Chapter Text
“How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause… I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I should be taking it!”
She's as calm as ever, she turns him to her and puts her arms around his neck, “this doesn’t have to be about the Inquisition, what do you want?”
“Peace,” his eyes squeeze shut as his arms surround her and hold her close. She smells familiar, it’s distant, like its just out of reach but its good so he doesn’t object. “these memories have always haunted me, if they become worse, if I cannot endure this…”
“You can.”
They stay like that for a long time, neither moving, just breathing in each other. It helps him a little, knowing she's there, that she wants to be there, puts his mind at ease.
He regains his composure. As his arms loosen, she takes her cue and steps back, neither breaking contact as her hands slide down his arms and his hands rest on her hips.
She comes close again and as their lips touch he recognises it, the smell, the taste. It’s lyrium. He pushes her away and holds her steady at arms length.
“Cullen? What is it?” Maker, now he’s hurt her.
“It’s… you smell…” he trails off as he goes into panic. Between the withdrawal and her smelling and tasting like lyrium…
“I know I just got back, I could take a bath if you like.” She deflects it with humour but he can see the weakness in her smile, the sadness in her eyes.
He takes a breath, “you smell and taste like lyrium.”
He can’t stand to look at her, so they just stand there, her looking at him looking at the ground.
“I’ll stop using it when I'm out there, in a few days the taste should be gone, in a month, the smell too.” Her voice unnervingly level.
“But what if you need to?”
“Then when I get back I’ll warn you and keep my distance until you say so, besides, we’ve dealt with most of the Venatori for the moment, unless I go Dragon hunting I shouldn’t need it.”
“But-“
“My mana regenerates fast, don’t worry. If it helps you; it’s alright.”
“I still cannot in good conscience ask you to-“
“You’re not asking. Don’t you see? There are few ways I can help you and any way that I can doesn’t help much. Let me do this.”
He takes her hands in his and holds them tightly, they stare at eachother, promising they can do this.
“All right.”