Chapter Text
Fitz honestly can't say why he thought that grabbing the creased flyer had been a good idea. He'd barely even read past the first sentence beneath the title. But he'd been dreading the coming holidays and the words "Mad at your family?" had caught his eye and he had thought, 'yeah, I bloody well am mad at my family. They fucking suck.'
Next thing he knew his coat pocket was holding a hastily folded piece of printer paper with a photo of an admittedly very attractive man and a poorly formatted bullet point list beside it.
Fitz doesn't actually read the whole thing until he's sitting at home, curled up on the couch with the flyer laid over his crossed legs. His cell phone is set meaningfully at his side and his mind is racing trying to figure out what went wrong with the world that something as ridiculous as the paper in his lap was possible. His eyes keep drawing to the photo, to the extremely photogenic man grinning out at him, and then down to the phone number.
Fitz is gonna sound like a crazy person if he calls.
But then again, he's not the one who posted the damn thing in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s cafeteria.
But the man in the photo looks so sensible?
Fitz sighs, attempts to swallow down the nervous lump in his throat and grabs the phone. He manages to dial the number all right despite the shaking in his hands and he sits in mounting terror as the dial tone rings.
Fitz might throw up.
"Hello?"
"Uh, hi. Is this..." Fitz glances down to the paper. "Alphonso?" That had to be a fake name, right?
"Yeah, just Mack is fine." The deep, American voice says. "Who is this?" He sounds suspicious, actually.
"Oh! Uh. Hi. My name is Fitz. Or, no it's Leopold, but I go by my last name, too." Good lord he's already making a fool of himself. Fitz snaps his mouth shut and takes a slow breath through his nose. "I'm calling about your um. Paper."
"Gonna have to elaborate on that, Fitz."
"The um, the one in the cafeteria? It was taped up by the coke machine." Mack doesn't say anything. "The one about per- uh. pre?" Fitz shakes his head in disagreement with himself. "Acting as a date?"
"What?"
Oh no. "Oh no." Fitz mutters aloud.
"How bout' you read it to me." Mack suggests.
Fitz thinks about the poorly formatted bullet points. "I don't think I want to."
Mack sighs. "Please do."
Fitz takes a shaky breath. He feels suddenly terribly sorry for himself, yes, but also for this Mack person. Luckily, Fitz can do pretty well reading aloud, and manages to only trip over the occasional word as he proceeds to embarrass himself and a complete stranger.
"Well, it starts with the title... area? Anyway, it says: Alone for the holidays? Mad at your family? Read on!" Fitz doesn't even try to sound enthusiastic about the exclamation mark. He sighs and continues. "It's the holiday season. Tired of relatives asking why you're still single? Angry because your parents keep implying they'd like grandchildren? Want to shut them up with a date they'll disapprove of? If so, read on."
This is where on the flyer a photo of Mack was inserted, but Fitz decides not to tell him about it, since the thought of someone posting a photo of himself for the world to see is horrifying.
Fitz bites his lip, now at the bullet pointed list he'd been dreading. "The uh... the next part is a list. it says:
- I'm a mechanic, the grease stains are practically permanent!
- I'm American." Fitz stops.
Mack has been silent up until this point but when Fitz continues to stall he asks "What?"
Fitz gives a little huff and reads: "- Racist Family? I'm Black!"
Mack groans.
"And then there's a little, 'I'm willing to do the following' section." Fitz reads:
"If you'd like to have me as your strictly platonic date, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you to torment your family, I'm game!
I can:
- wear offensive holiday sweaters
- start instigative arguments with family
- propose to you in front of everyone
- start an actual, physical fight with a relative (I'll win, too)
- flirt with the other female guests at the party..."
Fitz stops at that. Was the ad only meant for women? Then he shakes his head. He reminds himself that Mack clearly hadn't meant the ad for anyone.
"You can stop reading." Mack says. He sounds pissed, though by the muttered "god dammit, Hunter" that Fitz hears he's pretty sure he's not about to be yelled at. Whoever Hunter is though... Mack interrupts the thought. "Man, why did you even call? What about any of that seemed like a good idea?"
Fitz panics. He knew he would have to explain but suddenly he feels like crying. He holds it in, thinking about what to say when suddenly it just pours out. "Because I am mad! I'm so angry I just, I wanted to. My family treats me like I'm broken and I- and I- I can't stand the way the look at me. I just wanted to. Wanted them to see I'm still a person. Show them someone out there wants to talk to me." Fitz takes a deep breath. "Even if it's not true. Even if I have to ask a stranger I just wanted to shove it in there faces that someone cares."
Mack is silent and Fitz is shaking.
Fitz hangs up.
He wraps his arms around knees and wipes his frustrated tears off on the denim of his jeans.
When his phone starts buzzing Fitz ignores it.