Chapter Text
“Do you want a drink?” the boy asked Luke as they walked into Luke’s home. He had made his way into the kitchen as usual, whereas Luke found himself laying down on the couch, exhausted after a day of pretending and smiling and acting as if he wasn’t completely in love with this boy.
“Nope,” Luke said shortly, too tired of keeping up his act and wanting nothing more than to be alone and to sleep.
“Wow, what crawled up your ass.” The other boy said with a chuckle, yet his voice told Luke that he was taken aback by the tone Luke had used. And as much as Luke wanted to feel guilty, he was way too far past that by now. The boy closed the fridge, unsatisfied with his findings in Luke’s bare fridge as usual.
“Nothing,” Luke huffed out, sitting up on the couch and staring out the window to look at the street outside. The couples walking past made him feel a little softer, as they held hands and smiled and laughed, and god, how Luke wished that was himself and this boy. But he knew it could never be. So, he took a deep breath in and remembered the mood he was currently in. “I just want to be alone. Is that too much to ask?”
“Uh, woah. Okay?” the other boy said. If he wasn’t shocked at Luke’s tone beforehand, he definitely was now. “You were fine with me coming over 5 minutes ago, what happened?” He walked over to the couch and placed a gentle hand on Luke’s shoulder, to which Luke immediately pushed away, not wanting any part of this boy to touch him right now. He stood up, wanting to quickly get away from him. He couldn’t get sucked into his feelings again. He always knew how it would end, and it was usually with himself in pain, whilst the other boy had no idea what he was doing to Luke.
“Fuck, Luke. I just wanted to give you a bit of company,” the boy said, his tone full of hurt. “Talk to me, I’m your friend!”
“Your friend?!” Luke yelled, his voice filled with disgust at those very words. He knew once he had said it that it probably wasn’t his best choice of words, but there was no going back now. It made him want to be sick at the thought of this boy thinking of Luke as nothing more than a friend, whilst Luke was on watching him, wishing he could hold his hand or kiss his lips or be anything more than just his friend.
“Yes, your friend!” the boy said, his voice raising slightly.
Luke couldn’t bear this a moment longer. He had to get it out now. “Don’t you see it?!” he screamed, his voice reaching new heights that he feared the windows may break right then and there in his very own living room. His fingers dug into his hair as he pulled on it out of pure frustration. “I don’t want to be your friend because I want to be more than that! You make me want to live! You’re the reason I wake up and get out of bed every day! The reason why I write as many songs as I do! Surely you have to know that every single one of them is about you!” His voice had slowly dwindled down; however, he was breathing so quickly and heavily that his heart may as well have just leaped right out of his chest then and there.
The boy in front of him looked stunned, though he wasn’t sure if it was more by Luke’s words, the volume at which he spoken them, or how spontaneous this all was. His eyes had widened as he took in each sentence that Luke had spoken, and it was as if he was replaying every moment they’d ever shared together in his mind, dissecting each memory to look for the signs that confirmed his friends’ words.
“I-,” he began, feeling at a loss for his voice. “Luke.” His voice was soft and gentle as he slowly moved closer to Luke, his arm reaching out to place on his friends’ forearm to try and settle him. Luke still tried to pull away from the grasp, but the other boy held on tighter this time, not wanting to let Luke go. “I had no idea you felt this way. I just wish you had of told me sooner.”
Luke’s eyes were filling up with tears and he closed his eyelids, desperately trying to push back those drops that wanted to so desperately force their way through.
“I know I missed my chance,” he said, his voice wavering, however much calmer than it was a mere minute ago. His eye’s opened, but just for a second before he looked up to the ceiling to blink back his tears. “I missed it so long ago, and I get that. That was why I didn’t tell you, because you’d just gotten with Henry and you were happy. I knew it would have been pointless.”
“Luke, you can’t spend your life thinking that you always know what everyone is thinking all the time,” the other boy said, letting out a slightly frustrated sigh. The arm that was resting on Luke’s forearm had now been removed as he turned his back to face away from his friend. “Did you ever stop to think that…” he trailed off, hands reaching up to run through his hair as he contemplated saying his next words.
Luke stood still in his spot, once again assuming that he knew what the boy was thinking at this very moment. Assuming that he knew what the next words to come out of his lips were going to be. But he couldn’t assume such a thing. He couldn’t give himself that much hope that maybe the boy in front of him felt the same way that Luke did.
“To think what?” Luke asked, his voice scratchy and rough, yet still hopeful, as he stared at the back of his friends’ hair. Hair that he had spent night after night dreaming about running his fingers through.
The boy in front of him, with his back still turned to face the windows, ran his hands over his face and let out a gentle frustrated scream. “To think that maybe I only got with Henry because I had feelings for you, and I knew I could never tell you!?” He spun around and lifted his arms up either side of him, his eyebrows raised, and his lips parted as he breathed heavily. “Did you ever think that every song I wrote was about you too? Or that the only reason I had to move out was because I couldn’t bear to live in the same house as you and not get to be with you?”
Luke couldn’t believe it. He stood there, the stillest he has ever been in his entire life as the boy he was so in love with had just confessed everything he had ever wished for him to say. And it felt like years that the two of them stood there, their faces red, their hair a mess from tugging out of frustration, tears running down both their cheeks and noses running from crying. But Luke knew it was now or never. He couldn’t just stand there and not do anything after this boy had just said all those words so perfectly.
So, for once in his life, Luke Patterson stopped thinking to rush forward, and press his lips hard against the ones that belonged to the boy he was so desperately in love with.