Chapter Text
Kim Namjoon is the single father of five-year-old twins Jimin, Taehyung & three-year-old Jungkook. His girlfriend, Jieun, died during childbirth and he has been on his own since. He hasn't had time to date with three sons. That and working to be able to provide for them.
When Namjoon and Jieun told their parents she was pregnant, both families cut them off. Namjoon was still in graduate school when they found out and Jieun was in medical school. Both knew their professional lives would have to be put on hold but they didn't think that with their age, their parents would disown them. Granted, they came from very traditional families who believed in marriage before sex and here they were, not married and have a baby on the way. Their parents didn't believe the virgin mary story they tried to use as their excuse. Needless to say, they couldn't get rid of the baby and felt wrong if they thought about leaving their baby at an orphanage. They decide to keep it and leave school to get part-time jobs to save for the baby. Namjoon gets a second job when they find out they're having twins. It was rough after Taehyung and Jimin were born, their lives filled with: great sleepless nights; trips to the hospital at 3 in the morning; losing what was left of their social lives.
Their relationship was strained from Namjoon constantly working and Jieun constantly taking care of the babies. It was hard to believe that once things had settled down and things were looking up, Jieun was pregnant again. They both felt the same as before and at 25, having already raised twins to the age of 2. One more could not be that much harder, they had experience now, they knew what to do. They didn't find out the sex of the baby, they would be happy with whatever they got. They could handle whatever hit them. Well, weren't they wrong.
Namjoon was working when Jieun went into labour, their neighbour had called him to tell him. He couldn't get time off work to go to her, so he finished his shift and headed straight to the hospital. When he arrives, the neighbour greets him. He knows Seokjin is only four years younger than him but he looks like he's aged beyond Namjoon.
"Namjoon-ssi..." Seokjin falters, looking distraught and Namjoon looks around for his sons. He sees Jimin and Taehyung playing in the corner.
"Seokjin-ssi, where's Jieun? Has the baby been born?" He asks and Seokjin tenses up.
"Namjoon-ssi... I..."
"Seokjin-ssi? What's going on? Where's Jieun and the baby?" Namjoon says, getting a be threatening.
"There were some complications while she was giving birth... I'm sorry Hyung but... she didn't make it..."
"... What about the baby? Is the baby okay? Please tell me the baby is okay?!" Namjoon says, breaking down a bit, panicked, grieving, heartbroken.
"He's fine, he's in the natal care unit. He's healthy but they're keeping him under constant care because of the complications. The nurses said to tell them you're the father and you'd be allowed to see him. Whenever you're ready, Hyung. The twins know nothing, I'm not the person to tell them. If you want, I can take them home with me and bring them tomorrow to see the baby. You can tell them tomorrow once you've processed things."
"... Yeah... Thank you Seokjin-ssi. If you don't mind taking them home after I see them, that would be great. It's past their bedtime."
"Of course . I'm sorry for your loss but congrats on having another son."
"... Thanks..." Namjoon says before walking over to his twins. "Jiminie, Taehyungie."
"Appa!" They say smiling and jumping to Namjoon's arms. He holds them tightly, trying to keep himself together.
"Where were you? Eomma is having a baby." Taehyung says, looking at him.
"Appa was working, he's here now. Were you good for Seokjin-hyung?"
"Mhm! We were! Are we going home now? Is Eomma coming with us? Can we see the baby?" Jimin asks.
"I'm sorry, you guys are going home with Seokjin-ssi. Appa has to stay here with the baby and eomma okay?"
"Can we see them?" Taehyung asks and Namjoon tenses up.
"Not tonight, you can come and see tomorrow okay?" He says, gaining him a nod from both boys. He smiles softly and kisses both of their heads before giving them tight squeezes each, whispering 'I love you's to them. "Be good and go straight to bed when you get home okay?" They nod again. Namjoon smiles and rubs their heads as Seokjin walks over. Namjoon nods at him, hinting that it was okay to take them home. "Take care of them."
"I will, we'll be back in the morning." They leave with that. Namjoon watches them leave, his smile forced on his face until they were out of sight. He then collapses into a chair and sighs, tearing up. He couldn't believe what happened, that his girlfriend of 8 years, the mother of his children, is dead. As he sits in his internal turmoil, trying to understand how with modern medicine, Jieun could have died; a nurse approaches him.
"Hello, Sir. Would you be Kim Namjoon? Significant other of Lee Jieun?"
"Oh, yes. That would be me... May I see her?"
"Of course, they moved her to a room that was cool enough to keep her body preserved. I'll bring you to your son after." He nods and follows the nurse to a hospital room. He sees Jieun lying in a bed, lifeless. He gets chills before even stepping inside. The nurse steps back to give him space. He takes a deep breath before entering the freezing room, walking over to his deceased lover. He pauses when he reaches the bedside. He can feel the tears welling up but blinks them away before swallowing and taking her cold hand into his warm ones.
"Jieun... I know this is no one's fault but I can't help but feel like it's mine. I will never blame our son for this... He will always feel love from me, all three of them will. I'll raise them right, they'll become amazing people we'll be proud of... I'm going to miss you... I love you... I'll always love you..." He says, whipping his eyes as he feels the tears he's held back, break free and pour down his face. "This is goodbye... The next time I see you, we'll be honouring your memory... I can't even think of how I'm going to tell the boys. They're so young... They'll need you and can't have you... I'll do my best to fill that hole for them." He leans down and presses a small kiss to Jieun's head before squeezing her hand. He lets go and steps away, heading out into the hall.
The nurse doesn't say anything, she just leads him to the natal care unit. When they arrive she shows him his son, a beautiful baby boy with black hair. She leaves him the birth certificate and paperwork, letting him be alone with his baby.
"Aren't you a cutie? You have your mom's nose. Your brothers are going to love you to pieces. Me too, Appa loves you so much. Jungkookie, Appa loves you to the moon and back. If only your mom could see you... I'm so sorry you'll never get the chance to meet her Jungkookie, she would have shown you so much warmth and love..." He tears up again and carefully strokes Jungkook's hair. His finger gets squeezed by his son's tiny hand and Namjoon knows he's ready to break down crying so he turns his attention to the paperwork. He fills it out before grabbing a chair and setting it beside his son. He sits and watches him all night, observing how the nurses care for him. They tell him everything he needs to know about taking care of an infant without the mother, how to make his formula, how important his sleep schedule is. Namjoon, although exhausted, takes it all in and memorizes it.
It's around five in the morning when he eventually passes out. He wakes up about two hours later to Jungkook crying. He sees the nurses coming and offers to help so they could make sure he was doing it right. They agree and watch him make the bottle and test it on his arm before feeding Jungkook. The nurse tells him to change the diaper before going back to sleep. He nods and once Jungkook has calmed down, he gets right to it. He's done his fair share of diapers, that he knows how to do properly. Once it was finished he texts Jin to bring the twins around 11. He doesn't expect an answer at seven am but gets one.
[Alright, I'll feed them breakfast and give them a bath before bringing them over. How are you doing?]
[Definitely could be better. Although, Jungkookie had been really good all night. He's been a good sport and let me sleep a bit.]
[Well, at least you've slept a bit. Try to get some more. I'll call you before we head up.
[Thanks Seokjin-ssi, I really appreciate everything.]
[Don't worry about it. I'm here for you. Anything you need.]
[Thanks, you're a true friend.]
Namjoon closes his phone and relaxes back in the chair, he goes to sleep, catching what he can while he still has help to care for Jungkook.
It's not long before Namjoon is eventually woken up by his phone ringing. He answers it, knowing it's Jin.
~"We're on our way up, you ready for this?"~
~"As ready as I can be... The sooner the better."~
~"Alright, remember, I'm here for you."~
~"Thank you, really Seokjin-ah."
They hang up and Namjoon leaves Jungkook to greet them. When the elevator doors open, Jimin and Taehyung run to him and hug him.
"Appa! We missed you! Jinnie-hyung fun but Appa funnier!" Taehyung says and Namjoon hushed.
"Quiet down boys, the babies are sleeping."
"Right. Sorry Appa, can we see the baby now?" Jimin asks. Namjoon nods and takes them to see their brother, inviting Seokjin along. He lifts both of them up at the same time so they can see Jungkook sleeping. "He's really cute."
"Yeah, he's tiny too," Taehyung adds.
"He is, now that you're big brothers, you have to take care of him."
"We will Appa." They say in unison.
"Congrats again Hyung," Jin says as he watches Jungkook's nose scrunch up like a rabbit.
"Thank you. When we bring him home, would you like to hold him?"
"I'd love to.”
"Jimmie wants to hold the baby too."
"Taetae too."
"You both can hold Jungkookie too. You'll have to be careful though, babies are like glass." They both nod and watch their brother with wide eyes.
"Where's Eomma? Doesn't she wanna see Jungkookie?" Taehyung asks. Namjoon knew it was coming but he's still shocked by it. He sighs and takes them out into the hall.
"Taehyungie, Jiminie... Eomma is gone... She's taking a very long sleep." He says and both boys are confused.
"Can't we wake her up?" Taehyung asks.
"No... um... You know your book about angels?"
"Mhm." they nod.
"Eomma joined the angels. She can't wake up... We can see her one more time before she joins them." He says and leads them to the room. He sets them on the bed with their mother's body.
"Eomma?" Jimin calls out to her and gets no response. He touches her and feels how cold she is. "Appa, Eomma cold... she need blankie."
"Eomma is supposed to be cold. Eomma isn't inside anymore, it just looks like Eomma okay?" He says and pets Jimin's hair, doing a better job at hiding his tears.
"Eomma no hug or kiss us anymore? No more singing?" Tae asks.
"Eomma can't do those things anymore, but I can for her. If you ever need anything, you just tell Appa and he'll do it." Tae tears up and hugs his mother's body. Jimin joins him, both crying softly into what was once their mother and is now just an empty shell of her. Namjoon can see the tears and wants to join them but holds back. He had to stay strong for them. Seokjin pats his back and gives him a sympathetic look as he bends down to the crying twins.
"Do you boys want to go get some cake? To make you feel better? We can bring some back for your Appa too. It looks like he needs it." They sniffle and look at Jin.
"Okie Jinnie-hyung..." Jin lifts them into his arms.
"We'll meet Appa back with Jungkookie alright?" He doesn't get a response but all parties understand to meet in the natal care unit. Seokjin leaves with the boys and Namjoon breaks down crying again. He sinks to his knees beside the bed, taking Jieun's hand and squeezing it tightly.
"They're so young... they don't understand what is going on... How can I make them understand but not destroy them..?"
"You can tell them the truth. Their mother gave her life for their brother and that they should love him as much as they loved her." A doctor says, surprising Namjoon. "I'm the OBGYN that was in charge of the delivery... I'm sorry for your loss... we did our best to save them both, she was adamant about us making sure the baby was alright and we lost her... I deeply apologize..." Namjoon stands up.
"Oh, thank you... I'm sure you did everything you could... I have my son thanks to you so I can't be furious with you. I may have lost her but I could have lost them both. Thank you." Namjoon says, shaking the doctor's hand.
"We'll be moving her to the city morgue tonight, I know she just passed but it would be best to start thinking about funeral arrangements. Did she have a will?" He asks.
"No, even if she did, it would all be going to me... Our families cut us off when she got pregnant the first time."
"Well, then I would consult a lawyer about the legal matters and contact her parents about her passing." Namjoon nods and thanks the doctor again before giving one last kiss to Jieun's head. They both go their separate ways. Namjoon heads back to the natal care unit and sees that Jungkook is awake. He walks over and gently rubs his finger against Jungkook's soft cheek.
The door opens and he looks over to see Jimin carrying a cupcake and Taehyung in Jin's arms.
“Appa, cake for you," Jimin says holding the chocolate cupcake up to him. He smiles and takes it.
"Thanks, sweetheart. Appa will eat this later okay?" Jimin nods and looks at Jungkook's crib. Namjoon places the cupcake on the little table beside the chair he had slept in. "Jungkookie is awake if you want to talk to him." He tells the twins who light up brightly.
"Can we please Appa?" Taehyung asks and Namjoon nods, picking Jimin up. Jin walks over and lets Taehyung see his baby brother as well.
"Hi Jungkookie, we your hyungs! We'll take care of you and play with you lots!" Taehyung says smiling.
"Mhm, and we'll share our sweets with you," Jimin says.
"Not yet, he's too young for sweets okay?" Namjoon tells them and they nod. They continue to babble to the baby who eventually falls asleep to their voices.
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It's Jieun's funeral, it's the first time any of his sons have met their grandparents. However, not everything went well, luckily he had Jin and Jackson to take care of the boys while he dealt with formalities.
"This is all your fault. Our daughter is dead because you couldn't keep it in your pants until marriage." Jieun's mother says.
"We never got to speak to her, and because of you we never will..." Her father says. Namjoon just takes it. They're grieving and he understands where they're coming from. He blames himself as well.
"It's not his fault, they are consenting adults. They were doing well for themselves. It was an accident, the doctor said so. Instead, think about how you cut her out of your lives. You haven't spoken to her since you found out she was pregnant with the twins. We're no better but at least have the courtesy to realize you had the chance to talk to her before this happened and didn't take it all because she had kids before you wanted her too. She was her own person. She was making her own life decisions as she had the right to. We realize that we've handled this whole situation poorly and will be doing everything in our power to fix it, but don't talk to our son about how he is to blame." Namjoon's father steps in and says.
"In case you haven't realized, if your son hadn't gotten my daughter pregnant in the first place she would still be alive." Jieun's mother states.
"There is no guarantee she would be. Just that she wouldn't have died the way she had. Now, this is a funeral service for your daughter, grow up and act like parents who just lost their daughter. Stop putting the blame on people when the situation was no one's fault. Guests are arriving." Namjoon's mother retorts and turns to greet the people coming to give their condolences. Namjoon, although close to a breakdown, greets them as well.
After the service, they went to the burial, where Namjoon, Seokjin, Jackson and Jieun's brother Jihoon carried the casket. Namjoon's parents were watching the three boys. They watch the graveyard crew lower the casket in silence as the priest gives his sermon. Afterwards, Namjoon is about to go collect his sons when Jihoon stops him.
"Namjoon-ah, may I speak to you briefly?" He asks and Namjoon hesitates. He doesn't want to be yelled at by another member of Jieun's family. He wanted to go home with his sons and grieve. He, however, nods and follows Jihoon off to the side. "I just want you to know that I don't blame you. I know how my sister is, I know that she died happily even if she didn't want to die. She died giving birth to her son, and although she'll never hold him in her arms, she loved him entirely. If you ever need help with money or anything, let me know."
"Oh, thank you Jihoon-Hyung... Thank you, really. I gotta go, the boys are definitely due for a nap. It was nice to see you even if the circumstances are horrible."
"You too, take care. I'll try to visit."
"I'd like that, I'm sure the boys would as well." Namjoon waves and heads over to his parents and friends who were holding his kids.
"Namjoon-ah, I'm so sorry for how we've treated you... We'll help more..." his mother says.
"It's fine, I understand that you had your values and I broke them... I just want you to be there for your grandsons."
"We will, we promise Namjoon-ah." His father says holding a tired Jimin in his arms.
"I tired Appa..." he says and rubs his eyes.
"I know, we'll get you in your car seats and you can nap, okay?" He asks and Jimin nods. He takes the baby carrier from Jackson and sees Jungkook is already asleep.
"I gave him a bottle and he passed out," Jackson explains.
"Well, we got quite the drive home, let's get going," Namjoon says, taking them to the van. Once they were in and buckled up, Jackson and Jin got in along with the kids.
"Namjoon, it's going to be tough raising them alone... we can find you a wife if you want..." his father says.
"... My girlfriend, the mother of my children, was just buried... and you're going to try and set me up...? You just came back into my life. I'm an adult, you can't make decisions for me. I'm not looking for some replacement."
"Honey, we didn't mean it like that. We just thought since you're working, it'll be hard to take care of the boys..." his mother tries to appeal.
"I've been doing fine for three weeks. I have people to rely on. If you want to help me, be willing to look after them once and while. Or pay my rent so I can cover the other bills and not work as much. Don't try to set me up..."
"You're right... we're sorry. We'll cover your rent, you can move into a bigger apartment so the boys have their own rooms."
"I'll think about moving, right now, Jin and Jackson are my neighbours so they can easily babysit when I need them..."
"Alright, and we hope you'll visit with the boys soon... we would like to get to know them."
"Sure, when I have time." He says and hugs them, something he hasn't done in a long time but needed. They hug back and overall, Namjoon feels a bit better. "Drive safely."
*"You as well. Tell the boys goodbye." He nods and climbs into the driver's seat.