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“Wake up, wake up!” a large weight lands on their bed, jolting Dan awake in a panic, “We have to open our gifts.”.
Rolling over to look at the digital clock, he groans loudly when he sees that it’s 6:30 in the morning and he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“What did I tell you last night?” he shuts his eyes and tries to go back to sleep.
“Not to tell Mommy you got her that purse she wanted.” Danielle drops herself on Dan’s legs, sending a small jolt of pain through his legs.
“What?” Amy rolls over as her face scrunches in confusion.
“You’ll see it later.” Dan waves a hand in the air, not bothering to correct Danielle or act like he didn’t get her that Michael Kors purse she liked on Instagram.
“Nevermind that now, it’s time to open our presents!” their youngest child leans forward and shakes Dan’s shoulder, “C’mon, let’s go.”.
“Come back in an hour,” Amy speaks out from her head being buried in her pillow.
“An hour?” Danielle’s voice raises in protest.
“Make it two hours.” Dan snuggles deeper into his pillow, “We’re tired.”.
It’s not like they wrapped a single present under their fake tree (Dan will be damned if he has fucking tree pines shedding all over his eight hundred dollar rug); they ordered everything online and passed the present wrapping to their assistants.
They’re exhausted from working non-stop, they were up all night going through his Christmas Day show monologue and Amy was a tad bit too critical of his work.
“Can I open my presents now?” she questions.
“No.” They both respond in unison from their respective pillows.
“The presents will still be there when you wake up.” Amy’s voice is thick with exhaust, “Go back to sleep, D.”.
“I can’t sleep. I’m too excited.” Danielle protests, combing a hand through her messy mane.
“Too bad. Go back to sleep.” Dan wastes no time, all but losing patience at this point.
She must pick up on his tone because she heaves herself off the bed and makes her way out of the bedroom.
“I’m coming back in two hours,” she warns over her shoulder.
“Three.” Amy’s voice is muffled by the pillow.
“Three?” Danielle’s head whips towards her exhausted parents with raised eyebrows, “But that’s so-”
“Go back to bed, now.” Dan gives up on trying to be patient and PC at this point.
Luckily the eleven-year-old gets the hint and darts out of the room, slamming the door behind her and sending an echo throughout the walls of the house.
The minute their bedroom fills with uninterrupted silence once again, he sighs deeply and rolls to his side, preparing himself to go back to sleep for a few more hours.
Out of the blue, he's met with a stern hit to the chest and it causes him to release a loud groan as his hands fly immediately to his chest.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he sits up and turns towards Amy who is now buried under the covers as if she didn’t land a sneak attack on him fifteen seconds ago.
“I took out that stupid joke in the fifth line of the second paragraph. It was awful,” she speaks from her pillow in between yawns.
At this point in the morning, everything is too blurry to make out so he has to fumble around for his glasses which somehow ended up under the sheets next to Amy’s back.
“You said you liked this joke last night.” he frowns at her in confusion, wincing at the bright red circle marks all over the paper.
“It’s a sex joke, Dan,” Amy states like it’s obvious.
“Ok, and?” he removes his glasses and drops them back on the table, turning on his side so he’s looking down at her, “I’m assuming you have something better?”.
“Come back to me in three hours and I’ll have something.” she hugs herself and snuggles deeper under the large duvet, pulling it towards her.
He frowns and drops the script on his bedside table, sliding back down so he’s now laying on his slide and tugs the duvet towards him, “I don’t remember any of your shit being Emmy-award winning.”.
“You gave me writing credit after I sucked your dick in your office, dumbass.” her tone is dry and unhumorous.
Shit, he does remember that.
Truth be told, he’s too tired and annoyed to give her credit where it’s due so he rolls away from her, back onto his respective side, and drops his head back on his pillow.
“Just go back to sleep,” he grumbles out.
“Go back to sleep.” she wastes no time in mocking him with a clownish tone.
“Danielle, stop throwing the wrapping to the ground.” Amy winces as she watches Ben pull apart the silver wrapping on one of his gifts.
“Sorry!” the young girl smiles as she throws the last piece of wrapping paper to the ground; revealing the large American Girl doll box, “Thank you, Daddy.”.
“No problem.” Dan groans as he bends over and stuffs the wrapping paper in the garbage bag nestled in his other hand.
“This is for you, Dad.” Amelia crosses over the trail of wrapping paper and hands him a thick cubed box.
He raises an eyebrow at her in surprise.
Even though he’s one of the two adults in the house, his present pile is growing at an impressive rate with decent gifts.
He takes a seat on the couch next to Amy who’s currently in a conversation with Ben about a book she bought him.
“How much money did this cost you?” He can't help but raise an eyebrow as he begins to tear apart the black wrapping paper.
“Not that much.” she puts her hands on her hips, “My cheer coach’s Dad knows someone.”.
By the time he gets the last shred of paper off, he’s met with a worn-out baseball that is stamped with Mickey Mantle’s sprawling signature in faded black ink.
“Oh shit.” he’s taken aback by the gift, “Where’d they find this?”.
“Miss Janie said her Dad is a memorabilia hog and was able to snag this one for me.” she leans forward and presses a kiss on his forehead, “Merry Christmas, Dad.”.
“Thanks, Mill.” he places the case on the coffee table in front of him and offers a smile, “This is really nice.”.
He looks up and sees Ben who is now dressed in the Team USA varsity jacket he and Amy had bought after he won his FINA race a few months ago and surprised the ever-loving shit out of both of them.
“Do you like it?” Amy stands to her feet and helps him with the collar, “I tried to tell your Dad this size would be too big on you.” she fusses over him in true Amy fashion.
“It’s fine, Mom.” Ben taps his Mom’s hand gently. “Thank you guys, this is super cool.”.
“He’ll grow into it.” he waves dismissively, sliding the leather laptop case Amy had gotten for him next to the signed baseball on the coffee table.
“I’m sure I will.” Ben turns his arms to get a good look at the padding of the jacket, “Thanks again, guys.”.
“Mommy, This is for you.” Danielle steps over the pile of gifts and hands Amy a large rectangular box.
“Thank you, D.” she takes the box and returns to her seat next to Dan on the couch as she begins to pull apart the wrapping paper.
At this point, they’ve been opening presents for a good half hour and their living room looks like a Christmas bomb went off and he’s certain that if his kids throw one more piece of wrapping paper to the ground, he’ll lose his mind.
The last thing he wants to do is get stuck with vacuuming for the next half hour because his kids are too lazy to walk a few feet to the trash bag.
“Thank you, baby.” Amy pulls apart the last piece of wrapping paper to reveal a new coffee mug, “This is really nice.”
“Merry Christmas, loser.” he feels Amy poke him with the end of a wrapped small rectangular box.
“Is this my cologne?” he takes the box with a grateful sigh.
“Yep.” she tilts her chin up, “It was either that or hear you bitch about it being empty.”
When he looks over at Amelia who sits on the opposing chair in front of her pile of gifts and he notices that she has her last gift in her lap.
“Is this the purse I wanted?” Amelia questions as she takes a break from unwrapping the gift to push her thick clear glasses frames up her nose.
“Open it and find out.” Amy encourages her as she helps Danielle adjust the straps on the ‘Friends’ backpack Trina had gotten her for Christmas.
Cocking her head to the side, Amelia continues to unwrap her gift as Ben begins to collect his gifts in the corner he’s seating in.
“Oh my god, this is so nice.” she smiles brightly after she’s tossed the black Betsey Johnson box and her eyes land on the white boucle purse topped with small gold charms, “Thank you.”.
As Amy stands to his feet to begin collecting the loose wrapping paper that covers their white carpet, she points at Amelia’s bag.
“I think there’s something in there.” she offers coyly.
Much to their surprise, Amelia genuinely looks confused and it isn’t until she untwists the gold lock and opens the purse that she knows what’s happening.
And her reaction is priceless.
“Where’s the car?” she all but throws the purse into the chair behind her as she leaps to her feet and her eyes dart between both he and Amy.
“Ooo, I wanna see!” Danielle jumps to her feet in excitement as she grips the purple Yankees beanie he had gotten her for Christmas.
“I think it’s in the Garage.” he’s cut off by the kids sprinting right past him and down the hallway, yelling amongst themselves words of excitement.
“Other garage,” Amy shouts after the kids once they make it down the hallway to the wrong garage.
Immediately the kids sprint to the opposing side of the hallway, practically bumping and pushing into one another.
“I think we did a good job.” he extends a hand towards her for a high-five as she stands up from grabbing a collection of wrapping paper.’
“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into getting that car for her.” she rolls her eyes, “If she crashes it I’m blaming you.”.
“Eh, she’ll be fine.” he gives a dismissive wave as he crosses over the living room and towards the garage where the kids are located, stopping at the top step and waiting for Amy to join him.
By the time Amy gives up on collecting the wrapping paper and they make it to the garage, Amelia is seated in the front seat and snapping photos of the inside of her car
“When can I get a car like this?” Ben questions from the passenger seat.
“Aren’t you scared of driving?” Danielle leans over the leather middle console and raises an eyebrow at her older brother.
“Shut up.” he tries to push her away but Danielle lands a heavy slap against his arm.
“Get out of the car, you two.” Amy snaps her finger, no hesitation in her orders, “We’re not doing this fighting today.”.
“Thank you so much.” Amelia hits her steering wheel in excitement, “I love it. It’s so pretty.”.
“Just don’t fuck it up, kid.” he gives her a pointed look, “We’re not buying you another one of these.”.
“I promise I’ll take good care of it.” she slides out of the car and envelops both him and Amy into a large hug, “Thank you!”
“Can I have it in a few years?” Ben raises an eyebrow as he and Danielle stand outside of the car.
“No.” Amelia narrows her eyes at Ben and skips over to the car, her long ponytail swinging in the air, “Can I go get Ice Cream?”
Danielle immediately turns to him and Amy and tugs on their clothes.
“Can we? Can we?” she begs with wide eyes.
“There’s no Ice Cream places open.” Amy deadpans.
“The Cold Stone next on Half Street is open.” Ben chimes in, “Can we please go?”
Before Amy shuts them down, he decides to take the initiative and let them go.
Hell, it’s Christmas and a little Ice Cream in the morning never hurt anyone.
“Go ahead.” he presses a finger to the garage door opener, “I’ll text you what we want.”
“Thank you!” Amelia smiles and slides herself into the driver’s seat, “We’ll be back.”
“It’s too early for Ice Cream.” Amy frowns at him as she presses a hand to her chest, “What are you doing?”
“Getting the house quiet so we can go back to sleep.” he explains to her like it’s obvious then turns his attention back to Amelia, “Go by the store and pick up some stuff too.”
“Okay,” Amelia answers him with a sing-song tone and a bright smile as Ben and Danielle clamor into the car with excitement clear on their faces.
“Be safe.” Amy calls out as Amelia pulls out of the garage smoothly “It’s raining.”
“Okay!” Amelia waves out of the window as she puts the car in drive and takes off down the cobblestone driveway and onto the street.
And it’s silent between them for a few minutes.
“I’m going back to sleep.” he scratches the back of his neck and makes his way towards the front door, “You coming?”
She gives him a pointed look and folds her arms over her chest.
“With all those errors in that monologue of yours? That won’t be happening.” she breezes past him and opens the door to the garage, “Let’s go.”
Part of him knows she’s right but an even bigger part of him wants to just go back to sleep for a few minutes.
“Fine.” he agrees dutifully, “But I get the final say on what makes it.”
“Because that ended so well last time.” she rolls her eyes and enters the house after him.
God, this was going to take forever.