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Denki couldn’t tear his eyes away from the skyline that sparkled below him. A big window wall this high above the city was all he ever wanted, and now, here he was standing in a penthouse on the 95th floor feeling like he was dreaming.
“Do you like it?”
The deep voice behind him sent a shiver down his spine, he’d toss himself out of the window before he’d admit it though. Warm hands snaked around his waist and a chin rested atop his head. He let himself indulge in feeling protected for only a second before he stepped out of the other man’s grasp, finally looking away from the sight he had always craved to set his gaze on a man who he knew he shouldn’t.
“Yes, I do like it.”
Denki’s response was short and curt, and he kept his distance from the other who knit his brows together but didn’t make any advance forward.
“You would like it more if I wasn’t here, wouldn’t you?”
The hollowed sound of his voice hurt Denki, but he wouldn’t let Hitoshi pull him into his games like he did with every other fling.
“That’s not what I said,” Denki stated, not letting his voice betray any emotion.
“But that’s what you want.”
The hollowness hadn’t left the taller man’s words, and Denki turned back to the window, deciding not to respond for fear of breaking his own promise to himself. He wasn’t going to fall in love with Hitoshi. He wasn’t going to cling to the hotel mogul like said man wanted him to. He wasn’t going to be just another good fuck for two months before he was blown off with only a magazine cover to remember the relationship by. Denki may have wanted love, but he knew the wrong kind of love when he saw it.
“That’s what you want isn’t it,” Hitoshi took the silence between the two as his invitation to keep talking, “you want me to leave you alone? For me to fuck off? I really thought you’d be different. I thought you’d finally be the one person who wasn’t after me for my money or my status or any of that bullshit that doesn’t matter.”
The once hollow voice was replaced by anger and accusations. The sudden shift gave Denki whiplash but also put him on the defensive. He whipped back around to face Hitoshi and finally put himself back into the taller’s space.
“How dare you say that about me. How dare you think that I’m just some money hungry whore who's using you for your wealth. That may have been who you fucked around with in the past but that is not me. So yes, I do like your penthouse that you brought me to and your nice cars that you drive me around in, and your fancy restaurants that you wine and dine me at, but I’m not using you for that. You could have taken me to Mcdonalds in a shitty pickup truck and I’d still be acting the exact same as I am right now.”
Denki was red in the face by the time he finished his rant and his finger was pressed into Hitoshi’s chest which made the other man take a step back, though he didn’t look like he was going to do the same with their argument.
“So you’d still be acting like you despise me even if I was poor? Even if I wasn’t the owner of over 30 hotels and on the cover of almost every magazine? You’d still hate me if I was just a lowly bellhop?” Hitoshi asked all of his questions in quick succession, not giving Denki time to answer any of them.
By now, the tension between the two was thick. They both were at each other's throats and Denki couldn’t take it anymore. He started to tear up just like every other time he argued with someone, even if it was over something small, he’d still get emotional. So in a fight as large as this, it was surprising that the blonde held up for as long as he did.
“I don’t hate you,” Denki’s voice cracked, “I don’t hate you. I like you so much, I’m so infatuated with you. I wouldn’t hate you if you were a bell hop either, I’d still feel drawn to you like I do now. I just know that if-that if I let myself have this with you it’s going to be over in a few months just like every other relationship you have. And I can’t be a fuck and run buddy Toshi, I can’t.”
The anger started to dissipate between the two and Hitoshi took a hesitant step forward which made Denki take one back as he tried to keep the distance that had grown between them.
“You think I’d leave you?”
The question was quiet.
“I know you’d leave me.”
The response was even quieter.
Hitoshi tried again to walk towards Denki but the blonde persisted in keeping them apart.
“Please stop running from me. Please baby,” Hitoshi begged.
Denki shook his head, unable to form too many words with how worked up he was. He decided it was time for him to go. He hadn’t put any of his things down so all he had to do was walk out the door and make it to the elevator.
Hitoshi didn’t follow him.
Sobs filled the elevator for 95 floors and a cab ride home. And if they continued into the early morning that wasn’t anyone else’s business.
&
Thank god Denki worked a night job because he would have rather let a subway car run over him than get up earlier than noon that day. He had spent most of the night trying to cry himself to sleep and now his eyes stung and his head pounded from dehydration. He really just needed some water, food, and to get his mind off of Hitoshi Shinsou. So he called up Sero, someone he knew would indulge him in video games and Chinese take out until he had to go into work.
About an hour after he called, a knock came from Denki’s front door, notifying him of the arrival of his distraction.
“Dude, I’m starving and you are so slow,” Denki complained while he opened the door and let the dark haired man in.
“I’m sorry,” Sero laughed, placing the takeout bag on the coffee table, “honest to god there was a line to get into the restaurant.”
Sero really hadn’t taken in Denki’s appearance while walking in, but finally turning to face the man, he was surprised at how much of a mess he looked. There were bags under his blood shot eyes and it looked like he slept in his work clothes from the night before.
“Hey, are you ok,” Sero asked worriedly.
“Ummm. No. Not really. I kind of, maybe, broke up with Hitoshi last night. Even though we weren’t dating. I’m pretty sure he’s never gonna want to see me again.”
Sero looked bewildered for a moment before he moved to sit on the couch and patted the spot next to him.
“Spill,” is all he said while he took their take out from the bag.
So Denki recounted the night before and was grateful that Sero already had previous knowledge of his and Hitoshi’s relationship and the feelings Denki had about it. Sero hummed thoughtfully around a mouth of food once the story had been retold.
“So you’ve ignored the advice I’ve been giving you since you first started talking to this guy and now you’re miserable. Sounds about right. “
Denki gawked at Sero, a little upset that his friend wasn’t comforting him but instead, basically telling him I told you so.
“You don’t get it. He’s going to use me so I needed to leave before that happened,” Denki explained.
“So you basically sped up your heart break is what I’m hearing,” Sero retorted.
Denki didn’t respond, only sunk further back into the couch to continue to eat his noodles.
“Look,” Sero sighed, “I really think that you should have given Hitoshi the chance he deserved. I mean, maybe you’re right. Maybe he’s gonna turn out to be a total douchebag who dumps you in a couple months. Or maybe he’ll end up being the person you marry. Would you rather risk heartbreak over forfeiting a possible future with him?”
Denki hated when Sero made sense.
“He probably won’t even see me again anyway. He didn’t even follow me when I left his apartment last night,” Denki pouted.
“Maybe that’s what he thought you wanted. You know, from the time I met him, he seemed very considerate of everything you want or he thinks you want,” Sero reasoned, lifting himself from the couch.
Denki didn’t respond, only watched Sero throw his empty Chinese food carton away as he headed for the door.
“Try to text him, Denks. He probably isn’t looking any better than you are,” Sero said as he made his exit.
Denki really hated when Sero was right.
&
Denki hadn’t texted Hitoshi, he decided he would focus on work that night and send a text the following morning. Walking up to the hotel that he sang at for the dinner rush, it seemed like a good idea. He made his way onto the little stage and relaxed as he listened to the pianist warm up before people started to be seated. Everything was fine until around 8, when a mop of purple hair was seated at a back table directly in Denki’s line of sight. His voice faltered and he couldn’t look away from the pair of eyes that were looking right back at him.
The pianist cleared his throat to get Denki’s attention, silently asking him to keep singing. And he did. For the next 30 minutes Denki continued to sing without interruption, occasionally glancing back to the table to see Hitoshi eating his meal. When Denki’s 15 minute break rolled around at 9, he fled to the bathroom to try and wash off his anxiety with sink water. Though, the cool splashes to his face didn’t ward off his intrusive thoughts.
He’s only here for dinner. He’s not here for me. He seems fine without me. Do I seem fine without him? Who am I kidding? I look like a wreck without him.
At the last thought, Denki looked up at himself in the mirror, startled to see not only his reflection but also Hitoshi’s behind him. He jumped as he turned around, placing a hand over his racing heart.
“Oh, Hitoshi you scared the shit out of me.”
Hitoshi’s eyes dropped to the floor and his hands fidgeted in his pockets.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“It’s ok, really. I’m just spacey tonight I guess,” Denki said.
“I’m not sorry for that,” Hitoshi finally looked at Denki, “I mean, I am sorry I scared you. But I’m more sorry that I made you feel like I would leave you. I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel secure in our relationship.”
Denki, for what was about the hundredth time, didn’t know how to respond to Hitoshi.
“You don’t have to take me back, I understand. I just wanted to apologize and say goodbye. And I love you.”
The last phrase made Denki freeze up even more. Hitoshi loved him?
“Denki! We need you back out here, your break has been up for 5 minutes now!” His manager yelled from the bathroom entrance.
He couldn’t let Hitoshi go after what he had just said. He couldn’t let him walk out of here tonight thinking that Denki wanted whatever they had to be over. So he strode over to the tall man and stood on his tiptoes to place a light kiss on his lips.
“Pick me up when I get off at 11. And bring me some chicken nuggets because I’m gonna be starving.”
Hitoshi looked dumbfounded, but he nodded anyway, watching Denki leave the bathroom to get back to his job.
&
At 11, Denki wasn’t looking for a cab like he usually would, he was looking for Hitoshi’s car which pulled up almost immediately after he stepped out of the hotel lobby. He walked over, coat pulled tight around him, and opened the door to hop in. Once he was inside he noticed that his heated seat was on and the warmth from the vents thawed his already frozen fingers.
“You said you get cold easily, so I made sure it was warm in here for you,” Hitoshi said, “and I didn’t know how many chicken nuggets you would want so I got 40. And almost every sauce because I don’t know what your favorite is.”
Denki looked at Hitoshi for a second before breaking down into giggles.
“What? What did I do? Did I do something wrong?” Hitoshi asked frantically.
“No, no. It’s just, I can only eat 10 nuggets. How big do you think my stomach is? Who can eat 40 nuggets by themself?”
Denki dissolved into giggles again and Hitoshi sighed in relief.
“Now, let’s not loiter in front of the hotel.”
Hitoshi tsked.
“It doesn’t count as loitering if I own the place,” Hitoshi said as he pulled away from the curb.
Denki was 6 nuggets in, using the sweet and sour sauce which Hitoshi took a mental note of, when the man driving spoke again.
“Can we talk about what happened last night?”
Denki finished his nugget, looking over to the driver side of the car.
Give him a chance. Give him a chance.
“Yeah, we probably should. But can it wait until we’re out of the car. I feel like this isn’t a good place for that.
Hitoshi replied with a quick ok.
The rest of the ride to Hitoshi’s penthouse was quiet, and so was the trip up in the elevator. The quiet between them didn’t end until the door to Hitoshi’s place closed behind them.
“I said it before but I need you to know that I’m really sorry. I guess I never thought about how you felt about having relations with me. Everything in the media makes me out to be such a playboy. If I knew that you had 8 relationships in the past year, the longest of which was 3 months long, then I’d probably feel exactly how you do.”
Hitoshi led Denki to the kitchen where he leaned himself on the island counter as the blonde took a seat opposite him on a barstool.
“I don’t date around for fun. And I haven’t had sex with any of those people I can assure you. So it’s not like I was using them as fuck toys for a little until I got bored. They were just all the same. All after me for my money or my fame. They didn’t actually like me. Not like you do.”
Denki let Hitoshi talk, he wanted to hear everything he had to say before he said what he needed to.
“Denki, I love you so much, and I was frustrated last night because you seemed so cold. I thought you were turning out like everyone else. I know now that you were just trying to protect yourself. So if there’s anyway you can forgive me, and give me a chance to show you that I really do care about you, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.”
Hitoshi finished talking, looking to Denki for an answer.
“I think I also have to apologize,” Denki started, “I assumed the worst about you after reading stupid paparazzi tabloids. I was scared that you were going to break my heart, but I should have just gotten to know you, given you a chance.”
Denki got up from the barstool and rounded the island so he was in front of Hitoshi.
“I want to give us another chance, if you’ll have me.”
Immediately after the words left Denki’s mouth, he was scooped up by the waist and spun around. Hitoshi then put his feet back on the ground and pulled him impossibly close, letting his lips rest on the junction between the blondes neck and shoulders.
“Thank you, I’m gonna treat you so good. I’m gonna spoil you rotten,” Hitoshi murmured against Denki’s skin.
Denki laughed, holding Hitoshi just as tight.
“Don’t go spending all your money on me, that’s not the reason I’m dating you,” Denki pulled away to kiss the other man, “it’s just an added perk.”
Both men laughed at this, pulling away from each other. And if they stayed up until the early morning hours learning everything they could about each other? Well, that was their business.