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Rex was not caffeinated enough to deal with this banthashit.
At least the idiots had the decency to look apologetic, even if he knew they were anything but. Rex pinched the bridge of his nose even tighter, listening to the tapping of his foot echoing off the walls.
“So,” he started, secretly pleased with the way the troopers stiffened when he finally addressed them. Good, they still had a healthy fear of their pissed-off CO. “What in nine-hells made you think riding a mess tray off of the roof of the barracks was remotely a good idea?” He whipped his head up with the sharpest glare he could muster and quickly ended the snickering from the group.
Fives piped up, “Well sir, uh, you see, uh, I- someone - thought it would be cool if Hardcase rode off of the roof and landed on the pillows and cushions we set up on the ground. We um, may have miscalculated his landing, sir.” Tup, Jesse, and Hardcase pointedly looked everywhere but at Rex. “Uh huh. And what exactly led you to that spectacular idea?” He responded, channeling his inner Cody and using his driest and most unamused tone. As expected, his question was met with a brief silence. Rex crossed his arms and resumed tapping his foot. He’d patiently wait the fuckers out, he had all day.
It turned out he didn’t need all day, just a few minutes. “Fives dared him to do it!” Tup burst out. Fives let out a surprised yelp, shooting Tup a look of betrayal. “We were just hanging out in the barracks, surfing the ‘net and sharing a drink.” Tup soldiered on, ignoring Fives. “There was a video of some of the guys in Ghost sliding down a huge hill on a mess tray. We were shooting the shit, talking about how we could do better. One thing led to another, and then Fives double-dared Hardcase to go off of the roof. We did a little math, figured out where he should have landed, and set up the cushions. Jesse went up onto the roof with Hardcase to give him a push when we were ready, and Fives and I stayed on the ground to film it. It was just drunken shenanigans.” Tup finished recounting the incident and trailed off at the end, giving Hardcase an opportunity to cut in. “I couldn’t just refuse a double-dare, Captain!”
Rex glared at Hardcase’s left arm, expertly set in a shiny white cast. “I think your arm and Kix say otherwise, soldier.” The normally boisterous trooper deflated at the mention of the medic. Hardcase had already gotten an impressive dressing down from Kix while being treated in medical.
“What you four did was the stupidest, most impulsive, reckless stunt I’ve ever seen, and as captain of Torrent and General Skywalker’s right-hand man, I’ve seen a lot. You’ve earned yourselves six ten-days of sanitation duty. You’ll be entirely at the mercy of Sweep for all of it-- no amount of pleading and whining will get me to save you from him. Sanitation duty will start when we leave, and you’ll spend the rest of your time here on Coruscant inside the barracks. Dismissed.'' Rex almost felt bad about the punishment he just doled out, but he was still pissed that one of his coveted mornings when he could sleep-in had been interrupted by medical comming Rex to inform him that one of his men had landed himself in medical. Again. Rex watched as the four stood and somberly walked out of the room. Just as they reached the door, Rex smiled to himself and left them a word of advice.
“Oh, and next time you try to out-do Ghost, make sure you get your numbers right.” he called after them, delighting in their embarrassment as they scurried out.