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Aiba shivered as he and Sho walked side by side, and the older man looked at him with apprehension. It had been Sho’s idea to take a walk, because Aiba was restless after the umpteenth fight with his live-in girlfriend, but the sun had set for a while now, and the temperature was dropping quickly. Sho put both of his hands around the hot cup of coffee he had bought for the both of them at the nearest booth so that he could warm them up.
Aiba fought with his girlfriend every day, but this time, it seemed to be worse than usual. Sho had known Aiba for most of his life now, and he’d never seen him so sad as he was today. He knew he couldn’t do anything to help him if he didn’t want to be helped, but some days he really just wanted to swoop in like a stupid knight in shining armor and save his prince from the dragon. Especially since the dragon had verbally abused the love of his life for more years that he could count, and he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Why do you let her talk to you like that?” Sho’s words came out cold and harsh, and he regretted it as soon as he realized that. He didn’t mean to make Aiba feel bad about this. He knew he was the victim here, but he had a hard time controlling the anger.
Aiba smiled bitterly. “There is nothing she can say to me that’s worse than what I told myself.”
“Masaki…” Sho felt a pang in his chest at those words. He couldn’t hear Aiba say these things. He wondered briefly where the seventeen years old boy he fell in love with years before had gone. He knew he was still there, under the layers and layers of self-deprecation and abuse he had to go through for years. He just wanted his Aiba back. He knew, he’d always known, that he could never really have Aiba. But he at least wanted his friend to smile again like he once would. He deserved better than this. So, so much better.
Aiba took a careful sip of his coffee as they reached the park where they used to play as kids. When Sho still let himself think about a future with Aiba, he would fantasize about their kids playing in that very same place. But the park, like his dreams, had been abandoned for quite some time now, and the only thing still somehow standing were the swings, swaying melancholically in the wind.
As if lost in a reverie, Sho approached one of the swings and sat down. It was cold, but it warmed up quite quickly after a minute or two. Aiba sat down on the swing next to him, and in a flash of memories Sho remembered the last time they were there, in their college years. When Sho almost had the courage to kiss Aiba under the stars while they were sitting in the same spot they were now. Before Aiba had confessed to Sho that he had a crush on a girl in his class, and Sho had retreated with a broken heart.
Like then, that same girl, now a woman, was breaking his heart again. He looked up to see small dots of light appearing on the inky page of the sky. He really couldn’t take it anymore. He had to know.
“Why do you stay with her?”
Aiba didn’t reply for the longest time. He kept looking down at the same spot on the ground in silence. Sho didn’t push him, though. He was afraid that if he did, Aiba would close himself again and run away. And Sho had tried so many times to get Aiba to open up to him, so he wasn’t going to let this chance go to waste. If only he could understand…
“Because… I’m afraid…” Aiba started, but stopped.
“You’re afraid of what she could do to you?” Sho continued, trying to guess his thoughts. “You know we all want to help you. Me, and Matsujun, and Ohno, and Nino. We’ll get a restraining order, and you can stay with me—”
“No, no.” Aiba interrupted him and shook his head. “Sho-chan…” His voice wavered, and Sho could see that he was trying his best to not cry.
It seemed like hours passed before Aiba took a trembling sigh and spoke.
“I’m afraid no one else will love me.” It looked like it took everything for him to confess that. “And I don’t want to be alone.”
The whole world seemed to stop for a second. ‘This is absurd,’ thought Sho. He wanted to tell him that that wasn’t true, that no one could ever not love Aiba. That he was the sweetest, kindest man he’d ever met, and that he deserved so much more.
“That’s not true. I love you,” he said seriously. “And you’ll always have me.”
Aiba smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you, Sho-chan. You know I love you too, and you’ll always have me too, but it’s different.”
“It’s not different.”
“It is,” Aiba interjected. “You all have someone in your life. You have your boyfriend, and Jun-kun has his girlfriend. And Ohno and Nino have their wives too.” He looked at him sadly, but gently. “It’s not the same.”
“And I’m saying,” Sho said, firmly. “It’s not.”
Sho stood up, feeling a surge of tension in his body. If Aiba thought nobody loved him… Maybe if he told him… Maybe that would be enough... Maybe...
“I love you.”
Aiba was confused. “I know you do, you told me—”
“Aiba,” Sho cut him off.
The cups of coffee dropped to the ground as he grabbed Aiba’s hands and pulled him up. Aiba tried to catch his cup instinctively, but Sho grabbed his chin and pushed their lips together.
The first thing Sho’s brain noticed was that Aiba’s nose was cold, and his lips were dry. Then came the alarm bells ringing in his head, telling him that he had gone too far. But Aiba, for how shocked he had been when Sho had started to kiss him, suddenly relaxed in his arms and started responding to him.
Sho’s lips parted, licking Aiba’s dry skin and sliding in. His friend didn’t oppose resistance, his tongue already finding its way to meet Sho’s.
Elated, Sho grabbed the lapels of Aiba’s coat to pull him even closer and deepen their kiss. Their temperature started rising as their tongues slid against each other, and Sho finally let out the moan he was holding back.
At that sound, as if he had finally realized what was happening, Aiba suddenly pushed him away.
Sho looked at him still panting, cheeks warm and hair disheveled. Aiba’s hair was in no better condition, and with his eyes blown wide he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered. The panicked tone didn’t escape Sho’s attention. “I can’t do this...”
And with that, he ran away, leaving Sho behind.
Unable to move, Sho heard the noise of Aiba’s footsteps slowly fade, cursing himself for what he had done.