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“I don’t know how much longer you can carry on like this. You’re spending money faster than you can earn it back. You know I want to be here for you, for you both, but I think it’s time we see reason.”
The soft voice of Dazai’s uncle carried up to the top of the steps where Dazai sat in the dark, knees pulled tight to his chest. It was late, far past his bedtime. The only time they ever discussed these things openly was when they thought he was asleep.
“I don’t know how you could even think like that!” His mother sounded a lot more desperate, but it was clear she was trying to keep her voice low. “He’s my son, I can’t abandon him! I have to keep him safe.”
“This isn’t something you can protect him from. You and I both know this isn’t something that can get better, and even the medicine isn’t helping as much as it used to. I don’t like it either, but this only ends one way. By pretending it’s not, you’re only burdening yourself further. I think it’s time we consider letting things run their course.”
There was a long pause before his mother spoke again, much more quietly this time. “I know there’s not much left to be done, but can we really just idle and watch it get worse?”
“It’s the only way that either of you will finally get to rest. Look, maybe we can…”
The voices faded as Dazai crept back into his room, silently closing the door behind him. His uncle’s words swirled in his mind, preventing him from finding sleep. It’s not like he didn’t know what was happening. He was never able to play with other kids, always too weak or ill or in pain to leave his room. Doctors were always coming and going. They prescribed various medications and routines, all while the circles under his mother’s eyes got darker. Dazai knew something was wrong with him, but was he really never going to get better?
The idea of it terrified him. He didn’t want to die, not before he was able to do all of the things he never had the chance to try. But… he also hated the thought of his mother suffering because of him. Did people really see him as a burden to her? His head throbbed and his vision blurred, and for a moment he thought it was another fainting spell. When he didn’t collapse, he realized it was tears that had started to fall.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to watch his mother struggle knowing nothing she did would change anything. However, another far too human part of him didn’t want to see her give up on him either. It slowly dawned on him that he couldn’t stay here at all.
There were no voices this time when Dazai opened the door. His uncle must have left, and his mother likely went to bed. Mindful not to make too much noise, the boy made his way downstairs. One treacherous step let out a loud creak, but nobody stirred.
Outside, the full moon was high in the sky, lighting his path to the woods. It was the one place he could think of where nobody would find him. However, it quickly became apparent that Dazai didn’t think his plan through very well. It had only been a few minutes of running before the fatigue took over his body and he had to stop, sinking to his knees to prevent himself from falling over completely. His entire body ached, and his breathing was rapid and shallow.
There was no turning back now. He wasn’t sure he’d even be able to if he tried. There was also no way to keep moving, and no place to go. And so he sat alone, the stars staring down at him in pity.
That was when she appeared. The hair was the first thing he noticed. It was pink, and it almost seemed to glow in the moonlight. The second thing he noticed was her eyes. They held an expression he’d never seen before. There was no pity, no deceit, no distress. It was the look of empathy that only one intimately familiar with pain could give.
“Someone has been praying for you very fervently. I finally had to come and see the situation for myself, but I did not expect to find you out here,” the woman said.
“What are you talking about? Who are you?”
“My name is Ozaki Kouyou.”
Dazai’s eyes widened in recognition. The moon goddess was a prominent deity, but she was not known to visit her people in person. Dazai was convinced he must be seeing things because of the stress or the cold. Maybe he’d already slipped unconscious and was having a dream. There is no way Kouyou came here for him.
“If you want to be saved, come with me Osamu,” Kouyou continued, her hand outstretched towards him.
If this was a dream, it was a pleasant one and Dazai didn’t want to ruin it. He accepted her hand and followed beside her as she walked in the direction of the village. He was surprised when they ended up stopped in front of his own front door.
“Before you decide, you have to be sure,” Kouyou started. Her free hand came up to brush his bangs away from his face gently before she continued. “If you choose to come with me, you’ll get to grow up without ever having to worry about feeling sick again. However, you won’t ever be able to come back here again.”
“If I stay here, I’m going to die soon, aren’t I?”
The Kouyou’s eyes were sad as she looked down at him and nodded. His feelings were the same. He didn’t want to lay trapped in his room watching everyone he knows just… waiting for it.
Suddenly a different thought occurred to him, one that filled him with guilt.
“Will I get to say goodbye?”
Something flashed across the goddess’s face as she turned away from him. “I’m sorry, but you can’t. My abilities to interact with humans is limited. Even if we spoke to her, she wouldn’t remember anything in the morning.”
“Then how will she know I’m okay?”
“Don’t worry, she will.”
Dazai’s confusion at her words must have been evident as she led him to his mother’s room. He watched the goddess kiss her forehead as she slept.
“What was that?”
“I sent her a dream. She asked for my help, and now I’ve sent her a message so she knows that she got through. And now, for the most important part.”
A tiny spark of silver light materialized in her palm. She lowered her head slightly and blew it towards him. Dazai watched in awe as the tiny light floated towards him and buried itself in his chest.
“A sliver of my own life force,” she explained. “A gift for you to use, since your own is lacking. Now, follow me. You will come to stay with me at the temple as one of my attendants. Don’t worry, it won’t be as boring as it sounds.”
The boy obeyed. He trailed after her, never once letting go of her hand.
Dazai woke up with a heavy heart, sad that the dream came to an end. He opened his eyes expecting to see his own room, but his surroundings were completely unfamiliar. Even stranger was the lack of soreness or fatigue plaguing his body.
Was it possible? Did she really?
A knocking sound came from the door, jolting him out of his shock. He dashed to open it, eager to confirm his suspicions. Standing outside was Kouyou, the mood goddess herself. Beside her was someone much shorter, probably closer to his age. He had a shock of red hair, blue eyes, and a smattering of freckles across his face.
“Good morning Dazai, I trust you slept well.” Kouyou’s smile was warm as she greeted him. “This is Chuuya, one of my youngest stars. I’ve tasked him with showing you around and answering some of your questions. Just be sure to stay within the temple grounds, no matter what.”
“Yes, I know, don’t worry,” the boy, Chuuya, answered. Then he turned his attention to Dazai. “Why are you still standing there gaping like a mackerel? Hurry up and get dressed so we can go play! Er, I mean, go look around!” Chuuya corrected himself after a stern glance from Kouyou.
“Y-yes, of course,” Dazai stammered. “I’ll be ready in a moment. I just need…” He foundered for a moment, looking to Kouyou for guidance.
“There will be clothes in the dresser for you. I’ll trust the rest to Chuuya, as I must be going now. I’ll be back to check on you later tonight.”
“Thank you. For everything. I don’t even know how I can make this up to you.”
“You can make it up to me by not getting into any trouble. Don’t let this one talk you into any wild ideas,” she said, nodding to Chuuya. The other boy pouted at being called out.
“It’s just because I was so bored not having anyone to play with!” Chuuya protested.
Kouyou just laughed and ruffled his hair. “I’ll see you both later.”
With that, she turned to leave and Dazai was left with Chuuya. He was practically bouncing in place as he waited for Dazai to hurry up and get ready. Dazai still felt unsure, and he knew he would probably feel homesick before the day was through. But right now a new friend was smiling at him and waiting to have fun together, and that was enough for Dazai to form a smile of his own.