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it takes one look, one glance from minho, for seungmin to realize that he’s completely and utterly fucked .
it’s something that’s been building up for weeks, getting bigger and bigger until it’s tipping point, and seungmin can feel the way that the dam starts the burst, the almost audible sound of the cracks forming. he thinks minho can, too, from the way his eyes soften, the way he squats down in front of seungmin.
“why are you hiding?” he asks, his voice so soft , so different from his usual sharp tone. “we’ve been looking for you, minnie.”
and that— that’s the problem .
seungmin doesn’t have a reason, can’t really explain what he’s doing here, other than that he wants the world to swallow him whole before he has to experience whatever the fuck may happen next.
so, seungmin doesn’t respond, doesn’t really do anything other than wrap the blanket that he took with him earlier tighter around himself, attempting to bring his limbs closer together, to make himself smaller than he actually is.
minho doesn’t pressure him into saying anything, doesn’t force him into choking out the words that are nestled in the back of seungmin’s throat, threatening to come out at any point. instead, the dam starts to crack even more, and minho brings a hand up to rustle seungmin’s hair.
it’s a gentle movement, and minho takes a seat afterwards, his hand falling to where seungmin’s knee is touching his own torso, covered by the blanket that seungmin’s gripping like a lifeline, his shoulder knocking into seungmin’s as he leans against the wall next to him. seungmin thinks that if he lets go he might break, that the dam will let loose and flood the whole room, that maybe minho will leave. after all, he didn’t come here to talk about the dam, he came here to find seungmin, who had been hiding here since the afternoon.
“will we be okay?” seungmin asks instead, not bothering to give minho a response. “when this year is over, will we be okay knowing that nothing’s going to have changed but a number on our clocks? will we be okay, knowing that everything bad that happened will still be here, that this isn’t some big, cosmic do-over?”
minho hums. “you’re right,” he says, “this isn’t some cosmic do-over.” minho sits up from where he had been slouching, and he raises his other hand to cup seungmin’s cheek, gently guiding seungmin to make eye contact. “it’s never been about getting a do-over, though. it’s about knowing that we got through all 365 days, about being able to say that we’re all here, and we’re going to do our best to make next year the best one possible. this isn’t some repeat. some things will be the same, but the time we’re given is different, with all sorts of new possibilities opening up in front of us each second.”
“things will change,” seungmin says.
“things have to change,” minho says, “that’s just how life works. the only difference is, we get to choose how it changes, if it’s for better or for worse. we get to choose what to do with the time we’re given, and i don’t know about you, but i’m fucking thrilled at the things i can do.”
and that’s part of the problem. that’s part of the reason why this fucking dam is here, and that’s part of the reason why minho and seungmin together is almost never a good combination.
minho just—
he has a way with words, a way to convince seungmin of everything and anything. he can turn an absolute disaster of a day into the best day seungmin’s ever had in a second, and he wouldn’t even know it. it’s like there’s something that attracts seungmin to minho like a moth to a light, like minho has something about him that enables seungmin to be able to do anything, that can get seungmin to change everything he’s ever known, if even for a second.
minho runs his thumb along seungmin’s cheek.
“we should be leaving,” he whispers gently. “the other’s are gonna come looking for us.”
“but-,” seungmin chokes out. “but then it’ll feel real. and i’ll have to deal with the fact that nothing chan change right away, that i can’t just stop time for a second to at least gather my bearings before being thrust back into the real world with all these people who know of me and who are judging me and i— i just want a second to breathe .”
“seungmin,” there’s a frown on minho’s face, “you’ve been down here for almost five hours. i know that everything’s overwhelming, but we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s wrong, you know? you’re not the only one who's ever wanted to stop time, but there’s nothing you can do if you just sit in a basement alone in the cold with a single blanket.”
“what if i don’t
want
to do anything?”
minho scowles, familiar and comforting. “then don’t do anything in your
room
, where you won’t be freezing. if you need everyone to leave the apartment or something, just tell me and i’ll get them out, but i don’t want you to be alone in the freezing basement.”
seungmin frowns, but he can’t find it in himself to complain. “okay,” he says slowly.
seungmin watches as minho gets up, the spot on his knee where minho’s hand rested getting cold before he notices that the same hand is being held out, waiting for seungmin to grab it so that minho can pull him up.
“lets go,” minho says, wrapping his arm around seungmin’s shoulder, and he can’t help but notice their difference in height, can’t help but notice the way that minho’s shorter but he holds himself higher, more confidently than seungmin ever could. “before chan starts complaining.”
seungmin laughs, a silent, closed mouth laugh, but minho’s eyes are still sparkling as their eyes meet, and seungmin knows .
the dam didn’t break, not yet, but one day it will. he hopes that, on that day, minho’s eyes are still sparking just as brightly.