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the embers from the bonfire rose to the sky like tiny lanterns, their light fading the higher they got. snowflakes slowly dropped onto the ground covering it in a white velvety blanket and in the cracks between clouds the shine of stars and the occasional bright ship engine made up for the most beautiful sight.
well, at least close to. his eyes drifted between the surroundings that seemed almost too good to be true, and the guardian. being in such a place after spending countless hours sitting around on the tangled shore, alone, paying for his past mistakes he didn't even remember committing. when he closed his eyes he saw the spider's mask, eyes squinting as if the image of his boss was making another 'fair' deal with him in his brain. or the few guardians he met, who shouted at him, beat him and killed him over and over. he had no one except glint up until now.
"crow, I don't think you should be drinking like that." glint scrunched his singular eye in worry as he watched his risen nearly down an entire bottle of wine in one swing. "nonsense. I bet if you had a mouth, you'd be joini-" the awoken was swiftly interrupted by the guardian, whose train of thought was clearly being affected already. "exactly. there's nothing-" they hiccupped. "nothing wrong with drinking." they ended their sentence with a sip of some sort of strong liquor and their face wrinkled as they swallowed it, not used to the strong alcohol. "oh come on, at least one of you should be responsible." ghost retorted.
it was new, seeing the guardian and crow so happy. both of them were exhausted from the endless fights they had to put up each day, but now, it was just the two of them laughing at every other nonsensical sentence in the bonfire's bright warm shine. seeing them like this is worth every bit of trouble that the ghosts knew would ensue, already preparing to drag the drunk risen back to the shore.
"glint, i'm sorry for all the... things you're going through. I know being under the spider's constant watch must be horrible." said the young wolf's ghost, as they slowly flew off to a tree, settling down on a branch. they could talk without interrupting the fun. "i'm handling it just fine. it's crow who's not been doing the best." the little ghost sighed, but his worry was easily eased staring down from the tree at the guardian and crow having a gunfight with fingerguns. "i'm glad he has the guardian now. every night he would cry, wondering what he has done that even as a lightbearer everyone hates him. now instead of sobbing before sleep, he just won't shut up about them." it was hard to voice all of his concerns about crow. especially when he knew the prince he once was.
the other ghost was quiet, instead processing the new knowledge about their hardships in silence. "I agree. I'm glad my guardian isn't alone in fighting against the darkness anymore." he knew that the vanguard was there, their fireteam, and all the people who once helped them. but he knew his guardian never truly formed strong relationships. not after cayde, but crow changed that as soon as he killed that knight on the moon. they looked down onto them, now making a snowman out of the inches of snow which covered the ground. "glint, look!" crow shouted, waving the opposite direction of glint. "i'm over here." he sighed, but came down to look at what the two of them had made. "we built a snowman!" the two risen squealed in unison, holding onto another but falling regardless.
after their snowy masterpieces were done, they sat down on the ground when the ghosts chattered away from them again. the bonfire's embers weren't as close to the stars anymore, the flames more humble. the guardian looked into his eyes which seemed a lot further away than they really were. their depth perception was out of the window, but they still saw the hope and trust and everything in his eyes, and they stilled for a long moment.
their emotions were extremely amplified by the liquor they drank, but nothing made sense anymore. what were they even doing? this was the same person they killed. they killed him to avenge their best friend. but it wasn't him. he was under control, manipulated. but it was the same person, wasn't it? their mind raced suddenly but the eyes staring back at them were of an innocent man, not a cold blooded murderer. would they see the same looking into uldren's eyes? how did they not care about who they were with? what even happened? the guardian was slowly growing angry. they weren't supposed to do this.
"guardian?" uldre- no, crow's soft voice rang through their ears as his eyes continued boring into their soul. he knew they were deep in thought, but he couldn't help it. they looked up at him, tears threatening to spill. he noticed, but didn't dare mention it. "thank you. for... for being here. with me." his words were slurred, but the raw emotion in the guardian's eyes was rather sobering. as he said that, there was a strange sparkle in his eyes. the guardian didn't want to acknowledge it, but they knew. sitting there, staring into one another's eyes quietly as snowflakes whirled around them, the wind chimed between the trees and the last flames of the bonfire slowly settled down, the guardian's emotions changed by the second.
hate. hate for themselves, for looking at the same eyes that regarded the hunter vanguard before pulling the trigger with love. hate for him, for being the same body, same mind to kill an innocent man those 2 years ago. sadness. for keeping the truth from him, the abuse he endured. for glint, who had to witness his best friend so hurt. frustration. frustrated that they had such a hard time coming to terms with the fact that crow wasn't uldren, frustrated their feelings for him were strong regardless. love. for him, his amber eyes, for their ghost, for glint, for everyone who stood by their side. hope. for a better future, for themselves, for crow, the world - no, universe.
crow's feelings were just about the same melting pot of different trains of thought, all boiling down in his tightening chest. he loved the guardian. and he knew they knew, but they also knew all of his past. in his previous life, he was a bad person. that much was certain to him with his limited knowledge. however the guardian whose tears were begging to slip out of their eyelids, the one whose eyes reflected the same feelings back at him, but never admitting them - they never judged him for it. they cared for him despite all the hatred and loneliness surrounding him.
the wine got ahold of his body when the quiet got too long, when he was at a loss of words even though he could write novels about his mind right now. he leaned towards the guardian, and they didn't pull back. their bodies supported each other as his lips pressed to theirs, the hot and bittersweet taste of alcohol in throats, smell of pine and burnt wood, the beautiful shapes of snowflakes stuck on eyelashes covering half lidded eyes, his hands on the back of their neck, theirs in his hair as every stroke of a finger, whiffs of smoke pouring out as the last flicker of fire went out, the winter bird's song echoing - it all melted in the kiss, soft scents of jasmine and gunpowder the only recognisable thing in the moment.
the guardian pulled back, the watery eyes puffier than before, and crow knew exactly what they were thinking of. how come they just kissed him, with no regards to their past? and this time, the tears really slipped out. two confused ghosts watched from behind a bush, not wanting to bother them. they knew this would happen sooner or later anyway. the young wolf stumbled over their words, hiccups and stutters not letting them speak their mind. they cried, and he held them through the sobs that shook their body.
"uldren, you fucking killed him," they whisper-yelled, and realised their mistake way too late. another cry racked through their body, but his hands were still holding them. they didn't pull away, but hit his chest repeatedly, but as they wept they couldn't help but pull themselves closer. this went on for minutes, and the ghosts had to intervene. they couldn't do anything but try and calm both of them down, and it seemed to work as the two exhausted risen slowly settled back down, near the little logs and stumps they sat on.
too drunk to care and too exhausted to acknowledge the name uldren, and the person he had apparently killed, he didn't know what it meant. his brain numbed by alcohol wasn't letting him process it but something just clicked when he heard the name. probably some famous guardian, maybe they were his guard- no, the guardian's friend once, and something bad happened. what the fuck is he even thinking? he was hurt, even though he did not know who they were talking about, he was sure this uldren was a horrible person. regardless, he wasn't mad they were taking out their anger on him. whatever made them feel better, he was glad to take the pain on his shoulders.
please, just be happy. for both of us.
it didn't change the way he felt regret for not being able to be the one they would turn to. was it jealousy? he had no one to be jealous of. glint told him that he noticed how much the young wolf cared about him. so why would he be angry at himself? then it hit. maybe, the guardian would try and replace him. that's okay. anything for them. he couldn't pay for the probably hateful man named uldren's sins, so for now he was content with letting them yell into his chest.
the sunlight slowly began seeping over the horizon, softly turning the sky from a dark blue to light greens and oranges. the guardian's head ached as their eyes opened, confused about what happened. their memories were blurry, and the ones they remembered were stuck in their mind with no context. soon enough their senses were back to normal, at least as normal as possible at the moment. they sighed, confused and disoriented. what happened with them and crow? it can't be anything... bad? right? the ghosts would've stopped them. they slowly untangled themselves from his arms and tapped their ghost, who was nestled on their shoulder near their neck. he immediately woke up, but the guardian raised a finger to their lips and shushed him.
slowly pulling away from crow, and as soon as they were away without waking him up, they turned to the ghost with wide eyes. "what happened last night?" their tone was all sorts of surprised and worried. "please don't tell me…?" they held a hand cooled by the snow up to their forehead in an attempt to soothe the hungover burning. "a lot has… happened." his eye blinked. "you told him." he said that in a serious tone which made it really clear. you told him of his past life. somehow. "but don't worry. glint assessed his vitals, and there was a lot of alcohol in his bloodstream. he won't remember." he squinted, just about to give them another scolding on how careful they should be, but they waved him off. "i hope. should we wake them up?" the little light looked up and down in a nod. it was so cute.
"hi? are you awake?" of course he isn't, what are you even saying? "crow? we're still in the cosmodrome. wake up?" their voice got progressively louder as they tapped him. he was breathing hard, limbs slightly twitching. "glint? is he okay?" the young wolf managed to wake up his ghost that watched over him the entire night. he bumped his shell against his nose and crow immediately woke up. they glared at their ghost knowing that every morning he woke them up with ungodly loud beeping.
that was the first time they saw nothing but pure fear in his eyes. he sat up, brushing snow off his cloak. it was silent for a second, and they looked up at the sun which was just a bit below the zenith. it was probably around 10am. "crow, are you okay?" this time it was their voice that was soft. they sat down next to him and took his hand in theirs. "it's alright, we're safe here." glint snuggled his cheek while crow got pulled back from the most disturbing dream he had yet. hand cannons blazing, a dying exo he didn't know, and a haunting looking woman watching it all.
"another bad dream. that's all." he sounded awfully calm about it. the young wolf had their fair share of night terrors of course, but the rate at which crow just accepted them was worrying. the guardian put their head on his shoulder - "you should take care of yourself. stand up to the spider." he slowly nodded, but knew that was near impossible. "they're right crow. we'll get you out of there, okay?" ghost looked to glint as he said that, worried about his new friend. they'll have to save him, there's no way they'd let the bomb detonate. the two hungover lightbearers sat in the snow for a bit longer. it was calm and that's all they could've wanted before they had to inevitably depart for the tangled shore again. glint offered to pilot the ship and both of them were eternally grateful, knowing if crow or the guardian manually did, it would've most likely crashed within seconds.
the four of them sat in crow's ship. the guardian didn't have to come with them, there was no need for it. but they knew how much he appreciated them going back with him. he didn't have to think as he watched the somber asteroid belt of the reef, the deep purples having more saddening tones than usual. the young wolf was trying to cheer him up, horribly singing along with their ghost to some pre-golden age music, but he knew their brain was just as matted as his. the night's events still didn't clear up either. he wished to the traveler that the kiss wasn't just a matter of dreams. it was hard to tell, but the thought of it made his heart swell and for a moment, even a dream of it happening again would be enough to give him love and happiness for the rest of his life. or lives.
his wish came true just before the guardian left his ship and headed for their own. the feeling was entirely different without the liquid courage numbing their fears, blood rushing to their cheeks and ears, knees weak and threatening to give up, and the pure awkwardness of the moment. neither of them minded in the slightest - the feeling was the most beautiful and irresistible one. a pinch of embarrassment was worth every single second their lips pressed together. and when they had to part ways for the day, it was almost painful. it was already late and even if he knew the spider would be angry regardless, hurrying would be better either way. the eliksni had his suspicions and of course for a good reason - the two spent a lot more time together than he'd like.
"oh and before you go, thank you so much for the dawning cookies!" crow smiled sheepishly but the guardian couldn't see that as he threw the off-hand remark just as they were far away enough that every word was a shout. they knew that tomorrow they'd bring him more along with the finished bounties. "you better be grateful, I'm the best baker in the entire tower!" the guardian's smile was more evident in their voice than ever, before they skipped back to their ship and ghost just couldn't help but match their energy.
"i'm really glad you're happy, guardian. but can you not do that again in front of-" the guardian rolled their eyes. "i love you too ghost." he knew their guardian loved them, but hearing it made any ghost fill with pride. "do you want to stop by for ramen when we get back?" ghost suggested as he flew around the ship's cockpit, bursting with energy. "i don't think we can" they pouted, "i don't have any glimmer with me." maybe next time. the last city's ramen was the best they've ever had. maybe the only one too, sure, but it was unmatched. they wished one day when things settle down, they can take crow with them. "oh don't worry, me and glint bet on 20 glimmer you'd kiss at least once before passing out." cheeks flushed, the guardian slowly nodded their head as they aimed for the restaurant, ready to get teased by ghost for the rest of the week.
the atmosphere in the spider's lair wasn't the same. "tell me, little bird, where have you been?" the insect-like clicking of his mandibles sounded… smug, somehow. "me and the guardian stayed in the cosmodrome for a bit. to celebrate our victory." crow knew that was more of an excuse than the actual reasons, but he couldn't possibly tell that to his boss. "very well. just know the next time you're so late for your assignments, there will be consequences." he hissed, and crow just nodded and retreated back to his little room. the unpleasant interaction had barely any effect. he was used to it - besides, he still felt the guardian in his arms, their lips, the way they tried to hold in their giggles and hiccups as they fell face first into the thick snow.
they were undoubtedly in love. that was clear to their ghosts, the spider, even one titan that passed them during their 'celebration' in the cosmodrome, luckily not recognising them as they were far and their helmets were on. to both risen this feeling was so new and somehow scarier than exploring uncharted enemy territory, but they knew that they want to spend the rest of their times together, but that was a long time to plan ahead for. for now, the thought of spending the next year's dawning in the tower together is more than enough. with crow sitting on his workbench, spilling his heart and feelings to glint and the guardian swooning over crow while their ghost was mentally shutting off his hearing receptors, the darkness filled universe seemed not so bad anymore.
and they would navigate it. together, this time. but first, who was the exo from his dream?