel also sort of idiotic because y’know—who does that? And yes,” He finally finishes off his ramble, his closed irises unwavering in their position, “That’s. Yeah. I’m just a loser, basically.”
He prepares for the worst.
This is it, Taehyung. He’s going to say that you’re too much to handle and break up with you. You brought this upon yourself you insolent—
He can’t describe the level of taken aback he is when his boyfriend starts laughing loudly from above him. Giggling , even—his beautiful resounding loudly through the walls of the apartment.
“Oh my god,” He barely gets out in between giggles, “You’re–Taehyungie. Oh my god.”
Taehyung huffs. Was he going to mock him first? Is that what he was going to do?
“Gukkie I get that I’m stupid, but this is just mean,” The older boy whines, feeling all too much like a 3 year old. “Just. Get it over with.”
At that statement, Jeongguk pauses in his movements—suddenly motionless above his boyfriend. His laughter dies down immediately, and his grip loosens slightly.
Taehyung already misses the affection.
“Taehyungie,” His boyfriend whispers, breath hot against the older boy’s cheek, “Hey. Look at me.”
Taehyung stays put—too stubborn to open his eyes and look up. He knows that if he looks at the younger right now, it’d hurt 100x more when he has to let go of him for good.
“Tae. Baby, love, darling,” Jeongguk tries again, now gripping onto Taehyung’s cheeks, and turning his head up to face him, “Look at me. Please.”
And his voice is so tender, so loving and soft that Taehyung bites easily—always a bit too weak for the man he was fortunate enough to call his. His eyes open leisurely, gaze looking up to meet his boyfriend’s.
Jeongguk looks beautiful today, as always, long black hair framing his face perfectly. The look he gives Taehyung is big and bright and genuine , laced with so much love that it nearly overwhelms the latter—makes him want to go back to his space inside the couch.
“Did you really think I’d leave you over something like this, hmm?” His voice is down to a mere mumble—a breath, even—as his stare doesn’t falter for a moment. “I could never. Not over something like this.” He pauses for a moment, as if gauging Taehyung for a reaction, “If anything, this makes you 1000 times more adorable. You just wanted to see the snow.”
Relief spreads through Taehyung in an instant—his body finally relaxing in his boyfriend’s embrace at the implication that hey, Guk isn’t leaving you because you’re a nuisance! What an absolute win!
“But,” Jeongguk continues, pressing a soft kiss to the older’s temple. Taehyung freezes up again. Here it comes. He’s found some other reason– “Can I ask if maybe there’s, um, a reason why? You think I’d do that to you? Because honestly speaking, baby I’d um—I’d be a really fucked up asshole if I did that, you know? Only if you’re comfortable, obviously.”
And Taehyung thinks he might glitch , really, because this took an unexpected turn that he never could’ve imagined—never could’ve fathomed in his wildest dreams before. Jeongguk cares so much. It’s hard to believe it, sometimes.
The older boy simply swoons.
“I,” Taehyung tries to speak out—and the shiver that comes this time is not from the cold, “You know my two exes? Hajoon and Doyoung?”
Jeongguk nods.
“They um,” He stutters, coughing loudly. His throat feels insanely parched. “They left me because I’m ‘too much’, in their opinion. And I’ve had some friends do the same. And I’ve just been labeled that by many people so,” Taehyung averts his eyes, tiredly, “I thought you’d think the same and leave like they did, I guess.”
The younger boy huffs, his eyes melancholy as he listens to Taehyung attentively. He sighs as soon as the older is done talking.
“Baby, those guys are absolute,” He pauses, momentarily, as if trying to find the right words, “Assholes. Dickwads. Douchebags. Do you catch my drift?”
Taehyung giggles, though it’s a bit painful. God , he’s in love with this boy. “Yeah,” His eyes meet Jeongguk’s, “I guess they are, huh?”
“Mhm,” Jeongguk reiterates, pressing the softest of kisses to Taehyung’s cheek, then to his lips. “You deserve the entire world. I don’t know why they felt like they had the audacity to say such bullshit but please know,” He presses another kiss to Taehyung’s forehead for good measure, “None of that is true at all. You’re never ‘too much’. You’re perfect in every single way. Anyone who hurts my baby bear is an asshole. I don’t care.”
The older thinks his heart is going to burst, really—is going to blow up into flames because of how sweet and sappy his boyfriend is—because of how loved he is.
“In fact,” The younger continues, “I know it’s only Christmas Eve and all but,” He glances back at the mess of bags behind them, “—can I give you one of your presents early?”
The sudden request baffles Taehyung, but he nods anyways—expression morphing into one of confusion.
Jeongguk lifts himself off the couch, moving to retrieve a snowman decorated bag—with sparkly white snowflakes that make Taehyung grin because they look so cute. The younger boy is efficient as always, taking out what seems like a book—and returning back to his boyfriend quite quickly.
He settles next to Taehyung.
“Here,” He holds out the object to the older, “It’s really sappy so I’m a bit embarrassed but,” His eyes soften, “I hope you get the message I’m trying to convey, yeah?”
Taehyung sniffles for a moment before taking the book from him, his fingertips grazing over the material gently.
Memories it says, in big, cursive letters atop the front—the font looking like that of a princess. Taehyung looks at it curiously, opening the book to sift through the pages.
There’s a header on the first page of it, reading August 26th, 2020 - I met you. Below it is a picture of the two of them together at the dining hall together—their eyes crinkling in delight as their arms are situated around one another, holding up two lazy thumbs.
Taehyung grins at the memory.
The next page is something similar, except it’s titled September 15th, 2020 - The day I realized there was no way I wouldn’t fall for you A picture of Taehyung sleeping, with post mental breakdown tear stains coating his cheeks and an empty bottle of banana milk situated haphazardly in his palm.
“Oh my god,” He mutters, eyes glancing over the pages. He looks at Jeongguk for a moment, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, “Gukkie…”
“Just keep going,” The younger boy mutters, his cheeks red.
The pages following that are all similar.
October 20th, 2020 - The day you confessed to me.
November 15th, 2020 - The beginning of our first finals season together.
December 1st, 2020 - Baking cookies together.
“Oh my god, Guk, this is,” Taehyung tries to find the right words to express the emotions he feels—the amount of love and gratefulness that he feels for the boy next to him, “—baby this is–this is amazing.” He looks towards the love of his life again, attempting to convey everything in his heart, “This is—god what the hell, you’re making me look bad! I literally got you the dumbest present!”
Jeongguk grins. “Keep going.”
And Taehyung does exactly that—smiling at each one of the memories until he approaches a point within the book where the pages are blank—where there are no more memories besides the ones they’d made in the last 4 months together.
“I..” Taehyung trails off, “It’s blank.”
“Mhm,” The younger confirms, “Do you know why?”
“I uh,” The older looks sheepish, closing the book and putting it off to the side, “I don’t get it. I think. Why is it blank?”
Jeongguk sighs, giggling lightly before taking both of Taehyung’s hands in his own—covering his collapsed palms, “Because,” He stops, for dramatic effect, “The point is that I want to make more memories with you. So I can continue to fill this book up. I’m far from leaving you, I’m,” He looks away for a moment, “I’m in this for the long haul. I’m serious. It might be early, or whatever—but I am.”
And Taehyung? Taehyung doesn’t know what he could possibly do—what could even come close to explaining everything he feels for his boyfriend—the spew of feelings that are clouding his judgement at this very moment.
So where words fail him—actions don’t—and though he’s still sort of shivering, he brings Jeongguk’s head to his own—connecting their lips together languidly in the softest kiss he could possibly muster up. They slide against one another gently, warmly, as if they had all the time in the world to just sit there—and be together as the snow outside continued to fall. It’s soft, and steady and heartwarming and everything in between—akin to every Christmas kiss the movies talk about. He wouldn’t pull away, really, if it wasn’t for the sudden yip that Yeontan lets out from besides them—loud and obnoxious.
“Asshat,” Jeongguk mutters when they pull apart, lips downturned in a frown. “He’s stopping me from getting my kisses. Yeontan is causing all the problems today, huh?”
“Yeah,” Taehyung responds, in a daze—barely paying heed to the interruption—more focused on a new realization.
Taehyung is in love.
“Gukkie,” The older boy whispers suddenly—his voice rough and raspy. His fingertips graze Jeongguk’s cheeks. “I love you. I love you,” He breathes in for a moment, “–so damn much.”
Jeongguk grins—a soft, dopey smile that has Taehyung sobbing because he’s so cute. “Yeah?” He whispers, placing a hand over Taehyung’s, “I love you too, Taehyungie. A lot.”
The older boy tugs him into another embrace, situating his head into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. “I really, really love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I feel the same way,” Jeongguk responds, thumb grazing over Taehyung’s lips. “Merry Christmas, my love.”
And as if the universe felt the need to remind Taehyung of the dumb thing he’d done—his coughs return in waves—brutal and loud. The boy in question grips onto his chest in alarm, falling backwards into the couch.
“Oh god,” Jeongguk’s eyes suddenly widen in panic, “Okay, you rest here, I’m going to go get you a warm blanket and then I’m gonna go make you some nice hot chocolate. I’ll even put on Elf, okay? Christ, Tae.” He gets up speedily, running his fingers through Taehyung’s brunette hair, and leaving a soft kiss on his temple.
Taehyung watches as his boyfriend runs off—the boy always so incredibly adamant on taking care of him.
Yeah , he thinks to himself in a daze, Maybe not a perfect Christmas—but definitely the best one I could’ve asked for.
He’s so in love.