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King sat in the car. The volunteering camp had just ended, and he was on his way to spend the rest of the day at his grandmother’s home.
He was aimlessly staring out the window, thinking of his homework for class, when he got a text from Ai’Ning.
“I did not drink last night,” it read.
For a moment, he paused. Memories of the past night flooded in, and while they were foggy, he remembered enough to understand what Ram was saying. His breath hitched while the feeling of regret and doom overflowed his brewing mind.
However, there was no time for him to explore Ram’s implications. The rest of his day was filled with the attention of his grandmother, who gave him not one second to catch his breath. Even in the car, on his way to the train station after already saying goodbye to her, King’s driver kept him busy with enthusiastic chatter.
Only when he stood on the railway platform, waiting for his train to arrive, did he get a moment to himself. He let the air fill his lungs and finally got the chance to think.
He put the events that led up to this in order. First, he had kissed Ram. The following morning, Ram claimed he remembered nothing of the night, and King had eagerly grabbed the opportunity. Lastly, after he had already left and was halfway to his grandma, Ram texted him he hadn’t actually had alcohol that night. Which meant he couldn’t have been drunk, which meant he couldn’t have blacked out and forgotten what happened, which meant…
“The next train to depart from platform 3 will be the 21:24 Ban Pak Phli Railway Station to Bangkok. This train has twelve carriages. Platform 3 for the 21:24 Ban Pak Phli Railway Station to Bangkok.”
The announcement broke him out of his thoughts. It was his train they were talking about. Somehow, he had failed to notice the arrival of his train. He shook his head, in an attempt to refocus, and threw his bag over his shoulder.
In the train, King found a seat in an almost empty carriage. There was only one other passenger, who sat reading the newspaper by a window.
He sat down in the seat and took out his earbuds. They were tangled, so he untangled them in silence. He plugged them into his phone and set his library on shuffle.
The first song that played was the same song he had played on Ram’s phone when they shared earbuds for the first time. He stopped the music and put the earbuds away again.
The world really couldn’t have timed that any better, huh?
Initially, his interest in the silent freshman had been purely out of curiosity. He had just wanted to know more of this mysterious nong, who was kind-hearted enough to feed the stray dogs on campus, but not willing to respond when his P’ talked to him.
Over time, they had gotten closer. They spent more time together, and when their two best friends started dating, it all became just very convenient. Convenient, yes. Just the convenience of having a crush on another guy.
Admittedly, that wasn’t what freaked him much. It hadn’t taken him long to accept it, mostly because he’d already suspected he wasn’t entirely straight before even meeting Ram.
What did freak him, however, was just how intense his feelings got. Sure, this wasn’t his first crush, but it was certainly his most serious one.
Ram didn’t just cause butterflies in his stomach the few times he was around, but he consumed King’s mind on an almost constant basis. He found himself writing notes for him without even being asked, for reason at all except that it would be for him. He spent hours researching the venus flytrap and carnivorous plants as a whole, just because he hoped that would be enough for Ram to forgive him for the stupid prank he pulled.
And then there was the all-consuming desire he felt whenever Ram was around. It was a heavy pull that almost managed to make him lose his control one too many times; till, eventually, he did. Turned out, all it took were a few drinks and his self-control was lost.
He groaned at his own stupidity. He could feel the concerned eyes of his fellow passenger on the back of his head, but King ignored it.
He took out his phone and reread the text, only for his gut to twist when he discovered it hadn’t changed. Perhaps part of him had hoped he’d dreamed this all, and he hadn’t put himself into such an impossible situation.
He still hadn’t replied. Perhaps he shouldn’t, he thought, and he could pretend he never got it in the first place. He knew, however, that that was not an option. Not only would Ram never buy that, but it would be unfair as well. Ram wasn’t a fan of talking, and the reason he must have sent it through line was obvious.
He should be a good P’, and value his nong’s courage by answering him as straight (bi?) as he could. Still, this wasn’t a conversation appropriate to have over text, so he typed a message back and pressed send.
I’ll be home late. Let’s talk tomorrow.
Hopefully, Ram wouldn’t have let his dogs assault his plants by then.
It was almost 2 AM when King opened the door to his condo. His train had been delayed, he hadn’t been able to find a motorbike taxi, his phone then died halfway through the ride home. On top of all that misfortune, his feet hurt from walking, his back hurt from the terrible train seats, and his head hurt because of dehydration. His recent headbutts didn’t help, either.
Overall, the last few hours had been a miserable fest, and he couldn’t wait to greet his plants and crash on his bed. However, before he could make any of his dreams a reality, he felt two eyes stare at him from the couch.
“Oh, Ai’Ning. You’re still awake?” Ram nodded. “Isn’t it too late for you?”
Ram didn’t answer but asked instead. “Are you okay?”
No, was the answer, but King didn’t want to worry his nong. “I’m alright, just tired. My train got delayed, that’s all.”
“I could have picked you up.”
“How? You don’t have a car,” King took off his jacket, “and driving in Bangkok is a nightmare. We would’ve barely been halfway by now.”
Ram stood up and approached him. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, but his eyes burned red from the lack of sleep. He wasn’t a night owl, and neither was King. Perhaps it was better for them both to just get to bed.
“I’m going to take a shower. How about you go to bed first?” He didn’t wait for an answer and walked towards the bathroom, but was intercepted by a hand around his wrist. Ram didn’t say anything, but King understood anyway. “You want to talk now?”
Ram nodded. King noticed now that he was wearing the same clothes he always slept in; he must have tried to sleep already, but been unable to.
King gestured for both of them to take a seat on the couch, and they did.
On the way here, he’d thought long and deep about what he should say, but despite his thorough conversation, he felt as if someone had tied his tongue and locked his lips. The words wouldn’t come out.
Ram took out his phone and started to type.
“My phone’s dead,” King anticipated what Ram wanted to do, already knowing it was him he was texting.
“Oh,” Ram answered with furrowed brows.
“Just type what you want to say and give your phone to me, I can read it.” King attempted to give a genuine smile but failed miserably. Thankfully for him, Ram had already continued typing and he wasn’t looking at him anymore.
He got handed the phone and began to read.
“Were you drunk?” The knot in his stomach eased slightly. This question was easy to answer. “Yeah, I was. Pretty badly.” He paused for a second. “I’m sorry I lashed out at you. You didn’t deserve that.”
He handed the phone back, glad that at least that part of their conversation was done now. Still, thinking of what had to come now filled him with more dread than he’d been cured of.
Ram’s typing paused. King expected to be handed the phone again, but instead, Ram broke their silence.
“It’s okay.”
He looked up at Ram, who refused to look at him but pushed the phone into his hands instead.
He looked down at it. “I wasn’t drunk,” the message read. King nodded, “I know. I’m sorry for not telling you what happened this morning.” Now he had only one apology left, but perhaps that was the most important one.
Ram took back his phone and started typing, but King continued before he got to read the next text. “I’m sorry for kissing you. I was drunk, but I shouldn’t have. It was wrong of me.”
King chose his words well; his words did nothing to erase any suspicion of his feelings, while at the same time also doing nothing to confirm them. It left him capable of adjusting his story to match what Ram had in mind.
He did that, not because he wanted to keep his crush a secret for the rest of his life, but because he feared losing Ram more than he feared never getting to express the way Ram made him feel. Perhaps, having him as a friend was better than not having him at all.
Ram seemed to doubt himself but then handed his phone anyway.
Upon reading the text, King’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open in shock. “You-” Ram nodded.
He looked down to read it again, just to make sure he’d seen it right.
I kissed back , the message read, very clearly. Ram had even pressed send and thus eternalized it in both their line histories.
While King was still struggling to process this reality and attempting to gain back his memories from the past night, Ram took back his phone and typed another message. The device was pushed into his hands again and his eyes immediately fell upon the second just-send message.
I like you .
He must be hallucinating. Perhaps he was still back in the camp, just asleep and having a strange dream, but when he pinched himself the slight pain was undeniable. “I, uhm, I,”
“Do you like me, too?” Ram broke their silence for the second time, but for the first time, King found his voice to be vulnerable when he spoke.
He swallowed. Now, he understood why Ram had preferred to text him his side. He wasn’t sure if his vocal cords were even working.
Instead of saying aloud what Ram was brave enough to text, King nodded.
The smile that grew on Ram’s face made the troubles of these past months all worth it.
However, with the anxiety no longer forcing him to stay awake, King could feel his eyes almost closing shut and he saw, very well, that Ram was just as tired as he was.
It didn’t take long before both laid under their shared covers, warmed by the knowledge of their mutual affection and by the bodies of one another. Together, they fell asleep, excitement brewing inside of their chests of what was yet to come.