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Jackie snuggled into his blanket, flicking through channels with the remote Chase had left him with. Jamie was still sitting next to him, but Chase and Henrik had gone upstairs to put the kids to bed and Marvin had wandered off and disappeared.
It had been a nice evening so far. Dinner was delicious - Jackie had spent more New Year’s Eves than he’d care to admit ordering delivery from overtaxed restaurants and waiting forever for it to arrive. And even aside from the homecooked meal, it felt good just to get out of his apartment on the holiday and end the year chatting, laughing, and watching Chase’s kids try to stay awake until midnight (they didn’t even make it until nine).
He heard footsteps coming back into the room behind him; Chase had said something about watching a movie until it was time to watch the ball drop, and left Jackie in charge of picking. Marvin still wasn’t back, so Jackie pitched the others some options as Chase and Henrik brought out some snacks and made themselves comfortable on their couch. He almost jumped when a voice came from right behind him.
“I’m gonna head out, but thanks again for dinner guys.”
Jackie turned. Marvin, apparently, had been in the bathroom changing into a sparkly gold dress that came to his mid-thigh. He looked glamorous and perfect as always; like a model in a fashion magazine article about New Year’s Eve. It made Jackie understand the saying “dressed to kill;” it was like Marvin was stealing the air right out of his lungs.
Chase was less impressed. “You’re gonna freeze in that.”
Marvin rolled his eyes. He walked back through the kitchen and opened the hall closet without asking, helping himself to one of Henrik’s coats, a long black one that extended down to Marvin’s knees. It was loose on him, so he ignored the buttons and just pulled it around himself. “Does this meet your standard, mother?”
Chase crossed his arms but didn’t say anything.
“I’ll bring it back tomorrow. I’m leaving this here anyway,” Marvin said, dropping a bag that looked to contain the clothes he’d worn earlier in the evening. He fished out a smaller bag, one that matched his outfit, and started putting his shoes on.
“Do you at least have your phone?” Chase asked. “How are you getting home? You don’t have your car.”
“My date’s driving.”
Jackie didn’t know why it hurt so much more than usual. Marvin went out on plenty of dates, and it was never easy, but Jackie had gotten used to telling himself that it was ok, that it wasn’t his business. Being in love with him didn’t give Jackie the right to judge Marvin’s decisions, and just because Marvin never showed any interest in Jackie didn’t mean it was a personal attack when he went out with someone else. But Jackie had thought that they would be together tonight, even if just as friends, and now he had to watch him ride off with someone else. And maybe, when he’d seen Marvin dressed for a party, he’d had the tiniest hope that he was going to ask Jackie to come along.
Headlights appeared outside the window, Marvin waved goodbye and wished them all a happy new year, then left and closed the door behind him while Chase was still in the middle of telling him to be careful. In his absence, there was a five minute intermission for Chase to rant about how inconsiderate he was and how he was going to end up dead in a ditch one of these days, and then they redirected into the movie. Jackie chose a superhero movie, since Marvin wasn’t there to complain about it, but found he only missed the way that Marvin would’ve made fun of it when they ended up watching in almost complete silence.
They caught the last fifteen minutes or so of the live footage in Times Square, and before they knew it they were counting down. When midnight struck, he found himself staring as Chase and Henrik kissed each other, swaying a little as they held each other. They were so happy. Jackie wondered if he’d ever know what that felt like.
He felt a kiss on his cheek and turned to see Jamie smiling at him. He tried to smile back as Chase and Henrik finally separated and turned to hug the two of them. He knew he should enjoy the laughter and friendship, but he was stupid enough to check his phone. Marvin hadn’t texted him.
Chase and Henrik didn’t really have a guest room, what with having five kids, but since Henrik’s kids were with their mother that night, they offered Jamie and Jackie to crash in their empty beds. Jamie accepted and went upstairs with them, but Jackie figured he’d honestly be more comfortable on the couch than in a twin, and besides, he was grateful to have the TV, especially once he was alone. He couldn’t sleep, and it gave him something to distract himself with.
He was zoning out in front of some 90s sitcom he’d never seen when his phone buzzed at around 1 am. It was from Marvin - “hey can you let me in”
What did that mean - it made it sound like Marvin was right outside. Jackie walked towards the front of the house and squinted through the window. He could see something moving. “Jesus,” he muttered. He opened the door and Marvin slipped through. “You’re creepy as shit, you know.”
“Thank you.”
“Yeah, no problem. What are you doing here?”
“I accidentally left my keys in that bag with the clothes I changed out of.”
“Oh. Is your, uh, date waiting for you?”
“God, no. He was an asshole. I took an Uber; I’ll just crash here tonight.” He took off his coat, revealing a full bottle of wine he’d been hiding under it. “We can have our own party.” He opened the bottle expertly and took a drink directly from it. Then he held it out to Jackie.
“I don’t know if we should -”
“Oh come on,” Marvin said, giving him That Grin. “You already helped me sneak in, you’re complicit here. Besides, Mommy and Daddy are fast asleep upstairs, they’re not gonna catch us.” He dropped onto the couch, making himself comfortable in the space Jackie had abandoned.
Somehow, Marvin had a way of making it feel like they really were rebellious teenagers breaking all the rules, and the sadness that had hung around Jackie all night suddenly seemed distant, like the two of them had been a part of this secret scheme all along. He accepted the bottle and took a sip.
“Sorry if that guy ruined your night. You want me to beat him up?”
“Nah, not even worth the energy. He tried to do the whole ‘kiss someone else at midnight’ thing to make me jealous. Please. I practically invented that move.” He leaned over for the bag of chips on the coffee table and took a handful. “I mean, the crazy thing is,” he said between bites, “I used to do that with Chase, back when he was fun .” He rolled his eyes.
“What’s up between the two of you, anyway? Why are you at each other’s throats all of a sudden?”
Marvin hesitated. He wouldn’t quite meet Jackie’s eye, staring down at the wine he was swirling restlessly. “He’s mad at me for going out tonight. He thought we should all hang out, make sure you had a fun New Year’s.”
“Me?!”
“Yeah. Just cause, y’know, it’s the first holiday season since Lizzy, and he’s been worried.” That was the last thing Jackie had expected. Lizzy was his ex-girlfriend, but they’d broken up months ago, back in spring, and he’d been the one who ended it. But then again, they’d been together for two years, everyone had been asking when the ring was coming, and she really was great. Maybe he should still be upset, but he hadn’t even really thought about it. That was why he’d broken it off in the first place - he knew it made him a jerk to stay if he had feelings for someone else, and even now, his only real feeling was hope that maybe the reason Marvin hadn’t invited him along tonight was because he couldn’t take him away from a party that was meant to be for him.
“And I would’ve stayed, it’s just that I already had those plans.”
“It’s all good. Chase is sweet, but I’m really fine.”
“I was stupid to go anyway. Honestly, I knew this guy was a loser I just… I know it’s dumb and it doesn’t really compare to your thing, but ever since Nico I’ve been weird about dating.” Nico was Marvin’s ex. Jackie didn’t like him, obviously, but the other guys didn’t either. He was weird, dark and broody, and they were pretty sure his name was really just Nick. Marvin had stayed with him longer than he’d ever been with anyone else, though. “I know we weren’t together as long and that you guys didn’t like him, but he was always sweet, y’know. And I still wonder if I made a mistake ending it.” He took another long drink. “And it’s like, any time I meet someone too nice it just freaks me out, I don’t know. Like I don’t wanna do that again.”
“That makes sense. I don’t think it means you should go out with assholes, though.”
“No. I think Anti’s snake is getting hungry; I keep stealing its dead rats to put in guys’ mailboxes.”
Jackie laughed. “You’re something else, Marvin.” He grabbed the bottle and took another drink. He didn’t even like wine, it was just nice to share. “You’re gonna figure it out.” He raised the bottle in a toast. “To a year of dating nice people, for both of us.”
“Mm, yeah.” He rested his head on Jackie’s shoulder. Jackie could feel the tickle of his long hair, smell the booze on his breath, and it made his heart beat faster. “That’s the spirit,” he yawned.
“There are beds if you think you’d be more comfy.”
“Nah.” He pulled his legs up under him. “I’m good here if you are.”
“I’m good.” He tried to fix the blanket so it was over both of them, and Marvin’s weight grew heavier against him.
He was pretty sure Marvin had fallen asleep, so he was surprised when he heard him mumble, “I can’t believe I didn’t get a kiss on New Year’s Eve.”
Jackie leaned over and kissed his forehead. “How ‘bout that?”
Marvin hummed, now so out of it that his voice came out in a muffled breath. “Nice.”
Jackie laughed. “Happy New Year.”
This time, he didn’t receive a response at all other than deep, steady breathing.