Chapter Text
One moment, Tony Stark was flying through the air, suit cutting across the sky like a bullet. The next moment, his entire world was being turned in dizzying circles as he collided with something and warning messages began flashing across his HUD. The impact was devastating, he knew even as his brain felt more like scrambled eggs than the brightest mind of his generation, possibly ever. It was impossible to get his bearings as he, and whatever he had crashed into, tumbled towards the mountain range below in an absolute free fall.
He didn't even have time to think before his back was crashing to a cliff face and he was sliding through the snow until both he and the other debris came to a stop some 500ft away. Groaning, he levered himself up onto his hands and knees, still trying to make heads or tails of the mess on the helmet's screen. He hurt everywhere. Even with the suit on, he couldn't help feeling like he'd been tossed around by the Hulk.
"Ugh…JARV! What the Hell did I just hit?"
JARVIS was supposed to keep him well away from any other…anythings. It didn't matter if it was a plane, a helicopter, or a God-damned flock of geese, it shouldn't have been something Tony encountered. Dammit, he hoped this wasn't some newly-developed drone for some such from the military. They'd probably try and use the crash as an excuse to get Tony making weapons for them again.
All he'd wanted was to get Pepper those Swiss chocolates she loved so much before Christmas. He'd figured, sure, why not? Throw on the suit and pop on over! It can cross the ocean in only a couple hours. Loki hadn't been pleased to learn he'd be spending Christmas Eve alone in their bed, but Tony knew he could make it up to the god. Loki knew how Tony felt about Christmas
"Apologies, Sir. Nothing has appeared on any of the scanners."
And…okay. That was weird. JARVIS's sensors picked up everything, even things that were supposedly 'cloaked', and if Tony was hearing him right he still couldn't detect anything. Guess it was time to figure this one out the old fashioned way. He pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, the Iron Man armor protesting almost as much as his muscles at the forced movement. The snow around him was a mess like something large had crashed into it, but there was a suspicious lack of debris. Tony frowned.
"What the Hell?"
He'd felt the impact. He was still feeling the impact. There was no way there couldn't be debris. He whirled around to look behind himself. About ten feet away, there was something sticking out of the snow. Tony attempted a step forward, but the suit's piece ground together in protest. Damn. Loki was going to kill him if he didn't make it back by Christmas morning…
"JARVIS, get me out of this suit."
"Sir, I am not sure it would be wise to-"
"Not right now, J! I can't move in this thing! I'm a sitting duck anyway. I at least want to know what the fuck is going on."
Tony was pretty sure JARVIS would have sighed if he were able to.
"Very well, Sir."
The suit wasn't able to peel all the way off, but Tony managed to scramble out of what was left of it. He immediately headed towards the only evidence that he'd even been in a mid-air collision. The first thing he noticed was the boots, black and heavy leather with fine silver buckles. Oh, God…he'd hit some poor fucking mountain man when he'd crashed, some innocent bystander. Great, another death to add to his list.
He trudged closer, the frigid air nipping at his skin. He hoped he got frostbite. He deserved it. Tony hated the blood that drenched his hands. The least he could do was figure out this person's identity and inform his family, promise to take care of them financially for the rest of their lives. He dropped to his knees beside the pile of snow and started digging with his hands.
The man he uncovered was dressed in a red suit with delicate embroideries and a white fur trim. He was a large man, more fat than bulked up, and his hair was as white as his beard. Holy fuck…Tony had run over a guy who not only looked like Santa Claus, but dressed like him. The press was going to have a field day.
"Alright…let's see if you have any identification on you…"
The first place Tony checked was the large pockets on the front of the man's jackets and, miraculously, came up with a card. It was made of heavy paper, extremely good quality, and the name was embossed in an elegant, black script. 'Santa Claus. North Pole.'
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me."
He flipped the card over, hoping to find some other clue to the man's identity. Instead, he found instructions. 'If something should happen to me, put on my suit. The reindeer will know what to do.' A slim red border ran around the edge of the card, but Tony couldn't even be bothered to pay attention to it.
"Reindeer?"
There was a jingle from behind him and Tony whirled around, hands coming out as though to aim the repulsors. They stayed in place out of habit even as his jaw dropped. Eight honest-to-God reindeer stood not ten feet away, snorting and pawing at the snow. A brilliant red sleigh was hooked up behind them. Tony squeezed his eyes shut before blinking them open again. The reindeer were still there. So was the sleigh.
"I'm losing my mind…"
Almost on autopilot, he turned back to look at the man he'd hit…only to find him gone. Only his suit and boots lay in the snow where he had been.
"Oh, God…now he's running around naked…"
But there was no evidence of movement in the surrounding snow…not to mention that there was no possible way that the man could have gotten out of his clothes and out of the area in the few seconds Tony had his back turned. It wasn't logical…
"Oh, this is not happening. This cannot be happening…"
Tony trudged back and forth through the snow, eyes darting back and forth between the abandoned clothes on the ground and the reindeer not far away. He'd all but forgotten about the cold, too busy losing his mind and having mad hallucinations.
"Santa Claus…Santa Claus isn't real!"
He barked in laughter and dragged a hand through his hair. His gaze lingered on the clothes that were laid out in the snow and a truly insane thought wormed its way into his head. If he thought about it…it really could be…couldn't it?
After all, he did have a Norse god waiting for him in his bed and another one living just a few floors below him. Tony had heard enough rants by that goofball Strange to be fully convinced that magic existed in many forms…so why not this one? Why not as the legend of Santa Claus come to life?
But is that were the case…if Santa were actually a real thing…then maybe that card wasn't just fooling around. He absently turned the rectangle of paper over in his fingers, more to have something to do than to actually get a better look at it.
'If something should happen to me, put on my suit. The reindeer will know what to do.'
Well, shit.
He'd probably been in the middle of delivering toys when Tony had taken him out of the air. It was barely past midnight. Santa probably hadn't had the chance yet to get to at least half the children in the world. That would mean a lot of disappointed children in the morning if someone didn't do something.
Cautiously, hardly believing he was actually thinking about this, Tony lifted the pants from the ground. A voice that sounded an awful lot like Natasha whispered in the back of his head about how this could be a trap, a trick by some villain. But Tony couldn't see what the point of it would be if it were. It seemed far too elaborate for something so simple as a kidnapping or trying to kill him. He was already out in the open, exposed and vulnerable without his suit. Surely an enemy would have already made their move by now.
What did he really have to lose, anyway? If it turned out that this really was some elaborate hoax and Tony wound up held hostage or taken prisoner by some supervillain then he'd find his way out. He always did. Or Loki would come get him. Or the team. He'd be okay.
He looked at the pants that were clutched in his hands, fingering the soft velvet material. A grin began to spread across his face as he thought about it. He was starting to like the sound out it. Tony Stark; genius, billionaire, super hero, Santa Claus. It'd be okay for just one night…what was the worst that could happen?