Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

as the car rolled farther and farther from town, all wilbur could do was stare out the window. the passing trees were red, orange, and yellow due to the fall season. it was cold, as it usually was for him.

”alright! wilbur, we are only minutes away from the new house. behave, okay? this ones different. i can feel it!” his social worker, Rachel, twisted the steering wheel, slowing turning a corner. in the distance was a farmhouse, from what wilbur could see. it was white with pale green trim, flower beds lining the house.

”didn’t put me with rednecks, did you Rach?” wilbur smiled, laughing lightly.

”i don’t think so, wilbur. you on a farm? what a mess.” she returned the smile, and signaled her blinker, turned into the drive way.

on the porch were three people. one, about wilburs height, maybe a couple inches shorter. short pink hair stood out on the man. he was wearing sweatpants and some random band t-shirt wilbur had never heard of.

the second was shorter than the first. he had on a baseball t-shirt, the sleeves red and the middle white. he had blue jeans that were a bit too long for him. probably hand-me-downs.

the last was about the same height as the second; he had orangeish brown hair. he wore a simple black t shirt and jeans, waving as the car pulled up.

”wilbur, please try to make this one work. he’s adopted two kids already, and maybe he will adopt you too!” rachel put a hand on his shoulder, smiling. 

wilbur nodded, staring straight ahead. maybe it would work out.

Chapter Text

wilbur watched rachel exit the car and approach the patio where the men stood. he forced himself to open his own door, stepping out and following.

”hello! you must be phil, i’m rachel. this is wilbur,” rachel gestured to wilbur, before turning around to shake phil’s hand.

”yes, hi rachel!” phil smiled, shaking her hand. he turned to the other two boys on the porch. “this is tommy, our youngest.” he gestured to the boy in the red and white baseball shirt. “and this is techno!” the pink haired boy said nothing, simply waving. 

“wilburs a funny name. like the pig from charlottes web.” tommy looked to wilbur, tilting his head.

”uhm. i suppose so.” wilbur looked down at his feet, shifting. phil walked past tommy to wilbur. 

“hi, wilbur. i’m phil.” phil smiled gently, putting out his hand for wilbur to shake.

whats up with these people and goddamn handshakes?

wilbur shook phil’s hand, looking up.

“well, the papers have all been signed so i’m gonna leave wilbur here with you lot! if he’s any trouble, give me a call.” rachel spoke softly, turning to wilbur. “but i’m sure he won’t be!” 

she said her goodbyes and walked back to her car, pulling out the driveway. just like that, she was gone and wilbur was alone once again. 

“come on inside, i’ll show you to your room. family dinner is in 30, so be ready! we can make whatever you want.” phil opened the door, allowing wilbur past and following him inside, techno and tommy trailing behind. 

————

“this is it! i know it’s not much, but we can go to the store tomorrow and get whatever you want to decorate.” phil stood next to wilburs desk.

”you’ve seen my record, phil. i’m a bit notorious for running, you will throw me out soon, so don’t spend all that money on me.” wilbur have a nervous laugh and set down his small backpack of his few belongings. his record hadn’t said anything about his ... destructive tendencies, because only he knew. but it did say every other miserable part of his life.

”wilbur, i know you want me to throw you out. you want to prove to yourself you’re as bad as you think. but you’re not. you don’t smoke or drink as far as i know, so i’m sure we will get along just fine. i’m overjoyed to have you here, and so are the boys. please, just give us a chance.” phil frowned a bit as wilbur turned away from him, looking out the window.

”i’ll let you get settled in. dinner is in 30, be ready please! anything specific you want to eat?” phil walked towards the door, pausing to wait for the response.

”no, that’s okay.”

Chapter Text

wilbur sat in his window, smoking a cigarette. he’d laughed at phil’s thought that he didn’t smoke or drink. realistically, no one knew. 

he took another drag, letting the air flow from inside the house to outside carry the smoke. his door opened slowly, near silently, so quietly he didn’t even notice.

”phil doesn’t allow smoking,” a voice mumbled from behind him, his door clicking closed. 

wilbur turned around, locating the voice. it was techno.

”aw darn, guess i’ll just be a perfect little boy and stop,” wilbur said sarcastically.

”you’ve got a big ego for such a little guy.” techno laughed a little, “dinners ready. better hide that smoke smell so phil doesn’t know ‘perfect little boys’ secret.” techno mocked what wilbur had said, moments before.

he turned, walking out of the room leaving wilbur to scoff. he took one more drag, putting out his cigarette on his ash tray. he swung his lanky, thin legs down from his window, hitting the ground. he sprayed on some cologne, hopping to mask the smell.

when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he took a seat at the table next to tommy and techno, across from phil.

”please tell me we don’t have to thank god for our food or something,” wilbur said.

”pfft, no. not unless you want to,” phil laughed lightly.

everyone began dishing their plates, wilbur simply sliding a piece of chicken around. he chopped it precisely, using as much time as he could.

”for such a twig you take an awfully long time to eat.” tommy stuffed a piece of chicken into his mouth, talking while he chewed.

”not hungry, gremlin child.” wilbur continued cutting the chicken, trying to ignore the look phil was giving him.

”wha- you are a right dickhead, wilbur.” tommy was only joking, of course.

”okay, tommathy.” wilbur grinned as tommy glared at him.

phil looked around at the table, tommy, technos, and his own plates were all empty. but wilburs was a pile of chicken, chopped into tiny tiny bits.

”tom, techno, put your plates in the sink please, i have to speak to wilbur for a moment.”

wilburs head shot up from looking at his plate, looking straight ahead at phil, who saw straight through him.

tommy and techno moved quickly, putting their plates away and running upstairs to play video games together.

”so..” phil crossed his arms, looking at wilbur.

”so..?” wilbur shot back a look, bouncing his leg.

”we can sit here until you finish or we can talk about it, because i presume that’s not normal.” 

“you’ll get to see a lot about me isn’t normal, phil.” wilbur smiled, knowing he was annoying phil.

phil sighed, “you smell like smoke, too.”

”shocker, a foster kid smokes.” wilbur stood up from the table, putting his plate by the sink. “goodnight, phil.”

Chapter Text

his stomach twisted, the hunger tearing away at him. family dinner was such a fucked up concept, especially when one kid can’t even eat. it was around 9 pm now, and the guilt start to set in. he’d been horrible to phil. phil, who was kinder than any parent had been to him before. phil, who let him walk away from that table instead of yelling at him to come back.

a knock on the door startled him. he swung his legs over the edge of his bed, waiting.

”yeah?”

”hey, can i come in?” phil’s voice echoed from the hallway.

”uhm, sure.” wilbur crossed his legs, watching the door open.

”it’s sunday tomorrow, so we can go out and get whatever you need. but wilbur, i’ll have to confiscate any cigarettes or alcohol you have.” phil walked in, closing the door behind him.

”no! what the hell? i’m here for a couple hours and you want to take my shit?” wilbur threw his hands up in the air.

”wilbur, i don’t want to anger you, especially because i know you’re a good kid under it all. but please, don’t make this difficult. i just want to help you, okay?” phil took a seat next to wilbur, folding his hands.

”no! it’s as simple as that.” wilbur turned away, crossing his arms.

phil sighed, quietly reaching into wilburs bag when he wasn’t looking, taking the pack of cigarettes. wilbur turned around, seeing the pack in phil’s hand. he reached out, trying to grab the pack from phil, but he held it away.

“phil, no. please. i’ll do anything, please phil. you don’t understand. you can’t do this to me and you know that!” wilburs breathing quickly picked up and he realized he was having a panic attack. he kept grasping for the pack breathlessly, phil trying to calm him down. wilbur couldn’t hear any of it.

his binder was killing him and he was so hungry. everything became too much, and he ran out his door downstairs to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. began searching. he eventually found a small razor. he took a seat on the bathroom floor and closed his eyes as he swiped. the knocking is what brought him back to reality. he glanced down at his arm, blood pooling and sliding off into a small puddle on the floor. throwing some toilet paper over it and wiping, he replied to the knocks.

”go the fuck away.” he hissed, angrily.

”wilbur, i’ll go but i need a sign that your safe. please open the door,” phil’s voice sounded soft and caring and wilbur felt far too guilty to leave the door closed.

he quickly wiped up the mess and hid the toilet paper deep in the trash can. he approached the door, sliding his sleeves down. he turned the handle and glared forward at phil.

“can i go now?” wilbur muttered, annoyed.

”yes, wil.”

Chapter Text

sunday rolled around, the sunlight waking wilbur. he craved nicotine like nothing else. his arms ached and hunger dug at him. he fished an old hoodie out of his bag and some sweatpants, putting them on and walking out of his room. it was just past sunrise, so no one else was up yet, except for techno, who he presumed never slept. he crept downstairs towards phil’s room, creaking open the door after hearing phil’s snoring. the room was decorated with posters and pictures, looking more like a teenagers room rather than his foster fathers. he snuck to phil’s bedside table, searching for his cigarettes. his hand hit the pack and he slid them out of the bedside table carefully. phil began to stir, so he closed the drawer and left the room as quietly as possible. mission success, in wilburs book.

————

lucky for wilbur, phil lived where he had been born and grew up, so he wasn’t far from his friends. he called schlatt around 10.

“wilbur! how goes the new home?” schlatt sounded rather cheerful, today.

“shit. he took my cigs, but i’m sneaky so i stole them back.” wilbur smiled.

“well damn. wanna get out of there? we can hang for awhile.”

“you know it.” wilbur grinned, sliding on his beanie.

————

“PHIL! i’m going out with a friend,” wilbur knocked on phil’s door, loud enough to wake him.

“who?” phil said groggily.

“uhm, his names schlatt. we will go buy me some clothes or something, so you and i don’t have to.” wilbur shifted, putting his phone in his pocket and his backpack on.

“have him come pick you up, so i can meet him.” wilbur could hear movement from behind the door.

“i’m 16, not 4. but fine.” he sent a quick text to schlatt with his address, waiting.

Chapter Text

easy to say, phil didn’t approve of schlatt much. schlatt had arrived quite loudly, driving up to the house with music blaring. it was made worse when he knocked on the door.

”WILBUR! let’s go, it’s cold out.” he knocked once more, trying to peak through the window. 

the door opened softly and phil stood, crossing his arms.

”schlatt, hello. i’m phil, wilburs foster father.” phil’s face was not pleased; schlatt seemed like trouble.

”uh- hello, sir. wilbur and i were just going to go shopping.” schlatt shifted on his feet, looking behind phil, seeing wilbur in the kitchen. he was just putting a couple things into his jacket pocket.

”yes, he told me. do you usually drive that fast?” phil tapped his foot. he didn’t want to be rude to wilburs friends, but he also didn’t want wilbur around bad influences.

”no, sir. just hit the gas a little too hard,” schlatt smiled as wilbur approached, walking past phil. 

“wilbur, be home by 5 PM at the latest! here’s some cash, try to find some clothes please.” phil passed wilbur a 50 dollar bill, which was astounding to wil. he trusted a natural runaway with that much money?

”oh, right. thanks phil! i’ll be back later, i guess.”

——-

of course, shopping was a disaster. they ended up just cruising around town in schlatts car, driving around to their favorite spots. eventually, at 3 PM, they found themselves sat at a cliff overlooking the beach. wilbur smoking a cigarette and schlatt watching intently.

”you’re pretty scrawny, wil. you are still recovering and following your meal plan, right?” schlatt turned his body towards wilbur. he didn’t want to push his friend, but wil had lied to him about recovering before.

”yes, mum.” wilbur took another drag, looking over at the water.

”wilbur. promise?”

wilbur gulped, “promise.”

by four, wilbur had gone through two more cigs. schlatt had never seen him smoke that much.

”won’t phil be pissed if you’re home late? we are a good 40 minutes from your place.” schlatt wrapped his arms around his body, a tad cold.

”probably. we got a couple shirts and pants so i figure he won’t complain too much.” wil put out his cigarette in the grass, laying on his back.

”we should get you home.” schlatt pushed himself up to stand, stretching out a hand for wilbur.

he took it, pulling himself off the ground. once he was up, he dropped schlatts hand and they began walking to the car. wilbur was stumbling, almost unaware of where he was or what was happening. 

“wil- shit, are you okay? cmon, i have crackers in the car, maybe they will help.” schlatt grabbed wilburs arm to steady him, not missing the slight sharp inhale that came with the mention of food.

“no, no i’m okay schlatt. tired, that’s all. let’s just get me home.”

”okay, wil.”

———

Chapter Text

when he got home, tommy, techno, and phil were in the living room playing monopoly. tommy was whining about techno owning all the nice places and adding hotels all around while phil laughed.

“oh! welcome home, wil. family dinners in about an hour, so you have time to tidy up.” phil glanced at his watch and back at wilbur, noticing how pale he was but deciding it was best to not mention it.

“alright- thank you phil.” wilbur was shaking a little, shivering more so. he stumbled down the hallway and into his room, weird looks from tommy and techno following him.

his head ached, his body was cold. he hadn’t eaten in two days, and he was starting to feel it. his blood sugar was low and everything hurt. he crashed onto his bed, curling up into a ball. he rolled up his sleeves, examining the damage. it hadn’t been too bad, but it haunted him.

quickly, he felt his eyes fall closed and sleep overtake him.

—— 

“wilbur, dad says to come down for dinner!” tommy shrill voice awoke wilbur, loud knocks coming from the other side of the door.

”what the fu- alright jesus christ. give me a second,” wilbur slid on his glasses and put on a new jumper and sweatpants. he blinked harshly, the light hurting his eyes. sharp, sudden pains in his ribs dug at him. he did his best to ignore them as he made his way downstairs for family dinner, which was basically hell.

techno had no intention of mentioning wilburs stumbling or pale, shaking body to anyone as he came down the stairs. phil was still in the kitchen instead of the dining room, and tommy was too preoccupied on his phone. all he could do was mouth ‘you okay?’ and raise an eyebrow at his new foster brother. all wilbur could do was shrug.

”dinners ready!” phil announced, bringing large dishes over to the table. he set down a bowl of noodles and spaghetti sauce and a tray of garlic bread on the table, taking his seat across from wilbur.

tommy immediately launched across the table, grabbing some bread and dishing up his plate. techno waited for phil to be done before taking any, handing the utensils to wilbur.

he took a small amount of noodles, avoiding the sauce, and placed it on his plate. noodles could be relatively low in calories, so then seemed like a safe bet to wilbur.

dinner was almost halfway done when tommy mentioned it. wilbur had only eaten a couple noodles, chopping the rest up.

”why don’t you eat?” tommy said. he was quite ignorant to these things, not knowing any better.

”what?” wilbur turned, looking at tommy.

”i’ve not seen you eat more than that since you got here,” tommy raised an eyebrow, gesturing to wilburs plate.

”oh, i got food while i was out with schlatt. not too hungry.” wilbur sunk down in his chair, closing himself off from the rest of the table.

”whatd you have?” tommy said, excitedly. he wasn’t trying to interrogate wilbur, he just desperately wanted to speak to him! he looked up to wil, although he’d only been there a few days.

“yeah, wilbur. what’d you have?” phil gave wilbur a look, definitely not angry. phil didn’t have it in him to be angry at any of his sons. it bordered on fear and concern.

“uhm. we went to a chinese restaurant.” the lie came out easily, from wilbur. he looked to techno, eyes basically pleading for help. phil was about to speak up when techno began to talk.

”oh uhm, dad i forgot, i asked wilbur to help me with a school project. it’s kinda big so we should get started, thanks for dinner though!” techno stood quickly, grabbing his and wilburs dishes and placing them in the sink. wilbur took the hint and stood, following techno out of the dining room and up the stairs into techno’s room.

as soon as the door was shut, techno turned to face wilbur. 

“so what was that? you only get one free save from me, so i hope you used it well.” techno looked at wilbur, trying to decipher what he was thinking. 

“god it’s like they are suffocating me. you aren’t gonna snitch on me, right? i’m sure you understand.” wilburs hands reached up to his own hair, grabbing on.

”well, i don’t understand personally but i think i get it. you are shaking, wil. your also very pale. you aren’t fooling anyone except tommy, and everyone can fool tommy.” 

“its my life, they can’t really stop me. and i couldn’t eat if i tried. it’s scary, techno.” wilbur sat down in techno’s desk chair, putting his head in his hands. “i’ve been sick like this for two years, i can’t stop if i tried.”

techno stared at his new foster brother. he hadn’t ever been great with emotions or comforting people. he walked to wilbur, offering him a hug which will gladly took.

”i’m not a snitch, wilbur. but i’m not gonna encourage this. you gotta work on getting better, okay?” techno heard a small sob and winced. he was bad with emotional people.

”okay.”

Chapter Text

a fire can only burn so long when it’s oxygen is being restricted.

human beings are the same way; a person can only go so long with restricted food.

after the exchange with techno, wilbur slipped down the hallway into his room. it was around 7 pm when he and techno’s conversation finished, so it wasn’t late enough to go to bed.

he sat on his bed, looking out his window at the night sky. he’d always been a fan of the stars; they were his favorite thing. techno’s words haunted him, though.

youve got to work on getting better, okay?

okay.

no, no he wouldn’t. he hadn’t weighed himself since he got here and that was starting to scare him. what if he gained? what if he looked fat? 

he moved quietly from his bed and out his door, down the hallway to the bathroom. he searched the room carefully, seeing no scale. 

“what kind of person doesn’t have a fuckin’ scale?” wilbur mumbled.

with shaking hands, he made his way from the bathroom to phil’s office. he knocked gently and creaked open the door.

”oh, hello wilbur! sorry about that, i was just working on something. what’s up?” phil said, turning in his chair, facing wilbur and taking off his headset.

”oh uhm, just wondering, do you guys not have a scale?” wilbur asked.

”a scale? why?” phil raised an eyebrow.

”it’s just something houses usually have so i was confused, that’s all.” wilbur glanced down the hallway towards the bathroom, seeing tommy walk in.

”oh. well, we don’t have one, sorry wilbur.” phil frowned. “come in and sit down, please.”

wilburs eyes widened and he slowly shut the door and trudged his way over to the small sofa in the corner.

”wilbur, i’m not dumb. i like to think none of you take me for a fool. you can talk to me, okay? i was thinking maybe you should see a therapist.” phil folded his hands in his lap.

”no. fuck that. no fuckin’ doctors. they will just spew a bunch of bullshit and you’ll all believe it.” wilbur raised his voice slightly.

”like what? what do you think they will say, wil?” phil asked patiently.

“they’ll say i’ve got an ‘eating disorder’” wilbur said, doing air quotes for the statement. “bunch of bullshit.”

”but is it bullshit, wilbur? you’re pale, you are shivering constantly, and just look at you!” phil gestured to wilbur, “you are a twig, mate.”

wilbur stayed quiet for a moment before he stood abruptly, moving to leave, but forgetting he couldn’t stand that quick due to his low iron. his vision quickly went black and he his the ground with a loud thud.

”what the fuck- TECHNO! TECHNO, COME HERE QUICK PLEASE.” phil jumped off his chair, landing on the ground next to wilbur. 

techno ran into the room. he immediately pulled out his phone and dialed 9-1-1.

Chapter Text

wilburs eyes opened to two paramedics above him. one was speaking to phil and techno and the other was checking wilbur for wounds.

”he stood up and just, hit the ground.” phil explained.

”what the fu-“ wilbur mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

the paramedics and his new foster family turned, all eyes shot to wilbur. he glanced around at all of them, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

”i just fainted, low iron. no need to flip your shit.” wilbur rubbed his head where he had hit the ground, eyeing phil.

the paramedics turned, facing phil. 

“he seems okay, no obvious signs of severe injury. we can have him admitted and checked over or he can stay here with you,” the paramedic glanced towards techno, “but he seems okay.” 

“he can stay here, in that case. thank you lads,” phil walked forward, shaking their hands.

——————

as soon as the paramedics were gone, techno was sent off to his room and wilbur and phil ended up in the kitchen, wilbur taking sips of water.

”okay, well, i’m assuming you aren’t in the clearest headspace to speak about it so i’ll let you get some rest.” phil turned to the counter, grabbing ibuprofen and handing them to wilbur.

he nodded and quickly took the pain relievers, making his way to his room.

he sat down on the edge of his bed, reaching into his backpack and taking a cigarette out of the pack. he sat in his window sill, lighting it and blowing the smoke out the window. smoking helped relieve the dull pain in his body.

his phone rang softly on the sill next to him. he glanced at the time and answered. 

“hello?”

”heyyyyy wilbur!” schlatts voice rang from the other side.

”hello schlatt!” wilbur replied, smiling.

”you’re going to school tomorrow, right?”

”oh, maybe. i had a bit of a medical incident a couple hours ago, so phil might not let me.” wilbur explained.

”what? what happened? wilbur what’d you do?” worry seeped into his friends’ voice.

”just stood up to quick and fainted, jesus calm down.” 

wilbur took another drag as silence fell between them.

“sorry. you just kinda, have a reputation. ‘medical incidents’ are scary for you wilbur.” schlatt said quietly.

”i didn’t mean to get angry. i’m sorry schlatt; but yes, hopefully i’ll be at school tomorrow. i’ll go ask phil, okay?” 

“okay!”

Chapter Text

phil was hesitant to wilbur going to school, especially after his fainting fit the night before, but he figured it was for the best. he wanted wilbur to get back to normal as soon as possible.

a soft knock rose from the other side of the door. wilbur stirred, rolling over in bed as his door was pushed open.

”breakfast. we leave for school in twenty minutes.” techno said, sleepily.

wilbur wanted to say he wasn’t hungry, but he had to eat soon or he’d pass out in school. and he had to recover from the fainting hours before.

”’mkay, tell phil i’ll be down in a couple minutes.” wilbur rubbed his eyes.

techno nodded, turning and closing the door. wilbur threw his legs over the edge of his bed, grabbing black jeans and a yellow sweater. he went to put on the sweater when a sudden pain in his ribs sent him doubling over in pain. he hasn’t taken off his binder in ages, and his ribs were probably ruined.

he pushed the pain away and made his way downstairs, taking a seat next to techno at the table. everyone else dishes up their plates while wilbur grabbed a granola bar. he figured he could make it last the day. he slid the granola bar into his backpack and slipped away from the table into the bathroom to get ready. 

he looked at himself, examining his body. other people could look at him and see nothing wrong, but to wilbur, all he could see was the bad.

a knock on the bathroom door dragged him from his thoughts and he made his way out to the car.

—————

it was still relatively early in the school year, so he wasn’t too out of place. schlatt was waiting by the door when he arrived and he saw familiar faces all around.

”wilbur! jeez, it’s cold out. you took a decade to get here.” schlatt complained.

a shrill voice gasped from behind wilbur, he turned quickly, seeing his old friend niki.

”wil! welcome back, we missed you!” she said, pulling him into a hug.

”niki! hello!” he smiled, returning the hug.

maybe today wouldn’t be so bad.

Chapter Text

“alright class, a new student has been moved into our class. everyone say hi to,” she paused, looking down at her attendance chart, “Wilbur Soot, if i’m correct.” She smiled, gesturing to wilbur. 

Wilbur spent hours locating all his teachers emails and telling them his correct name last night, thank god. he shrunk a little into his chair as the rest of the class glanced at him. he hadn’t changed schools but he had transitioned and hadn’t been in this school in nearly a year due to legal processes. he had been fostered a couple states away and went to a local catholic school, despite not being catholic. he still remembers how awful it was there.

“alright! notebooks out please,” she continued.

—————

everything went smoothly until he was on his way to the library during his break period. he was walking down one of the more secluded hallways, hoping to avoid most people. 

“hey, where you going mrs. soot?” he froze, stopping his movement. he heard laughter close behind and spun on his heels to face the voice.

”me?” he asked.

”you heard me.” there was a group of 3 guys, one rather short and stubby and the other two a little shorter than wilbur. of course, though, wilbur was taller than most everyone.

”uhm. i think you’ve got the wrong guy,” wilbur said, “my last names soot but i don’t know any Mrs. soots, unless you mean your mother,” wilbur smirked, a smug look on his face.

the boy scowled and went on. ”you don’t look much of a guy to me,” one of the boys said stepping forward. wilbur still towered over him.

he looked down at the kids’ badges, “freshman, i bet. guess you gotta get your eyes checked, bud.” wilbur said, ruffling one of the guys’ hair.

”don’t touch me! you fuckin’ freak.” he shoved wilbur in the chest, winding him. sharp pains shot through his ribs as he wheezed. “fuckin tra-“ the boys words were cut off by a shout from behind them.

”wilbur?” thank god, wilbur thought. it had sounded like tommy.

wilbur peeked around the group from his spot on the floor, spotting tommy approaching. “toms! hey,” he coughed out, “help me up, won’t you?” he asked, stretching out a hand, wheezing.

tommy nodded, taking wilburs hand and hoisting him up. 

“is there a problem here, wil?” tommy asked, eyeing the boys.

”no, no. just a bunch of freshman getting brave.” wilbur said, turning on his heels and walking away, tommy following close behind.

he turned a corner and collapsed into the wall, coughing and wheezing. he brushed off his jeans and clutched at his chest.

“wilbur, jesus, are you okay? do you want me to call phil?” tommy quickly knelt down, taking out his phone.

”no, no. sorry about that,” wilbur said. he felt his elbows sting from where he hit the ground.

”go into the bathroom and take a break, okay, wil?” tommy whispered, glancing around checking the hallway.

”what?” wilburs eyes shot up to tommy. 

“i’m not that dumb, wilbur. don’t worry though, i didn’t even piece it together until now. i won’t tell phil or techno, no one. promise.” tommy took a seat next to wilbur, handing him a water bottle from his backpack.

wilbur stayed quiet for a moment, sipping the water. “okay. thanks, tommy. get to class little gremlin.” he said, smiling. 

tommy laughed and stood, walking down the hall. wilbur slipped into the bathroom, staring hard at himself in the mirror. he had dark eye bags and there was a fading bruise left near his jaw. his old foster house wasn’t the best.

he shrunk down the wall of the bathroom stall and closed the door with his foot. his vision faded to black as he fell asleep, his arms wrapped around his stomach.

Chapter Text

when he arrived home, he rushed past phil and straight into his room. he threw down his backpack and crawled into bed, not bothering with all the homework he would have to do later in the day. 

he was shocked that there was no pestering from phil or techno or tommy. normally one of them had to come fuck up his alone time, but he was alone. for once, he was alone. 

he inhaled deeply and grabbed a guitar case that he left underneath his bed. he took out the guitar and tuned it as best he could.

he began to play a couple chords. he knew what song he’d play; la jolla. it was his favorite. he gently played the song and sang quietly along. he watched the sun dip below the horizon and he continued to play.

he heard small footsteps pass his door, so he stopped momentarily before hearing them retreat. he continued to play, letting everything from the day drain out.

he eventually drifted off to sleep.

—————

when he woke up, he was still holding his guitar close. he heard tommy and another voice laughing loudly from down the hall. he presumed that was tubbo.

he didn’t hear much else, but he figured phil was in his office and techno asleep. he moved quietly to his dresser and took out a new outfit, putting it on.

his spirits were unusually high today. he hadn’t been this happy in so long that the feeling was nearly foreign. he slipped on his clothes and opened his door, walking out and down towards tommy’s room.

the laughing had calmed down, so he knocked quietly.

”come in!” a voice rose from the other side of the door.

he wrapped his hand around the handle and pushed the door open. tommy looked surprised, but happy.

”oh! tubbo, hey, this is wilbur.” he said, gesturing to the boy.

”hi wilbur!”

”hello, tubbo!” he smiled and paused. “anyway, i’m gonna be outside if you need me. just in the backyard.”

”okay! ill let phil know,” tommy replied.

he retreated from the room and grabbed a notebook, pencil, and his guitar. his phone resided in his pocket so he had no need to grab that.

he sat down next to a small bush with little dying leaves on it and began to write a new song.

Chapter Text

phil had realized he quite enjoyed listening to wilbur play his music. he was a talented singer and he was great at the guitar. although he may never admit it, techno and tommy enjoyed the music too. this kept them at peace for a small while before eventually the music stopped all together.

wilbur had been playing for hours a day every day for the past two weeks, so when the family woke up and heard silence, it was unusual. the weeks had been unusual in themselves; wilbur began eating a bit more at meal times, which everyone seemed relieved by, and he was getting great grades.

it was a saturday and phil was cooking breakfast as he usually did when techno walked into the kitchen. he wore pajamas and carried his phone.

”hey dad,” he said, yawning.

“morning techno! go wake up your brothers, won’t you?” phil said, flipping some bacon.

techno nodded and left up the stairs, returning a few minutes with tommy, looking confused.

phil looked around and glanced down the hallway behind the boys. “where’s wil?” he asked.

techno scratched his neck and spoke up, “uhm, we tried to wake him up and he just rolled over and looked at the wall. we gave up.”

phil sighed, “i’ll go get him. watch the food for me,” he said. he walked past his sons and made his way to wilburs bedroom. he knocked lightly and opened the door.

“hey, wil, buddy. it’s breakfast time. you alright mate?” phil asked. 

wilbur was staring at his wall, eyes awake but not alert. he was wrapped in his blanket and he had his knees folded up to his chest.

”wil?” 

“go away, please.” he whispered.

phil frowned and closed the door behind him, sitting down next to wilbur.

”talk to me, bud. what’s going on?”

”go away, phil.” wilbur mumbled, turning his face away.

”let’s talk about it, oka-“

”phil, i said go the fuck away. please.” wilbur said, more forcefully this time.

phil was shocked but stood and left anyway. he made his way back downstairs to see his other sons putting food onto the table.

”hey, he’s not gonna join us for breakfast today i don’t think,” phil said, taking a seat.

”why? it’s weird he’s not playing his guitar. he has some songs i like,” tommy spoke up, dishing his plate.

techno nodded and took his turn to get his food.

”not sure, he’s just not feeling good today.” phil took the utensils from techno and gathered some food onto his plate.

the house was void of the tunes wilbur once sang for a long time after. 

Chapter Text

the silence was painful; wilbur had been doing so well for so long and he just crashed it had seemed. it was the weekend now, though. tommy doing what he usually did, playing minecraft with tubbo, and techno in the backyard training.

wilbur was where he usually was, his bedroom. he laid on his stomach, one arm limp, hanging off his bed. his chest stung from the binder but he barely felt it. he was so cold he couldn’t move. hunger dug holes through him and he felt as though he was going to die.

he stared to the side, at his wall. the sunlight was blocked off by a curtain and he was thankful.

he swung his arm idly around as it hung off his bed. he sighed, standing and approaching his desk.

he reached into the second drawer, searching for a familiar blade. he wrapped his hand around and slowly made his way back to his bed. he rolled up his sleeve and stared at his arm.

as he took a swipe, a knock startled him. he jumped and looked around quickly, putting the blade into his sweatpants pocket, pulling down his sleeve just as the door opened.

but phil noticed the quick adjustment of his clothing and raised an eyebrow. “wil? what was that?”

wilbur froze, looking to phil. “what was what?” he said, making his voice sound calm.

”wilbur, you slid down your sleeve just as i walked in. i hope you don’t take me for a fool, wil.” he spoke sadly, walking forward. “can you roll up your sleeve, please?”

he inhaled sharply, sending a stabbing pain through his ribs. he clutched at his chest and wheezed, recovering.

”shit, ow. sorry phil,” he paused, “why? there’s nothing there.”

”are you hurt? maybe it’s pneumonia-“ phil said, reaching into his pocket to google symptoms.

”no, it’s not phil,” he said, “just have a cough,” wilbur continued.

”okay?” phil spoke up as he took a seat next to wilbur. “mate, if there’s really nothing there you’d roll up the sleeve,” he smiled sadly and looked down at wilburs sleeve. 

wilbur panicked and glanced around the room. he located his backpack and phone and got ready to stand up and run, but phil put a hand on his shoulder.

”wilbur. please, just roll it up. i’m not gonna be mad,”

”there’s nothing there, phil! fucking god,” he mumbled.

phil looked at him and sighed. “wilbur, you don’t eat or sleep, we’ve barely seen you in the past few weeks, you don’t even play your guitar anymore. i’ve taken care of a lot of foster kids, wil. i’ve seen this before,” he said, lowering his hand from his sons shoulder. 

wilbur scoffed, “oh, so you think i’m like them? sorry phil, but you don’t fucking know me. you’ll get rid of me soon,” he said, standing quickly. he wobbled a little, recovering from the lightheadedness.

phil followed wilbur, standing. “wilbur soot. i don’t wanna have to call someone because mental institutions do nothing for anyone, but i’m required to report it or get you help. please, just don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

wilbur hesitated and looked to his backpack. he ran, grabbing it and darting out his door. he heard phil yell something but he kept running. he made it to the front door and took off out into the driveway and off into the woods across the road.

it was cold and he had only a thin sweater and whatever may be in his backpack, but he kept moving. he heard techno, tommy, and phil shouting for him.

he ducked under a fallen log and peeked out, seeing his foster family approach. he held his breath as they passed, thinking they hadn’t seen him. he snuck out from under the log and continued off into the forest, not making it far before he hit the ground.

he saw a flash of pink hair and the leaves on the ground as techno jumped him, picking him up.

wilbur screamed and flailed his arms, hitting techno on the nose. he hit his hands against technos shoulders and attempted to free himself, but techno was doing his best to keep him there.

”let go of me! LET GO OF ME YOU FREAK!” he screamed, kicking at techno. he heard running footsteps approach as he clawed at technos face.

he was about to break free when tommy and phil arrived, helping techno restrain and calm him down.

once they had calmed him down enough to sit on a log, techno spoke up. he held a small piece of metal, holding it up to phil. 

“fell out of his pocket,” techno mumbled.

tommy shot a glance to wilbur and to techno. “why would he have that? that’s useless.”

phil paused and took the blade from techno, pocketing it. “tommy, head home, okay? we will be there soon.”

tommy began to protest, but was quickly shut down and began his journey home.

”roll up your sleeves, wilbur.” techno said, taking a seat next to his brother.

tears slipped from wilburs eyes as he held his arms out in technos direction, allowing him to roll up the fabric. sharp inhales came from both techno and phil as they assessed the damage.

”wilbur, why?” phil begged.

wilbur shrugged and techno stared at the arms littered with little scars and bigger ones, one still bleeding.

”phil, this ones recent. 15 minutes or so.” techno said, assessing it.

”i was right.” phil dropped his head into his hands. “i walked in and he was acting strange, and he ran because i asked him to show me his arms.” phil cried out.

techno stared blankly at wilbur and leaned forward, whispering, “i’m sorry. for tackling you, that is,” he said. he leaned back and stood, comforting phil.

”phil, can i have it back?” wilbur said, breathing picking up quickly.

phil’s eyes shot open and his jaw dropped. “no! wilbur, what the hell?”

”it’s all i have, phil,” he said, hyperventilating. “i won’t do it again, i just want it back!”

phil reached into his pocket and grabbed the metal blade, launching it into the forest. wilbur cried out, hitting his hands on his head and collarbones. he was hyperventilating, shallow quick breaths.

he barely heard techno guiding him through a breathing exercise and he barely remembers getting home. the talk they’d have to have would be horrendous, he thought.

he sat at the dining room table, sunken back into his chair.

”wil, i’m setting up an appointment with a therapist.” phil explained softly.

wilbur shrugged and stared at the table.

”why do you do it?” phil asked.

wilbur shrugged, “sometimes it’s better to feel pain than nothing,” he mumbled. phil stood and approached him, wrapping him in a hug. 

“it’s gonna be okay,” phil said, “you don’t have to feel like that anymore.”

maybe it would be okay again. wilbur thought maybe phil was right.