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“Hey, McCoy, nice pants!” Some skinny first year with messy red hair and glasses shouts. Leo nods in response and presses his lips together in a firm line. He’s getting too old for this.
“Thanks, I guess.”
“You know where they’d look better?” The kid calls out.
Leo braces himself for the inevitable. One would think that Starfleet cadets were too old for cheesy pick up lines. One would be wrong.
“On Kirk’s floor!”
Leo’s snarky response sticks in his throat like peanut butter and he coughs loudly to cover up his shock. “What the hell, kid?”
Leo stares after the kid’s figure as if doing so could unlock the answers to the multitude of questions that he has. Sadly, he has no such luck and is left with the same amount of confusion as before. Possibly more, as he continues to ruminate on the event.
“Bones!” Jim’s voice cuts through the noise of the crowd and Leo’s own internal puzzling. He snaps his head up to meet Jim’s bright blue gaze from the top of the stone steps. Knowing full well that Jim will give him hell if he doesn’t, he starts up the stairs to meet Jim halfway. “You look like you’ve just eaten a lemon, what’s wrong?”
The thought of explaining the event briefly crosses Leo’s mind but it seems like some sort of line that he really would prefer not to cross. So he settles for a shrug and a noncommittal grunt. “Exams. I swear, these professors are idiots.” He narrows his eyes at Jim, who is still smiling brightly as ever. “What’s got you lookin’ happier than a kid in a candy store?”
“I failed the Kobayashi Maru.” Jim says. His grin does not even begin to falter in the slightest. Leo is more than a little bit suspicious.
“I know, Jim. I was there…and if I remember correctly, you were pretty distraught over it.” Leo deadpans with a raised eyebrow. “Now quit the bullshittin’ and get to the point.”
“I’m going to take it again.” Jim grins broadly and slaps Leo on the shoulder. “And I want you to be there.”
Leo resists the urge to roll his eyes…and fails. He honestly cannot help it around Jim sometimes. The kid is brilliant and all but sometimes…Leo thinks he was dropped on his head one too many times as a kid. “You know, I figured you were a masochist based on the number of times that I’ve had to scrape you off of the floor after a fight but this is taking it to a whole new level, kid.”
“Come on, Bones!”
“Jim, it’s the Kobayashi Maru. Nobody passes it.”
“Yeah, and doesn’t that bug you, Bones?” Jim inquires with that same grin on his face. Leo almost has to look away from how bright it is. “It’s the unbeatable test and that in itself is wrong.”
“I suppose you’re going to be the one to beat it.” Leo deadpans.
Jim brightens impossibly more. “Now you’re getting it.”
Leo purses his lips and crosses his arms. He can feel his scowl reaching what could probably be considered ridiculous levels but he can’t bring himself to care. Jim is setting himself up for yet another failure and Leo has somehow agreed to take part in it.
Jim heaves a sigh and claps Leo on the shoulder once more. “Alrighty. I have to get going. Gotta study.”
“Study, my ass.” Leo grumbles in response. This makes Jim happier than anything else, somehow.
“I would love to, Bones. I would love to.” Another grin and he’s off, leaving Leo wondering about a lot of things.
His thoughts are, of course, interrupted by someone shouting at him. “Hey, McCoy! I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you and Kirk together!”
--
Laying on the bed in despair over courses that he takes with nineteen year olds is usually not on the top of his list of things to do with his afternoon, but there are times when Leo can’t help it.
In Leo’s defense, the stain on the ceiling is quite fascinating. And the thing that’s plaguing him is not so much his exams but rather the sheer number of people in those classes that threw pickup lines at him.
Not only pickup lines, but pickup lines modified to be about him and Jim, of all people.
Jim Kirk, his best friend. The kid who didn’t move over a seat when Leo showed up on that shuttle drunk off his ass and rambling on about god knows what. If Leo didn’t know any better, he’d say that people on campus were interested in getting the two of them together. He does know better, thought, so he refuses to accept that solution.
Maybe the whole group of them inhaled some sort of alien pollen…Leo would have to look into that.
A ping from the other side of the room interrupts Leo’s speculation. He would brush it off and blame it on his roommate except for the fact that his roommate washed out three weeks ago. Some people blame Leo himself for the guy quitting but those people definitely never watched his roommate try to actually perform surgery on a living being. That poor andorian was probably lucky Leo was there or they would have lost more than just an antenna.
Leo rolls out of his bed and grabs his padd off of his desk. He squints at the too-bright display and curses whatever person could possibly deem it appropriate to interrupt his four-in-the-afternoon not-nap.
From: Captain Cutie
To: LHMcCoy
Sooo…ur gunna be there on Saturday, rite???
Leo rolls his eyes at Jim’s grammar and general spelling.
From: LHMcCoy
To: JTKirk
Why is your name “captain cutie” in my padd???? I’m changing it back.
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
dont deny it bones. u kno its truuuu. im the cutest captain
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
but seriously r you coming
From: LHMcCoy
To: JTKirk
I’m ignoring your first message. And to answer your question, yes. Against my better judgment, I’m coming to watch you fail.
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
im gunna pass
From: LHMcCoy
To: JTKirk
and exactly how do you intend to manage that?
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
cant tell u
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
plausible deniability
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
anyway im glad ur gunna be there. couldnt do it w/out my hospital hottie there could i? ur my good luck charm
If Leo’s eyes go wide at the first two messages and what they’re implying, his jaw drops at the last one. He can’t type his response fast enough.
From: LHMcCoy
To: JTKirk
Did you just flirt with me?
He hits send without giving himself time to think about it and tries to ignore the way his hands shake when he does.
Of course, it takes Jim far too long to respond.
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
have been 4 the past year but thx for noticing
Leo moves to type up a response (though what it might be, he’s really not too sure) when another message from Jim flashes across his screen.
From: JTKirk
To: LHMcCoy
gotta go pike is giving me the death eye
Well, damn.
--
The day before Jim’s third (and hopefully final) attempt at the Kobayashi Maru, Leo is in a sour mood as he walks toward the mess hall. He’s spent the entire week trying to get hold of Jim but the kid seems determined to stay away from him. No grabbing lunch together, no studying, no bitching about younger cadets, no nothing. For the first time in almost three years, Jim has gone completely silent.
Leo wonders if this is what his life would have been like if he never did meet Jim Kirk. It’s oddly calm and exactly the sort of thing he probably would have like three years ago.
Now, it’s just unsettling.
Jim changed Leo in a lot of ways. He can now tolerate a lot more idiocy in many situations (a fact for which many ER nurses are probably very grateful) and he has adjusted to a life of constant chaos and chattering as often accompanies James Tiberius Kirk.
To have all that taken away…it’s worse than Leo ever assumed it would be. He misses Jim, as much as he hates to admit it.
“McCoy, are you a camera?” Gaila chirps up from over Leo’s shoulder. He jumps and whirls around. He definitely had not heard her approaching him. “Because every time Jim looks at you, he smiles.”
“Dammit, woman, that’s not funny.” Leo snaps finally. He’s been dealing with nearly a full weak of people flirting with him for Jim and he’s sick of it, frankly. “Stop trying to set me up with Jim or whatever it is you people are attempting.”
Gaila takes a step back and looks at him with wide eyes. “Do you not like him?”
Leo sputters. “Wha- I- No!”
“Why?”
Gaila’s face reveals nothing but plain-as-day curiosity. It should seem a lot more innocent than it does.
“Because he’s…He’s Jim!” Leo exclaims, finding no other appropriate answer. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I do not.” Gaila answers simply. “James is a fine specimen. If he desired a relationship with me, I would be more than willing.”
Leo has to forcibly keep his jaw clamped shut. “Jim…desires me?”
Gaila nods seriously and looks almost a little bit saddened. “Indeed. He has spent much of our time together discussing your assets in most poetic terms.”
Leo blushes bright red and tugs at the collar of his uniform. “So when he said he was flirting with me…he meant it?”
Gaila nods seriously and places a dainty hand on his shoulder. “Indeed, Leonard. I suggest you pursue a relationship with James. He is a very adept lover and wiling to try many new things to please his partner. You would not be bored.”
Leo sputters at that and is sure that he’s about the same shade of red as his uniform at this point. “I don’t even like him, though!”
Gaila shrugs and quirks half a smile. “I believe you will find that your feelings for him run deeper than you know.”
--
By the time Leo shows up at the testing center for the Maru, he’s running on about five cups of coffee and no hours of sleep. He was up all night thinking about what both Jim and Gaila said to him. He wishes he could say that he made some sort of headway on the matter, but that would be lying.
He’s only made himself more confused, honestly. On one hand, Jim is his best friend and sort of an idiot, but on the other, Jim has matured more than anyone else he knows in the past three years and Leo cannot deny that he is more attractive than most beings that he’s ever laid eye on.
And that definitely includes his ex-wife.
He paces outside the doors of the center under the pretense of waiting for Jim when really he simply cannot stand the idea of sitting in a cramped waiting room with a handful of nervous cadets.
“Bones!” Jim’s greeting and accompanying grin seem much more tight than they had a few days ago. “You’re here!”
He seems genuinely surprised. “I said I would be, didn’t I?” Leo grumbles back.
Jim bites his lower lip and Leo’s stomach does a somersault. “I guess I thought…nevermind.”
Jim stares at his own scuffed shoes and then looks back up at Leo through his lashes. It’s right then and there that Leo realizes what an idiot he’s been.
He was trying to puzzle through all of this in a sort of scientific way last night when all he needed to do was talk to the damn idiot and it would be abundantly clear how Leo really felt about him.
Hell, the fact that he’s even still at Starfleet is Jim. Without his help, Leo would have washed out a while ago.
Leo clears his throat to clear the silence before powering on. It’s a bit soon to be doing this-he only just figured out how he actually feels-but Leo figures it’s now or never with this one. “Jim, we need to talk.”
Jim frowns and his eyes dart left and right as though looking for possible modes of escape. When he finds none, he physically deflates. “Yeah, I suppose we do.”
Not exactly sure where to go from here thanks to his stellar planning, Leo addresses the thing that’s been bugging him for the longest. “Why have random cadets been flirting with me for you?”
Jim smiles as though reflecting on a fond memory. “It was all part of the plan, Bones.”
“The plan?”
“The plan to seduce you.” Jim nods eagerly. “It’s got thirteen steps and step twelve was getting third parties to make it abundantly clear that I am into you and we should be a thing.”
“You had a plan to seduce me.” Leo states.
“Yes.”
“A plan with thirteen steps.” Leo pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t even want to know what the first eleven were, do I?”
Jim shrugs. “It was nothing bad, Bones. Just subliminal stuff. Getting into your head, changing my name on all your devices, spraying my cologne on your bed and clothes, feeding you your favorite foods.”
Leo thinks over what Jim’s saying and something clicks for him. He holds up a hand to stop the kid from continuing. “Were you trying to condition me?”
Jim stares at his feet again but this time Leo can tell he’s grinning like a fool. “Maybe.”
The laugh that bubbles up in Leo’s chest and bursts out is utterly unstoppable. “You’re an idiot, kid.”
“You’re not mad.”
“No, I’m not. Annoyed? Yes. Confused? Hell yes. Mad, though? No.”
Jim purses his lips. “Why aren’t you mad?”
“Because, Jim,” Leo starts seriously. “You didn’t have to do any of that.”
Jim freezes, eyes wide. “I didn’t?” He sounds like he does not believe Leo in the slightest.
“No, because I’m not interested in you because I’m conditioned to. I want to be with you because you’re you, Jim. Thirteen step plans and broken noses and all.”
Jim’s smile is small and soft this time. “You’re…interested in me?”
Leo reaches out and links his fingers loosely with Jim’s. “God help me, I do fancy you something awful. Somehow you got to me, Jim Kirk.”
Jim pulls their hands apart only to wrap his arms around Leo’s neck. He smacks a kiss onto his lips and grins brighter than the sun. This time, when Leo’s stomach flip-flops, he doesn’t try to settle it down.
“So…how do you plan on passing the test?” As long as Leo’s got him in his grip….
“Plausible deniability, Bones. Plausible deniability.”