Chapter Text
Isak was sitting on the window sill in the room which used to be his room for years. It was completely dark, both inside and outside, but he did not want to bother himself with switching on the lights, as if the darkness could completely swallow up his worries and suffering. He wanted to cry, but could not shed a single tear as if he had already cried out all his reserves of tears before. He was just looking out of the window instead, watching small snowflakes pass by his window and continue their journey downwards to join their fellow snowflakes on big drifts of snow. Join. Fellow. Concepts which were getting more and more unattainable for him with each passing day. Isak could not help but chuckle bitterly at this thought.
The cruel reality hit him hard a couple of days ago: transmission quarantine. Ten days in self-isolation. No direct contacts at all. “A state or period of remaining apart from others, especially in order to prevent the transmission or acquisition of an infectious disease”*, he read again and again the first definition of self-isolation he found in Google. The sad thing was, that Isak could not remember the name of the guy who was eventually tested positive for Covid-19, to whom Isak had contact recently and because of whom Isak had to lock himself up at home. The even sadder thing was, that Isak might not be infected at all but still had to suffer. This Christmas would be great, he kept telling himself a couple of days before. Challenges and difficulties brought by 2020 should have been compensated by a nice and warm celebration with his dad and his new girlfriend, in their comfortable house, with a Christmas tree beautifully decorated with big golden Christmas balls and shimmering lights, with lots of great presents, delicious hot punch, laughing, chatting and hugging. It did not even matter anymore that his relationship with his dad was far from exemplary, given what Terje had done to Isak and his mom, and he had never felt welcome in his new house before. The last couple of months Isak was feeling so lonely, with all that pandemics shit falling over his head and hitting him so hard that he could barely sleep at night. No, he wasn’t afraid to get sick or so, but the overall atmosphere and mood left its great impact on him. Isak was just happy not to celebrate Christmas completely alone, revelling in his loneliness, and to finally feel something like home, even if just for a little while.
And now he was forced to isolate himself. The hope of finally having someone around him on Christmas eve dissolved in mere seconds.
Isak immediately left Kollektivet where he had been living for the past six months. Both Eskild and Linn had been away for a fair number of days already, but there was still some probability that they could come back any moment, and Isak did not want them to deal with his situation. So he threw a pair of fresh clothes and school stuff like textbooks or writing utensils into his bag, and without any hesitation headed to his family house which stood empty for some time, after his mom had been placed into a healthcare institution. After all it was still his official place of living, in case some authorities would have an idea to check on him, if he were a good boy and stayed at home.
Somewhere in the distance the clock struck three. Isak jumped off the window sill and curled up on a bed where he used to sleep most of his life. A glimpse of thought flashed in his mind, that maybe it would have been no bad thing if he hadn’t existed at all.
*
He was shaken out of sleep by a buzzing sound of his smartphone. This was obviously an incoming message. First Isak could not figure out where he was, but then he opened his eyes, saw his room in the house where he was so happy till his life went to hell, and remembered everything. He shut his eyes immediately, hoping that if he would close them tight enough, he will wake up now for real and find himself in his room in Kollektivet, being in Christmas mood, happy in anticipation that he will soon be travelling to his dad’s place.
He opened his eyes again… but nothing happened. He groaned and pulled the blanket up his head.
He did not know how long he was rotting here in his bed wallowing in self-pity, maybe a day or two, or even more? He has not changed his clothes or sheets which remained on the bed since he had last slept there, and left his bed only to go to the toilet. He knew Jonas tried to call him several times and sent him a plenty of messages but he could not find any motivation to finally reach out to him. He only wondered how his battery managed not to die after this sms attack. Jonas will never leave me alone, Isak thought. He would answer him later.
His stomach expressed a pretty loud wish to eat something, and Isak finally found strength to go downstairs to the kitchen. The kitchen was once full of voices, laughter and delicious aroma of mom’s pancakes, now it was empty and desolate, the furniture was covered with a thick layer of dust and the corners could be hardly seen behind cobwebs… But Isak thought it was not a proper moment to do a nostalgia tour. He rummaged through cupboards and found a pack of cereals, probably long overdue. But he did not care at all.
In the meanwhile, his smartphone let out a joyful melody. Terje was calling. Isak didn’t feel like talking to him right now. After several attempts to call him, a message notification appeared on the screen with a characteristic blink. Isak let out a deep sigh, unblocked his phone and opened the message.
.
Dad
Isak, I am so sorry. I hope you feel good and don’t have any symptoms. Where are you now? I will send someone to take care of you. I will be sending you food on a regular basis. I hope we can celebrate together once again afterwards.
.
Isak felt dizzy and furious at the same time.
.
Isak
I am in our family house.
I don’t need anyone to take care of me, I am a big boy.
After all you’ve done, I don’t expect you to arrive and play my dad. Leave me alone.
.
He struggled with a strong desire to throw his phone into the nearest wall. Fuck off! He cried instead. He put the phone into the pocket, firmly determined to ignore it for the rest of his quarantine days.
*
Back in his room he thought that maybe he should still respond to Jonas, since he might be worrying after all. He unblocked his phone again, ready to ignore all new messages of his dad if there were any, just to find that someone whom he had never met before tried to contact him via Facebook messenger.
.
Halla Isak, I’ve heard you are at home in self-isolation. I am so sorry for you.
You know, there was a time when I did not leave my home for many days and just stayed in bed, so I can understand you so well.
.
Isak frowned. But then he read the last message.
.
Sorry, that was a pretty bad example. I can’t even imagine how it sucks. If you wanna talk, please feel free to write or call me anytime.
.
Isak let out a sigh and felt like something heavy was lifted off his heart.
He looked at the sender’s name. Even Bech Næsheim, Hartvig Nissens skole. Why have I never met you before?
*
Later on that day he skyped with Jonas though. They chatted for hours, and for a short moment Isak had a glimpse of impression that nothing changed and everything went like it was meant to be going. Then he skyped with Eva. Both Jonas and Eva tried to avoid the Christmas topic in their conversation, fearing to make Isak more depressed. They talked about studies and possible homeschooling, about empty streets and closed shops. Maybe I’m not alone after all, he thought. He had great friends, actually the greatest ones, and he felt suddenly happy and relieved.
Then he called his mom. It took a bit of time to assure her he was doing well and he was not in danger.
Later in the evening he heard a doorbell ring. He went downstairs and cautiously half-opened the door.
“Food delivery!” he heard on the other side of the door, then someone placed a box on the porch and hurried away.
Isak went out onto the porch and was greeted by the snow falling joyfully from the grey sky. He waved some snowflakes off his face and started to carry a pretty heavy box inside. Suddenly he caught a glimpse of the doorplate telling HER BOR Terje og Marianne Valtersen, Isak og Lea. Phantoms of people living once at this place. He felt something clench in his chest, and he chuckled bitterly. In a moment he went inside and came back with a sharpie, crossed out all the names except his own name and then disappeared into the warmth of his house. It felt finally so right.
In the box he found some groceries for the next couple of days. He was grateful and angry at the same time. Was my dad expecting me to starve to death if he has made it to sending me food only now?
*
Later in his bed, after Isak had changed the sheets being in high spirits, his smartphone informed him about an incoming message.
Isak opened the messenger. Even Bech Næsheim.
.
Hei, Isak! I hope you haven’t felt lonely today. If you need something, just let me know. Textbooks or so. I can bring them to your place.
.
Right, textbooks. I need to use the given free time to do homework and to study for exams.
Isak let out a sigh of relief. Why haven’t I met you before? He asked himself again. And why does it feel like getting messages from someone very dear, whom I have known all my life?
With these thoughts Isak dived into relaxing, refreshing sleep, to his own surprise.
*
On the next day this strange guy named Even Bech Næsheim showed up again. This time he didn’t send messages as the day before but made one further step: he called Isak.
Isak received his call when he was busy struggling with scrambled eggs. This time he did not shove the phone aside annoyingly, but stared at the screen for a moment, not sure what to do. He hesitated a bit, but then answered nervously:
“H-hei?”
“Halla, Isak! It’s me, Even. Yesterday I wrote you, but then started to worry if you are okay, or you are sick and need some treatment?”
“No… I’m fine. And… thank you”, Isak did not know how to react to such a strong interest.
“Well, if you feel good, then I won’t disturb you…”
Suddenly Isak realized that he didn’t want to end this conversation by any means.
“Wait! Do you know how to make scrambled eggs?”
*
They talked, and talked, and talked. Morning turned into afternoon, afternoon into evening, and neither of them wanted to be the first who would finish the conversation. First Even helped Isak to prepare the most delicious scrambled eggs he had ever eaten, although he did not have any sour cream as it was suggested in Even’s recipe and although Isak managed to drop some eggshell into his dish. They talked about their school days at Nissen, Even’s school days at Bakka, about their friends, about hobbies and everything that came to their minds. Isak has never considered himself a social person, of course he loved his friends but he was usually getting tired of communication after a while and needed some time alone, but with Even… It was different with Even. Isak felt so comfortable while talking to him that he even started to think that when they finally have to tap the screen to end their call, he would leave there a significant part of himself.
*
“What are you doing right now?” Even asked.
“I am sitting on the window sill and looking outside.”
“What do you see?”
“I see trees covered by snow. I see snow everywhere. I see kitschy Christmas decorations of my neighbors.”
Isak sighed, and Even seemed to notice that.
“Isak, have you got cigarettes by chance?”
“No. Why are you asking?”
“Because I am also sitting on a window sill in my room and smoke. We could both sit on our window sills, smoke and pretend that we are sitting together, in front of each other.”
Isak did not know how to react, the thought of it being true overwhelmed him.
“You know what, after your quarantine is over, I’ll visit you and bring my best weed. We will be sitting together, looking at each other, talking and sharing a very delicious joint,” Even continued. Isak sighed, and Even added:
“Can’t wait to see the kitschy decorations of your neighbors!”
They both burst out laughing, and their laughing voices formed a beautiful and harmonious melody vibrating in two yet independent but now slowly colliding worlds: his and Even’s.
As much as he’d like to sit and talk like this forever, Even had some homework to do, and they had to say goodbye. Isak went to bed with a single wish: to fall asleep and wake up when his isolation is over, to make time run faster, faster, the fastest, just to finally sit together at the window in his room, smoke, look into each other’s eyes, share discreet smiles and make fun of this stupid Santa with white long beard and a thick bag trying to climb the wall of the neighbor’s house.
________
*Source: https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/